Chapter 7

DOCTOR--HOW ADDRESSED. A doctor or physician should be addressed as Dr. both by correspondence and in conversation.

This title of Dr. must not be confounded with the honorary degree of Doctor of Divinity, conferred upon clergymen by educational institutions, and the degree of Doctor of Philosophy, conferred upon college professors after certain conditions of study have been complied with.

DOWAGER DUCHESS. See DUCHESS, DOWAGER.

DOWAGER MARCHIONESS. See MARCHIONESS, DOWAGER.

DRESS.

AFTERNOON. See AFTERNOON--DRESS.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS--DRESS.

AT HOMES. See AT HOMES--DRESS.

BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELOR'S DINNERS-- DRESS.

BACHELORS' TEAS. See BACHELOR'S TEAS--DRESS.

BALLS. See BALLS--DRESS.

BREAKFASTS. See BREAKFASTS--DRESS.

CHRISTENINGS. See CHRISTENING--DRESS.

COTILLIONS. See COTILLIONS--DRESS.

COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS. See COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS--DRESS.

DANCES. See DANCES--DRESS.

DINNERS. See DINNERS--DRESS.

EVENING. See EVENING DRESS.

GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES--DRESS.

HIGH TEAS. See HIGH TEAS--DRESS.

HOUSE PARTIES. See HOUSE PARTIES--DRESS.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS--DRESS.

MATINEES. See MATINEES--DRESS.

MUSICALES. See MUSICALES--DRESS.

THEATRES. See THEATRES--DRESS.

WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS--DRESS.

DRESS--MEN AND WOMEN. For particulars as to dress at different functions, see each entertainment --as, Balls, Dinners, At Homes, Theatres, Breakfasts, etc.

DRESS--WOMEN.

BRIDE. See BRIDE--DRESS.

BRIDESMAIDS. See BRIDESMAIDS--DRESS.

CALLS. See CALLS--WOMEN--DRESS.

FUNERALS. See FUNERALS--WOMEN--DRESS.

MAID OF HONOR. See MAID OF HONOR--DRESS.

MOURNING. See MOURNING--DRESS, WOMEN.

DRESSING-ROOMS. At all entertainments, dressing-rooms should be provided for both the men and for the women, with suitable attendants, where all outer wraps, coats, over- shoes, etc., should be left.

DRIVING

MEN. When driving with a woman, a man should be careful that the carriage is well drawn up to the steps, and that she be given time in which to comfortably seat herself before he begins to drive.

A man when driving with a woman should refrain from asking her permission to smoke, and, of course, would never do so without her permission.

He should be careful to lift his hat as if he were on the street, and if this is not possible, to touch it with the whip in place of a bow.

The host of a coaching party, if he is also the whip, would give the chaperone the seat on the box at the left of his, unless he wished that seat to be occupied by some special young woman. The person occupying this seat should always be helped by the host to climb to her place.

It is customary when the coach is a high one to seat a woman between two men, and they would ascend and descend in the order in which they were seated.

Even if the woman asks a man to drive with her, he should help her to her seat, and be ready to step down when a halt is made to assist her to alight.

It is not customary when a woman has asked a man to drive with her for her to call for him at his club or home, but to meet him at her house.

DRESS. The whip wears a gray suit with a gray high hat and gray gloves, with a white silk tie and white linen. But in summer this costume is often made lighter and more comfortable to suit the weather, and a straw hat or panama, with flannel trousers and dark serge sacque coat, would be in good taste.

There are no hard and fast rules governing the dress of men when driving.

WOMEN. The etiquette in general is the same for a woman as for a man.

When a woman asks a man or a male relative to drive with her, she does not call for him, but meets him at her door. Even if a groom is present, he should help her to mount to her seat, and at the proper time descend before her and help her to alight.

DUCHESS--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, may it please Your Grace, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Grace's obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My Dear Duchess of Kent, and ends: Believe me, dear Duchess, yours very truly.

The address on the envelope is: To Her Grace, The Duchess of Kent.

DUCHESS, DOWAGER--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: May it please YOUR Grace, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Grace's obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Duchess Of Kent, and ends: Believe me, dear Duchess, yours very truly.

The address on the envelope is: To Her Grace, The Dowager Duchess of Kent, or, To Her Grace, Minnie, Duchess of Kent.

DUKE--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord Duke, may it please your grace, and ends: I have the honor to be your grace's most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Duke of Kent, and ends: believe me, dear Duke, your Grace's very faithfully.

