Part 12

SLIPPERS-THROWING AT WEDDINGS. The throwing of slippers after the bridal couple on their leaving the house for their wedding trip is in poor taste.

SMOKING. At a dinner when the women rise, the men also rise and remain standing until the former leave the room, when cigars and coffee are served. Sometimes the men accompany the women to the drawing-room, bow, and then return to the dining-room for the coffee and cigars, where they remain about half an hour.

Smoking in restaurants is a general custom, but the rules of the house govern it. Theatres provide rooms for it, hence it should be limited to them.

There should be no smoking at afternoon entertainments, unless the men are requested to do so by the host and hostess.

At balls a room for smoking is generally provided. Smoking is not in good taste if a man is going to dance, as the odor of tobacco clings to the clothing. There should be no smoking in the dressing-rooms.

Smoking a pipe in the street is becoming more common. It is poor taste, however, on a fashionable street. At best, any smoking in the street is bad form.

Expectorating on the pavement is a most reprehensible habit. If it must be done, a man should step to the curb and expectorate in the street.

DANCES. Smoking should not be allowed in the dressing-room, but a special room should be provided. Men who dance should not smoke until leaving the house.

IN PRESENCE OF WOMEN. Smoking in the street while walking with a woman should never be indulged in, although she seemingly is agreeable to it. If a man is smoking, and he stops to speak to a woman, he should throw away his cigar or cigarette.

A man should not smoke in the presence of women unless bidden by them to do so. Few women care to say that it is disagreeable when asked, hence the better course is to await permission.

WOMEN. If a woman has true regard for herself, she should not indulge in smoking; if she does, it should be in absolute privacy.

SON.

BALLS. A son should do all in his power to make the ball a success by finding partners for the women having none, seeing that the men are introduced to the women, and taking in to supper a woman without an escort.

CARDS. When a mother is calling, she can leave cards of her son for the host and hostess if it is impossible for him to do so himself.

A son entering society can have his cards left by his mother for a host and hostess. Invitations to entertainments will follow.

SON (YOUNGER) OF DUKE-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Lordship's obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable the Lord John J. Kent.

A social letter begins: My dear Lord John J. Kent, and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord John, faithfully yours.

The address is: To the Lord John J. Kent.

SON (YOUNGER) OF EARL-HOW ADDRESSED, An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the Honorable John Wilson.

SON (YOUNGER) OF MARQUIS--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Lordship's obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable the Lord John J. Kent.

A social letter begins: My dear Lord John J. Kent, and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord Kent, faithfully yours.

The address is: To the Lord John J. Kent,

SON (YOUNGER) OF VISCOUNT-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the Honorable John Wilson.

SOUP should be taken from the side of the spoon without noise and without the plate being tipped. Men with mustaches are privileged in this respect, and may take the soup from the end of the spoon.

SOUVENIRS.

BRIDESMAIDS. These are given by the bride to her bridesmaids a few days before the wedding, and take the form of fans or jewelry of some kind that may be worn at the wedding.

A good time to present them is when the bride gives a farewell dinner or luncheon to her bridesmaids.

Failing this, they may be sent a few days before the wedding.

The souvenirs should, of course, be all the same in value and in style.

USHERS. The souvenirs given by the groom to the ushers usually take the form of scarf-pins or cuff-buttons. Sometimes the groom also gives the ushers neckties and gloves.

A good time for their distribution is at the farewell bachelor dinner.

SPONSORS. Only relatives and near friends should be asked to act as sponsors at a christening. Two women and one man are asked as sponsors for a girl, and one woman and two men for a boy, though one man and one woman are sufficient in either case.

These may be invited by note or personal call to act as sponsors, and should answer by note or personal call.

A few days before the ceremony the sponsor should send a christening gift addressed to the child, and the giver's card, with a suitable sentiment written on it, should be sent with the gift.

A man may give some article of silver, and, if a wealthy relative, a bank-book for money deposited in the child's name.

A woman may present the child with a garment, a carriage, a cradle, or some similar article.

It is in good taste for the sponsors to call immediately on the parents, to send flowers to the mother, and to show that they are pleased with the compliment.

