Part 6
“Ye fair, who would be blessed in love, Take your pride a little lower: Let the swain that you approve, Rather like you than adore.
Love that rises into passion, Soon will end in hate or strife: But from tender inclination Flow the lasting joys of life.”
“I by no means undervalue that love which is the noblest principle of the human mind; but wish only to guard you against the influence of an ill-placed and ungovernable passion, which is improperly called by this name.
“A union, formed without a refined and generous affection for its basis, must be devoid of those tender endearments, reciprocal attentions, and engaging sympathies, which are peculiarly necessary to alleviate the cares, dispel the sorrows, and soften the pains of life. The exercise of that prudence and caution which I have recommended, will lead you to a thorough investigation of the character and views of the man by whom you are addressed.
“Without good principles, both of religion and morality, (for the latter cannot exist independent of the former) you can not safely rely, either upon his fidelity or his affection. Good principles are the foundation of a good life.
“If the fountain be pure, the streams which issue from it will be of the same description.
“Next to this, an amiable temper is essentially requisite. A proud, a passionate, a revengeful, a malicious, or a jealous temper, will render your lives uncomfortable, in spite of all the prudence and fortitude you can exert.
“Beware, then, lest, before marriage, love blind your eyes to those defects, to a sight of which, grief and disappointment may awaken you afterwards. You are to consider marriage as a connexion for life; as the nearest and dearest of all human relations; as involving in it the happiness or misery of all your days; and as engaging you in a variety of cares and duties, hitherto unknown. Act, therefore, with deliberation, and resolve with caution; but, when once you come to a choice, behave with undeviating rectitude and sincerity.
“Avarice is not commonly a ruling passion in young persons of _our_ sex. Yet some there are, sordid enough to consider wealth as the chief good, and to sacrifice every other object to a splendid appearance. It often happens, that these are miserably disappointed in their expectations of happiness. They find, by dear bought experience, that external pomp is but a wretched substitute for internal satisfaction.
“But I would not have outward circumstances entirely overlooked. A proper regard should always be had to a comfortable subsistence in life. Nor can you be justified in suffering a blind passion, under whatever pretext, to involve you in those embarrassing distresses of want, which will elude the remedies of love itself, and prove fatal to the peace and happiness at which you aim.
“In this momentous affair, let the advice and opinion of judicious friends have their just weight in your minds. Discover, with candor and frankness, the progress of your amour, so far as is necessary to enable them to judge aright in the cause; but never relate the love tales of your suitor, merely for your own, or any other person’s amusement. The tender themes inspired by love, may be pleasing to you; but to an uninterested person, must be insipid and disgusting in the extreme.
“Never boast of the number, nor of the professions of your admirers. That betrays an unsufferable vanity, and will render you perfectly ridiculous in the estimation of observers. Besides, it is a most ungenerous treatment of those who may have entertained, and expressed a regard for you. Whatever they have said upon this subject, was doubtless in confidence, and you ought to keep it sacred, as a secret you have no right to divulge.
“If you disapprove the person, and reject his suit, that will be sufficiently mortifying, without adding the insult of exposing his overtures.
“Be very careful to distinguish real lovers from mere gallants. Think not every man enamoured with you, who is polite and attentive. You have no right to suppose any man in love with you, till he declares it in plain, unequivocal and decent terms.
“Never suffer, with impunity, your ear to be wounded by indelicate expressions, double entendres, and insinuating attempts to seduce you from the path of rectitude. True love will not seek to degrade its object, much less to undermine that virtue which ought to be its basis and support. Let no protestations induce you to believe that person your friend, who would destroy your dearest interests, and rob you of innocence and peace. Give no heed to the language of seduction; but repel the insidious arts of the libertine, with the dignity and decision of insulted virtue. This practice will raise you superior to the wiles of deceivers, and render you invulnerable by the specious flattery of the unprincipled and debauched.
“Think not the libertine worthy of your company and conversation even as an acquaintance.
“That reformed rakes make the best husbands,” is a common, and I am sorry to say, a too generally received maxim. Yet I cannot conceive, that any lady who values, or properly considers her own happiness, will venture on the dangerous experiment. The term _reformed_ can, in my opinion, have very little weight; since those, whose principles are vitiated, and whose minds are debased by a course of debauchery and excess, seldom change their pursuits, till necessity, or interest requires it; and, however circumstances may alter or restrain their conduct, very little dependence can be placed on men whose disposition is still the same, but only prevented from indulgence by prudential motives. As a rake is most conversant with the dissolute and abandoned of both sexes, he doubtless forms his opinion of others by the standard to which he has been accustomed, and therefore supposes all women of the same description. Having been hackneyed in the arts of the baser sort, he cannot form an idea, that any are in reality superior to them. This renders him habitually jealous, peevish and tyrannical. Even if his vicious inclinations be changed, his having passed his best days in vice and folly, renders him a very unsuitable companion for a person of delicacy and refinement.
