SCENE IV.[1938

FACE. [_Enter_] DAPPER.

_Face._ O, sir, you are welcome. The doctor is within a moving for you; I have had the most ado to win him to it!— He swears you ’ll be the darling o’ the dice: He never heard her highness dote till now.[1939] 5 Your aunt has giv’n you the most gracious words That can be thought on.

_Dap._ Shall I see her grace?

_Face._ See her, and kiss her too.— [_Enter_ ABEL, _followed by_ KASTRIL.] What, honest Nab! Hast brought the damask?

_Nab._ No, sir; here ’s tobacco.

_Face._ ’T is well done, Nab; thou’lt bring the damask too? 10

_Drug._ Yes. Here ’s the gentleman, captain, Master Kastril, I have brought to see the doctor.

_Face._ Where’s the widow?

_Drug._ Sir, as he likes, his sister, he says, shall come.

_Face._ O, is it so? Good time. Is your name Kastril, sir?

_Kas._ Ay, and the best o’ the Kastrils, I ’d be sorry else, 15 By fifteen hundred a year.[1940] Where is this doctor? My mad tobacco-boy here tells me of one That can do things. Has he any skill?

_Face._ Wherein, sir?

_Kas._ To carry a business, manage a quarrel fairly, Upon fit terms.

_Face._ It seems, sir, you ’re but young 20 About the town, that can make that a question.

_Kas._ Sir, not so young but I have heard some speech Of the angry boys,[1941] and seen ’em take tobacco; And in his shop; and I can take it too. And I would fain be one of ’em, and go down And practise i’ the country.

_Face._ Sir, for the duello, 26 The doctor, I assure you, shall inform you, To the least shadow of a hair; and show you An instrument he has of his own making, Wherewith, no sooner shall you make report 30 Of any quarrel, but he will take the height on ’t Most instantly, and tell in what degree Of safety it lies in, or mortality. And how it may be borne, whether in a right line, Or a half circle; or may else be cast 35 Into an angle blunt, if not acute; And this he will demonstrate. And then, rules To give and take the lie by.

_Kas._ How! to take it?

_Face._ Yes, in oblique he ’ll show you, or in circle;[1942] But ne’er in diameter.[1943] The whole town 40 Study his theorems, and dispute them ordinarily At the eating academies.

_Kas._ But does he teach Living by the wits too?

_Face._ Anything whatever. You cannot think that subtlety but he reads it. He made me a captain. I was a stark pimp, 45 Just o’ your standing, ’fore I met with him; It ’s not two months since. I ’ll tell you his method: First, he will enter you at some ordinary.

_Kas._ No, I ’ll not come there: you shall pardon me.

_Face._ For why, sir?

_Kas._ There ’s gaming there, and tricks.

_Face._ Why, would you be 50 A gallant, and not game?

_Kas._ Ay, ’t will spend a man.

_Face._ Spend you! It will repair you when you are spent. How do they live by their wits there, that have vented Six times your fortunes?

_Kas._ What, three thousand a year!

_Face._ Ay, forty thousand.

_Kas._ Are there such?

_Face._ Ay, sir, 55 And gallants yet. Here ’s a young gentleman Is born to nothing,—[_Points to_ DAPPER.] forty marks a year Which I count nothing:—he ’s to be initiated, And have a fly o’ the doctor. He will win you By unresistible luck, within this fortnight, 60 Enough to buy a barony. They will set him Upmost, at the groom porter’s,[1944] all the Christmas: And for the whole year through at every place Where there is play, present him with the chair, 64 The best attendance, the best drink, sometimes Two glasses of Canary, and pay nothing; The purest linen and the sharpest knife, The partridge next his trencher: and somewhere The dainty bed, in private, with the dainty. You shall ha’ your ordinaries bid for him, 70 As playhouses for a poet; and the master Pray him aloud to name what dish be affects, Which must be butter’d shrimps: and those that drink To no mouth else, will drink to his, as being The goodly president mouth of all the board. 75

_Kas._ Do you not gull one?

