Chapter 4

MOURNING. See MOURNING CARDS.

CARDS, VISITING.

ADDRESSING. See ADDRESSING CARDS (VISITING).

AFTERNOON TEAS. See CARDS (VISITING), LEAVING IN PERSON--AFTERNOON TEAS. CARDS (VISITING), MAIL OR MESSENGER-AFTERNOON TEAS.

AT HOME. See AT HOME-CARDS.

BIRTH (ANNOUNCEMENT). See CARDS (VISITING), LEAVING IN PERSON--BIRTH.

CONDOLENCE. See CONDOLENCE--CARDS.

DAUGHTER. See DAUGHTERS--CARDS (VISITING).

GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES--CARDS.

HUSBAND AND WIFE. When the wife is calling, she can leave cards of the husband and sons if it is impossible for them to do so themselves.

After an entertainment, cards of the family can be left for the host and hostess by either the wife or any of the daughters. See Also MR. AND MRS. CARD.

LEAVING IN PERSON. When cards with a message of congratulation are left in person, nothing should be written on it.

LEAVING IN PERSON--AFTERNOON TEAS. Women leave cards of their male relatives as well as their own, although their names may be announced upon entering the drawing-room. Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided, or give them to the servant at the door.

MEN. A bachelor should not use AT HOME cards as a woman does, nor to invite his friends by writing a date and MUSIC AT FOUR on his calling card in place of an invitation.

MEN--LEAVING IN PERSON. When returning to town after a long absence, a man should leave cards having his address.

When calling upon a young woman whose hostess is not known by the man, he should send his card to her.

At the beginning of a season, a man should leave two cards for all those whose entertainments he is in the habit of attending, or on whom he pays social calls. These cards may also be mailed. If left in person, there should be one for each member of the family called upon, or only two cards. In the former there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the "misses," and one for the rest of the family and their guest.

Men of leisure should leave their own cards, while business men can have them left by the women of the family.

The corner of the card should not be turned down.

Cards are now left in the hall by the servant and the caller is announced. In business calls the card is taken to the person for whom the caller asked.

When calling, a man should leave a card whether the hostess is at home or not.

P. P. C. card's may be left in person or sent by mail upon departure from city, or on leaving winter or summer resort.

When a man calls upon a young woman whom a hostess is entertaining, he should leave cards for both.

When a man calls upon another man, if he is not at home, he should leave a card.

When a man calls on the hostess but not the host he should leave a card for him. If the hostess is out, he should leave two cards--one for each.

BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man should leave a card the day after a breakfast, luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not. They may also be sent by mail or messenger, with an apology for so doing.

BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. Shortly after receiving an invitation to a subscription ball, a man should leave a card for the patroness inviting him.

DEBUTANTE. When calling upon a debutante a man should leave cards for her mother, whether the entertainment was attended or not.

ENTERTAINMENT BY MEN. After a man's formal entertainment for men, a man should leave a card within one week, whether the event was attended or not. It can be sent by mail or messenger.

RECEPTION. When the host and hostess receive together, a man should leave one card for both, and if not present at the reception, he should send two cards.

THEATRE. After a theatre party given by a man, he should call within three days on the woman he escorted or leave his card.

WEDDING RECEPTION. After a wedding reception a man should leave a card for the host and hostess, and another for the bridal couple.

If a man has been invited to the church but not to the wedding reception, he should leave a card for the bride's parents and the bridal couple, or should mail a card.

SENDING BY MAIL, OR MESSENGER. After an entertainment a man should call in person on host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not. If a card is mailed or sent, it should be accompanied with an apology.

At the beginning of the season a man should leave cards for all those whose entertainments he is in the habit of attending, or on whom he pays social calls. These cards may also be mailed. If left in person, there should be one for each member of the household or only two cards.

In the former case, there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the "misses," and one for the rest of the family and the guest.

If a man is unable to make a formal call upon a debutante and her mother at her debut, he should send his card by mail or messenger.

A man may mail his card to a woman engaged to be married, if acquaintance warrants.

Visitors to town should send cards to every one whom they desire to see. The address should be written on them.

AFTERNOON TEA. If a man is unable to be present at an afternoon tea, he should send a card the same afternoon.

BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man should leave a card the day after a breakfast, luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not. They may be sent by mail or messenger with an apology for so doing.

ENTERTAINMENT BY MEN. After a man's formal entertainment for men, a man should leave a card within one week, whether the event was attended or not. It can be sent by mail or messenger.

P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail or messenger upon departure from city, or on leaving winter or summer resort.

RECEPTION. When the host and hostess receive together, a man should leave one card for both, and, if not present at the reception, he should send two cards.

WEDDING RECEPTION. If a man has been invited to the church but not the wedding reception, he should leave or mail a card to the bride's parents, and also to the bridal couple.

STYLE. The full name should be used, and if too long, the initials only. The club address is put in the lower left-hand corner, and if not living at a club, the home address should be in lower right-hand corner. In the absence of a title, Mr. is always used on an engraved but not a written card.

Cards should be engraved in plain letter, according to prevailing fashion.

Facsimile cards engraved are no longer used.

Written cards are in bad taste, but in case of necessity they may be used. The name should be written in full if not too long, and should be the autograph of the sender.

Messages or writing should not appear on men's cards. If address is changed, new cards should be engraved. In an emergency only the new address may be written.

MOURNING CARDS are the same size as visiting- cards, and a black border is used--the width to be regulated by the relationship of the deceased relative.

MEN--STYLE, TITLES. Men having titles use them before their names--as, Reverend, Rev., Mr., Dr., Army and Navy titles, and officers on retired list. L.L.D. and all professional titles are placed after the name. Political and judicial titles are always omitted.

Physicians may use Dr. before or M.D. after the name. On cards intended for social use, office hours and other professional matter are omitted.

MR. AND MRS. See MR. AND MRS. CARDS.

P. P. C. See P. P. C. CARDS.

SENDING BY MAIL OR MESSENGER. If after accepting an invitation it is necessary to decline, a card should be sent the evening of the entertainment, with an explanatory note the day following.

When an invitation has been received to an "At Home" debut, and one has not been able to attend, cards should be sent by mail or messenger, to arrive at the time of the ceremony.

A card should be mailed to a man engaged to be married.

AFTERNOON TEAS. The invitations to a formal afternoon tea are sent a week or ten days in advance by mail or messenger. No reply is necessary, but if unable to be present, a card should be sent the day of the entertainment.

For an afternoon tea a visiting-card may be used, with the hour for the "tea" written or engraved over the date beneath the fixed day of that week. They may be sent by mail or messenger.

Persons unable to attend should send cards the same afternoon.

BIRTH (ANNOUNCEMENT). If wishing to congratulate after a birth, cards should be left in person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers may be sent with the card.

CONDOLENCE. After a death in the family of an acquaintance, a card with the word Condolence written on it should be left in person or by messenger. For very intimate acquaintances, cut flowers may be left in person or sent, together with a card or letter.

When unable to leave in person a card with Condolence written on it, send it to intimate friends only with a note of apology. If out of town, it should be sent with a letter of condolence.

TRAVELERS. A woman visiting a place for a length of time should mail to her friends a visiting-card which contains her temporary address.

A man in similar situation should call upon his friends, and if he does not find them at home, should leave his card.

WEDDING INVITATIONS. Those present at the ceremony should leave cards for those inviting them, and if this is not possible, they can be sent by mail or messenger.

Those invited but not present should send cards.

WIDOW. See WIDOWS--CARDS.

WIFE. Only the wife of the oldest member of the oldest branch may use her husband's name without the initials.

WOMEN. Mrs. or Miss should always be used before the names. The cards of single women are smaller than those of married women.

The husband's name should be used in full, unless too long, when the initials are used. Only the wife of the oldest member of the oldest branch may use her husband's name without initials.

Reception days should appear in the lower left-hand corner, limiting dates--as, Until Lent, or in January, may be either engraved or written.

If a special function is allotted to any reception days--as, the entertaining of special guests--the hour of the reception day may be written above the day and the date beneath it.

DAUGHTERS. See DAUGHTERS--CARDS.

LEAVING IN PERSON--BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF. If wishing to send congratulations, after receipt of a birth announcement card, cards should be left in person or sent by a messenger; cut flowers may be sent with the card.

Before the wedding cards are issued, an engaged woman should leave her card personally upon her friends without entering the house.

