Part 1

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THE BOOK OF THREE HUNDRED ANECDOTES.

HISTORICAL, LITERARY, AND HUMOROUS.

A NEW SELECTION.

BURNS & OATES. LONDON: GRANVILLE MANSIONS. NEW YORK: BARCLAY STREET.

INDEX.

Abernethy, 26

Abon Hannifah, 39

ACTORS, 27-33

Adam, Dr., and the Schoolboy, 106

AFFECTION, 1-5

Aguesseau, D', Chancellor of France, 115

Alban's, Duchess of, and the Sailor, 28

Algerine Captain, 119

Alphonsus, King of Naples, 39

American Heroines, 135

Amour, St., General, 1

André, St., Marquis de, 90

ARTISTS, 5-9

Astley Cooper, 26

Atterbury, in the House of Peers, 113

Bakers, The, of Lyons, 18

Bailly, Miss--Escape of the Pretender, 94

Bannister, 19

Bautru and the Spanish Librarian, 77

Bayard, The Chevalier, 80

Beauvais, Ladies of, 118

BEGGING, 10

Belmont, Countess de, 45

Benbow and the Wounded Sailor, 101

BENEVOLENCE, 11-13

Ben Jonson at Dinner, 21

Bernard, Father, 88

Bishop and Clerks, 104

BOOKS, 13-16

Boufflers, Marshal, 120

Bouille, Marquis de, 121

Boutteville, Count de, and the Soldier, 81

Boutibonne, M., Imaginary Accident, 58

Breton Peasants, 48

Brougham, Lord--Examination of a Witness, 70

Budæus, 76

Buffon and his Servant, 115

Busby, Dr., and the Scholar, 106

Cajeta, Siege of, 51

Camden, Lord, in the Stocks, 73

Camerons and Christians, 117

Campo, Marquess del, and George III., 93

Candle Light, War by, 120

Canning and the Preacher, 125

Carteret, Lady, and Dean Swift, 132

Carving Accident, 90

Catalogue Making, 15

Chamillart the French Lawyer, 70

Chantrey--First sculpture, 9

CHARITY, 18

Charles II. and Killigrew, 63

Charles V. of France, 64

Charles VI. of Austria, 122

Charles XII. and his Secretary, 119

Charlotte, Princess, 54

Chatillon, Admiral, and the Beggar, 10

Cherin, General, 109

Child and Goat, 103

China Ware, 129

Christmas Pudding Extraordinary, 20

Clerambault and La Fontaine, 126

Cobbler of Leyden, The, 114

Cochrane, Sir John, 46

Cochrane, Lord, 56

Coleridge's "Watchman", 107

Coleridge and his Dinner Companion, 126

Conjugal Affection--French Troops in Italy, 4

Cornwallis, Admiral, and the Mutineers, 105

Crimean Captain, 111

Curran and Dr. Boyse, 40 and the Jockey, 67 and the Farmer, 69 his Witty Replies, 70