“But whatever inducements some ladies may have to risk themselves with those who have the reputation of being reformed, it is truly surprising that any should be so inconsiderate as to unite with such as are still professed libertines. What hopes of happiness can be formed with men of this character?
“Vice and virtue can never assimilate; and hearts divided by them can never coalesce. The former is the parent of discord, disease and death; the latter, of harmony, health and peace. A house divided against itself cannot stand; much less can domestic felicity subsist between such contrasted dispositions.
“But however negligent or mistaken many women of real merit may be, relative to their own interest, I cannot but wish they would pay some regard to the honor and dignity of their sex. Custom only has rendered vice more odious in a woman than in a man. And shall we give our sanction to a custom, so unjust and destructive in its operation; a custom which invites and encourages the enemies of society to seek our ruin? Were those who glory in the seduction of innocence, to meet with the contempt they deserve, and to be pointedly neglected by every female of virtue, they would be ashamed of their evil practices, and impelled to relinquish their injurious designs.
“But while they are received and caressed in the best companies, they find restraint altogether needless; and their being men of spirit and gallantry (as they style themselves) is rather a recommendation than a reproach!
“I cannot help blushing with indignation, when I see a lady of sense and character gallanted and entertained by a man who ought to be banished from society, for having ruined the peace of families, and blasted the reputation of many, who but for him, might have been useful and happy in the world; but who by his insidious arts, are plunged into remediless insignificance, disgrace and misery.”
_Saturday, P. M._
RELIGION.
“Having given you my sentiments on a variety of subjects which demand your particular attention, I come now to the closing and most important theme; and that is religion. The virtuous education you have received, and the good principles which have been instilled into your minds from infancy, will render the enforcement of Christian precepts and duties a pleasing lesson.
“Religion is to be considered as an essential and durable object; not as the embellishment of a day; but an acquisition which shall endure and increase through the endless ages of eternity.
“Lay the foundation of it in youth, and it will not forsake you in advanced age; but furnish you with an adequate substitute for the transient pleasures which will then desert you, and prove a source of rational and refined delight: a refuge from the disappointments and corroding cares of life, and from the depressions of adverse events. “Remember now your creator, in the days of your youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when you shall say we have no pleasure in them.” If you wish for permanent happiness, cultivate the divine favour as your highest enjoyment in life, and your safest retreat when death shall approach you.
“That even the young are not exempt from the arrest of this universal conqueror, the tombstone of Amelia will tell you. Youth, beauty, health and fortune, strewed the path of life with flowers, and left her no wish ungratified. Love, with its gentlest and purest flame, animated her heart, and was equally returned by Julius. Their passion was approved by their parents and friends; the day was fixed, and preparations were making for the celebration of their nuptials. At this period Amelia was attacked by a violent cold, which seating on her lungs, baffled the skill of the most eminent physicians, and terminated in a confirmed hectic. She perceived her disorder to be incurable, and with inexpressible regret and concern anticipated her approaching dissolution. She had enjoyed life too highly to think much of death; yet die she must! “Oh,” said she, “that I had prepared, while in health and at ease, for this awful event! Then should I not be subjected to the keenest distress of mind, in addition to the most painful infirmities of body! Then should I be able to look forward with hope, and to find relief in the consoling expectation of being united beyond the grave, with those dear and beloved connexions, which I must soon leave behind! Let my companions and acquaintance learn from me the important lesson of improving their time to the best of purposes; of acting at once as becomes mortal and immortal creatures!”
“Hear, my dear pupils, the solemn admonition, and be ye also ready!
“Too many, especially of the young and gay, seem more anxious to live in pleasure, than to answer the end of their being, by the cultivation of that piety and virtue which will render them good members of society, useful to their friends and associates, and partakers of that heart-felt satisfaction which results from a conscience void of offence both towards God and man.
“This, however, is an egregious mistake; for in many situations, piety and virtue are our only source of consolation; and in all, they are peculiarly friendly to our happiness.
“Do you exult in beauty, and the pride of external charms? Turn your eyes for a moment, on the miserable Flirtilla.[1] Like her, your features and complexion may be impaired by disease; and where then will you find a refuge from mortification and discontent, if destitute of those ennobling endowments which can raise you superior to the transient graces of a fair form, if unadorned by that substantial beauty of mind which can not only ensure respect from those around you, but inspire you with resignation to the divine will, and a patient acquiescence in the painful allotments of a holy Providence. Does wealth await your command, and grandeur with its fascinating appendages beguile your fleeting moments? Recollect, that riches often make themselves wings and fly away. A single instance of mismanagement; a consuming fire, with various other misfortunes which no human prudence can foresee or prevent, may strip you of this dependence; and, unless you have other grounds of comfort than earth can boast, reduce you to the most insupportable wretchedness and despair. Are you surrounded by friends, and happy in the society of those who are near and dear to you? Soon may they be wrested from your fond embrace, and consigned to the mansions of the dead!
