SCENE I.[1680

[_Enter_] SIR POLITIC WOULD-BE, PEREGRINE.

_Sir P._ I told you, sir, it was a plot; you see What observation is! You mention’d me For some instructions: I will tell you, sir, (Since we are met here in this height of Venice.) Some few particulars I have set down, 5 Only for this meridian, fit to be known Of your crude traveller; and they are these. I will not touch, sir, at your phrase, or clothes, For they are old.

_Per._ Sir, I have better.

_Sir P._ Pardon, I meant, as they are themes.

_Per._ O, sir, proceed: 10 I ’ll slander you no more of wit, good sir.

_Sir P._ First, for your garb, it must be grave and serious, Very reserv’d and lockt; not tell a secret On any terms, not to your father; scarce A fable, but with caution: make sure choice 15 Both of your company and discourse; beware You never speak a truth——

_Per._ How!

_Sir P._ Not to strangers, For those be they you must converse with most; Others I would not know, sir, but at distance So as I still might be a saver in them: 20 You shall have tricks else past upon you hourly. And then, for your religion, profess none, But wonder at the diversity of all; And, for your part, protest, were there no other But simply the laws o’ th’ land, you could content you. 25 Nic. Machiavel and Monsieur Bodin,[1681] both Were of this mind. Then must you learn the use And handling of your silver fork at meals, The metal of your glass; (these are main matters With your Italian;) and to know the hour 30 When you must eat your melons and your figs.

_Per._ Is that a point of state too?

_Sir P._ Here it is: For your Venetian, if he see a man Preposterous in the least, he has him straight; He has; he strips him. I ’ll acquaint you, sir. 35 I now have liv’d here ’t is some fourteen months: Within the first week of my landing here, All took me for a citizen of Venice, I knew the forms so well——

_Per._ [_Aside._] And nothing else.

_Sir P._ I had read Contarene,[1682] took me a house, 40 Dealt with my Jews to furnish it with movables— Well, if I could but find one man, one man To mine own heart, whom I durst trust, I would——

_Per._ What, what, sir?

_Sir P._ Make him rich; make him a fortune: He should not think again. I would command it. 45

_Per._ As how?

_Sir P._ With certain projects that I have; Which I may not discover.

_Per._ [Aside.] If I had But one to wager with, I would lay odds now, He tells me instantly.

_Sir P._ One is, and that I care not greatly who knows, to serve the state Of Venice with red herrings for three years, 51 And at a certain rate, from Rotterdam, Where I have correspondence. There ’s a letter, Sent me from one o’ th’ states, and to that purpose: He cannot write his name, but that ’s his mark. 55

_Per._ He is a chandler?

_Sir P._ No, a cheesemonger. There are some others too with whom I treat About the same negotiation; And I will undertake it: for ’t is thus. I ’ll do ’t with ease, I have cast[1683] it all. Your hoy[1684] 60 Carries but three men in her, and a boy; And she shall make me three returns a year: So if there come but one of three, I save; If two, I can defalk:[1685]—but this is now, If my main project fail.

_Per._ Then you have others? 65

_Sir P._ I should be loth to draw the subtle air Of such a place, without my thousand aims. I ’ll not dissemble, sir: where’er I come, I love to be considerative; and ’t is true, I have at my free hours thought upon 70 Some certain goods unto the state of Venice, Which I do call my Cautions; and, sir, which I mean, in hope of pension, to propound To the Great Council, then unto the Forty, 75 So to the Ten. My means are made already——

_Per._ By whom?

_Sir P._ Sir, one that though his place be obscure, Yet he can sway, and they will hear him. He ’s A _commandadore_.

_Per._ What! a common serjeant?

_Sir P._ Sir, such as they are, put it in their mouths, What they should say, sometimes; as well as greater: 80 I think I have my notes to show you—— [_Searching his pockets._]

_Per._ Good sir.

_Sir P._ But you shall swear unto me, on your gentry, Not to anticipate——

_Per._ I, sir!

_Sir P._ Nor reveal A circumstance——My paper is not with me.

_Per._ O, but you can remember, sir.

_Sir P._ My first is 85 Concerning tinder-boxes. You must know, No family is here without its box. Now, sir, it being so portable a thing, Put case, that you or I were ill affected Unto the state, sir; with it in our pockets, 90 Might not I go into the Arsenal, Or you come out again, and none the wiser?

_Per._ Except yourself, sir.

_Sir P._ Go to, then. I therefore Advertise to the state, how fit it were That none but such as were known patriots, 95 Sound lovers of their country, should be suffer’d T’ enjoy them in their houses; and even those Seal’d at some office, and at such a bigness As might not lurk in pockets.

_Per._ Admirable!

_Sir P._ My next is, how t’ inquire, and be resolv’d 100 By present demonstration, whether a ship, Newly arriv’d from Soria,[1686] or from Any suspected part of all the Levant, Be guilty of the plague: and where they use To lie out forty, fifty days, sometimes, 105 About the Lazaretto, for their trial; I ’ll save that charge and loss unto the merchant, And in an hour clear the doubt.

_Per._ Indeed, sir!

_Sir P._ Or——I will lose my labour.

_Per._ My faith, that ’s much.

_Sir. P._ Nay, sir, conceive me. It will cost me in onions, 110 Some thirty livres——

_Per._ Which is one pound sterling.

_Sir P._ Beside my waterworks: for this I do, sir. First, I bring in your ship ’twixt two brick walls; But those the state shall venture. On the one I strain me a fair tarpauling, and in that 115 I stick my onions, cut in halves; the other Is full of loopholes, out of which I thrust The noses of my bellows; and those bellows I keep, with waterworks, in perpetual motion, Which is the easiest matter of a hundred. 120 Now, sir, your onion, which doth naturally Attract th’ infection, and your bellows blowing The air upon him, will show instantly, By his chang’d colour, if there be contagion; Or else remain as fair as at the first 125 Now it is known, ’t is nothing.

_Per._ You are right, sir.

_Sir P._ I would I had my note.

_Per._ Faith, so would I: But you ha’ done well for once, sir.

_Sir P._ Were I false, Or would be made so, I could show you reasons How I could sell this state now to the Turk, 130 Spite of their galleys, or their—— [_Examining his papers._]

_Per._ Pray you, Sir Pol.

_Sir P._ I have ’em not about me.

_Per._ That I fear’d. They are there, sir?

_Sir P._ No, this is my diary, Wherein I note my actions of the day. 134

_Per._ Pray you let ’s see, sir. What is here? _Notandum_, [_Reads._] “A rat had gnawn my spur-leathers; notwithstanding, I put on new, and did go forth; but first I threw three beans over the threshold. Item, I went and bought two toothpicks, whereof one I burst immediately, in a discourse 140 With a Dutch merchant, ’bout _ragion’ del stato_.[1687] From him I went and paid a _moccinigo_[1688] For piecing my silk stockings; by the way I cheapen’d[1689] sprats; and at St. Mark’s I urin’d.” ’Faith these are politic notes!

_Sir P._ Sir, I do slip 145 No action of my life, but thus I quote[1690] it.

_Per._ Believe me, it is wise!

_Sir P._ Nay, sir, read forth.