Part 11

Aboguin was standing on the threshold, but not the same man as went out. The expression of satisfaction and subtle elegance had disappeared from him. His face and hands, the attitude of his body were distorted with a disgusting expression either of horror or of tormenting physical pain. His nose, lips, moustache, all his features were moving and as it were trying to tear themselves away from his face, but the eyes were as though laughing from pain.

Aboguin took a long heavy step into the middle of the room, stooped, moaned, and shook his fists.

“Deceived!” he cried, emphasising the syllable _cei._ “She deceived me! She’s gone! She fell ill and sent me for the doctor only to run away with this fool Papchinsky. My God!” Aboguin stepped heavily towards the doctor, thrust his white soft fists before his face, and went on wailing, shaking his fists the while.

“She’s gone off! She’s deceived me! But why this lie? My God, my God! Why this dirty, foul trick, this devilish, serpent’s game? What have I done to her? She’s gone off.” Tears gushed from his eyes. He turned on his heel and began to pace the drawing-room. Now in his short jacket and his fashionable narrow trousers in which his legs seemed too thin for his body, he was extraordinarily like a lion. Curiosity kindled in the doctor’s impassive face. He rose and eyed Aboguin.

“Well, where’s the patient?”

“The patient, the patient,” cried Aboguin, laughing, weeping, and still shaking his fists. “She’s not ill, but accursed. Vile--dastardly. The Devil himself couldn’t have planned a fouler trick. She sent me so that she could run away with a fool, an utter clown, an Alphonse! My God, far better she should have died. I’ll not bear it. I shall not bear it.”

The doctor stood up straight. His eyes began to blink, filled with tears; his thin beard began to move with his jaw right and left.

“What’s this?” he asked, looking curiously about. “My child’s dead. My wife in anguish, alone in all the house.... I can hardly stand on my feet, I haven’t slept for three nights ... and I’m made to play in a vulgar comedy, to play the part of a stage property! I don’t ... I don’t understand it!”

Aboguin opened one fist, flung a crumpled note on the floor and trod on it, as upon an insect he wished to crush.

“And I didn’t see ... didn’t understand,” he said through his set teeth, brandishing one fist round his head, with an expression as though someone had trod on a corn. “I didn’t notice how he came to see us every day. I didn’t notice that he came in a carriage to-day! What was the carriage for? And I didn’t see! Innocent!”

“I don’t ... I don’t understand,” the doctor murmured. “What’s it all mean? It’s jeering at a man, laughing at a man’s suffering! That’s impossible.... I’ve never seen it in my life before!”

With the dull bewilderment of a man who has just begun to understand that someone has bitterly offended him, the doctor shrugged his shoulders, waved his hands and not knowing what to say or do, dropped exhausted into a chair.

“Well, she didn’t love me any more. She loved another man. Very well. But why the deceit, why this foul treachery?” Aboguin spoke with tears in his voice. “Why, why? What have I done to you? Listen, doctor,” he said passionately approaching Kirilov. “You were the unwilling witness of my misfortune, and I am not going to hide the truth from you. I swear I loved this woman. I loved her with devotion, like a slave. I sacrificed everything for her. I broke with my family, I gave up the service and my music. I forgave her things I could not have forgiven my mother and sister.... I never once gave her an angry look ... I never gave her any cause. Why this lie then? I do not demand love, but why this abominable deceit? If you don’t love any more then speak out honestly, above all when you know what I feel about this matter....”

With tears in his eyes and trembling in all his bones, Aboguin was pouring out his soul to the doctor. He spoke passionately, pressing both hands to his heart. He revealed all the family secrets without hesitation, as though he were glad that these secrets were being torn from his heart. Had he spoken thus for an hour or two and poured out all his soul, he would surely have been easier.

Who can say whether, had the doctor listened and given him friendly sympathy, he would not, as so often happens, have been reconciled to his grief unprotesting, without turning to unprofitable follies? But it happened otherwise. While Aboguin was speaking the offended doctor changed countenance visibly. The indifference and amazement in his face gradually gave way to an expression of bitter outrage, indignation, and anger. His features became still sharper, harder, and more forbidding. When Aboguin put before his eyes the photograph of his young wife, with a pretty, but dry, inexpressive face like a nun’s, and asked if it were possible to look at that face and grant that it could express a lie, the doctor suddenly started away, with flashing eyes, and said, coarsely forging out each several word:

“Why do you tell me all this? I do not want to hear! I don’t want to,” he cried and banged his fist upon the table. “I don’t want your trivial vulgar secrets--to Hell with them. You dare not tell me such trivialities. Or do you think I have not yet been insulted enough! That I’m a lackey to whom you can give the last insult? Yes?”