Footnote 1:
See page 48.
“Whence, then, will you derive support, if unacquainted with that divine Friend, who will never fail nor forsake you; who is the same yesterday, to-day and forever.
“Health and youth, my dear girls, are the seasons for improvement. Now you may lay up a treasure which neither sickness nor adversity can impair.
“But the hour of distress is not the only time, in which religion will be advantageous to you. Even in prosperity, it will prove the best solace and the highest ornament of your lives. What can be more dignified, respectable, and lovely, than the Christian character? The habitual practice of those duties which the gospel inculcates will give lustre to your beauty and durability to your charms. By correcting your passions, it will improve your joys, endear you to your friends and connexions, and render you contented, happy, and useful in every stage and condition of life.
“Religion will not deprive you of temporal enjoyments; it will heighten and increase them. It will not depress, but exhilarate your spirits. For it consists not in a gloomy, misanthropic temper, declining the social and innocent delights of life; but prepares the mind to partake with satisfaction of every pleasure which reason approves, and which can yield serenity and peace in the review. Be not ashamed then of appearing religious, and of rising by that mean above the vain, unthinking crowd.
“Let not the idle jests of heedless and unprincipled companions deter you from a stedfast adherence to the path of truth and righteousness. ‘Follow not the multitude to do evil.’ Never conform to fashion, even though it claim the patronage of politeness, so far as to countenance irreligion in any of its modifications.
“Jesting upon sacred subjects, ridiculing the professors of Christianity, light and irreverent conduct upon solemn occasions, ought to be cautiously avoided and decidedly condemned. Too many girls are so extremely thoughtless as to carry the levity of their manners even to the sanctuary; and by whispering, winking, tittering and other indecent actions, display their folly to their own disgrace, and to the great disgust of all judicious and sober people. Such behaviour is not only offensive to the Deity, but insulting to all who would worship him free from interruption. It is not only an indignity offered to religion, but a flagrant breach of the rules of good breeding. Content not yourselves, therefore, with a bare attendance on the institutions of religion; but conduct with propriety, decorum, and seriousness, while engaged in the solemn service. Bear in mind, that you assemble with a professed purpose of paying homage to the Supreme; and consider yourselves as in his immediate presence!
“The offices of devotion demand your attention in private, as well as in public.
“Accustom yourselves, therefore, to stated periods of retirement for meditation and prayer; and adopt every other mean which is calculated to keep alive in your minds a due sense of your dependence and obligations, and to inspire you with that uniform love to God and benevolence to the human kind, which will prove your greatest glory here, as well as your crown of rejoicing hereafter.”
The hour of departure having arrived, on Monday morning, Mrs. Williams assembled with her pupils; when the regret, visibly depicted on every countenance, was variously expressed. The tear of grateful regard stole silently down the bloomy cheeks of some; others betrayed their sensibility by audible sobs, which they could not repress; and all united in testifying the sense they entertained of the advantages they had received from Mrs. Williams’s tuition, the happiness they had enjoyed in each other’s society, and their determination to remember her counsels, cultivate continued friendship among themselves, and endeavor to be worthy of her’s.
Mrs. Williams then took an affectionate leave of each one, and left them with her daughters. The most cordial good wishes were mutually interchanged, till their carriages received and separated them.
The friendship and unity thus commenced and confirmed, were never obliterated. They always cherished the most sincere affection for their Preceptress, and each other; which they displayed in an unreserved and social correspondence, both personal and epistolary. The residence of Mrs. Williams they denominated Harmony-Grove, which it ever after retained, and by which it is designated in the following selection of their letters.
LETTERS.
_To Mrs._ M. WILLIAMS,
BOSTON.
RESPECTED AND DEAR MADAM,
Conformably to my promise, when I left your abode, the first efforts of my pen are dedicated to you. The pleasure which arises from the recollection of your more than maternal kindness to me, especially your unwearied endeavors to refine and embellish my mind and to lay the foundation of right principles and practices, is interwoven with my existence; and no time or circumstances can erase my gratitude.
I arrived last evening safely; and was affectionately received by my honored parents, and beloved brothers and sisters. The emotions of regret which I felt in the morning, at the painful separation from you and my dear school-mates, with whom I have lived so happily, had not wholly subsided. I could not help listening, now and then, for some judicious observation from my Preceptress; and frequently cast my eyes around in search of some of the amiable companions, among whom I had been used to unbend every thought.
