Part 8

CHURCH. The pall-bearers and the nearest relatives meet at the house. At the appointed hour the procession leaves the house, the casket borne on the shoulders of the undertaker's assistants, followed by the pall-bearers, relatives, and friends.

The same order is followed in the procession up the aisle, the relatives occupying the first pews on the right, the pall-bearers the first pews on the left, of the middle aisle. At the conclusion of the ceremony the friends wait until the family and pall-bearers have left, and then quietly retire.

HOUSE. At a house funeral, some one representing the family should receive the people as they enter and direct them where to go, it being customary for the family and relatives to be in one room and the friends in another.

Usually there are no pall-bearers; but if there are, their duties are the same as at a church funeral. The clergyman should stand near the casket, and if there are musicians they should be so stationed that, while they are not seen, they are easily heard. At the conclusion of the ceremony the friends depart, and thus allow the family and relatives to take the last leave of the deceased before they take the carriages for the cemetery.

It is customary for the family to be in retirement at the hour of the funeral, and they are the first to enter the carriages.

Those in charge of the house should, after the funeral party has left, arrange the apartments to make them as cheerful as possible, and also provide a substantial meal for the mourners on their return.

GARDEN PARTIES.

CARDS. Guests leave their cards in the hall either when entering or leaving only at large garden parties.

DRESS. It is customary for women to wear light afternoon dresses.

Men wear summer business suits, yachting flannels, and straw hats, and even white duck trousers. Gloves are not worn.

The regulation frock coat and high hat is not worn, save by men from the city or at some extremely fashionable affair.

GUESTS. After leaving their outer garments in the dressing-rooms, the guests should pay their respects to the hostess, after which they are free to enjoy themselves as they please.

The usual length of stay is about half an hour or the whole afternoon.

While guests may arrive at their own convenient time, they would do well to remember that they have not the same freedom to come and go as at an afternoon reception.

Guests should take leave of the hostess unless she is very much engaged.

HOSTESS. The hostess wears afternoon dress, and usually one that is dainty and delicate-- suitable for a summer afternoon.

She receives on the lawn, shakes hands with each guest, and makes introductions when deemed essential.

She may, if she so desires, receive with some member of her family.

HOURS. These are from 3 to 7 P.M.

INVITATIONS. These are issued in the name of the hostess, and may be engraved or written. Sometimes the hostess writes on her card: GARDEN PARTY, JULY 17, FROM 4 TO 7, or she may use an AT HOME card, and in the lower left-hand corner write: GARDEN PARTY. The engraved card usually indicates an elaborate affair.

These invitations may be sent by mail or messenger.

It is a good plan to add to the invitations some information regarding the trains, or to enclose a time-table.

All such invitations should be promptly acknowledged or declined.

MEN. Men wear summer business suits, white ducks, or yachting flannels, A tennis suit would be permissible.

The regulation frock coat and high hat should be worn only by men from the city attending an affair in the country, or at some extremely fashionable affair.

Men should greet the hostess both on their arrival and departure.

Visiting-cards are left only at large garden parties.

WOMEN. Women wear light, delicate, afternoon dresses.

They should greet the hostess, both on their arrival and departure.

Visiting-cards are left only at large and formal outdoor affairs.

GERMANS. See COTILLIONS.

GIFTS.

AFTER HOUSE PARTY. While not necessary, a guest after a house party may send some trifle to the hostess as a token of pleasure and appreciation.

BEST MAN. After the groom selects the best man, the latter should send a gift to the bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the groom, a custom not yet clearly established.

CHRISTENING. A christening ceremony offers a good opportunity for the invited guests so wishing to send a gift to the baby. These should be sent a day or two before the ceremony, and, if of silver, should be suitably marked with the child's name, initials, or monogram.

ENGAGEMENT. If both families of the engaged couple are old acquaintances, the parents of the man may send a gift along with their greetings and congratulations.

WEDDING. See WEDDINGS--GIFTS.

GIFTS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN. Books, flowers, and other small articles of decoration are proper gifts to accept.

Sending valuable gifts of jewelry, or any other article, depends largely upon the relationships of the parties, and should not be done unless the sender is sure of its acceptance. Such gifts should not be accepted from mere acquaintances or friends.

It is bad form for a man to send expensive presents to a woman who may be compelled to return them.

GLOVES.

MEN. At the opera or theatre, if in full dress, gloves may be dispensed with, but they are worn with street dress. With formal evening dress, white kid gloves should be worn.

For afternoon dress, gloves should be of undressed kid, gray, tan, or brown. When calling, the glove of the right hand should be removed upon entering the drawing-room.

