SCENE I.[4046

_Enter_ OVERREACH _and_ MARRALL.

_Over._ He ’s gone, I warrant thee; this commission crush’d him.

_Mar._ Your worships have the way on ’t, and ne’er miss To squeeze these unthrifts into air; and yet, The chapfallen[4047] justice did his part, returning For your advantage the certificate, 5 Against his conscience, and his knowledge too, With your good favour, to the utter ruin Of the poor farmer.

_Over._ ’T was for these good ends I made him a justice; he that bribes his belly, Is certain to command his soul.

_Mar._ I wonder, 10 Still with your license, why your worship having The power to put his thin-gut in commission, You are not in ’t yourself?

_Over._ Thou art a fool; In being out of office I am out of danger; Where, if I were a justice, besides the trouble, I might, or out of wilfulness or error, 16 Run myself finely into a _premunire_,[4048] And so become a prey to the informer. No, I ’ll have none of ’t; ’t is enough I keep Greedy at my devotion; so he serve 20 My purposes, let him hang or damn, I care not; Friendship is but a word.

_Mar._ You are all wisdom.

_Over._ I would be worldly wise; for the other wisdom, That does prescribe us a well govern’d life, And to do right to others as ourselves, 25 I value not an atom.

_Mar._ What course take you, With your good patience, to hedge in the manor Of your neighbour, Master Frugal? as ’t is said He will nor sell, nor borrow, nor exchange; And his land, lying in the midst of your many lordships, 30 Is a foul blemish.

_Over._ I have thought on ’t, Marrall, And it shall take. I must have all men sellers, And I the only purchaser.

_Mar._ ’T is most fit, sir.

_Over._ I ’ll therefore buy some cottage near his manor, Which done, I ’ll make my men break ope his fences, 35 Ride o’er his standing corn, and in the night Set fire on his barns, or break his cattle’s legs. These trespasses draw on suits and suits expenses, Which I can spare, but will soon beggar him. When I have harried him thus two or three year, 40 Though he sue in _forma pauperis_, in spite Of all his thrift and care, he ’ll grow behindhand.

_Mar._ The best I ever heard! I could adore you.

_Over._ Then, with the favour of my man of law, I will pretend some title. Want will force him To put it to arbitrement; then, if he sell 46 For half the value, he shall have ready money, And I possess his land.

_Mar._ ’T is above wonder! Wellborn was apt to sell, and needed not Those fine arts, sir, to hook him in.

_Over._ Well thought on. 50 This varlet, Marrall, lives too long, to upbraid me With my close cheat upon him. Will nor cold Nor hunger kill him?

_Mar._ I know not what to think on ’t. I have us’d all means; and the last night I caus’d 54 His host, the tapster, to turn him out of doors; And have been since with all your friends and tenants, And, on the forfeit of your favour, charg’d them, Though a crust of mouldy bread would keep him from starving, Yet they should not relieve him. This is done, sir.

_Over._ That was something, Marrall; but thou must go further, 60 And suddenly, Marrall.

_Mar._ Where, and when you please, sir.

_Over._ I would have thee seek him out, and, if thou canst, Persuade him that ’t is better steal than beg; Then, if I prove he has but robb’d a henroost, Not all the world shall save him from the gallows. 65 Do any thing to work him to despair; And ’t is thy masterpiece.

_Mar._ I will do my best, sir.

_Over._ I am now on my main work with the Lord Lovell, The gallant-minded, popular Lord Lovell, The minion of the people’s love. I hear 70 He ’s come into the country, and my aims are To insinuate myself into his knowledge, And then invite him to my house.

_Mar._ I have you; This points at my young mistress.

_Over._ She must part with That humble title, and write honourable, Right honourable, Marrall, my right honourable daughter, 76 If all I have, or e’er shall get, will do it. I ’ll have her well attended; there are ladies Of errant knights decay’d and brought so low, That for cast clothes and meat will gladly serve her. 80 And ’t is my glory, though I come from the city, To have their issue whom I have undone, To kneel to mine as bondslaves.

_Mar._ ’T is fit state, sir.

_Over._ And therefore, I ’ll not have a chambermaid That ties her shoes, or any meaner office, 85 But such whose fathers were right worshipful. ’T is a rich man’s pride! there having ever been More than a feud, a strange antipathy, Between us and true gentry.

_Enter_ WELLBORN.

_Mar._ See, who ’s here, sir.

_Over._ Hence, monster! prodigy!

_Well._ Sir, your wife’s nephew; 90 She and my father tumbled in one belly.

_Over._ Avoid my sight! thy breath’s infectious, rogue! I shun thee as a leprosy, or the plague. Come hither, Marrall—[_aside_] this is the time to work him. _Exit._

_Mar._ I warrant you, sir.

_Well._ By this light I think he ’s mad. 95

_Mar._ Mad! had you ta’en compassion on yourself, You long since had been mad.

_Well._ You have ta’en a course, Between you and my venerable uncle, To make me so.

_Mar._ The more pale-spirited you, That would not be instructed. I swear deeply—— 100

_Well._ By what?

_Mar._ By my religion.

_Well._ Thy religion! The devil’s creed:—but what would you have done?

_Mar._ Had there been but one tree in all the shire, Nor any hope to compass a penny halter, Before, like you, I had outliv’d my fortunes, 105 A withe had serv’d my turn to hang myself. I am zealous in your cause; pray you hang yourself, And presently,[4049] as you love your credit.

_Well._ I thank you.

_Mar._ Will you stay till you die in a ditch, or lice devour you?—— Or, if you dare not do the feat yourself, 110 But that you ’ll put the state to charge and trouble, Is there no purse to be cut, house to be broken, Or market-woman with eggs, that you may murder, And so dispatch the business?

_Well._ Here ’s variety, I must confess; but I ’ll accept of none 115 Of all your gentle offers, I assure you.

_Mar._ Why, have you hope ever to eat again, Or drink? or be the master of three farthings? If you like not hanging, drown yourself! Take some course For your reputation.

_Well._ ’T will not do, dear tempter, 120 With all the rhetoric the fiend hath taught you, I am as far as thou art from despair; Nay, I have confidence, which is more than hope, To live, and suddenly, better than ever.

_Mar._ Ha! ha! these castles you build in the air 125 Will not persuade me to give or lend A token to you.

_Well._ I ’ll be more kind to thee: Come, thou shalt dine with me.

_Mar._ With you!

_Well._ Nay more, dine gratis.

_Mar._ Under what hedge, I pray you? or at whose cost? Are they padders[4050] or abram-men[4051] that are your consorts? 130

_Well._ Thou art incredulous; but thou shalt dine Not alone at her house, but with a gallant lady; With me, and with a lady.

_Mar._ Lady! what lady? With the Lady of the Lake, or Queen of Fairies? For I know it must be an enchanted dinner. 135

_Well._ With the Lady Allworth, knave.

_Mar._ Nay, now there ’s hope Thy brain is crack’d.

_Well._ Mark there, with what respect I am entertain’d.

_Mar._ With choice, no doubt, of dog-whips. Why, dost thou ever hope to pass her porter?

_Well._ ’T is not far off, go with me; trust thine own eyes. 140

_Mar._ Troth, in my hope, or my assurance rather, To see thee curvet[4052] and mount like a dog in a blanket, If ever thou presume to pass her threshold, I will endure thy company.

_Well._ Come along then. _Exeunt._