Cuvier and his Visitors, 116

Day, Thomas, and Sir W. Jones, 72

Deaf and Dumb Mother, 1

Denon and Defoe, 16

Dey of Algiers and Admiral Keppel, 104

Dickens--Origin of "Boz", 15

Dictionaries, 14

Dieppe Pilot, 43

DINNERS, 19-22

DOCTORS, 22-27

Domat, Judge, and the Poor Widow, 11

Douglas, The, 47

DRAMA, The, 27-33

Dreaming, 129

Drummond, Provost, 52

Duke of Newcastle and Mr. Pitt--a Dispute in Bed, 86

Duncan, Admiral, 121

DUTY, 34

Duval, the Librarian, 77

Edinburgh--Spoiled Street, 130

Erskine and Lord Kellie, 126

Erskine, Legal Anecdotes of, 67-68

Eveillan, Archdeacon of Angers, 57

Faithful Depositary, 37

Faithful Domestic, 36

Falkland, Lord, and the House of Commons, 86

Family Sacrifice--French Revolution, 4

Fear of Death, 58

Fenelon, Archbishop--his Humanity, 56

FIDELITY, 35-37

Fielding, Sir J., and the Irishman, 71

Filial Affection--French Boy, 2

Fletcher, of Saltown, and his Footman, 113

Fontenelle, 37, 38

Fools, 38

Foote, the Actor, 33

FORGIVENESS, 39

Fouché and Napoleon, 91

Francis I. and his Fool, 38

Frederick the Great and the Page, 61 and the Soldier, 62 and the Deserter, 62 his Arguments, 62

French Curate--Forgiveness, 39 Peasant Girl, 45 Officer in Flanders, 77 Officer in Spain, 77 Servant at Noyon, 95 of La Vendée, 91

FRIENDS, 40

Gainsborough--Picture of the Pigs, 6

Garrick and Rich, 33

Garrick and Sir J. Reynolds, 115

Gendarmes and Priest, 91

George I. and the Lieutenant, 121 II. and the Dutch-Innkeeper, 64 and the Court Martial, 122 III. --Punctuality, 64 Carbonel the Wine Merchant, 65 The Horse Dealer, 66 Memorial to a Servant, 66 Treatment of a Caricature, 66 and Lord Lothian, 102

Ghosts, 42

Gibbet, Sight of a, 117

Gin _versus_ Drugs, 25

Glynn, Dr., and the Magpie, 12

Gonsalvo de Cordova, 119

Goldsmith's Marlow, 32

Gooch, Sir W., and the Negro, 90

GRATITUDE, 40

Gregory, Dr., a Militiaman, 38

Granby, Marquis of, and the Lord-in-Waiting, 108

Grancé, Count de, and the Cannon Ball, 112

Grenadier, French, 121

Grog, 103

Guise, Colonel, 24

H., Letter, Use of, 14

Haddock, Admiral, 102

Handel, 82

Hanging Judge, The, 73

Hanway, Jonas, and the Coachman, 107

Hawker, Colonel, and the French Officer, 77

Haydn, 84

Heavy Play, A, 28

Heber's Palestine, 14

Henderson and the Actor, 113

Henri IV. and D'Aubigné, 40

HEROISM, 43

Hill, Sergeant, 75 Rowland, 101

Hogarth--Picture of the Red Sea, 9

Hood, Sir S., 57

HOSPITALITY, 48

Hough, Dr., and the Barometer, 114

Housemaid, Presence of mind of a, 92

Hulet, the Comedian, 31

HUMANITY, 51-57

Hume's Speeches, 86

Huntly, Marquis of, and James VI., 95

Ice, Custom-house doubt, 70

IMAGINATION, 58

James I. and the Courtier, 38 in Westminster Hall, 60 and the Earl of Scarborough, 96

James IV. of Scotland and the Robbers, 92

John Gilpin, Origin of, 14

Johnson, Dr., and the Hare, 49 and Wilkes, 60 and Lord Elibank, 60 reply to Miller, 60

Judge, A Benevolent, 11

Kaimes, Lord, and the Sheepstealer, 75

Kean, Charles, 29

Kennedies, The, 36

Keppel, Admiral, at Algiers, 104

KINGS, 60

Kirwan, Dr., 20

Kosciusko, 19

Labat, Mons. of Bayonne, 47

Lady and Highwayman, 100

Lamb, Counsellor, 72

Lamb, Charles, and the Farmer, 116

LAW AND LAWYERS, 66-75

Lely the Painter, and the Alderman, 6

Lessing, 130

Lettsom, Dr., and the Highwayman, 101

LIBRARIANS, 76

Lisieux, Bishop of, 53

Liston, 27

Long and Short Barristers, 74

Longueville, Duke of, 40

Louis, St., 78 XII. and the Composer, 63 XIV. and the Comte de Grammont, 62 and Lord Stair, 63 and the Eddystone Workmen, 63