Gloves should not be worn at high teas.

MEN--AFTERNOON DRESS. Undressed kid gloves of a dark color are worn.

MEN-BALLS. Men should always wear gloves at all balls, in summer or winter, in town or city.

MEN-CALLING ON WOMEN. Gloves need not be removed at a formal or brief call.

MEN-DANCES. Gloves should be worn at formal dances, and should be put on before entering the room.

MEN-HIGH TEA. Men do not wear gloves.

MEN-MOURNING. Black or dark-colored gloves should be worn.

MEN--SHAKING HANDS. At weddings, operas, or dances, and on all very formal occasions, men wear gloves. In shaking hands with women on these occasions gloves should not be removed.

If a hostess wears gloves at any formal affair, a man wears his when he shakes hands with her.

A man with hands gloved should never shake hands with a woman without an apology for so doing, unless she likewise wears gloves. A sudden meeting, etc., may make a hand-shaking in gloves unavoidable. Unless the other party is also gloved, a man should say: "Please excuse my glove."

WOMEN. Gloves should always be worn on the street.

At dinners, or formal teas, women should remove their gloves at the table and place them in their laps.

At dinners and formal teas, when the women have retired to the drawing-room, they may resume their gloves or not, or follow the example of the hostess.

At informal teas or "At Homes" the hostess need not wear gloves.

BREAKFAST. Gloves should be removed at table.

DINNER. Women may remove their gloves at table, and it is not necessary to replace them. They should be laid in the lap. The hostess generally determines by her own actions whether the women should resume gloves or not.

MOURNING. Gloves may be of black kid, suede, or black silk. In the evening, black suede or glace, or white suede should be worn. White gloves with black stitching should not be worn in the evening.

BRIDE. See BRIDE--GLOVES.

GROOM. See GROOM--GLOVES.

USHERS. See USHERS--GLOVES.

GODFATHER. A man asked to be one of the sponsors at a christening ceremony should reply by a written note or by calling in person.

He should call immediately on the parents and send flowers to the mother, and express himself as pleased at the compliment.

He should send a present to the child, usually a piece of jewelry or some silver, and, if a wealthy relative, may deposit a sum of money to the child's credit, and present him with the bank-book.

He should also send with his present one of his calling cards, on which is written some appropriate sentiment.

It is his privilege, when the wine is about to be drunk after the ceremony, to first propose the health of the child and then the health of the mother.

The duties of the godfather at the ceremony consist of assenting to the vows.

GODMOTHER. A woman asked to be a sponsor at a christening should immediately accept or decline the invitation either by a written note or a call.

She should also call on the parents and send flowers to the mother, and express pleasure at the compliment paid to her.

It is always customary for the godmother to give the child a gift, such as a christening robe, a cradle, or some piece of silver. If the latter is sent, it should have the child's name on it. With the gift should be sent the sponsor's calling card, with some appropriate sentiment on it. It is customary to send the gift to the child itself.

GOLDEN WEDDINGS. Fifty years after the wedding-day comes the Golden Wedding. The invitations may bear the words: NO PRESENTS RECEIVED, and congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitation. An entertainment is usually provided for.

The gifts are, appropriately, articles of gold, and this is a fitting occasion for giving fifty gold pieces of either, five, ten, or twenty dollar denomination. The invitations are appropriately engraved in gold, and the decorations golden in color.

GOVERNOR OF A STATE--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor, sir, to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Governor Wilson, and ends: Believe me, most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Governor John J. Wilson.

GRAPES AND PLUMS should be eaten one by one, and the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the half-closed hand and then transferred to the plate.

GROOM. The groom selects his best man, usually an unmarried intimate friend, though a married man or widower is permissible. After consultation with the bride he calls upon the clergyman, the organist, the sexton, and invites the ushers.

When he is informed by his bride of the day selected for the wedding, he should ask her mother to accept the day agreed upon.

He may make what present he desires to the bride, and, if he also wishes, to the brides- maids. If any gifts are sent to the groom, they should bear his name or cipher.

He should furnish the bride's family with a list of names of persons to whom he desires to have invitations sent, designating his preference for those to be asked to the wedding breakfast or reception.

BEFORE CEREMONY. The day before the ceremony, or sooner, he gives into the safe- keeping of the best man the ring and the fee for the clergyman.

He also sends or hands the marriage license (if one is needed) to the officiating clergyman before the ceremony.

