SCENE II.[62

[_Enter_] SAMIAS _and_ DARES.

_Sam._ Will thy master never awake?

_Dar._ No; I think he sleeps for a wager. But how shall we spend the time? Sir Tophas is so far in love that he pineth in his bed and cometh not abroad. 5

_Sam._ But here cometh Epi in a pelting chafe.[63]

[_Enter_ EPITON.]

_Epi._ A pox of all false proverbs, and were a proverb a page, I would have him by the ears!

_Sam._ Why art thou angry?

_Epi._ Why? You know it is said, “The (10) tide tarrieth no man.”

_Sam._ True.

_Epi._ A monstrous lie; for I was tied two hours, and tarried for one to unloose me.

_Dar._ Alas, poor Epi! 15

_Epi._ Poor! No, no, you base-conceited slaves, I am a most complete gentleman, although I be in disgrace with Sir Tophas.

_Dar._ Art thou out with him?

_Epi._ Ay, because I cannot get him a lodging (20) with Endymion. He would fain take a nap for forty or fifty years.

_Dar._ A short sleep, considering our long life.

_Sam._ Is he still in love?

_Epi._ In love? Why he doth nothing but (25) make sonnets.

_Sam._ Canst thou remember any one of his poems?

_Epi._ Ay, this is one:— The beggar, Love, that knows not where to lodge, 30 At last within my heart, when I slept, He crept, I wak’d, and so my fancies began to fodge.[64]

_Sam._ That’s a very long verse.

_Epi._ Why, the other was short. The first (35) is called from the thumb to the little finger; the second from the little finger to the elbow; and some he hath made to reach to the crown of his head, and down again to the sole of his foot. It is set to the tune of the black (40) Saunce[65]; _ratio est_, because Dipsas is a black saint.

_Dar._ Very wisely. But pray thee, Epi, how art thou complete; and being from thy master, what occupation wilt thou take? 45

_Epi._ Know,[66] my hearts. I am an absolute _Microcosmus_, a petty world of myself: my library is my head, for I have no other books but my brains; my wardrobe on my back, for I have no more apparel than is on my body; (50) my armory at my fingers’ ends, for I use no other artillery than my nails; my treasure in my purse. _Sic omnia mea mecum porto._[67]

_Dar._ Good!

_Epi._ Know,[68] sirs, my palace is pav’d with (55) grass, and tiled with stars, for _Cœlo tegitur qui non habet urnam_,[69]—he that hath no house must lie in the yard.

_Sam._ A brave resolution! But how wilt thou spend thy time? 60

_Epi._ Not in any melancholy sort; for mine exercise I will walk horses.

_Dar._ Too bad!

_Epi._ Why, is it not said, “It is good walking when one hath his horse in his hand”? 65

_Sam._ Worse and worse! But how wilt thou live?

_Epi._ By angling. Oh, ’tis a stately occupation to stand four hours in a cold morning, and to have his nose bitten with frost before his (70) bait be mumbled with a fish.

_Dar._ A rare attempt! But wilt thou never travel?

_Epi._ Yes, in a western barge, when with a good wind and lusty pugs,[70] one may go ten (75) miles in two days.

_Sam._ Thou art excellent at thy choice. But what pastime wilt thou use? None?

_Epi._ Yes, the quickest of all.

_Sam._ What, dice? 80

_Epi._ No, when I am in haste, one-and-twenty games at chess, to pass a few minutes.

_Dar._ A life for a little lord, and full of quickness.

_Epi._ Tush, let me alone! But I must (85) needs see if I can find where Endymion lieth, and then go to a certain fountain hard by, where they say faithful lovers shall have all things they will ask. If I can find out any of these, _Ego et magister meus erimus in tuto_, I (90) and my master shall be friends. He is resolved to weep some three or four pailfuls to avoid the rheum of love that wambleth[71] in his stomach.

_Enter_ [Master Constable _and_ Two] Watch[men].

_Sam._ Shall we never see thy master, Dares?

_Dar._ Yes; let us go now, for to-morrow (95) Cynthia will be there.

_Epi._ I will go with you;—but how shall we see for the Watch?

_Sam._ Tush, let me alone! I’ll begin to them. Masters, God speed you. 100

_1 Watch._ Sir boy, we are all sped already.

_Epi._ [_Aside._] So methinks, for they smell all of drink, like a beggar’s beard.

_Dar._ But I pray, sirs, may we see Endymion? 105

_2 Watch._ No, we are commanded in Cynthia’s name, that no man shall see him.

_Sam._ No man! Why, we are but boys.

_1 Watch._ Mass, neighbours, he says true, for if I swear I will never drink my liquor by (110) the quart, and yet call for two pints, I think with a safe conscience I may carouse both.

_Dar._ Pithily, and to the purpose.

_2 Watch._ Tush, tush, neighbours, take me with you.[72] 115

_Sam._ [_Aside._] This will grow hot.

_Dar._ [_Aside._] Let them alone.

_2 Watch._ If I say to my wife, “Wife, I will have no raisins in my pudding,” she puts in currants; small raisins are raisins, and boys (120) are men: even as my wife should have put no raisins in my pudding, so shall there no boys see Endymion.

_Dar._ Learnedly.

_Epi._ Let Master Constable speak; I think (125) he is the wisest among you.

_Master Constable._ You know, neighbours, ’tis an old said saw, “Children and fools speak true.”

_All._ True. 130

_Mast. Const._ Well, there you see the men be the fools, because it is provided from the children.

_Dar._ Good.

_Mast. Const._ Then, say I, neighbours, that (135) children must not see Endymion, because children and fools speak true.

_Epi._ O wicked application!

_Sam._ Scurvily brought about!

_1 Watch._ Nay, he says true, and therefore (140) till Cynthia have been here, he shall not be uncovered. Therefore, away!

_Dar._ [_Aside to Sam. and Epi._] A watch, quoth you! A man may watch seven years for a wise word, and yet go without it. Their wits 145 are all as rusty as their bills.—But come on, Master Constable, shall we have a song before we go?

_Mast. Const._ With all my heart.

THE SECOND SONG[73]

_Watch._ Stand! Who goes there? 150 We charge you appear ’Fore our constable here, In the name of the Man in the Moon. To us billmen relate Why you stagger so late, 155 And how you come drunk so soon.

_Pages._ What are ye, scabs?

_Watch._ The Watch; This the Constable.

_Pages._ A patch.[74]

_Const._ Knock ’em down unless they all stand If any run away, 160 ’Tis the old watchman’s play. To reach him a bill of his hand.

_Pages._ O gentlemen, hold. Your gowns freeze with cold, And your rotten teeth dance in your head; 165

_Epi._ Wine, nothing shall cost ye;

_Sam._ Nor huge fires to roast ye.

_Dares._ Then soberly let us be led.

_Const._ Come, my brown bills, we’ll roar,[75] Bounce loud at tavern door. 170

_Omnes._ And i’ th’ morning steal all to bed. _Exeunt._