Lyndhurst, Lord,--Retirement from Office, 87

Mackenzie, General, 34

Maclaurin and his Pupils, 130

MAGNANIMITY, 77-81

Mariè Antoinette, 40

Maximilian I. and the Beggar, 11

Mayor, An English, 89 A French, 89

Memory, Artificial, 127

Mimicry, 30

Miner, Swedish, 3

Molière and the Doctors, 23

Monkey, A Grenadier, 123

Montaigne on Doctors, 23

Montesquieu, M. de, 55

Morand and the Critics, 33

Morland the Painter, 6

Morvilliers and Charles IX., 34

Motte, M. de la, and the Critics, 28

Mozart, 84

Mungo Park and the African Woman, 50

MUSICIANS, 82-85

Mysterious Benefactor, 19

Napoleon Bonaparte, 17, 18, 91, 110

Nash and the Doctor, 25

Navy Chaplains, 104

Neckar and the Corporation of Paris, 51

Nelson, Lord--Punctuality, 98

Nena Sahib and the Devil, 107

Nevailles, Marshal de, 48

Norton, Sir F. and Lord Mansfield, 72

O'Brien, Lieutenant, 102

Old Age secured--the Irish Beggar, 11

Old Ambrose, 35

O'Neil, Sir Phelim, 78

Orkney, Countess of, 1

Orleans, Duke of, 39

Ossuna, Duke of, and the Felon, 100

Parisian Stockbroker, 128

Parisian Ragman, 127

PARLIAMENT, 86-88

PATIENCE, 88

Pepusch, Dr., 116

Peterborough, Lord, and the Mob, 91

Peter the Great, 71, 113

Philadelphian Lady, 128

Philip II. of Spain, 88

Physicians in China, 23

Pitt, and the Duke of Newcastle, 86

Pius IX., and the Attorney, 12

POETS, 89

Polignac, Compte de, 17

Politeness, 89

Poor-man-of-mutton, 21

Pope the Poet, 125

Presence of Mind, 90-95

Prideaux--Life of Mahomet, 13

PUNCTUALITY, 98

Quartering upon the Enemy, 111

Quick the Actor, 32

Racine and his Family, 3

Ragged Regiment, 118

RANK AND ANCESTRY, 95

Reclaimed Robbers, 101

Rejected Addresses, The, 125

Reynolds, Sir Joshua, 5

Richardson--opinion of a Picture, 5

Rivardes and the Wooden Leg, 111

ROBBERS, 100

Robert, King of France, 114

Ross, Lord, 124

SAILORS, 101-105

Savage Dr., and the Pope, 132

Savoie, Magdeline De, 110

Schaumbourg, Count, 117

SCHOOLS, 105

Scott, Sir W. --Punctuality, 99 and the Beggar, 11 and the Inn-keeper, 109

Scott, Mr., of Exeter, 98

Selwyn, G., and the Traveller, 116

Senesino and Farinelli, 30

Sentinel on the Stage, 31

SERVANTS, 107

Shaving a Queen, 27

Sheridan, Dr., and the Scholar, 105

Sheridan, 88, 132, 133

Sidney, Sir Philip, 53

Signboards, 109

Sion College, and George III., 131

Sir and Sire, 17

Sisters of Charity, 129

Smith, Sydney, Charity Sermon, 125

Smiths, The Two, 126

SOLDIERS, 109-112

Sporting, 134

Stackelberg, Baron Von, 54

Steele and Addison, 124

Sterne and the Old Woman, 134

Strasburgh Lawyer, A, 68

Suwarrow, Marshall, 110

Swift, Dean, 10, 21, 22, 109, 131

Talleyrand, Madame de, 16

Tantara, and the Landscape, 9

TEMPER, 113

Tenterden, Lord, 74

Thelwall and Erskine, 71

"They're all Out", 87

Thomson the Poet, and Quin, 15

Thurot, Admiral, 79

TIME, Value of, 115

TRAVELLING, 116

Turenne, Marshal, 112

Turner, The Painter, 6

Tyrolese Heroine, 136

Van Dyke, 40

Vendean Servant, 91

Vernet--Picture of St. Jerome, 8

Villars, Marshal, 110

Villecerf, Madame de, 22

Voisin, Chancellor of Louis XIX., 34

Wager, Sir C., and the Doctors, 25

WAR, 117-124

Wardlaw, Archbishop of St. Andrew's, 49

Weeping at a Play, 31

Welch Dispute, A, 97

West, the Painter, 7

William III., and St. Evremond, 131

Willie Law, 22

Wise, Dr., and the Parliament, 131

Ximenes, Cardinal, 123

"Yellow Cabriolet," The, 28

York, Duke of, and the Housekeeper, 108

Zimmerman, 23

ANECDOTES.

AFFECTION.

