SCENE V.[2064

[_Enter_] LOVEWIT [_in the Spanish dress, with the_ Parson. _Loud knocking at the door._]

_Love._ What do you mean, my masters?

_Mam._ [_without._] Open your door, Cheaters, bawds, conjurers.

_Offi._ [_without._] Or we ’ll break it open.

_Love._ What warrant have you?

_Offi._ [_without._] Warrant enough, sir, doubt not, If you ’ll not open it.

_Love._ Is there an officer there?

_Offi._ [_without._] Yes, two or three for failing.[2065]

_Love._ Have but patience, 5 And I will open it straight.

[_Enter_ FACE, _as butler_.]

_Face._ Sir, ha’ you done? Is it a marriage? Perfect?

_Love._ Yes, my brain.

_Face._ Off with your ruff and cloak then; be yourself, sir.

_Sur._ [_without._] Down with the door.

_Kas._ [_without._] ’Slight, ding[2066] it open.

_Love. [opening the door.]_ Hold, Hold, gentlemen, what means this violence? 10

[MAMMON, SURLY, KASTRIL, ANANIAS, TRIBULATION _and_ Officers _rush in._]

_Mam._ Where is this collier?

_Sur._ And my Captain Face?

_Mam._ These day-owls.

_Sur._ That are birding[2067] in men’s purses.

_Mam._ Madam Suppository.

_Kas._ Doxy, my suster.

_Ana._ Locusts. Of the foul pit.

_Tri._ Profane as Bel and the Dragon.

_Ana._ Worse than the grasshoppers, or the lice of Egypt. 15

_Love._ Good gentlemen, hear me. Are you officers, And cannot stay this violence?

_1 Offi._ Keep the peace.

_Love._ Gentlemen, what is the matter? Whom do you seek?

_Mam._ The chemical cozener.

_Sur._ And the captain pander.

_Kas._ The nun my suster.

_Mam._ Madam Rabbi.

_Ana._ Scorpions, 20 And caterpillars.

_Love._ Fewer at once, I pray you.

_1 Offi._ One after another, gentlemen, I charge you, By virtue of my staff.

_Ana._ They are the vessels Of pride, lust, and the cart.

_Love._ Good zeal, lie still A little while.

_Tri._ Peace, Deacon Ananias. 25

_Love._ The house is mine here, and the doors are open; If there be any such persons as you seek for, Use your authority, search on o’ God’s name, I am but newly come to town, and finding This tumult ’bout my door, to tell you true, 30 It somewhat maz’d me; till my man here, fearing My more displeasure, told me he had done Somewhat an insolent part, let out my house (Belike presuming on my known aversion From any air o’ the town while there was sickness), 35 To a doctor and a captain: who, what they are Or where they be, he knows not.

_Mam._ Are they gone?

_Love._ You may go in and search, sir. (MAMMON, ANA., _and_ TRIB. _go in_.) Here, I find The empty walls worse than I left ’em, smok’d, A few crack’d pots, and glasses, and a furnace: The ceiling fill’d with poesies of the candle, 41 And “Madam with a dildo”[2068] writ o’ the walls. Only one gentlewoman I met here That is within, that said she was a widow——

_Kas._ Ay, that’s my suster; I ’ll go thump her. Where is she? [_Goes in._] 45

_Love._ And should ha’ married a Spanish count, but he, When he came to ’t, neglected her so grossly, That I, a widower, am gone through with her.

_Sur._ How! have I lost her then?

_Love._ Were you the don, sir? Good faith, now she does blame you extremely, and says 50 You swore, and told her you had ta’en the pains To dye your beard, and umber o’er your face, Borrowed a suit, and ruff, all for her love: And then did nothing. What an oversight And want of putting forward, sir, was this! 55 Well fare an old harquebusier[2069] yet, Could prime his powder, and give fire, and hit, All in a twinkling! MAMMON _comes forth_.

_Mam._ The whole nest are fled!

_Love._ What sort of birds were they?