The splendor of the apartments gave me ideas of restraint that were painful; and I looked abroad for the green, where we were wont to gambol, and the lawn where we so often held our twilight sports, and almost fancied that we sometimes caught a glimpse of the attendant Sylphs who played around us; but in vain. Stately domes, crowded streets, rattling carriages, and all the noise and confusion of a commercial city were substituted. I retired to bed, and was awaked in the night by the riotous mirth of a number of Bacchanalians, reeling from the haunts of intemperance and excess.
Alas! said I, this is not the Æolian harp that used to soothe our slumbers at the boarding school. I composed myself again; but awoke at the accustomed hour of five. I arose; and, having praised my Maker for the preservations of the night, walked down. Not a living creature was stirring in the house.
I took a turn in the garden. Here art seemed to reign so perfectly mistress, that I was apprehensive lest I should injure her charms by viewing them.
I accordingly retired to the summer-house, and, having a book in my hand, sat down and read till the clock struck seven. I then thought it must be breakfast time, and returned to the house; but was much disappointed to find none of the family up, except one man servant and the house maid who had just crept down.
They appeared perfectly astonished to see me come in from abroad; and the girl respectfully inquired if indisposition had occasioned my rising so early. I told her no; that the wish to preserve my health had called me up two hours before. Well, rejoined she, you will not find any body to keep you company here for two hours to come. I was chagrined at the information, and asked her for a bowl of milk, it being past my usual breakfast time. The milk man had just arrived, and I drank some; but it had lost its flavor on the road. It was not like that which was served us at Harmony-Grove. I stepped to the harpsichord, and having sung and played a morning hymn, returned to my chamber, where, taking my work, I sat down by the window to view the listless tribe of yawning mortals who were beginning to thicken in the streets. One half of these appeared to be dragged forth by necessity, rather than any inclination to enjoy the beauties of a fine morning.
At nine, I was summoned into the parlor to breakfast. My sisters gently chid me for disturbing their repose with my music. I excused myself by alleging that I had been so long accustomed to early rising that I should find it difficult to alter the habit.
Here, madam, you have an account of my first night and morning’s occupation. Were I to proceed with every new occurrence, through the year, and subjoin my own remarks, I must write volumes instead of letters.
Please to communicate this scroll to your amiable daughters, and remind them of their promise to write.
A line from Harmony-Grove would be a luxury to me.
Meanwhile, permit me still to subscribe myself, with the utmost respect your grateful pupil,
HARRIOT HENLY.
_To Miss_ MATILDA FIELDING.
BOSTON.
DEAR MATILDA,
I did not intend when we parted at the boarding school, that a whole month should have elapsed without bearing you some testimony of my continued friendship and affection; but so numerous have been my avocations, and so various my engagements, that I have scarcely called a moment my own since I returned home. Having been from town a year, I was considered as too antique to appear in company abroad, till I had been perfectly metamorphosed. Every part of my habit has undergone a complete change, in conformity to the present fashion. It was with extreme regret that I parted with the neatness and simplicity of my country dress; which, according to my ideas of modesty, was more becoming. But I trust, this alteration of appearance will have no tendency to alienate those sentiments from my heart which I imbibed under the tuition of Mrs. Williams.
I went, last evening, to the assembly; but though dazzled, I was by no means charmed, by the glare of finery and tinselled decorations that were displayed.
There were some ladies, whose gentility and fashionable dress were evidently the product of a correct taste; but others were so disguised by tawdry gewgaws, as to disgust me exceedingly.
Mrs. Williams used to say, that the dress was indicative of the mind. If this observation be just, what opinion am I to form of the gay multitudes who trip along the streets and throng the places of public resort in this metropolis; the lightness and gaudiness of whose appearance, bespeak a sickly taste, to say no more.
I am furnished with feathers, flowers, and ribbons in profusion. I shall, however, use them very sparingly; and though I would not be entirely singular, yet I must insist on consulting my own fancy a little, and cannot willingly sacrifice my own opinion to the capricious whims of fashion, and her devotees. My aunt Lawrence, who you know, is extravagantly genteel, is making us a visit. She laughs very heartily at my silly notions, as she calls them, and styles me a novice in the ways of the world: but hopes, notwithstanding, that I shall acquire a better taste when I am more acquainted with fashionable life. That I may be much improved by a more extensive knowledge of the world, I doubt not; yet may I never be corrupted by that levity and folly, which are too prevalent among a part of my sex.
“I will not, however, censure and condemn others; but attend to myself and be humble. Adieu.”
LAURA GUILFORD
_To Miss_ MATILDA FIELDING.
HARMONY-GROVE.
DEAR MATILDA,