SCENE III.[2638

_A Song._

_Enter_ MALEVOLE _after the song_.

[_Pietro._] See, he comes. Now shall you hear the extremity of a malcontent: he is as free as air; he blows over every man.—And, sir, whence come you now? 4

_Mal._ From the public place of much dissimulation, [the church.][2639]

_Pietro._ What, didst there?

_Mal._ Talk with a usurer; take up at interest. 9

_Pietro._ I wonder what religion thou art [of]?[2639]

_Mal._ Of a soldier’s religion.

_Pietro._ And what dost thou think makes most infidels now? 14

_Mal._ Sects, sects. I have seen seeming Piety change her robe so oft, that sure none but some arch-devil can shape her a new petticoat.

_Pietro._ O, a religious policy.

_Mal._ But, damnation on a politic religion! I am weary: would I were one of the duke’s hounds now! 21

_Pietro._ But what ’s the common news abroad, Malevole? Thou dogg’st rumour still.

_Mal._ Common news? Why, common words are, “God save ye,” “Fare ye well;” common (25) actions, flattery and cozenage; common things, women and cuckolds.—And how does my little Ferrard? Ah, ye lecherous animal!—my little ferret, he goes sucking up and down the palace into every hen’s nest, like a weasel:— (30) and to what dost thou addict thy time to now more than to those antique painted drabs that are still affected of[2640] young courtiers, Flattery, Pride, and Venery? 34

_Fer._ I study languages. Who dost think to be the best linguist of our age?

_Mal._ Phew! the devil: let him possess thee; he’ll teach thee to speak all languages most readily and strangely; and great reason, marry, he’s travel’d greatly i’ the world, and is everywhere. 41

_Fer._ Save i’ th’ court.

_Mal._ Ay, save i’ th’ court.—(_To_ BILIOSO.) And how does my old muckhill, overspread with fresh snow? Thou half a man, half a 45 goat, all a beast! how does thy young wife, old huddle?

_Bil._ Out, you improvident rascal!

_Mal._ Do, kick thou hugely-horn’d old duke’s ox, good Master Make-pleas. 50

_Pietro._ How dost thou live nowadays, Malevole?

_Mal._ Why, like the knight, Sir Patrick Penlolians, with killing o’ spiders for my lady’s monkey. 55

_Pietro._ How dost spend the night? I hear thou never sleep’st.

_Mal._ O, no; but dream the most fantastical! O heaven! O fubbery, fubbery![2641]

_Pietro._ Dream! What dream’st? 60

_Mal._ Why, methinks I see that signior pawn his footcloth,[2642] that metreza[2643] her plate: this madam takes physic that t’ other monsieur may minister to her: here is a pander jewel’d; there a fellow in shift of satin this day, that (65) could not shift a shirt t’ other night: here a Paris supports that Helen; there’s a Lady Guinever bears up that Sir Lancelot. Dreams, dreams, visions, fantasies, chimeras, imaginations, tricks, conceits!—(_To_ PREPASSO.) Sir (70) Tristram, Trimtram, come aloft, Jack-an-apes,[2644] with a whim-wham: here’s a knight of the land of Catito shall play at trap[2645] with any page in Europe; do the sword-dance with any morris-dancer in Christendom; ride at the ring till (75) the fin[2646] of his eyes look as blue as the welkin; and run the wildgoose-chase even with Pompey the Huge.

_Pietro._ You run! 79

_Mal._ To the devil. Now, signior Guerrino, that thou from a most pitied prisoner shouldst grow a most loath’d flatterer!—Alas, poor Celso, thy star’s opprest: thou art an honest lord: ’t is pity.

_Equato._ Is ’t pity? 85

_Mal._ Ay, marry is ’t, philosophical Equato; and ’t is pity that thou, being so excellent a scholar by art, should be so ridiculous a fool by nature.—I have a thing to tell you, duke: bid ’em avaunt, bid ’em avaunt. 90

_Pietro._ Leave us, leave us. _Exeunt all saving_ PIETRO _and_ MALEVOLE. Now, sir, what is ’t?

_Mal._ Duke, thou art a becco,[2647] a cornuto.[2648]

_Pietro._ How!

_Mal._ Thou art a cuckold. 95

_Pietro._ Speak, unshale[2649] him quick.

_Mal._ With most tumbler-like nimbleness.

