Chapter 31

THEU. What are you about?

SIM. I'm coming home from the Forum.

THEU. Has anything new been going on at the Forum to-day?

SIM. Why yes. THEU. What is it, pray?

SIM. I saw a dead man being carried to burial.

THEU. Dear me! that is something new!

SIM. I saw one who was dead being carried out to burial [1]. They said that he had been alive but just before.

THEU. Woe to that head of yours _for your nonsense_!

SIM. Why are you, _thus_ idling about, enquiring after the news? THEU. Because I've just arrived from abroad.

SIM. I'm engaged out to dine: don't suppose I shall invite you [2]. THEU. I' faith, I don't want.

SIM. But, to-morrow, unless any person invites me first, I'll even dine with you.

THEU. I' faith, and that, too, I don't want. Unless you are engaged _with something_ of greater importance, lend me your attention.

SIM. By all means. THEU. You have received, as far as I understand, forty minae of Philolaches.

SIM. Never a coin, so far as I know.

THEU. What? _Not_ from my servant Tranio?

SIM. Much less _is_ that _the case_.

THEU. Which he gave you by way of deposit?

SIM. What are you dreaming about?

THEU. What, I? Why, really, 'tis yourself, who hope that, by dissembling in this manner, you'll be able to make void this bargain.

SIM. Why, what _do you mean_? THEU. The business that, in my absence, my son transacted with you here.

SIM. How did your son, in your absence, transact any business with me? What pray, or on what day?

THEU. I owe you eighty minae of silver.

SIM. Not to me, indeed, upon my faith; but _still_, if you do owe them, give them me. Faith must be kept. Don't be attempting to deny it.

THEU. Assuredly, I shall not deny that I owe them; and I shall pay them. Do you take care how you deny that you received the forty from him.

SIM. Troth now, prithee, look this way at me, and answer me. He said that you were wishful to give a wife to your son; for that reason, he said that you intended building on your own _premises_.

THEU. I, intended building here? SIM. So he told me.

THEU. Ah me! I'm ruined outright! I've hardly any voice left [3]. Neighbours, I'm undone, ruined quite!

SIM. Has Tranio been causing any confusion?

THEU. Yes; he has thrown everything into confusion. He has made a fool of me to-day in a disgraceful manner.

SIM. What is it you say?

THEU. This matter is just as I am telling you; he has this day made a fool of me in an outrageous manner. Now I beseech you that you'll kindly aid me, and lend me your assistance.

SIM. What would you have?

THEU. I beg of you, come this way together with me.

SIM. Be it so. THEU. Lend me the assistance of your slaves and some scourges.

SIM. Take them _by all means_.

THEU. At the same time I'll tell you about this, in what a fashion he has this day imposed upon me. (_They go into the house of_ SIMO.)

[Footnote 1: _Being carried out to burial_)--Ver. 991. It is supposed that in this reply he plays upon the question of Theuropides, who uses the word "processit" in his question, which may either mean, "what has been going on?" or "what procession has there been?"]

[Footnote 2: _I shall invite you_)--996. He alludes to the universal custom of giving friends a "coena viatica," or welcome entertainment, on arriving from off a journey.]

[Footnote 3: _I've hardly any voice left_)--Ver. 1019. "Vocis non habeo satis." Literally, "I have not voice enough."]