The godfather at the ceremony assents to the vows, and later, at the drinking of the wine, should propose both the health of the child and that of its mother.

SPOON. The spoon should never be in the cup while drinking, but should be left in the saucer. It is used in eating grapefruit, fruit salads, small and large fruit (when served with cream), puddings, jellies, porridges, preserves, and boiled eggs.

SR, The letters SR. (abbreviation for Senior) are sometimes added to a woman's name on her card when her son has the same name as his father, and it is necessary to distinguish between the cards of the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law.

If both become widows, and yet wish to retain their husbands' Christian names, the daughter-in-law would add Jr. on her cards.

STAG PARTIES. A party composed of men exclusively is sometimes so designated. They are usually informal in character, but may be as elaborate in detail as desired.

DRESS. The Tuxedo coat and black tie is worn, unless at a formal stag party, when evening dress is appropriate.

STATE, SECRETARY OF-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John J. Wilson, Secretary of State.

STATIONERY.

MEN. The variations from plainness and quietness in the use of stationery that are permitted women are denied to men. Their paper is never perfumed, and all fancy styles are in poor taste.

For his social correspondence a man should use white or gray linen or bank-note unruled paper, folding once in the envelope.

He may, of course, use for social correspondence his club stationery.

Under no circumstances should he use his business stationery for social correspondence.

WOMEN. Unruled plain white or gray paper, that folds once in the envelope, and black ink, are the standard materials for social correspondence.

While it is permissible to use some of the latest fancy stationery, care should be taken that it is quiet in taste, and that all merely temporary variations are avoided.

While it is better not to use perfumed paper, if any perfume is used it should be extremely delicate.

Elderly women are apt to favor Irish linen or similar stationery.

STRANGERS-INVITATIONS TO A BALL ASKED FOR BY FRIENDS. See BALLS-INVITATIONS ASKED FOR STRANGERS.

STREET-CARS AND OTHER CONVEYANCES.

MEN. The old custom of a man giving up his seat in a street-car to a woman is being gradually done away with. This is due largely to the fact that women are now so extensively engaged in commercial business that they are constant riders at the busy hours, end thus come into direct competition with men.

A well-bred man, however, will show his manliness by giving any woman his seat and standing himself, as she is less fitted for such hardships and annoyances. A man should always give his seat to an elderly woman, one accompanied with children, or one apparently weak and sickly. In giving his seat to a woman, a man should politely bow and raise his hat.

It is good form for a man to assist a woman getting on or off a car. If a man is accompanied by a woman when she leaves the car, he should help her off the car.

A man should always be polite and courteous toward a conductor, as the latter's position is a hard and trying one.

A man should never cross his legs or keep his feet extended in the passageway.

If a man finds it necessary to crowd into a car already full, he should do so with consideration and politeness, and with an apology for pressing against any one. It is better to stand than to crowd yourself into a small space between those who are seated.

EXPENSES. A man traveling with another man can pay the latter's fare if he wishes. But if he is accompanied by a woman he should pay her fare. If he is in the car, and other acquaintances, men or women, enter, they should pay their own fares.

WOMEN. A woman should not look with a pained and injured air at the men passengers because no one of them has offered her a seat. The great influx of women into the commercial world, and their being thrown into direct competition with men, has largely done away with the fine old custom of men giving up their seats to women. The impoliteness of many women in accepting a seat as a matter of right and not of courtesy, and perhaps without a "Thank you," has helped largely to bring about the present state of affairs. No woman of ordinary good manners should fail to express her thanks for the courtesy proffered. If a woman is offered a seat she should accept it at once-without urging.

A man may assist a woman in getting off a car. If a woman is accompanied by a man and she leaves the car, he should assist her to alight.

A woman should wait till a car absolutely stops before she gets on or off, and she should face the front when leaving the car.

If possible, a woman should have her car-fare handy or easy of access-preferably in her hand-before entering the car if it is crowded. A woman should avoid crowding into a small space between others, and it is better for her to stand than to occupy barely the edge of a seat. If it is absolutely necessary for her to enter a crowded car, she should do so with an apology to those whom she may crowd.