Aboguin drew back from Kirilov and stared at him in surprise.

“Why did you bring me here?” the doctor went on, shaking his beard. “You marry out of high spirits, get angry out of high spirits, and make a melodrama--but where do I come in? What have I got to do with your romances? Leave me alone! Get on with your noble grabbing, parade your humane ideas, play--” the doctor gave a side-glance at the cello-case--“the double-bass and the trombone, stuff yourselves like capons, but don’t dare to jeer at a real man! If you can’t respect him, then you can at least spare him your attentions.”

“What does all this mean?” Aboguin asked, blushing.

“It means that it’s vile and foul to play with a man! I’m a doctor. You consider doctors and all men who work and don’t reek of scent and harlotry, your footmen, your _mauvais tons._ Very well, but no one gave you the right to turn a man who suffers into a property.”

“How dare you say that?” Aboguin asked quietly. Again his face began to twist about, this time in visible anger.

“How dare _you_ bring me here to listen to trivial rubbish, when you know that I’m in sorrow?” the doctor cried and banged his fists on the table once more. “Who gave you the right to jeer at another’s grief?”

“You’re mad,” cried Aboguin. “You’re ungenerous. I too am deeply unhappy and ... and ...”

“Unhappy”--the doctor gave a sneering laugh--“Don’t touch the word, it’s got nothing to do with you. Wasters who can’t get money on a bill call themselves unhappy too. A capon’s unhappy, oppressed with all its superfluous fat. You worthless lot!”

“Sir, you’re forgetting yourself,” Aboguin gave a piercing scream. “For words like those, people are beaten. Do you understand?”

Aboguin thrust his hand into his side pocket, took out a pocket-book, found two notes and flung them on the table.

“There’s your fee,” he said, and his nostrils trembled. “You’re paid.”

“You dare not offer me money,” said the doctor, and brushed the notes from the table to the floor. “You don’t settle an insult with money.”

Aboguin and the doctor stood face to face, heaping each other with undeserved insults. Never in their lives, even in a frenzy, had they said so much that was unjust and cruel and absurd. In both the selfishness of the unhappy is violently manifest. Unhappy men are selfish, wicked, unjust, and less able to understand each other than fools. Unhappiness does not unite people, but separates them; and just where one would imagine that people should be united by the community of grief, there is more injustice and cruelty done than among the comparatively contented.

“Send me home, please,” the doctor cried, out of breath.

Aboguin rang the bell violently. Nobody came. He rang once more; then flung the bell angrily to the floor. It struck dully on the carpet and gave out a mournful sound like a death-moan. The footman appeared.

“Where have you been hiding, damn you?” The master sprang upon him with clenched fists. “Where have you been just now? Go away and tell them to send the carriage round for this gentleman, and get the brougham ready for me. Wait,” he called out as the footman turned to go. “Not a single traitor remains to-morrow. Pack off all of you! I will engage new ones ... Rabble!”

While they waited Aboguin and the doctor were silent. Already the expression of satisfaction and the subtle elegance had returned to the former. He paced the drawing-room, shook his head elegantly and evidently was planning something. His anger was not yet cool, but he tried to make as if he did not notice his enemy.... The doctor stood with one hand on the edge of the table, looking at Aboguin with that deep, rather cynical, ugly contempt with which only grief and an unjust lot can look, when they see satiety and elegance before them.

A little later, when the doctor took his seat in the carriage and drove away, his eyes still glanced contemptuously. It was dark, much darker than an hour ago. The red half-moon had now disappeared behind the little hill, and the clouds which watched it lay in dark spots round the stars. The brougham with the red lamps began to rattle on the road and passed the doctor. It was Aboguin on his way to protest, to commit all manner of folly.

All the way the doctor thought not of his wife or Andrey, but only of Aboguin and those who lived in the house he just left. His thoughts were unjust, inhuman, and cruel. He passed sentence on Aboguin, his wife, Papchinsky, and all those who live in rosy semi-darkness and smell of scent. All the way he hated them, and his heart ached with his contempt for them. The conviction he formed about them would last his life long.

