Chapter 2

ASKING WOMEN TO DANCE. A man asks for the privilege of a dance either with the daughter of the hostess, with any guest of the latter, or with any young woman receiving with her.

On being introduced to a woman, he may ask her for a dance, and should be punctual in keeping the engagement.

It is her privilege to end the dance at any moment she wishes, after which he should conduct her to her chaperone or find a seat for her, after which he is at liberty to go elsewhere.

If for any cause a man has to break his engagements to dance, he should personally explain the matter to every woman with whom he has an engagement and make a suitable apology.

BALLS, ASSEMBLY. The etiquette at an assembly ball is much the same as at a private ball, the functions and duties of the hostess being filled by a committee of women selected for that purpose.

On entering the room, the guests bow to the committee and pass on.

It is not necessary to take leave of the committee.

CARRIAGE. A man should provide a carriage in which to call for the woman he escorts and her chaperone.

CHAPERONES. For a small ball given in a private house, the hostess need not invite the mothers of the young women, and the young women can properly attend, knowing that the hostess will act as a chaperone.

But at a large ball it is necessary to invite the mother as well as the daughters, and the chaperone as well as the debutante under her care. The mother can send regrets for herself, and send her daughters in care of a maid. Or she can attend, and, after remaining a suitable time, she may entrust her daughter to the care of a chaperone who intends to remain the whole evening.

BALLS FOR DEBUTANTE.

DRESS. A debutante should dress in white or some extremely delicate color, and wear very little jewelry--some simple brooch or single piece of jewelry, or a slender chain of pearls.

DUTIES OF DAUGHTERS. Except at her own debut, a daughter does not assist her mother in receiving. She should be ready, however, to see that young women have partners, and to speak, without introduction, to strangers.

GUEST OF HONOR. If the ball is given in honor of some special person, he should be met on his arrival, introduced to the women of the reception committee, escorted to the seat prepared for him, and be looked after the entire evening.

At the end of the ball he should be escorted to his carriage.

DUTIES OF HOST. It is not necessary that a man receive with his wife. He should do all he can to help make the ball successful, especially if his name appears on the invitation. He should assist in finding partners for the women, taking the chaperones into supper, preventing the men from selfishly remaining in the dressing-room, and at the end escorting unattended women to their carriages.

When a formal supper is served, he takes into supper the leading chaperone.

DUTIES OF HOSTESS. As a ball is an entertainment for dancing, it is better to give two small balls where the guests are not crowded than one where they are. It is permissible for a hostess not having sufficient room to hire rooms in some place suitable for the purpose.

In selecting guests, it is wise to have more men present than women.

The hostess should see to it that the rooms are well ventilated and well lighted. An awning and a carpet from the street to the hall door should be provided.

The hostess should stand near the door, prepared to receive the guests as they enter, shaking hands with each one, friend or stranger, and introducing any woman who may receive with her.

A hostess herself should not dance until late in the evening, unless she knows that nearly all her guests have arrived.

A wise hostess will personally see that the women are provided with partners, and that diffident young men are introduced.

The hostess should see that the floor is suitable for dancing, that music is arranged, programs printed, that dressing-rooms, one for the men and one for the women, are arranged for with suitable attendants.

The hostess should stand where the guests can take leave of her, and should shake hands with each when leaving.

HOURS. In the city the hour for a ball to begin is from 10.30 to 11 P.M., but in the country the hour is earlier--from 9 to 9.30.

A public ball begins promptly at the time mentioned in the announcement.

INVITATIONS. These are issued from ten to twenty days before the ball, and should be answered immediately.

For an impromptu dance, they may be issued within a few days of the affair.

These invitations should be engraved. As a general rule, it is not now customary to put on them the letters R. S. V. P.

But when an engraved invitation is posted, two envelopes are used, the inner one bearing the person's name only and unsealed, and the outer bearing both the name and address and sealed.

If the ball has any peculiar feature, as a masquerade or costume, the invitation should have some words to that effect in the lower left hand corner--as, Costume of the XVIIth Century, Bal Masque, or Bal Poudre.