_Face._ ’Ods my life! Do you think it? You shall have a cast commander, (can but get In credit with a glover, or a spurrier, For some two pair of either’s ware aforehand,) Will, by most swift posts, dealing [but] with him, 80 Arrive at competent means to keep himself, His punk, and naked boy, in excellent fashion, And be admir’d for ’t.

_Kas._ Will the doctor teach this?

_Face._ He will do more, sir: when your land is gone, (As men of spirit hate to keep earth long), 85 In a vacation,[1945] when small money is stirring, And ordinaries suspended till the term, He’ll show a perspective,[1946] where on one side You shall behold the faces and the persons Of all sufficient young heirs in town, 90 Whose bonds are current for commodity;[1947] On th’other side, the merchants’ forms, and others, That without help of any second broker, Who would expect a share, will trust such parcels: In the third square, the very street and sign 95 Where the commodity dwells, and does but wait To be deliver’d, be it pepper, soap, Hops, or tobacco, oatmeal, woad,[1948] or cheeses. All which you may so handle, to enjoy To your own use, and never stand oblig’d. 100

_Kas._ I’ faith! is he such a fellow?

_Face._ Why, Nab here knows him. And then for making matches for rich widows, Young gentlewomen, heirs, the fortunat’st man! He’s sent to, far and near, all over England, 104 To have his counsel, and to know their fortunes.

_Kas._ God ’s will, my sister shall see him.

_Face._ I ’ll tell you, sir, What he did tell me of Nab. It ’s a strange thing— (By the way, you must eat no cheese, Nab, it breeds melancholy, And that same melancholy breeds worms) but pass it:— 109 He told me, honest Nab here was ne’er at tavern But once in’s life.

_Drug._ Truth, and no more I was not.

_Face._ And then he was so sick——

_Drug._ Could he tell you that too?

_Face._ How should I know it?

_Drug._ In troth, we had been a shooting, And had a piece of fat ram-mutton to supper, That lay so heavy o’ my stomach——

_Face._ And he has no head 115 To bear any wine; for what with the noise o’ the fiddlers, And care of his shop, for he dares keep no servants——

_Drug._ My head did so ache——

_Face._ As he was fain to be brought home. The doctor told me: and then a good old woman——

_Drug._ Yes, faith, she dwells in Seacoal-lane,—did cure me, 120 With sodden ale, and pellitory[1949] o’ the wall; Cost me but twopence. I had another sickness Was worse than that.

_Face._ Ay, that was with the grief Thou took’st for being cess’d[1950] at eighteen-pence, For the waterwork.

_Drug._ In truth, and it was like 125 T’ have cost me almost my life.

_Face._ Thy hair went off?

_Drug._ Yes, sir; ’t was done for spite.

_Face._ Nay, so says the doctor.

_Kas._ Pray thee, tobacco-boy, go fetch my suster; I’ll see this learned boy before I go; And so shall she.

_Face._ Sir, he is busy now: 130 But if you have a sister to fetch hither, Perhaps your own pains may command her sooner; And he by that time will be free.

_Kas._ I go. [_Exit._]

_Face._ Drugger, she’s thine: the damask!—[_Exit_ ABEL.] Subtle and I Must wrastle for her. [_Aside._] Come on, Master Dapper, 135 You see how I turn clients here away, To give your cause dispatch; ha’ you perform’d The ceremonies were enjoin’d you?

_Dap._ Yes, o’ the vinegar. And the clean shirt.

_Face._ ’T is well: that shirt may do you More worship than you think. Your aunt’s a-fire, 140 But that she will not show it, t’ have a sight of you. Ha’ you provided for her grace’s servants?

_Dap._ Yes, here are six score Edward shillings.

_Face._ Good!

_Dap._ And an old Harry’s sovereign.

_Face._ Very good!

_Dap._ And three James shillings, and an Elizabeth groat, 145 Just twenty nobles.[1951]

_Face._ O, you are too just. I would you had had the other noble in Maries.

_Dap._ I have some Philip and Maries.

_Face._ Ay, those same Are best of all: where are they? Hark, the doctor.