CONDUCTOR. A conductor occupies a difficult and trying position, and will always appreciate any courtesy shown him by a woman. If a woman desires a transfer, she should let him know in ample time; if she wants any information from him, she should ask him when paying her fare, and should indicate her desire to leave the car at least a block ahead of her street. A woman should not trust to a conductor to remember her street, even if she has asked him, but should look out for the street herself.

EXPENSES. If a woman is in a car and a man joins her, and the fare is not yet collected, she should pay her own fare. But if she is traveling with an escort she should not offer to pay her fare, as her escort pays the expenses.

STREET ETIQUETTE.

MEN. If a man is passed on the street without any recognition by an acquaintance, he should hesitate before accepting it as a direct cut, as it may have been an oversight. If it is repeated, he will know its full meaning.

To pass a person whom one knows and to look straight at him without recognition is the rudest way of dropping an acquaintance.

A man should avoid loud and boisterous behavior.

If a man is compelled to force his way through a crowded street, he should do so courteously and with an apology to any one inconvenienced by his act.

In walking three or four abreast, men should be careful not to obstruct the thoroughfare, but should quickly fall into single file when necessary.

A man should greet his acquaintances on the street quietly and courteously, and if on a crowded street, should step out of the way of persons and be brief in his remarks.

In all public places and conveyances a man should offer his seat to a woman, though he is not expected to do so when reserved seats can be obtained--as, in a theatre, at an opera, etc.

ACCIDENTS. In case of accident or danger a man should protect the woman whom he escorts, and take her to a place of safety. If her clothing is torn, or she has met with some accident of which she is unaware, a man may, if he desires, politely raise his hat and call her attention to the fact. If by accident a man jostles a woman or steps upon her dress, he should raise his hat, bow, and apologize, whether he knows her or not.

BOWING. A man should not bow to a woman until she has first recognized him, unless they are old acquaintances.

A man should acknowledge the salutation of a woman on the street, even if he does not know her, as it saves her from embarrassment at her mistake.

When bidding farewell to a woman after a conversation on the street, a man should bow and raise his hat.

If a man offers his seat to a woman in a car or other conveyance, he should raise his hat and bow, while her escort acknowledges the courtesy by doing the same.

When a man opens a door for a woman unknown to him, he should bow, while she enters in advance of him.

A man should raise his hat and bow on all occasions when offering any courtesy to a woman, whether stranger or acquaintance.

A man may bow to an elderly man or person of official position.

A man may offer his services to a woman in crossing a crowded thoroughfare, and should raise his hat and bow when she is safely over, but should, make no comment unless she does so first. He may also offer her assistance in getting on or off a car, raising his hat and bowing without remark.

If a man is accompanied by a woman and another man extends a courtesy to her, he should acknowledge it by bowing and giving a polite "Thank you."

If when walking with a man a woman meets a male acquaintance who bows, her escort should raise his hat and bow, though the two men are strangers to each other. If the escort meets a man known to him, both men should raise their hats and bow.

CANES AND UMBRELLAS. These should be carried vertically, never horizontally, thereby endangering other persons' eyes. Especially is this important when entering cars or going up long flights of steps-as, the stairs of the elevated railroad.

CONVERSATION. A man who meets a woman, and desires to engage in conversation with her, should ask permission to accompany her. If this is granted, he may proceed a short distance, unless requested to go farther.

When meeting a woman on the street and stopping to converse with her, a man should raise his hat and replace it, as it is not now in good form for a man to remain bareheaded until requested by the woman to replace his hat.

A man should avoid stopping a woman on the street to engage her in conversation.

Only an intimate acquaintance with a woman warrants a man joining her on the street. If it is not agreeable, it may be very embarrassing to her.

SMOKING. A man should never smoke while walking with a woman on a street. Smoking on fashionable thoroughfares is bad form.

A man should avoid expectorating upon a sidewalk, and, if it must be done, should walk to the curb and use the street for that purpose.

WALKING. A man should not walk between two women, but at the side nearest the curb.