INVITATIONS ASKED FOR STRANGERS. If a hostess receives a request from friends for invitations for friends of theirs, she can properly refuse all such requests, and no friend should feel aggrieved at a refusal for what she has no right to ask and which the hostess is under no obligation to give. If the hostess chooses to grant the request, well and good.

She would naturally do so when the request is for a near relative, or the betrothed of the one making the request.

A man should never ask for an invitation to a ball for another person, except for his fiancee or a near relative.

A woman may ask for an invitation for her fiance, a brother, or a male friend of long standing, or for a visiting friend. She should take care that she does not ask it for some one known to the hostess and whom the latter does not desire to invite. No offense should be felt at a refusal save, possibly, in the case of a brother, sister, or fiance.

INVITATIONS GIVEN BY A NEWCOMER. When a newcomer in a neighborhood desires to give a ball but has no visiting list, it is allowable for her to borrow the visiting list of some friend. The friend, however, arranges that in each envelope is placed a calling-card of her own, so that the invited ones may know that she is acting as sponsor for the newcomer.

INVITATIONS ANSWERED. Every invitation should be answered as soon as possible, and in the third person if the invitation was in the third person. The answer should be sent to the party requesting the pleasure, even if many names are on the invitation.

When a subscriber to a subscription ball invites a friend who is a non-subscriber, she encloses her card in the envelope, and the invited friend sends the answer to the subscriber sending the invitation.

INTRODUCTIONS. When a man is introduced to a woman at a ball, he should ask her for a dance.

MEN AT. Courtesy toward his hostess and consideration for his friends demands that a man who can dance should do so.

To accept an invitation to a ball and then refuse to dance shows that a man is lacking in good breeding.

A man finding few friends at a ball should ask some friend, or the hostess, to introduce him to some women whom he can invite to dance.

It is an act of discourtesy for a man not to request a dance of a woman to whom he has been introduced.

A man escorting a woman to a ball should agree where to meet her after they have each left their wraps at the dressing-rooms. It may be at the foot of the stairway or near the ball-room door.

It is now no longer customary for the man and woman to enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede the man, and together they greet the hostess. It is for the hostess to merely bow or to shake hands, and the guests follow her lead.

A man should see that his companion's chaperone is comfortably seated, and then ask his companion for a couple of dances, and, with her permission, introduce other young men, who should ask her to dance. Such permission is not usually asked if the man is her fiance, a near relative, or an old friend.

It is strictly the woman's prerogative to decide to retire, and no man should urge or hint to a woman to retire earlier than she wishes.

MEN--CARRIAGE. A man asking a woman to accompany him to a ball should call in a carriage for her and her chaperone.

MEN--DRESS. Men wear full evening dress in summer or winter, city and town.

Gloves of white dressed kid should be worn at all balls.

NEWCOMERS. See BALLS-INVITATIONS GIVEN BY NEWCOMERS.

PATRONESSES. See PUBLIC BALLS--PATRONESSES.

TIPPING SERVANTS. Only at public balls is it customary to give a tip to the men and women in charge of the cloak-room.

SUPPER. Usually a buffet supper, being more easily handled and arranged for. Supper at tables requires many servants, much preparation, and great care.

WOMEN AT. A mother should attend balls with her daughters, going and returning with them, and if she is not invited, they should decline the invitation. The father can act as escort if need be.

After greeting the hostess and guests, the guests pay their respects to the head of the house if he is present.

Taking leave of the hostess is unnecessary.

It is no longer customary for a couple to enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede the man. A mother, elder sister, or married woman takes the precedence over a daughter, younger sister, or unmarried woman.

If not at once asked to dance, a young woman should take a seat by her chaperone. It is bad taste to refuse a dance with one man and then to dance that same dance with another.

Both the hostess and the women wear their most elaborate costume for such an entertainment- decollete, short-sleeved, and a long train.

For a less elaborate affair the costume may be plainer.

BALLS, ASSEMBLY. See ASSEMBLY BALLS.

BALLS, COSTUME. See COSTUME BALLS.

BALLS, DEBUT. See DEBUT BALLS.

BALLS, PUBLIC. See PUBLIC BALLS.

BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. See SUBSCRIPTION BALLS.

BANANAS. The skin should be cut off with a knife, peeling from the top down, while holding in the hand. Small pieces should be cut or broken off, and taken in the fingers, or they may be cut up and eaten with a fork.

BARON-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to be your Lordship's obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable the Baron Wilson.

A social letter begins: Dear Lord Wilson, and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord Wilson, very sincerely yours.

The address is: To the Lord Wilson.

DAUGHTER OF. See DAUGHTER OF BARON.

WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF. See WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF BARON.

BARON, YOUNGER SON OF--How Addressed. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the Honorable John Wilson.

BARONESS-HOW ADDRESSED, An official letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Ladyship's most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable The Baroness Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent, and ends. Believe me dear Lady Kent, sincerely yours.

The address is: To the Lady Kent.

BARONET-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain, sir, your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Sir John Wilson, or Dear Sir John, and ends: Believe me, dear Sir John, faithfully yours.

The address on the envelope is: To Sir John Wilson, Bart.

WIFE OF, See WIFE OF BARONET.

BEST MAN. The best man is usually a bachelor, but may be a married man or a widower, and is selected by the groom. He fills an important position, requiring tact, administrative ability, and capacity to handle details. He acts as the groom's representative, confidential advisor, and business advisor.

After his selection he should send a gift to the bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the groom-a custom not yet clearly established, and one not to be either encouraged or followed with safety.

On the morning of the wedding-day he should have received both the ring and fee from the groom, and should personally see to the church and other details.

He breakfasts with the groom, and together they drive to the church.

CALLS. He should call on the bride's mother within two weeks after the ceremony, and also on the married couple upon their return from their wedding trip.

CHURCH. He accompanies the groom into the chancel, and stands by his side till the bride appears, when he receives the groom's hat and gloves, and stands a little way behind him. When the clergyman bids the bride and groom join hands, he gives the ring to to the groom.

At the conclusion of the ceremony, he gives the wedding fee to the clergyman, and hastily leaves the church to summon the groom's carriage and to return him his hat. He signs the register, if a witness is needed.

It is a better arrangement to have the groom and the best man enter the church without their hats, and have the latter sent from the vestry to the church door, so that the groom may receive his when he leaves the church.

Especially is this a good arrangement if the best man has to walk with the maid of honor down the aisle.

After this, he hastens in his own carriage to the bride's home, to assist in meeting and introducing the guests at the reception or breakfast.

DRESS. If the bride presents the best man with the boutonniere, he should go to her house on the wedding-day to have her put it in the lapel of his coat.

He should dress as nearly as possible like the groom-wearing afternoon dress at an afternoon wedding, and at an evening wedding evening dress.

See also GROOM-DRESS.

EXPENSES. The best man is the guest of the groom, and in matters of expense this should be borne in mind.

REPORTERS. If such is the wish of the family of the bride, the best man attends to the reporters, and furnishes them with the names of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description of gowns, and other details deemed suitable for publication.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The best man escorts the maid of honor, and they are usually seated at the bridal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The best man stands with the married couple, and is introduced to the guests.

WEDDING TRIP. He should arrange beforehand all details of the trip-as to tickets, parlor-car, flowers, baggage, etc. He alone knows the point of destination, and is in honor bound not to betray it, save in case of emergencies. He should see that the married couple leave the house without any trouble, and if the station is near, he should go in a separate carriage (provided by the groom) to personally attend to all details. He is the last one to see the married couple, and should return to the house to give their last message to the parents.

BEST WISHES TO BRIDE. One should give best wishes to the bride and congratulations to the groom.

BICYCLING. A man bicycling with a woman should extend to her all the courtesies practised when riding or driving with her, such as allowing her to set the pace, taking the lead on unfamiliar roads and in dangerous places, riding on the side nearest obstacles, etc.

MEN--DRESS. A man should wear the regulation suit coat, waistcoat, and knickerbockers of gray or brown tweed, avoiding all eccentricities of personal taste.

BIRTH (Announcement). If wishing to send congratulations after a birth, cards should be left in person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers may be sent with the card.