CHURCH, It is not customary for the groom to see his bride on the wedding-day till he meets her at the altar. The groom and the best man usually breakfast together on the wedding-day and arrive in ample time at the church.

Upon the arrival of the bride in the vestibule, the clergyman enters the chancel, followed by the groom and the best man. The groom then steps forward, and stands at the left of the clergyman, facing the audience. It is a good plan for both the groom and best man to leave their hats in the vestry, but if the groom has not done so, he gives his hat and gloves to the best man on the approach of the bride, and advances to meet her. He gives her his left arm, and together they stand before the clergyman.

At the proper moment he receives the ring from the best man and hands it to the bride. It is no longer in good form for him to kiss the bride after the ceremony, but after receiving the congratulations of the clergyman to give her his right arm, and together they lead the procession to the vestibule.

CLERGYMAN. While the bride selects the officiating clergyman, it is the place of the groom to call upon him in regard to the details, and to pay him the fee.

If the clergyman from any cause--as, living outside of the State--cannot legally perform the ceremony, a magistrate should be present to legalize the marriage, and should receive a fee.

DRESS-EVENING WEDDING. He wears full evening dress.

DRESS-MORNING OR AFTERNOON WEDDING. He wears afternoon dress, consisting of a double-breasted frock coat of dark material, waistcoat, single or double (preferably the latter), of same material, or more usually of some fancy material of late design. The trousers should be of light pattern, avoiding extremes. The linen should be white, and the tie white or light material, and the gloves of gray suede. These, with patent-leather shoes and a silk hat, complete the costume.

EXPENSES. He pays for the license fee, the organist's fee, and a fee to the sexton.

Nothing less than five dollars in gold, clean bills, or a check in a sealed envelope, or more, according to social position and financial income, should be the clergyman's fee. Should there be one or two additional clergymen, he pays a fee to each, the fee of the officiating clergyman being double that of the others.

He pays for the carriages of the ushers, the one for himself and the best man, and the one which takes away the married couple on their wedding trip.

He pays for the bouquet carried by the bride, and, if he wishes, for the bouquets carried by the bridesmaids. He also pays for the cuff-buttons or scarf-pins, and, if he wishes, for the gloves and neckties given to the ushers and the best man.

He pays for the wedding-ring--a plain gold one, with initials of bride and groom and date of marriage engraved thereon. He may also present some souvenirs to the bridesmaids.

He may give a farewell dinner a few evenings before the wedding to his best man, ushers, and a few intimate friends. He sits at the head of the table and the best man opposite, and on this occasion he may give the scarf-pins or cuff-buttons, also neckties and gloves, if he wishes, to the best man and ushers.

FAREWELL DINNER. See BACHELOR'S FAREWELL DINNER.

GLOVES. At a morning or afternoon wedding, the groom wears gray suede gloves.

At an evening wedding he wears white kid gloves.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride and groom enter first, and are seated at the principal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The groom and his bride stand side by side and receive the congratulations of all present. The guests serve them refreshments.

See also BEST MAN. BRIDE. USHERS. All items under WEDDINGS.

GROOM'S FAMILY. See FAMILY OF GROOM.

GROOM'S FATHER. See FATHER OF GROOM.

GROOM'S MOTHER. See MOTHER OF GROOM.

GUESTS.

GUEST OF HONOR AT BALLS, if the ball is given in honor of some special person, he should be met on his arrival, introduced to the women of the reception committee, escorted to the seat prepared for him, and be attended to the whole evening by the management of the ball.

At the end of the ball, he should be escorted to his carriage.

LATE AT DINNERS. When a guest arrives late he should make a short and suitable apology to the hostess, and then take his seat as quickly and as quietly as possible.

The hostess shakes hands with the guest, but does not rise unless the guest is a woman.

The host should in either case rise and meet the guest, and assist him in finding his seat, and endeavor, by making the conversation general, to distract attention from the event.

For duties of guests, see other functions-- as, BALLS--GUESTS, CHRISTENINGS--GUESTS, etc.

HAND-SHAKING--INTRODUCTIONS. Women and men on being introduced may shake hands, but it is not good form. A polite bow, a smile, and friendly recognition is more correct. If an advance is made by either party, it should be immediately accepted.

HAT.

MEN--CALLING. When making a formal or brief call, the hat should be carried in the hand into the parlor.

In apologizing to a woman, opening a door, or rendering any service to a woman in public, or in answering a question, the hat should be raised.

When seeing a woman to her carriage, he should raise his hat upon closing the carriage door. When attentions are offered by another man to a woman whom he is escorting, a man raises his hat in acknowledgment of the courtesy and thanks the party.