General St. Amour.--This officer, who distinguished himself in the Imperial service, was the son of a poor Piedmontese peasant, but he never forgot his humble extraction. While the army was in Piedmont, he invited his principal officers to an entertainment, when his father happened to arrive just as they were sitting down to table. This being announced to the general, he immediately rose, and stated to his guests his father's arrival. He said he knew the respect he owed to them, but at the same time he hoped they would excuse him if he withdrew, and dined with his father in another room. The guests begged that the father might be introduced, assuring him that they should be happy to see one so nearly related to him; but he replied, "Ah, no, gentlemen; my father would find himself so embarrassed in company so unsuited to his rank, that it would deprive us both of the only pleasure of the interview--the unrestrained intercourse of a parent and his son." He then retired, and passed the evening with his father.

The Deaf and Dumb Mother.--The late Countess of Orkney, who died at an advanced age, was deaf and dumb, and was married in 1753 by signs. She resided with her husband at his seat, Rostellan, near Cork. Shortly after the birth of her first child, the nurse saw the mother cautiously approach the cradle in which the infant lay asleep, evidently full of some deep design. The Countess, having first assured herself that her babe was fast asleep, took from under her shawl a large stone, which had purposely been concealed there, and, to the utter horror of the nurse, who largely shared the popular notion that all dumb persons are possessed of peculiar cunning and malignity, raised it up, as if to enable her to dash it down with greater force. Before the nurse could interpose to prevent what she believed would bring certain death to the sleeping and unconscious child, the dreadful stone was flung, not at the cradle, however, but upon the ground, and fell with great violence. The noise awakened the child. The Countess was overjoyed, and, in the fulness of a mother's heart, she fell upon her knees to express her thankfulness that her beloved infant possessed a blessing denied to herself--the sense of hearing. This lady often gave similar indications of superior intelligence, though we can believe that few of them equalled the present in interest.

Filial Affection.--A veteran, worn out in the service of France, was left without a pension, although he had a wife and three children to share his wretchedness. His son was placed at _L'Ecole militaire_, where he might have enjoyed every comfort, but the strongest persuasion could not induce him to taste anything but coarse bread and water. The Duke de Choiseul being informed of the circumstance, ordered the boy before him, and enquired the reason of his abstemiousness. The boy, with a manly fortitude, replied, "Sir, when I had the honour of being admitted to this royal foundation, my father conducted me hither. We came on foot: on our journey the demands of nature were relieved by bread and water. I was received. My father blessed me, and returned to the protection of a helpless wife and family. As long as I can remember, bread of the blackest kind, with water, has been their daily subsistence, and even that is earned by every species of labour that honour does not forbid. To this fare, sir, my father is reduced; and while he, my mother, and my sisters, are compelled to endure such wretchedness, is it possible that I can enjoy the plenty which my sovereign has provided for me?" The duke felt this tale of nature, gave the boy three louis d'ors for pocket-money, and promised to procure the father a pension. The boy begged the louis d'ors might be sent to his father, which, with the patent of his pension, was immediately done. The boy was patronised by the duke, and became one of the best officers in the service of France.