The address on the envelope is: To His Grace, The Duke of Kent.

DAUGHTER OF. See Daughter of Duke.

WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF. See Wife of Younger Son of Duke.

YOUNGER SON OF. See Son (Younger) of Duke.

EARL--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to be your lordship's obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable The Earl Of Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lord Kent, and ends: Believe me my dear Lord Kent, very sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the Earl of Kent

DAUGHTER OF. See Daughter of Earl.

WIFE OF YOUNGER SON. See Wife of Younger Son of Earl.

YOUNGER SON OF. See Son (Younger) of Earl.

EGGS are usually broken into a glass and eaten with a spoon.

ELEVATOR. Men should remove their hats when riding in an elevator with women, although it is held by some that an elevator is as much a public conveyance as a car, and this act of courtesy as unnecessary in the one place as in the other. Women enter and leave before men.

ENGAGEMENT.

MEN It is his duty to see the woman's parents or guardian, and to make known his intentions, and to tell them fully and frankly about himself, his family, his social position, and business prospects. He should court the fullest investigation, and take his own family into his confidence, but not mention it to others.

PARENTS OF MAN. They should send their pleasant greetings and congratulations, accompanied with flowers, and if both families are old acquaintances, a present may be sent to the prospective bride.

PARENTS OF WOMAN. The first step is to bring together both parents in social intercourse-- as, by a dinner given by the man's or woman's family, when friends may be invited, by interchange of notes and congratulations, by any social visit, or by any function that good taste may dictate.

If one family lives out of town, it may invite various members of the other family living in the city to make visits of some duration, as a week or more. These visits should be returned.

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT. This item of news is rarely published in the papers, but if it is, the expense is borne by the family of the woman. The public announcement is usually made at some social entertainment--as, a dinner, tea, or an "At Home," given by either family.

At a formal dinner given by the family of the woman, the father takes out his daughter first and her fiance escorts her mother. At the proper time the father drinks his future son-in-law's health and announces the engagement. All rise, and congratulations follow.

Notes may be written to intimate friends informing them of the happy event.

WOMEN. A woman should at once confide in her parents, and trust to their future guidance and to their making a full investigation of the man, his social condition, and business prospects. They should not mention the matter to others.

Immediately after the engagement, each of the two parties should be introduced to the family of the other party. Before the wedding-cards are issued the woman should leave her card personally at the homes of her friends, but without entering. After the wedding-cards are issued she should not appear at any social function, or make any personal visits, or be seen at any place of amusement.

It is not wise for her to call at the place of business of her fiance, and if a meeting is necessary, it is better to make an appointment elsewhere.

RING. The ring is given by the man immediately after the announcement of the engagement to the woman, who wears it on the third finger of her left hand. It should be a small and unostentatious one. Diamonds, rubies, moonstones, sapphires, and other precious stones may be used.

He may ask the woman to aid him in the selection, but it is better for him to make the selection alone. The woman may give the man an engagement ring or a gift if she wishes.

ENTERTAINMENTS--CALLS AFTER. See CALLS--MEN--AFTER ENTERTAINMENTS.

ENVELOPES, ADDRESSING. See ADDRESSING ENVELOPES.

ESQUIRE. Either ESQ. or MR. may be used in addressing a letter, but never the two at the same time.

EVENING CALLS. When no special day for receiving is indicated, calls may be made at any proper hour, according to the custom of the locality. Men of leisure may call at the fashionable hours, from two till five o'clock in the afternoon, while business and professional men may call between eight and nine in the evening, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.

EVENING DRESS.

Men. Evening dress should be worn on all formal occasions, consisting of the swallow- tail coat of black material, made in the prevailing fashion, with waistcoat and trousers of the same material; or a white vest may be worn.

The linen must be white. Studs or shirt- buttons may be worn, according to fashion. The collar should be high, and the cravat white. Low patent-leather shoes and white kid gloves complete the costume.

Evening dress should be worn at all formal functions after six o'clock--as, balls, dinners, suppers, receptions, germans, formal stag parties, theatre, opera, and fashionable evening calls where women are present.

The phrase, "evening dress," is now used in place of full dress.

A Tuxedo should never be worn when women are present.

See also TUXEDO. CLERGYMAN--EVENING DRESS.

WEDDINGS, EVENING. Full evening dress is worn by the groom and ushers. Guests are likewise in evening dress.

CLERGYMAN. Custom permits a clergyman to wear his clerical dress at all functions where other men wear evening dress, or he may wear evening dress.