In a street-car a man raises his hat when giving his seat to a woman.

On the railroad a man removes his hat in the parlor-car, but not in the day coach.

In an elevator a man should remove his hat in the presence of women.

In hotels where corridors are reserved and used as places of meeting and recreation by the guests, no hats should be worn. Standing uncovered when talking to a woman on the street is generally embarrassing to her, and it is better to make a polite bow and replace it after a few seconds.

MOURNING. A crape band around the hat should be worn--the width of the band being determined by the character of the bereavement.

HIGH TEA. This is an elaborate entertainment, and an elaborate menu is generally served.

CALLS. Calls should be made in person one week after the event.

GUESTS. Guests wear evening dress, and should not remain more than half an hour.

INVITATIONS. These are engraved, and the hour for the entertainment specified. They should be issued in the name of the hostess only, except in such cases when the entertainment is the occasion of a debut or another woman assists, in which event her name appears likewise.

The invitations should be promptly accepted or declined.

MEN. Full dress is worn, but men do not wear gloves.

WOMEN. Full dress is worn.

HOME WEDDINGS. Weddings at the homes of the brides vary much, according to the taste of the participants. The ushers, bridesmaids, best man, and maid of honor are generally dispensed with; but if present, their duties are the same as at a church wedding, with minor differences.

The clergyman stands in a large room decorated with flowers, facing the audience, with the groom beside him. The bride enters on the arm of her father, followed by the bridesmaids and ushers, and the ceremony proceeds as at a church, with the usual congratulations to the groom and best wishes to the bride.

Refreshments are served, either formal or informal. At an afternoon ceremony men wear the regulation afternoon dress, and if in the evening, the usual evening dress.

HONEYMOON, See WEDDING TRIP.

HONOR, SEAT OF. The seat of honor is at the right of the host.

HOST.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS--HOST.

BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELORS' DINNERS-- HOST.

BACHELORS' TEAS. See BACHELORS' TEAS--HOST.

BALLS. See BALLS--HOST.

DANCES. See DANCES (FORMAL)--HOST.

DINNERS. See DINNERS--HOST.

MATINEES. See MATINEES--HOST.

THEATRES. See THEATRE AND OPERA PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN.

HOSTESS.

INTRODUCTIONS. Introductions to the hostess at an "At Home" or reception by women assisting hostess, to those who have been invited to the entertainment by them, are not recognized thereafter unless by mutual consent.

The hostess receiving in her own home should offer her hand to all to whom she is introduced.

The hostess introduces her immediate family to all her guests. No formal permission is necessary.

In the case of one woman desiring an introduction to another, the hostess should be asked to bring this about.

INTRODUCTIONS BY CHAPERONES. At entertainments both the chaperone and her protege should enter together, and the chaperone should introduce her protege to the hostess.

WOMEN CALLING UPON. When calling formally upon a hostess, a woman should leave a card, whether the hostess was at home or not.

When a son enters society, his mother, when calling, can leave his cards for him, and invitations to entertainments will follow. If it is impossible for him to leave cards for himself she may continue to do so.

WOMEN LEAVING CARDS ON. When a mother leaves her daughter's card, it is for the hostess only.

HIGH TEAS. See HIGH TEAS--HOSTESS.

HOUSE PARTIES. See HOUSE PARTIES--HOSTESS.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS--HOSTESS.

MATINEES. See MATINEES--HOSTESS.

SHAKING HANDS. See SHAKING HANDS--HOST.

WEDDINGS. See MOTHER OF BRIDE.

HOURS.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS--HOURS.

BREAKFASTS. See BREAKFASTS--HOURS.

CALLS. See CALLS--HOURS.

DINNERS. See DINNERS--HOURS.

GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES--HOURS.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS--HOURS.

MUSICALES. See MUSICALES--HOURS.

RECEPTIONS. See RECEPTIONS--HOURS.

WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS--HOURS.

HOUSE FUNERALS. See FUNERALS--HOUSE.

HOUSE PARTIES. These usually refer to a group of congenial persons, numbering from four to twenty-four, and visiting country homes, making a stay of a few days or a few weeks.

DRESS. The length of the visit and the nature of the house party determines the extent of wardrobe necessary. A guest should carry at least three changes of suits--one for the morning, one suitable for afternoon entertainments, picnics, etc., and the regulation evening dress.

GUEST. To be a welcome guest the visitor should accommodate himself as much as possible to the plans of his hostess and the ways of the home life.

A visitor should avoid the common mistake of refusing to make a choice when a choice is offered.