Racine.--The celebrated French poet, Racine, having one day returned from Versailles, where he had been on a visit, was waited upon by a gentleman with an invitation to dine at the Hotel de Condé. "I cannot possibly do myself that honour," said the poet; "it is some time since I have been with my family; they are overjoyed to see me again, and have provided a fine carp; so that I must dine with my dear wife and children." "But my good sir," replied the gentleman, "several of the most distinguished characters in the kingdom expect your company, and will be anxious to see you." On this, Racine brought out the carp and showed it to his visitor, saying, "Here, sir, is our little meal; then say, having provided such a treat for me, what apology could I make for not dining with my poor children? Neither they nor my wife could have any pleasure in eating a bit of it without me; then pray be so obliging as to mention my excuse to the Prince of Condé and my other illustrious friends." The gentleman did so; and not only His Serene Highness, but all the company present, professed themselves infinitely more charmed with this proof of the poet's affection as a husband and a father, than they possibly could have been with his delightful conversation.

Touching Recognition.--Some years ago, in making a new communication between two shafts of a mine at Fahkin, the capital of Delecarlia, the body of a miner was discovered by the workmen in a state of perfect preservation, and impregnated with vitriolic water. It was quite soft, but hardened on being exposed to the air. No one could identify the body: it was merely remembered that the accident, by which he had thus been buried in the bosom of the earth, had taken place above fifty years ago. All enquiries about the name of the sufferer had already ceased, when a decrepid old woman, supported on crutches, slowly advanced towards the corpse, and knew it to be that of a young man to whom she had been promised in marriage more than half a century ago. She threw herself on the corpse, which had all the appearance of a bronze statue, bathed it with her tears, and fainted with joy at having once more beheld the object of her affections. One can with difficulty realize the singular contrast afforded by that couple--the one buried above fifty years ago, still retaining the appearance of youth; while the other, weighed down by age, evinced all the fervency of youthful affections.

Family Sacrifice.--During the French revolution, Madame Saintmaraule, with her daughter, and a youth, her son, not yet of age, were confined in prison and brought to trial. The mother and daughter behaved with resolution, and were sentenced to die; but of the youth no notice was taken, and he was remanded to prison. "What!" exclaimed the boy, "am I then to be separated from my mother? It cannot be!" and immediately he cried out, "_Vive le Roi!_" In consequence of this, he was condemned to death, and, with his mother and his sister, was led out to execution.

Expedient of Conjugal Affection.--Napoleon used to relate an anecdote shewing the conjugal affection of some women who accompanied his troops when he was at Col de Tende. To enter this mountainous and difficult country, it was necessary for the soldiers to pass over a narrow bridge, and, as the enterprise was a hazardous one, Napoleon had given orders that no women should be permitted to cross it with them. To enforce this order, two captains were stationed on the bridge with instructions, on pain of death, not to suffer a woman to pass. The passage was effected, and the troops continued their march. When some miles beyond the bridge, the Emperor was greatly astonished at the appearance of a considerable number of women with the soldiers. He immediately ordered the two captains to be put under arrest, intending to have them tried for a breach of duty. The prisoners protested their innocence, and stoutly asserted that no women had crossed the bridge. Napoleon, on hearing this, commanded that some of the women should be brought before him, when he interrogated them on the subject. To his utter surprise they readily acknowledged that the captains had not betrayed their trust, but that a contrivance of their own had brought them into their present situation. They informed Napoleon, that having taken the provisions, which had been prepared for the support of the army, out of some of the casks, they had concealed themselves in them, and by this stratagem succeeded in passing the bridge without discovery.

ARTISTS.