When calling at the beginning of the season a woman should leave her own card, those of the men of the family, and two of her husband's.

After formal invitations, a woman should leave her own card and those of the men of the family who were invited, whether they attended or not.

When calling formally a woman should leave a card, whether the hostess is at home or not.

When a woman calls upon a well-known friend, it is not necessary to send up a card.

When making a call at a hotel or other public place, the name of the person called upon should be written in the upper left- hand corner of the card--as:

For Mrs. Jane Wilson

The corner of the card should not be turned down.

P. P. C. cards may be left in person or sent by mail upon departure from city, or on leaving winter or summer resort.

The corner of the card should not be turned down.

RECEPTION. At receptions a woman should leave the cards in the hall or hand them to the servant.

At a "coming-out reception" a woman should leave cards for the mother and daughter.

A married man returns his social obligations to women by personal calls, or his wife can do it for him by leaving his card with her own.

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER. After her debut the younger of the two daughters has no card of her own, as her full baptismal name appears on her mother's card beneath her name. A year after her first appearance she may have a card of her own.

When a mother leaves her daughter's card, it is for the hostess only.

If reception day appear on the mother's card, the daughters also receive on that date, as the daughters have no reception days of their own.

MOTHER AND SON. When a mother is calling, she can leave cards of her son for the host and hostess if it is impossible for him to do so himself.

A son entering society can have his cards left by his mother upon a host and hostess. Invitations to entertainments will follow.

RETURNING TO TOWN. Cards of the entire family should be sent by mail to all acquaintances when returning after a prolonged absence.

When using cards, if out of town, the place of a woman's permanent residence can be written on the card--thus: New York. Philadelphia.

SENDING BY MAIL OR MESSENGER. A woman visiting a place for a length of time should mail to her friends her visiting-card containing her temporary address.

P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail or messenger upon departure from city, or on leaving winter or summer resort.

After a change of residence the cards of the entire family should be sent out as soon as possible.

At the beginning of the season both married and single women should send their cards to all their acquaintances.

Visitors to town should send cards to every one whom they desire to see, with the address written on the cards.

For afternoon tea a visiting-card may be used. The hour for the tea is written or engraved over, and the date beneath the fixed day of the week. They may be sent by mail or messenger.

The cards of a debutante may be sent by mail or messenger.

Mourning cards should be sent to indicate temporary retirement from society. Later cards should be sent to indicate return to society.

AFTERNOON TEA. If a woman is unable to be present at an afternoon tea she should send her card the same afternoon.

WEDDING RECEPTION. When invitations have been received to the church but not to the wedding reception, cards should be sent to the bride's parents and to the bridal couple.

WOMEN--STYLE, TITLES. Women having titles should use them before the name--as, Reverend or Rev. Mrs. Smith. Physicians use Dr. before or M.D. after the name. Office hours and other professional matters are omitted on cards for social use. Husband's titles should never be used. The home address is put in the lower right-hand and the club address in the lower left-hand corner.

The card of the eldest daughter in society is simply Miss Wilson.

CARDS OF ADMISSION TO CHURCH WEDDINGS. These cards are used at all public weddings held in churches, and when they are used no one should be admitted to the church without one. They are sent with the wedding invitations.

CARRIAGES.

BALLS. See BALLS-CARRIAGES.

DANCES. See DANCES-CARRIAGES.

FUNERALS. See FUNERALS-CARRIAGES.

MEN. In a general way a man should provide a carriage when escorting a woman in evening dress to any function. If she does not wear evening dress, and they are going to an informal affair, it would be proper to take a street-car.

SUPPERS. See SUPPER AND THEATRE PARTIES--MEN--CARRIAGES.

THEATRES. See THEATRES AND OPERA PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN--CARRIAGES.

WOMEN. A woman accepting, with her mother's or chaperone's consent, a man's invitation to the theatre may, with propriety, request him not to provide a carriage unless full dress on her part is requested.

CATHOLIC PRIEST--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your humble servant. A social letter begins: Dear Father Wilson, and ends: I beg to remain faithfully yours, The address on the envelope is: The Reverend John J. Wilson. But if he holds the degree of D.D. (Doctor of Divinity), the address is: Reverend John J. Wilson, D.D., or Reverend Dr. John J. Wilson.