EVENING RECEPTIONS. The etiquette is the same as for an afternoon tea (formal), save that no cards are left by the guests, and that they wear evening dress.

See AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL).

FACSIMILE CARDS, engraved, are no longer used.

FAMILY OF BRIDE. The family, except the father, leave the house first, then the bridesmaids, the maid of honor with the mother, and last the bride with her father or nearest male relative. At church the family is seated by the ushers.

At the conclusion of the ceremony they are the first to be escorted from their pew and to take their carriage for the wedding reception or breakfast.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride's father or her nearest male relative takes in the groom's mother, and the bride's mother, as hostess, is taken in by the groom's father.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The parents of both bride and groom stand up with the married couple, and are introduced to the guests.

FAMILY OF GROOM. At the church the family and relatives of the groom are seated on one side, while the family of the bride and her relatives are seated on the other.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The groom's mother is taken in by the bride's father, and the groom's father takes in the bride's mother, who, acting as hostess, comes last.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The parents of both bride and groom stand up with the married couple, and are introduced to the guests.

FAREWELL BACHELOR DINNER. See BACHELOR'S FAREWELL DINNERS.

FAREWELL BRIDAL LUNCHEON. See BRIDE--FAREWELL LUNCHEON.

FATHER OF BRIDE.

DEBUTS. When the debut is a formal one, he stands beside his wife and daughter, and receives the congratulations of the guests. At a supper or dinner he escorts the most distinguished woman. If there is no brother to escort the debutante, he does so, and she is seated at his left hand.

DINNER, ENGAGEMENT. At a formal dinner given by the family of the engaged woman the father takes out his daughter first and her fiance escorts her mother. At the proper time the father drinks to the health of his future son-in-law, and announces the engagement. All rise, and congratulations follow.

He wears evening dress.

The father of the bride, or her nearest male relative, drives to the church with her, and is there received by the ushers and bridesmaids, and escorts her in the procession up the aisle.

After the procession has arrived at the chancel and the groom comes forward to take the bride's hand, he steps back a little way and waits for the clergyman's words: "Who giveth this woman away?" He then places the bride's right hand in that of the clergyman, and retires to his seat in the pew with his family.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. He takes in the mother of the groom, following the ushers and the maids of honor.

WEDDING RECEPTION. He escorts the groom's mother, and receives with the married couple.

FATHER OF GROOM. At a wedding breakfast he should take in the mother of the bride, and at a wedding reception he receives with the bride and groom.

At a church wedding he is, of course, given a front seat among those reserved for the groom's family.

He should wear afternoon dress for an afternoon wedding, and evening dress at an evening wedding.

FEES.

CHRISTENING. See CHRISTENING--FEES

WEDDING. The wedding fee, preferably gold or clean bills in sealed envelope, is given by the best man to the officiating clergyman. Custom leaves the amount to the groom, who should give at least five dollars or more, in proportion to his income and social position. The clergyman usually gives the fee to his wife.

A fee should also be paid to the sexton and the organist

FIANCE, MOURNING FOR. In the event of the death of a woman's betrothed shortly before the date of the wedding, she may wear black for a short period or full mourning for a year.

FINGER-BOWL. The fingers should be dipped in the water and gently rubbed together, and dried on the napkins.

FIRST CALLS. Newcomers and brides are called upon first.

After a country visit, the visitor should call first upon the hostess when the latter returns to town.

Other things being equal, the younger or unmarried woman calls first upon the older or married woman.

A woman returning to town before another one would make the first call.

If one woman issues her AT HOME card before another, she should receive the first call.

FISH should be eaten with a fork held in the right hand and a piece of bread held in the left hand. The bones should be removed from the mouth with the aid of a fork or with the fingers. If by the latter, great delicacy should be used.

FLOWER GIRL. The flower girls--one or two, as may be the case--follow the maid of honor up the isle and strew flowers in the path of the bride, who follows after.

In the procession down the isle they should follow the bride.

Flower girls and pages are not used now as much as formerly.

FLOWERS. Between friends, flowers may be sent as an expression of sympathy in either joy or sorrow.

BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF. If wishing to send congratulations after a birth, cards should be left in person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers may be sent with the card.

BRIDE. If she wishes, a bride may present flowers to her bridesmaids, and also to the best man and ushers.

CHRISTENING. A christening ceremony offers a good opportunity for the guests who desire to present flowers to the mother. This is not obligatory, however, and must remain a matter of personal taste.

