SCENE IV.[1723

[_Enter_] PEREGRINE [_disguised and_] _three_ Mercatori.

_Per._ Am I enough disguis’d?

_1 Mer._ I warrant you.

_Per._ All my ambition is to fright him only.

_2 Mer._ If you could ship him away, ’t were excellent.

_3 Mer._ To Zant, or to Aleppo!

_Per._ Yes, and ha’ his Adventures put i’ th’ Book of Voyages, 5 And his gull’d story regist’red for truth. Well, gentlemen, when I am in a while, And that you think us warm in our discourse, Know your approaches.

_1 Mer._ Trust it to our care. 9 [_Exeunt_ Merchants.]

[_Enter_ Waiting-woman.]

_Per._ Save you, fair lady! Is Sir Pol within?

_Wom._ I do not know, sir.

_Per._ Pray you say unto him Here is a merchant, upon earnest business, Desires to speak with him.

_Wom._ I will see, sir. [_Exit._]

_Per._ Pray you. I see the family is all female here.

[_Re-enter_ Waiting-woman.]

_Wom._ He says, sir, he has weighty affairs of state, 15 That now require him whole; some other time You may possess him.

_Per._ Pray you say again, If those require him whole, these will exact him, Whereof I bring him tidings. [_Exit_ Woman.] What might be His grave affair of state now! How to make 20 Bolognian sausages here in Venice, sparing One o’ th’ ingredients?

[_Re-enter_ Waiting-woman.]

_Wom._ Sir, he says, he knows By your word “tidings,” that you are no statesman, And therefore wills you stay.

_Per._ Sweet, pray you return him; I have not read so many proclamations, 25 And studied them for words, as he has done—— But—here he deigns to come. [_Exit_ Woman.]

[_Enter_ SIR POLITIC.]

_Sir P._ Sir, I must crave Your courteous pardon. There hath chanc’d to-day Unkind disaster ’twixt my lady and me; And I was penning my apology, 30 To give her satisfaction, as you came now.

_Per._ Sir, I am griev’d I bring you worse disaster: The gentleman you met at th’ port to-day, That told you he was newly arriv’d——

_Sir P._ Ay, was A fugitive punk?

_Per._ No, sir, a spy set on you: 35 And he has made relation to the senate, That you protest to him to have a plot To sell the State of Venice to the Turk.

_Sir P._ O me!

_Per._ For which warrants are sign’d by this time, To apprehend you, and to search your study 40 For papers——

_Sir P._ Alas, sir, I have none, but notes Drawn out of play-books——

_Per._ All the better, sir.

_Sir P._ And some essays. What shall I do?

_Per._ Sir, best Convey yourself into a sugar-chest; Or, if you could lie round, a frail[1724] were rare; 45 And I could send you aboard.

_Sir P._ Sir, I but talk’d so. For discourse sake merely. [_They knock without._]

_Per._ Hark! they are there.

_Sir P._ I am a wretch, a wretch!

_Per._ What will you do, sir? Have you ne’er a currant-butt to leap into? They’ll put you to the rack; you must be sudden. 50

_Sir P._ Sir, I have an engine[1725]———

_3 Mer._ [_within._] Sir Politic Would-be!

_2 Mer._ [_within._] Where is he?

_Sir P._ That I ’ve thought upon before time.

_Per._ What is it?

_Sir P._ I shall ne’er endure the torture. Marry, it is, sir, of a tortoise-shell, Fitted for these extremities: pray you, sir, help me. 55 Here I’ve a place, sir, to put back my legs, Please you to lay it on, sir, [_Lies down while_ PER. _places the shell upon him_.]—with this cap, And my black gloves. I’ll lie, sir, like a tortoise, Till they are gone.

_Per._ And call you this an engine?

_Sir P._ Mine own device.——Good sir, bid my wife’s women 60 To burn my papers. [_Exit_ PER.]

_The three_ Merchants _rush in_.

_1 Mer._ Where is he hid?

_3 Mer._ We must, And will sure find him.

_2 Mer._ Which is his study?

[_Re-enter_ PEREGRINE.]

_1 Mer._ What Are you, sir?

_Per._ I ’m a merchant, that came here To look upon this tortoise?

_3 Mer._ How!

_1 Mer._ St. Mark! What beast is this?

_Per._ It is a fish.

_2 Mer._ Come out here! 65

_Per._ Nay, you may strike him, sir, and tread upon him; He ’ll bear a cart.

_1 Mer._ What, to run over him?

_Per._ Yes, sir.

_3 Mer._ Let ’s jump upon him.

_2 Mer._ Can he not go?

_Per._ He creeps, sir.

_1 Mer._ Let ’s see him creep.

_Per._ No, good sir, you will hurt him. 69

_2 Mer._ Heart, I will see him creep, or prick his guts.

_3 Mer._ Come out here!

_Per._ Pray you, sir, creep a little.

_1 Mer._ Forth.

_2 Mer._ Yet further.

_Per._ Good sir!—Creep.

_2 Mer._ We ’ll see his legs.

_They pull off the shell and discover him._

_3 Mer._ Gods so, he has garters!

_1 Mer._ Ay, and gloves!

_2 Mer._ Is this Your fearful tortoise?

_Per._ [_discovering himself._] Now, Sir Pol, we ’re even; For your next project I shall be prepar’d: 75 I am sorry for the funeral of your notes, sir.

_1 Mer._ ’T were a rare motion[1726] to be seen in Fleet-street.

_2 Mer._ Ay, in the Term.

_1 Mer._ Or Smithfield, in the fair.

_3 Mer._ Methinks ’t is but a melancholic sight.

_Per._ Farewell, most politic tortoise! [_Exeunt_ PER. _and_ Merchants.]

[_Re-enter_ Waiting-woman.]

_Sir P._ Where ’s my lady? 80 Knows she of this?

_Wom._ I know not, sir.

_Sir P._ Enquire.— O, I shall be the fable of all feasts, The freight of the gazetti,[1727] ship-boys’ tale; And, which is worst, even talk for ordinaries.

_Wom._ My lady ’s come most melancholic home, 85 And says, sir, she will straight to sea, for physic.

_Sir P._ And I, to shun this place and clime for ever. Creeping with house on back, and think it well To shrink my poor head in my politic shell. [_Exeunt._]