When walking with a woman, a man should walk near the curb, unless passing an obstruction-as, a building in course of construction-when she should have the outer side to protect her from harm, or from coming in contact with disagreeable things.

A man should offer his right arm to a woman, but this is rarely necessary in the daytime. It is essential, however, and proper for him to do so after dark.

WOMEN. Conduct on the street should always be reserved. It is bad form to loudly laugh or to boldly glance at the passers-by, especially men.

Women should never walk three or four abreast.

Women may salute each other with a bow and a handshake, but a kiss in public is no longer in good form.

During a promenade, where friends pass and repass, it is not necessary to exchange greetings to each other.

A polite "Thank you," with a bow and a smile, should be the reward of any man extending a courtesy to a woman.

BOWING. It is the woman's privilege to determine whom she will publicly recognize, and therefore she should bow first to all men whom she desires to favor. This formality is, however, unnecessary with intimate friends.

UMBRELLAS. These should be carried vertically, and never horizontally under the arm.

WALKING. If a woman is walking with a man, and another man stops to speak, it would be in exceeding bad taste to ask him to join her.

A woman should take a man's right arm, but only after dark, unless for some special reason-as, weakness, etc.-it is necessary.

If a woman is walking alone, and a man of her acquaintance stops and speaks, he may ask permission to accompany her farther, which, if agreeable, should be granted. She may stop for a few moments' chat, and shake hands if she wishes. If he stands before her with uncovered head, she should promptly ask him to replace his hat. She should not block the thoroughfare, and should take the initiative if he does not step to one side. If agreeable, an invitation may be extended to him to walk a short distance.

SUBSCRIPTION BALLS. MEN. Shortly after receiving an invitation to a subscription ball, a man should leave a card for the patroness inviting him.

INVITATIONS. In addition to the regular invitations, it is customary to guard against the admission of persons not really invited by the use of vouchers to be shown at the hall door, or some similar precaution is taken.

When a subscriber sends an invitation and a voucher, he should send in the same envelope one of his calling cards.

SUNDAY CALLS. Informal calls may be made on Sunday after three o'clock by business and professional men, provided there are no religious or other scruples on the part of those receiving the calls.

Men should wear afternoon dress.

SUPPERS GIVEN BY MEN--WOMEN. A young woman may accept a man's invitation, provided she has the consent of her mother or guardian, and is assured that a chaperone will be present.

SUPPERS--MEN. Suppers are generally for men. The hours are from ten to eleven. A man can give such entertainments in bachelor apartments or restaurant, and if women are invited, chaperones should be present.

The invitations may be given personally, written, or a visiting-card may be used, giving hour and date. If the supper is given in honor of a special guest, engraved cards or note sheets are used.

Suppers may be of various kinds--such as Fish, Game, Wine, Champagne.

SUPPERS AND THEATRE PARTIES. MEN. A man should not invite a young woman to a theatre party or supper without inviting her mother or a chaperone to accompany them. At large theatre parties or suppers, when there are ten or more guests, several chaperones should be invited. Any married or elderly unmarried woman can act as chaperone, care being taken that they are well-known and agreeable to all, as much of the pleasure of the evening depends upon them. CARRIAGES. A conveyance holding a large party can be sent to take invited guests to the entertainment. The chaperone should be called for first, and should be the last one to be left at home upon returning. The chaperones may use their own carriages and call for guests if they desire. If the chaperones call for the guests, the men can be met at the place of amusement. Conveyances should be provided for guests.

SUPPERS GIVEN BY BACHELORS. See BACHELORS' SUPPERS.

TABLE ETIQUETTE. It is correct to take a little of all that is offered, though one may not care for it. Bend slightly over the plate when carrying the food to the mouth, resuming upright position afterward.

When drinking from a cup or glass, raise it gracefully to the mouth and sip the contents. Do not empty the vessel at one draught.

Guests should not amuse themselves by handling knife or fork, crumbling bread, or leaning their arms on the table. They should sit back in their chairs and assume an easy position.

A guest at a dinner should not pass a plate or any article to another guest, or serve the viands, unless asked to do so by the hostess.

Upon leaving the table, push the chair back far enough to be out of the way of others.