_Pietro._ Who? By whom? I burst with desire. 99

_Mal._ Mendoza is the man makes thee a horn’d beast; duke, ’t is Mendoza cornutes thee.

_Pietro._ What conformance?[2650] Relate; short, short.

_Mal._ As a lawyer’s beard. 105 There is an old crone in the court, her name is Maquerelle, She is my mistress, sooth to say, and she doth ever tell me. Blirt[2651] o’ rhyme, blirt o’ rhyme! Maquerelle is a cunning bawd; I am an honest villain; thy wife is a close drab;[2652] and thou art a notorious cuckold. Farewell, duke. 111

_Pietro._ Stay, stay.

_Mal._ Dull, dull duke, can lazy patience make lame revenge? O God, for a woman to make a man that which God never created, never made? 116

_Pietro._ What did God never make?

_Mal._ A cuckold: to be made a thing that ’s hoodwinkt with kindness, whilst every rascal fillips his brows; to have a coxcomb with 120 egregious horns pinn’d to a lord’s back, every page sporting himself with delightful laughter, whilst he must be the last must know it. Pistols and poniards! pistols and poniards!

_Pietro._ Death and damnation! 125

_Mal._ Lightning and thunder!

_Pietro._ Vengeance and torture!

_Mal._ Catso![2653]

_Pietro._ O, revenge!

_Mal._ [[2654]Nay, to select among ten thousand fairs 130 A lady far inferior to the most, In fair proportion both of limb and soul; To take her from austerer check of parents, To make her his by most devoutful rites, Make her commandress of a better essence 135 Than is the gorgeous world, even of a man; To hug her with as rais’d an appetite As usurers do their delv’d-up treasury (Thinking none tells[2655] it but his private self); To meet her spirit in a nimble kiss, 140 Distilling panting ardour to her heart; True to her sheets, nay, diets strong his blood, To give her height of hymeneal sweets,—

_Pietro._ O God!

_Mal._ Whilst she lisps, and gives him some court-_quelquechose_, 145 Made only to provoke, not satiate: And yet, even then, the thaw of her delight Flows from lewd heat of apprehension, Only from strange imagination’s rankness, That forms the adulterer’s presence in her soul, 150 And makes her think she clips the foul knave’s loins.

_Pietro._ Affliction to my blood’s root!

_Mal._ Nay, think, but think what may proceed of this; adultery is often the mother of incest. 155

_Pietro._ Incest!

_Mal._ Yes, incest: mark:—Mendoza of his wife begets perchance a daughter: Mendoza dies, his son marries this daughter: say you? nay, ’t is frequent, not only probable, but no (160) question often acted, whilst ignorance, fearless ignorance, clasps his own seed.

_Pietro._ Hideous imagination!

_Mal._ Adultery! Why, next to the sin of simony, ’t is the most horrid transgression under the cope of salvation.[2656] 166

_Pietro._ Next to simony!

_Mal._ Ay, next to simony, in which our men in next age shall not sin.

_Pietro._ Not sin! why? 170

_Mal._ Because (thanks to some churchmen) our age will leave them nothing to sin with. But adultery, O dulness! should show[2657] exemplary punishment, that intemperate bloods may freeze but to think it.] I would damn him (175) and all his generation: my own hands should do it; ha, I would not trust heaven with my vengeance anything.

_Pietro._ Anything, anything, Malevole: thou shalt see instantly what temper my spirit (180) holds. Farewell; remember I forget thee not; farewell. _Exit_ PIETRO.

[[2658]_Mal._ Farewell. Lean thoughtfulness, a sallow meditation, Suck thy veins dry! Distemperance rob thy sleep! 185 The heart’s disquiet is revenge most deep: He that gets blood, the life of flesh but spills, But he that breaks heart’s peace, the dear soul kills. Well, this disguise doth yet afford me that Which kings do seldom hear, or great men use,— 190 Free speech: and though my state ’s usurpt, Yet this affected strain gives me a tongue As fetterless as is an emperor’s. I may speak foolishly, ay, knavishly, 194 Always carelessly, yet no one thinks it fashion To poise[2659] my breath; for he that laughs and strikes Is lightly felt, or seldom struck again. Duke, I’ll torment thee now: my just revenge From thee than crown a richer gem shall part: Beneath God, naught’s so dear as a calm heart.] 200