Time will pass and Kirilov’s sorrow, but this conviction, unjust and unworthy of the human heart, will not pass, but will remain in the doctor’s mind until the grave.

A TRIFLING OCCURRENCE

Nicolai Ilyich Byelyaev, a Petersburg landlord, very fond of the racecourse, a well fed, pink young man of about thirty-two, once called towards evening on Madame Irnin--Olga Ivanovna--with whom he had a _liaison,_ or, to use his own phrase, spun out a long and tedious romance. And indeed the first pages of this romance, pages of interest and inspiration, had been read long ago; now they dragged on and on, and presented neither novelty nor interest.

Finding that Olga Ivanovna was not at home, my hero lay down a moment on the drawing-room sofa and began to wait.

“Good evening, Nicolai Ilyich,” he suddenly heard a child’s voice say. “Mother will be in in a moment. She’s gone to the dressmaker’s with Sonya.”

In the same drawing-room on the sofa lay Olga Vassilievna’s son, Alyosha, a boy about eight years old, well built, well looked after, dressed up like a picture in a velvet jacket and long black stockings. He lay on a satin pillow, and apparently imitating an acrobat whom he had lately seen in the circus, lifted up first one leg then the other. When his elegant legs began to be tired, he moved his hands, or he jumped up impetuously and then went on all fours, trying to stand with his legs in the air. All this he did with a most serious face, breathing heavily, as if he himself found no happiness in God’s gift of such a restless body.

“Ah, how do you do, my friend?” said Byelyaev. “Is it you? I didn’t notice you. Is your mother well?”

At the moment Alyosha had just taken hold of the toe of his left foot in his right hand and got into a most awkward pose. He turned head over heels, jumped up, and glanced from under the big, fluffy lampshade at Byelyaev.

“How can I put it?” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “As a matter of plain fact mother is never well. You see she’s a woman, and women, Nicolai Ilyich, have always some pain or another.”

For something to do, Byelyaev began to examine Alyosha’s face. All the time he had been acquainted with Olga Ivanovna he had never once turned his attention to the boy and had completely ignored his existence. A boy is stuck in front of your eyes, but what is he doing here, what is his _rôle_?--you don’t want to give a single thought to the question.

In the evening dusk Alyosha’s face with a pale forehead and steady black eyes unexpectedly reminded Byelyaev of Olga Vassilievna as she was in the first pages of the romance. He had the desire to be affectionate to the boy.

“Come here, whipper-snapper,” he said. “Come and let me have a good look at you, quite close.”

The boy jumped off the sofa and ran to Byelyaev.

“Well?” Nicolai Ilyich began, putting his hand on the thin shoulders. “And how are things with you?”

“How shall I put it?... They used to be much better before.”

“How?”

“Quite simple. Before, Sonya and I only had to do music and reading, and now we’re given French verses to learn. You’ve had your hair cut lately?”

“Yes, just lately.”

“That’s why I noticed it. Your beard’s shorter. May I touch it ... doesn’t it hurt?”

“No, not a bit.”

“Why is it that it hurts if you pull one hair, and when you pull a whole lot, it doesn’t hurt a bit? Ah, ah! You know it’s a pity you don’t have side-whiskers. You should shave here, and at the sides ... and leave the hair just here.”

The boy pressed close to Byelyaev and began to play with his watch-chain.

“When I go to the gymnasium,” he said, “Mother is going to buy me a watch. I’ll ask her to buy me a chain just like this. What a fine locket! Father has one just the same, but yours has stripes, here, and his has got letters.... Inside it’s mother’s picture. Father has another chain now, not in links, but like a ribbon....”

“How do you know? Do you see your father?”

“I? Mm ... no ... I ...”

Alyosha blushed and in the violent confusion of being detected in a lie began to scratch the locket busily with his finger-nail. Byelyaev looked steadily at his face and asked:

“Do you see your father?”

“No ... no!”

“But, be honest--on your honour. By your face I can see you’re not telling me the truth. If you made a slip of the tongue by mistake, what’s the use of shuffling. Tell me, do you see him? As one friend to another.”

Alyosha mused.

“And you won’t tell Mother?” he asked.

“What next.”

“On your word of honour.”

“My word of honour.”

“Swear an oath.”

“What a nuisance you are! What do you take me for?”