_Mam._ A kind of choughs,[2070] Or thievish daws, sir, that have pickt my purse, 60 Of eight score and ten pounds within these five weeks, Beside my first materials; and my goods, That lie i’ the cellar, which I am glad they ha’ left, I may have home yet.

_Love._ Think you so, sir?

_Mam._ Ay.

_Love._ By order of law, sir, but not otherwise.

_Mam._ Not mine own stuff!

_Love._ Sir, I can take no knowledge 66 That they are yours, but by public means. If you can bring certificate that you were gull’d of ’em, Or any formal writ out of a court, That you did cozen yourself, I will not hold them. 70

_Mam._ I ’ll rather lose ’em.

_Love._ That you shall not, sir, By me, in troth; upon these terms, they ’re yours. What, should they ha’ been, sir, turn’d into gold, all?

_Mam._ No. I cannot tell.—It may be they should.—What then?

_Love._ What a great loss in hope have you sustain’d! 75

_Mam._ Not I; the commonwealth has.

_Face._ Ay, he would ha’ built The city new; and made a ditch about it Of silver, should have run with cream from Hogsden; That every Sunday in Moorsfields the younkers, And tits[2071] and tom-boys should have fed on, gratis. 80

_Mam._ I will go mount a turnip-cart, and preach The end o’ the world within these two months. Surly, What! in a dream?

_Sur._ Must I needs cheat myself With that same foolish vice of honesty! Come, let us go and hearken out the rogues: 85 That Face I ’ll mark for mine, if e’er I meet him.

_Face._ If I can hear of him, sir, I ’ll bring you word Unto your lodging; for in troth, they were strangers To me; I thought ’em honest as myself, sir. _They come forth._

[_Re-enter_ ANANIAS _and_ TRIBULATION.]

_Tri._ ’T is well, the saints shall not lose all yet. Go 90 And get some carts——

_Love._ For what, my zealous friends?

_Ana._ To bear away the portion of the righteous Out of this den of thieves.

_Love._ What is that portion?

_Ana._ The goods sometimes the orphans’, that the brethren Bought with their silver pence.

_Love._ What, those i’ the cellar, 95 The knight Sir Mammon claims?

_Ana._ I do defy The wicked Mammon, so do all the brethren, Thou profane man! I ask thee with what conscience Thou canst advance that idol against us, That have the seal?[2072] Were not the shillings numb’red 100 That made the pounds; were not the pounds told out Upon the second day of the fourth week, In the eighth month, upon the table dormant, The year of the last patience of the saints, Six hundred and ten?

_Love._ Mine earnest vehement botcher, 105 And deacon also, I cannot dispute with you: But if you get you not away the sooner, I shall confute you with a cudgel.

_Ana._ Sir!

_Tri._ Be patient, Ananias.

_Ana._ I am strong, And will stand up, well girt, against an host 110 That threaten Gad in exile.

_Love._ I shall send you To Amsterdam, to your cellar.

_Ana._ I will pray there, Against thy house. May dogs defile thy walls, And wasps and hornets breed beneath thy roof, This seat of falsehood, and this cave of coz’nage! [_Exeunt_ ANA. _and_ TRIB.]

_Enter_ DRUGGER.

_Love._ Another too?

_Drug._ Not I, sir, I am no brother. 116

_Love._ (_beats him._) Away, you Harry Nicholas![2073] do you talk? [_Exit_ DRUG.]

_Face._ No, this was Abel Drugger. Good sir, go, (_To the_ Parson.) And satisfy him; tell him all is done; He staid too long a washing of his face. 120 The doctor, he shall hear of him at Westchester; And of the captain, tell him, at Yarmouth, or Some good port-town else, lying for a wind. [_Exit_ Parson.] If you can get off the angry child now, sir——

[_Enter_ KASTRIL, _dragging in_] _his sister_.

_Kas._ Come on, you ewe, you have match’d most sweetly, ha’ you not? 125 Did not I say, I would never ha’ you tupt But by a dubb’d boy,[2074] to make you a lady-tom? ’Slight, you are a mammet![2075] O, I could touse you now. Death, mun[2076] you marry with a pox!