CELERY is eaten with the fingers.

CHANGE OF RESIDENCE. WOMEN. After a change of residence, the cards of the entire family should be sent out as soon as possible.

CHAPERONE. A chaperone takes precedence of her charge in entering drawing or dancing rooms and on ceremonious occasions. At an entertainment both enter together, and the chaperone should introduce her protege to the hostess and to others. The two should remain together during the evening. In a general way the chaperon takes under her charge the social welfare of her protege.

BALLS. A mother should attend balls with her daughters, going and returning with them, and if she is not invited, it is in good taste for the daughters to decline the invitation. A father can act as escort, if need be, instead of the mother. A mother can delegate her powers to some one else when requested to act as a chaperone.

MEN CALLING. A man should ask the chaperone's permission to call upon her protege, and once it is granted no further permission is necessary. The chaperone should be present while a debutante receives male callers the first year, and when the first call is made she should be present throughout the evening and should decide as to the necessity of her presence during subsequent visits.

CARDS. A chaperone introducing and accompanying young women should leave her own card with that of her protege.

DANCES. The chaperone should give her permission to a man who desires to dance, promenade, or go to supper with her charge, who should not converse with him at length save at the chaperon's side, and the chaperon should accompany both to supper. If without an escort, the young woman may accept the invitation of her last partner before supper is announced.

INTRODUCTIONS. A man should never be introduced direct by card or letter to a young unmarried woman. If he desires to be introduced, the letter or card of introduction should be addressed to her chaperone or mother, who may then introduce him to the young woman if she deems it advisable.

At an entertainment a chaperone may ask a young man if he wishes to be introduced to the one under her care.

LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. A man having a letter of introduction to a young woman should present it in person to the chaperone. If the latter is out when he calls, he should mail it to her, and she may then notify him when he may call, and should herself be present.

SUPPER, TEA, DINNER. A young woman receiving an invitation to a man's supper, tea, or dinner may accept if she has the consent of her mother or chaperone, and is assured that a chaperone will be present.

THEATRES. A chaperone's permission should be asked before a man's invitation to the theatre can be accepted. The chaperone can also accept, on behalf of her protege, invitations from men to theatre parties or suppers, if she too is invited.

The chaperone should be present at mixed theatre parties--one for small, and two or more for larger parties and suppers. The chaperones may use their own carriage to call for the guests, and then meet the men at the places of entertainment. The chaperone should say when the entertainment shall close.

UNABLE TO BE PRESENT. When a chaperone is unable to fulfill her duties, she may delegate them to another, provided it is agreeable to all concerned.

CHEESE is first cut into small bits, then placed on pieces of bread or cracker, and lifted by the fingers to the mouth.

CHINA WEDDING. This is the twentieth wedding anniversary, and is not usually celebrated; but if it is, the invitation may bear the words NO PRESENTS RECEIVED, and congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitation. An entertainment is usually provided for. Any article of china is appropriate as a gift.

CHOIR-BOYS AT WEDDINGS. These form a brilliant addition to a church wedding, and when employed they meet the bridal party in the vestibule, and precede them to the altar, singing a hymn or other appropriate selection.

CHRISTENING.

DRESS. The mother wears an elaborate reception gown to the church, with white gloves and a light hat or bonnet.

If the ceremony is at the house, she can wear an elaborate tea-gown.

The guests wear afternoon or evening dress, according whether the ceremony comes before or after 6 P.M.

FLOWERS. A christening ceremony offers a good opportunity for the guests who desire to present flowers to the mother. This is not obligatory, however, and must remain a matter of personal taste.

GIFTS. A christening ceremony offers a good opportunity for the invited guests, if they desire, to send a present to the baby.

These should be sent a day or two before the ceremony, and if of silver should be marked with the child's name, initials, or monogram.

GUESTS. The invitations should be promptly answered.

At a church ceremony the guests, as they are few in number, assemble in the front pews.

At a large house christening the affair is conducted somewhat like an afternoon reception. Wine is drunk to the child's health, and the guests take leave of the hostess.

INVITATIONS are issued by the wife only to intimate friends, and should be promptly answered.

If the christening is made a formal entertainment, to take place in the drawing-room, the invitations may be engraved.