Sir Joshua Reynolds.--"What do you ask for this sketch?" said Sir Joshua to an old picture-dealer, whose portfolio he was looking over. "Twenty guineas, your honour." "Twenty pence, I suppose you mean?" "No, sir; it is true I would have taken twenty pence for it this morning, but if _you_ think it worth looking at, all the world will think it worth buying." Sir Joshua ordered him to send the sketch home, and gave him the money.

Ditto.--Two gentlemen were at a coffee-house, when the discourse fell upon Sir Joshua Reynold's painting; one of them said that "his tints were admirable, but the colours _flew_." It happened that Sir Joshua was in the next box, who taking up his hat, accosted them thus, with a low bow--"Gentlemen, I return you many thanks for bringing me off with _flying colours_."

Richardson, in his anecdotes of painting, says, a gentleman came to me to invite me to his house: "I have," says he, "a picture of Rubens, and it is a rare good one. There is little H. the other day came to see it, and says it is _a copy_. If any one says so again, I'll _break his head_. Pray, Mr. Richardson, will you do me the favour to come, and give me _your real opinion of it?_"

Gainsborough.--A countryman was shown Gainsborough's celebrated picture of "The Pigs." "To be sure," said he, "they be deadly like pigs; but there is one fault; nobody ever saw three pigs feeding together but what one on 'em had a foot in the trough."

Turner.--Once, at a dinner, where several artists, amateurs and literary men were convened, a poet, by way of being facetious, proposed as a toast the health of the _painters and glaziers_ of Great Britain. The toast was drunk, and Turner, after returning thanks for it, proposed the health of the British _paper-stainers_.

Lely and the Alderman.--Sir Peter Lely, a famous painter in the reign of Charles I., agreed for the price of a full-length, which he was to draw for a rich alderman of London, who was not indebted to nature either for shape or face. When the picture was finished, the alderman endeavoured to beat down the price; alleging that if he did not purchase it, it would lie on the painter's hands. "That's a mistake," replied Sir Peter, "for I can sell it at double the price I demand."--"How can that be?" says the alderman; "for it is like nobody but myself."--"But I will draw a tail to it, and then it will be an excellent monkey." The alderman, to prevent exposure, paid the sum agreed for, and carried off the picture.

Morland.--It is well known that Morland the painter used to go on an expedition with a companion sometimes without a guinea, or perhaps scarcely a shilling, to defray the expenses of their journey; and thus they were often reduced to an unpleasant and ludicrous dilemma. On one occasion the painter was travelling in Kent, in company with a relative, and finding their cash exhausted, while at a distance from their destination, they were compelled to exert their wits, for the purpose of recruiting themselves after a long and fatiguing march. As they approached Canterbury, a homely village ale-house caught their eye; and the itinerant artists hailed, with delight, the sign of the Black Bull, which indicated abundance of home-made bread and generous ale. They entered, and soon made considerable havoc among the good things of mine host, who, on reckoning up, found that they had consumed as much bread, cheese and ale, as amounted to _12s. 6d._ Morland now candidly informed his host that they were two poor painters going in search of employment, and that they had spent all their money. He, however, added that, as the sign of the Bull was a disgraceful daub for so respectable a house, he would have no objection to repaint it, as a set-off for what he and his companion had received. The landlord, who had long been wishing for a new sign (the one in question having passed through two generations), gladly accepted his terms, and Morland immediately went to work. The next day the Bull was sketched in such a masterly manner that the landlord was enraptured; he supplied his guests with more provisions, and generously gave them money for their subsequent expenses. About three months after a gentleman well acquainted with Morland's works, accidentally passing through the village, recognised it instantly to be the production of that inimitable painter: he stopped, and was confirmed in his opinion, by the history which the landlord gave of the transaction. In short, he purchased the sign of him for twenty pounds; the landlord was struck with admiration at his liberality; but this identical painting was some time afterwards sold at a public auction for the sum of _one hundred guineas!_