_Love._ You lie, boy; As sound as you; and I ’m aforehand with you.

_Kas._ Anon! 130

_Love._ Come, will you quarrel? I will feize[2077] you, sirrah; Why do you not buckle to your tools?

_Kas._ God’s light, This is a fine old boy as e’er I saw!

_Love._ What, do you change your copy now? Proceed; Here stands my dove: stoop[2078] at her if you dare. 135

_Kas._ ’Slight, I must love him! I cannot choose, i’ faith, An I should be hang’d for ’t! Suster, I protest, I honour thee for this match.

_Love._ O, do you so, sir?

_Kas._ Yes, an thou canst take tobacco and drink, old boy, I ’ll give her five hundred pound more to her marriage, 140 Than her own state.

_Love._ Fill a pipe full, Jeremy.

_Face._ Yes; but go in and take it, sir.

_Love._ We will. I will be rul’d by thee in anything, Jeremy.

_Kas._ ’Slight, thou art not hide-bound, thou art a jovy[2079] boy! 144 Come, let us in, I pray thee, and take our whiffs.

_Love._ Whiff in with your sister, brother boy. [_Exeunt_ KAS. _and Dame P._] That master That had receiv’d such happiness by a servant, In such a widow, and with so much wealth, Were very ungrateful, if he would not be A little indulgent to that servant’s wit, 150 And help his fortune, though were some small strain Of his own candour.[2080] [_Advancing._] Therefore, gentlemen, And kind spectators, if I have outstript An old man’s gravity, or strict canon, think 154 What a young wife and a good brain may do; Stretch age’s truth sometimes, and crack it too. Speak for thyself, knave.

_Face._ So I will, sir. [_Advancing to the front of the stage._] Gentlemen, My part a little fell in this last scene, Yet ’t was decorum.[2081] And though I am clean Got off from Subtle, Surly, Mammon, Dol, 160 Hot Ananias, Dapper, Drugger, all With whom I traded; yet I put myself On you, that are my country:[2082] and this pelf Which I have got, if you do quit me, rests, To feast you often, and invite new guests. 166 [_Exeunt._]

THE SHOEMAKERS’ HOLIDAY

BY THOMAS DEKKER

[DRAMATIS PERSONAE

THE KING. THE EARL OF CORNWALL. SIR HUGH LACY, Earl of Lincoln. ROWLAND LACY, } otherwise HANS, } His Nephews. ASKEW } SIR ROGER OATELY, Lord Mayor of London. Master HAMMON, } Master WARNER, } Citizens of London. Master SCOTT, } SIMON EYRE, the Shoemaker. ROGER, commonly } called HODGE, } FIRK, } EYRE’S Journeymen. RALPH, } LOVELL, a Courtier. DODGER, a Servant to the EARL OF LINCOLN. A Dutch Skipper. A Boy. ROSE, Daughter of SIR ROGER. SYBIL, her Maid. MARGERY, Wife of SIMON EYRE. JANE, Wife of RALPH.

Courtiers, Attendants, Officers, Soldiers, Hunters, Shoemakers, Apprentices, Servants.

SCENE.—_London_ and _Old Ford_.]

THE PROLOGUE

_As it was pronounced before the Queen’s Majesty_

As wretches in a storm, expecting day, With trembling hands and eyes cast up to heaven, Make prayers the anchor of their conquer’d hopes, So we, dear goddess, wonder of all eyes, Your meanest vassals, through mistrust and fear 5 To sink into the bottom of disgrace By our imperfect pastimes, prostrate thus On bended knees, our sails of hope do strike, Dreading the bitter storms of your dislike. Since then, unhappy men, our hap is such 10 That to ourselves ourselves no help can bring, But needs must perish, if your saint-like ears, Locking the temple where all mercy sits, Refuse the tribute of all begging tongues; Oh, grant, bright mirror of true chastity, 15 From those life-breathing stars, your sun-like eyes, One gracious smile; for your celestial breath Must send us life, or sentence us to death.