Alyosha looked round, made big eyes and began to whisper.

“Only for God’s sake don’t tell Mother! Never tell it to anyone at all, because it’s a secret. God forbid that Mother should ever get to know; then I and Sonya and Pelagueia will pay for it.... Listen. Sonya and I meet Father every Tuesday and Friday. When Pelagueia takes us for a walk before dinner, we go into Apfel’s sweet-shop and Father’s waiting for us. He always sits in a separate room, you know, where there’s a splendid marble table and an ash-tray shaped like a goose without a back....”

“And what do you do there?”

“Nothing!--First, we welcome one another, then we sit down at a little table and Father begins to treat us to coffee and cakes. You know, Sonya eats meat-pies, and I can’t bear pies with meat in them! I like them made of cabbage and eggs. We eat so much that afterwards at dinner we try to eat as much as we possibly can so that Mother shan’t notice.”

“What do you talk about there?”

“To Father? About anything. He kisses us and cuddles us, tells us all kinds of funny stories. You know, he says that he will take us to live with him when we are grown up. Sonya doesn’t want to go, but I say ‘Yes.’ Of course, it’ll be lonely without Mother; but I’ll write letters to her. How funny: we could go to her for our holidays then--couldn’t we? Besides, Father says that he’ll buy me a horse. He’s a splendid man. I can’t understand why Mother doesn’t invite him to live with her or why she says we mustn’t meet him. He loves Mother very much indeed. He’s always asking us how she is and what she’s doing. When she was ill, he took hold of his head like this ... and ran, ran, all the time. He is always telling us to obey and respect her. Tell me, is it true that we’re unlucky?”

“H’m ... how?”

“Father says so. He says: ‘You are unlucky children.’ It’s quite strange to listen to him. He says: ‘You are unhappy, I’m unhappy, and Mother’s unhappy.’ He says: ‘Pray to God for yourselves and for her.’” Alyosha’s eyes rested upon the stuffed bird and he mused.

“Exactly ...” snorted Byelyaev. “This is what you do. You arrange conferences in sweet-shops. And your mother doesn’t know?”

“N--no.... How could she know? Pelagueia won’t tell for anything. The day before yesterday Father stood us pears. Sweet, like jam. I had two.”

“H’m ... well, now ... tell me, doesn’t your father speak about me?”

“About you? How shall I put it?” Alyosha gave a searching glance to Byelyaev’s face and shrugged his shoulders.

“He doesn’t say anything in particular.”

“What does he say, for instance?”

“You won’t be offended?”

“What next? Why, does he abuse me?”

“He doesn’t abuse you, but you know ... he is cross with you. He says that it’s through you that Mother’s unhappy and that you ... ruined Mother. But he is so queer! I explain to him that you are good and never shout at Mother, but he only shakes his head.”

“Does he say those very words: that I ruined her?”

“Yes. Don’t be offended, Nicolai Ilyich!”

Byelyaev got up, stood still a moment, and then began to walk about the drawing-room.

“This is strange, and ... funny,” he murmured, shrugging his shoulders and smiling ironically. “He is to blame all round, and now I’ve ruined her, eh? What an innocent lamb! Did he say those very words to you: that I ruined your mother?”

“Yes, but ... you said that you wouldn’t get offended.”

“I’m not offended, and ... and it’s none of your business! No, it ... it’s quite funny though. I fell, into the trap, yet I’m to be blamed as well.”

The bell rang. The boy dashed from his place and ran out. In a minute a lady entered the room with a little girl. It was Olga Ivanovna, Alyosha’s mother. After her, hopping, humming noisily, and waving his hands, followed Alyosha.

“Of course, who is there to accuse except me?” he murmured, sniffing. “He’s right, he’s the injured husband.”

“What’s the matter?” asked Olga Ivanovna.

“What’s the matter! Listen to the kind of sermon your dear husband preaches. It appears I’m a scoundrel and a murderer, I’ve ruined you and the children. All of you are unhappy, and only I am awfully happy! Awfully, awfully happy!”

“I don’t understand, Nicolai! What is it?”

“Just listen to this young gentleman,” Byelyaev said, pointing to Alyosha.

Alyosha blushed, then became pale suddenly and his whole face was twisted in fright.

“Nicolai Ilyich,” he whispered loudly. “Shh!”