BISHOP OF THE ANGLICAN CHURCH--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Lordship's most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My Dear Lord Bishop, and ends: I have the honor to remain, my Dear Lord Bishop, faithfully yours.

The address on the envelope: To the Right Rev. The Lord Bishop of Kent.

BISHOP (PROTESTANT)-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Right Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Bishop Wilson, and ends: I remain sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of, Montana.

BISHOP (ROMAN CATHOLIC)--HOW ADDRESSED. An official or social letter begins. Right Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your humble servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of Ohio.

BONNETS (THEATRE). A woman of any consideration should either wear no bonnet or remove it when the curtain rises.

It would be in place for a man or a woman to politely request a woman whose bonnet obstructs the view to remove it, and, after it was done, to thank the woman for so doing.

BOUQUETS (WEDDING). The bouquet carried by the bride is furnished by the groom, who should also provide bouquets for the bridesmaids.

BOWING

MEN, When leaving a woman at the door of her house, he bows and retires as the door is opened.

When seeing a woman to her carriage, he should raise his hat on closing the door.

On a railroad a man removes his hat in a parlor-car, but not in a day coach.

In street-cars a man should raise his hat when giving his seat to a woman; also when rendering a service to a woman in public, in answering a question, or in apologizing to a woman.

In elevators, when women are present, the hat should be removed.

In hotel halls or corridors a man passing a woman should raise his hat.

Men do not raise their hats to one another, save out of deference to an elderly person, a person of note, or a clergyman.

In driving, if impossible to raise the hat, he should touch it with his whip.

The hat is gracefully lifted from the head, brought to the level of the chest, and the body inclined forward, and then replaced in passing.

It is the woman's privilege to bow first if it is a mere acquaintance. If, however, a woman bows, and the man fails to recognize her, he should bow in return.

A man may bow first to a very intimate friend.

Meeting a woman to whom he has been introduced at an entertainment, he should wait until she bows first.

After bowing to a woman, the man may join her, and with her permission may walk a short distance with her.

He should not stand in the street and converse with her any length of time. She may excuse herself and pass on. He should not feel affronted.

If he meets a woman he does not know accompanied by a man he does know, both men bow.

The man accompanying her should bow to every man or woman to whom she bows.

WOMEN. A woman's bow should be dignified-- a faint smile and a gentle inclination of the head.

Women bow first to men when meeting in the street. A man may bow first if the acquaintance is intimate.

When walking with a man, and they meet another unknown to her, but known to her escort, both men bow. If she meets a friend, man or woman, unknown to her escort, he bows.

Unless an introduction has taken place at any function, no recognition is customary. It is the woman's privilege, however, to decide for herself whether she will recognize the guest or not.

A man bowing and joining a woman on the street must ask permission to do so. She is at perfect liberty to gracefully decline.

If a man stops to talk on the street, she may excuse herself and pass on. If she continues the conversation and he stands with his hat in his hand, she may request him to replace it. Such conversations should be brief.

BREAD should be broken into small pieces, buttered, and transferred with the fingers to the mouth. The bread should be placed on the small plate provided for the purpose.

BREAKFASTS. Breakfasts are generally given from ten to twelve in the morning. Very formal breakfasts are held at twelve o'clock.

CALLS. A call need not be made after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

DRESS. Street costumes are worn by men and women.

GUESTS. Guests leave half an hour after the breakfast.

HOURS. The hour is from 12 to 12.30.

INVITATIONS. Cards are engraved and sent a week in advance for formal breakfasts, but for informal breakfasts they may be written. If given in honor of a special guest, the name is engraved on the card--as, TO MEET MR. WILSON.

MEN. Men are usually invited, and they are often given for men. Men wear street costume.

Guests should leave half an hour after breakfast. A call is not necessary after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

MEN LEAVING CARDS. After a breakfast a man should leave a card for host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not. Or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with an apology for so doing.

WOMEN. Women wear street costume, including gloves, the latter being taken off at table. Women remove their coats and wraps, but not bonnets.

Guests should leave half an hour after breakfast. A call is not necessary after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

WEDDING. See WEDDING RECEPTIONS OR BREAKFASTS.