Chapter 9

_A Room in Bonifaces Inn, Knocking without, enter Boniface_.

_Bon_. Coming! Coming!--A coach and six foaming horses at this time o' night I some great man, as the saying is, for he scorns to travel with other people.

_Enter Sir Charles Freeman_.

_Sir Chas_. What, fellow! a public house, and abed when other people sleep?

_Bon_. Sir, I an't abed, as the saying is.

_Sir Chas_. Is Mr. Sullen's family abed, think 'ee?

_Bon_. All but the squire himself, sir, as the saying is; he's in the house.

_Sir Chas_. What company has he? {10}

_Bon_. Why, sir, there 's the constable, Mr. Gage the exciseman, the hunch-backed barber, and two or three other gentlemen.

_Sir Chas_. I find my sister's letters gave me the true picture of her spouse. [_Aside_.

_Enter Squire Sullen, drunk_.

_Bon_. Sir, here's the squire.

_Squire Sul_. The puppies left me asleep--Sir!

_Sir Chas_. Well, sir.

_Squire Sul_. Sir, I am an unfortunate man--I have three thousand pounds a year, and I can't get a man to drink a cup of ale with me. {21}

_Sir Chas_. That's very hard.

_Squire Sul_. Ay, sir; and unless you have pity upon me, and smoke one pipe with me, I must e'en go home to my wife, and I had rather go to the devil by half.

_Sir Chas_. But I presume, sir, you won't see your wife to-night; she 'll be gone to bed. You don't use to lie with your wife in that pickle?

_Squire Sul_. What I not lie with my wife! why, sir, do you take me for an atheist or a rake? {30}

_Sir Chas_. If you hate her, sir, I think you had better lie from her.

_Squire Sul_. I think so too, friend. But I'm a Justice of peace, and must do nothing against the law.

_Sir Chas_. Law! as I take it, Mr. Justice, nobody observes law for law's sake, only for the good of those for whom it was made.

_Squire Sul_. But, if the law orders me to send you to jail you must lie there, my friend.

_Sir Chas_. Not unless I commit a crime to deserve it

_Squire Sul_. A crime? 'oons, an't I martied? {40}

_Sir Chas_. Nay, sir, if you call a marriage a crime, you must disown it for a law.

_Squire Sul_. Eh! I must be acquainted with you, sir.-- But, sir, I should be very glad to know the truth of this matter.

_Sir Chas_. Truth, sir, is a profound sea, and few there be that dare wade deep enough to find out the bottom on't. Besides, sir, I 'm afraid the line of your understanding mayn't be long enough. {50}

_Squire Sul_. Look'ee, sir, I have nothing to say to your sea of truth, but, if a good parcel of land can entitle a man to a little truth, I have as much as any He in the country.

_Bon_. I never heard your worship, as the saying is, talk so much before.

_Squire Sul_. Because I never met with a man that I liked before.

_Bon_. Pray, sir, as the saying is, let me ask you one question: are not man and wife one flesh? {60}

_Sir Chas_. You and your wife, Mr. Guts, may be one flesh, because ye are nothing else; but rational creatures have minds that must be united.

_Squire Sul_. Minds!

_Sir Chas_. Ay, minds, sir; don't you think that the mind takes place of the body?

_Squire Sul_. In some people.

_Sir Chas_. Then the interest of the master must be consulted before that of his servant {69}

_Squire Sul_. Sir, you shall dine with me to-morrow!-- 'Oons, I always thought that we were naturally one.

_Sir Chas_. Sir, I know that my two hands are naturally one, because they love one another, kiss one another, help one another in all the actions of life; but I could not say so much if they were always at cuffs.

_Squire Sul_. Then 'tis plain that we are two.

_Sir Chas_. Why don't you part with her, sir?

_Squire Sul_. Will you take her, sir?

_Sir Chas_. With all my heart. {79}

_Squire Sul_. You shall have her to-morrow morning, and a venison-pasty into the bargain.

_Sir Chas_. You 'll let me have her fortune too?

_Squire Sul_. Fortune! why, sir, I have no quarrel at her fortune: I only hate the woman, sir, and none but the woman shall go.

_Sir Chas_. But her fortune, sir--

_Squire Sul_. Can you play at whisk, sir?

_Sir Chas_. No, truly, sir.

_Squire Sul_. Nor at all-fours?

_Sir Chas_. Neither. {90}

_Squire Sul_. [_Aside_.] 'Oons! where was this man bred?-- [_Aloud_.] Burn me, sir! I can't go home, 'tis but two a clock.

_Sir Chas_. For half an hour, sir, if you please; but you must consider 'tis late.

_Squire Sul_. Late! that's the reason I can't go to bed.-- Come, sir! [_Exeunt_.

_Enter Cherry, runs across the stage, and knocks at Aimwells chamber door. Enter Aimwell in his nightcap and gown_.

_Aim_. What's the matter? you tremble, child; you're frighted. {99}

_Cher_. No wonder, sir--But, in short, sir, this very minute a gang of rogues are gone to rob my Lady Bountiful's house.

_Aim_. How!

_Cher_. I dogged 'em to the very door, and left 'em breaking in.

_Aim_. Have you alarmed anybody else with the news?

_Cher_. No, no, sir, I wanted to have discovered the whole plot, and twenty other things, to your man Martin; but I have searched the whole house, and can't find him: where is he? {110}

_Aim_. No matter, child; will you guide me immediately to the house?

_Cher_. With all my heart, sir; my Lady Bountiful is my godmother, and I love Mrs. Dorinda so well--

_Aim_. Dorinda! the name inspires me, the glory and the danger shall be all my own.--Come, my life, let me but get my sword. [_Exeunt_.