CONDOLENCE CALLS. When making a condolence call upon a very intimate friend, cut flowers may be left in person or sent, together with a card, unless request has been made to send none.

DEBUTANTE. Friends should send flowers to a debutante at a formal tea given in her honor.

ENGAGEMENT. Flowers should accompany the greetings from the parents of the man to the parents of the woman.

FUNERALS. See FUNERALS--FLOWERS.

GROOM. He pays for the bridal bouquet carried by the bride at the wedding ceremony, and, if he wishes, for the bouquets carried by the bridesmaids.

MEN. If well acquainted with a debutante's family, a man may send her flowers at the time of her debut.

After a slightly intimate acquaintance, a man can present flowers to a young unmarried woman as a token of sympathy either of joy or sorrow.

It is not usual for a man to send flowers to a woman who is a mere acquaintance.

BALLS. It is permissible for a man, if he wishes, to send flowers to a woman he is to escort to a ball.

THEATRE OR OPERA. It is permissible, but not necessary, for a man to send flowers to the woman he is to take to the theatre or to the opera.

WEDDING TRIP. The best man should arrange beforehand all the details of the trip--such as the tickets, parlor-car, flowers, baggage, etc.

PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS--FLOWERS.

FORK AND KNIFE. See KNIFE AND FORK.

FORMAL AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL).

FORMAL DANCES. See DANCES (FORMAL).

FRUIT. All raw fruit, except melons, berries, and grapefruit, are eaten with the fingers. Canned fruits are eaten with a spoon.

FULL DRESS. This phrase is now no longer in good usage, and instead should be used the term: "Evening Dress," which SEE.

FUNERALS. A member of the family, or very near relative, should take charge of the ceremony and direct the undertaker. A large funeral should be avoided, and the ceremony confined to the immediate family and nearest relatives, and, if possible, the service should be at the church.

All the details of the funeral should be carefully considered and carried out, with the ceremony started at the hour set, and with all appearance of confusion avoided.

It is not now customary to watch by the dead at night.

Funerals should be private, and only those intimately interested should be invited.

CARRIAGES. A carriage should always be provided to call for the clergyman and to take him from the church or cemetery back to his house. Carriages should also be provided to take the friends, mourners, and pall-bearers from the house to the church, and then to the cemetery and return. These are provided by the family.

DRESS. See FUNERALS--MEN.

EXPENSES. Though it is not customary for the clergyman in Protestant churches to expect or to receive fees for conducting funerals, yet it is in perfectly good taste to offer him a fee. In the Roman Catholic Church the rate of fees for funerals is fixed. There are, besides, fees for the sexton, the organist, and the singers.

FLOWERS. The family, in publishing notice of funeral, may add: "Kindly omit flowers." However, in the absence of such a notice, at the public funerals of prominent persons elaborate designs may be sent. But at a private funeral, if flowers are sent, they should be choice and delicate.

The custom is growing of having fewer flowers, and it is no longer in good taste to have a carriage in the procession carrying flowers and set pieces. A good use of the large set pieces is to send them afterward to the hospitals.

If any flowers are laid upon the grave they should be those given by the nearest relatives.

INVITATIONS. A church funeral can be attended by any one, friend or acquaintance, and no slight should be felt at the non-receipt of an invitation. Those attending should take especial pains to be in the church before the funeral procession arrives, and that they do nothing to distract from the solemnity of the occasion.

Notice of death and date of funeral may be printed on heavy bordered cards, or on mourning paper, and sent to friends. Sometimes a notice is written and sent to most intimate friends.

MEN--DRESS. A man should wear either a black frock coat or a black cutaway, with the necktie, gloves, and other parts of the dress as subdued as possible. Under no conditions should light ties or light-colored linen be worn.

PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS.

PRECEDENCE. At a church funeral the parents, arm in arm, follow the body of their child, and the children come next in the order of their age.

A widow, leaning on the arm of her eldest son, follows the body of her husband, and the other children come after.

A widower, attended by his eldest daughter or son, follows the body of his wife, and the children come after.

The elder children always precede the younger. The pall-bearers are seated at the left of the main isle, and the near relatives at the right.

PUBLIC NOTICE. When the date of the funeral has been determined upon, notice should be published in the papers, giving date, place, and time of funeral--also date of birth and late place of residence of deceased. Such announcement may contain notice that the interment is private, and also the words: "Kindly omit flowers."

A notice of death and date of funeral may be printed on heavy bordered cards or mourning paper, and sent to friends. Sometimes a notice is written and sent to most intimate friends.