Olga Ivanovna glanced in surprise at Alyosha, at Byelyaev, and then again at Alyosha.

“Ask him, if you please,” went on Byelyaev. “That stupid fool Pelagueia of yours, takes them to sweet-shops and arranges meetings with their dear father there. But that’s not the point. The point is that the dear father is a martyr, and I’m a murderer, I’m a scoundrel, who broke the lives of both of you....”

“Nicolai Ilyich!” moaned Alyosha. “You gave your word of honour!”

“Ah, let me alone!” Byelyaev waved his hand. “This is something more important than any words of honour. The hypocrisy revolts me, the lie!”

“I don’t understand,” muttered Olga Ivanovna, and tears began to glimmer in her eyes. “Tell me, Lyolka,”--she turned to her son, “Do you see your father?”

Alyosha did not hear and looked with horror at Byelyaev.

“It’s impossible,” said the mother. “I’ll go and ask Pelagueia.”

Olga Ivanovna went out.

“But, but you gave me your word of honour,” Alyosha said trembling all over.

Byelyaev waved his hand at him and went on walking up and down. He was absorbed in his insult, and now, as before, he did not notice the presence of the boy. He, a big serious man, had nothing to do with boys. And Alyosha sat down in a corner and in terror told Sonya how he had been deceived. He trembled, stammered, wept. This was the first time in his life that he had been set, roughly, face to face with a lie. He had never known before that in this world besides sweet pears and cakes and expensive watches, there exist many other things which have no name in children’s language.

A GENTLEMAN FRIEND

When she came out of the hospital the charming Vanda, or, according to her passport, “the honourable lady-citizen Nastasya Kanavkina,” found herself in a position in which she had never been before: without a roof and without a son. What was to be done?

First of all, she went to a pawnshop to pledge her turquoise ring, her only jewellery. They gave her a rouble for the ring ... but what can you buy for a rouble? For that you can’t get a short jacket _à la mode_, or an elaborate hat, or a pair of brown shoes; yet without these things she felt naked. She felt as though, not only the people, but even the horses and dogs were staring at her and laughing at the plainness of her clothes. And her only thought was for her clothes; she did not care at all what she ate or where she slept.

“If only I were to meet a gentleman friend....” she thought. “I could get some money ... Nobody would say ‘No,’ because....”

But she came across no gentleman friends. It’s easy to find them of nights in the _Renaissance,_ but they wouldn’t let her go into the _Renaissance_ in that plain dress and without a hat. What’s to be done? After a long time of anguish, vexed and weary with walking, sitting, and thinking, Vanda made up her mind to play her last card: to go straight to the rooms of some gentleman friend and ask him for money.

“But who shall I go to?” she pondered. “I can’t possibly go to Misha ... he’s got a family.... The ginger-headed old man is at his office....”

Vanda recollected Finkel, the dentist, the converted Jew, who gave her a bracelet three months ago. Once she poured a glass of beer on his head at the German club. She was awfully glad that she had thought of Finkel.

“He’ll be certain to give me some, if only I find him in...” she thought, on her way to him. “And if he won’t, then I’ll break every single thing there.”

She had her plan already prepared. She approached the dentist’s door. She would run up the stairs, with a laugh, fly into his private room and ask for twenty-five roubles.... But when she took hold of the bell-pull, the plan went clean out of her head. Vanda suddenly began to be afraid and agitated, a thing which had never happened to her before. She was never anything but bold and independent in drunken company; but now, dressed in common clothes, and just like any ordinary person begging a favour, she felt timid and humble.

“Perhaps he has forgotten me...” she thought, not daring to pull the bell. “And how can I go up to him in a dress like this? As if I were a pauper, or a dowdy respectable...”

She rang the bell irresolutely.

There were steps behind the door. It was the porter.

“Is the doctor at home?” she asked.

She would have been very pleased now if the porter had said “No,” but instead of answering he showed her into the hall, and took her jacket. The stairs seemed to her luxurious and magnificent, but what she noticed first of all in all the luxury was a large mirror in which she saw a ragged creature without an elaborate hat, without a modish jacket, and without a pair of brown shoes. And Vanda found it strange that, now that she was poorly dressed and looking more like a seamstress or a washerwoman, for the first time she felt ashamed, and had no more assurance or boldness left. In her thoughts she began to call herself Nastya Kanavkina, instead of Vanda as she used.