Chapter 10

_A Bedchamber in Lady Bountifuls House. Mrs. Sullen and Dorinda discovered undressed; a table and lights_.

_Dor_. 'Tis very late, sister, no news of your spouse yet?

_Mrs. Sul_. No, I 'm condemned to be alone till towards four, and then perhaps I may be executed with his company.

_Dor_. Well, my dear, I'll leave you to your rest; you 'll go directly to bed, I suppose?

_Mrs. Sul_. I don't know what to do.--Heigh-ho!

_Dor_. That's a desiring sigh, sister.

_Mrs. Sul_. This is a languishing hour, sister.

_Dor_. And might prove a critical minute if the pretty fellow were here. {11}

_Mrs. Sul_. Here! what, in my bedchamber at two o'clock o' th' morning, I undressed, the family asleep, my hated husband abroad, and my lovely fellow at my feet!--O 'gad, sister!

_Dor_. Thoughts are free, sister, and them I allow you.-- So, my dear, good night.

_Mrs. Sul_. A good rest to my dear Dorinda!--[_Exit Dorinda_.] Thoughts free! are they so? Why, then, suppose him here, dressed like a youthful, gay, and burning bridegroom, {21}

[Here Archer steals out of a closet behind. with tongue enchanting, eyes bewitching, knees imploring.]

--[_Turns a little on one side and sees Archer in the posture she describes_.]--Ah!--[_Shrieks, and runs to the other side of the stage_.] Have my thoughts raised a spirit?--What are you, sir, a man or a devil?

_Arch_. A man, a man, madam. [_Rising_.

_Mrs. Sul_. How shall I be sure of it?

_Arch_. Madam, I'll give you demonstration this minute.

[_Takes her hand_.

_Mrs. Sul_. What, sir! do you intend to be rude? {31}

_Arch_. Yes, madam, if you please.

_Mrs. Sul_. In the name of wonder, whence came ye?

_Arch_. From the skies, madam--I'm a Jupiter in love, and you shall be my Alcmena.

_Mrs. Sul_. How came you in?

_Arch_. I flew in at the window, madam; your cousin Cupid lent me his wings, and your sister Venus opened the casement.

_Mrs. Sul_. I 'm struck dumb with wonder! {40}

_Arch_. And I--with admiration!

[_Looks passionately at her_.

_Mrs. Sul_. What will become of me?

_Arch_. How beautiful she looks!--The teeming jolly Spring smiles in her blooming face, and, when she was conceived, her mother smelt to roses, looked on lilies--

Lilies unfold their white, their fragrant charms, When the warm sun thus darts into their arms.

[_Runs to her_.

_Mrs. Sul_. Ah! [_Shrieks_.

_Arch_. 'Oons, madam, what d' ye mean? you 'll raise the house. {51}

_Mrs. Sul_. Sir, I 'll wake the dead before I bear this!-- What! approach me with the freedom of a keeper! I 'm glad on't, your impudence has cured me.

_Arch_. If this be impudence--[_Kneels_.] I leave to your partial self; no panting pilgrim, after a tedious, painful voyage, e'er bowed before his saint with more devotion. {58}

_Mrs. Sul_. [_Aside_.] Now, now, I 'm ruined if he kneels! --[_Aloud_.] Rise, thou prostrate engineer, not all thy undermining skill shall reach my heart.--Rise, and know I am a woman without my sex; I can love to all the tenderness of wishes, sighs, and tears --but go no farther.--Still, to convince you-that I'm more than woman, I can speak my frailty, confess my weakness even for you, but--

_Arch_. For me! [_Going to lay hold on her_.

_Mrs. Sul_. Hold, sir! build not upon that; for my most mortal hatred follows if you disobey what I command you now.--Leave me this minute.--[_Aside_.] If he denies I 'm lost. {71}

_Arch_. Then you 'll promise--

_Mrs. Sul_. Anything another time.

_Arch_. When shall I come?

_Mrs. Sul_. To-morrow--when you will.

_Arch_. Your lips must seal the promise.

_Mrs. Sul_. Psha!

_Arch_. They must! they must! [_Kisses her_.] --Raptures and paradise!--And why not now, my angel? the time, the place, silence, and secrecy, all conspire. And the now conscious stars have preordained this moment for my happiness. [_Takes her in his arms_.

_Mrs. Sul_. You will not! cannot, sure! {83}

_Arch_. If the sun rides fast, and disappoints not mortals of to-morrow's dawn, this night shall crown my joys.

_Mrs. Sul_. My sex's pride assist me!

_Arch_. My sex's strength help me!

_Mrs. Sul_. You shall kill me first!

_Arch_. I 'll die with you. [_Carrying her off_.

_Mrs. Sul_. Thieves! thieves! murder! {91}

_Enter Scrub in his breeches, and one shoe_.

_Scrub_. Thieves! thieves! murder! popery!

_Arch_. Ha! the very timorous stag will kill in rutting time. [_Draws, and offers to stab Scrub_.

_Scrub_. [_Kneeling_.] O pray, sir, spare all I have, and take my life!

_Mrs. Sul_. [_Holding Archer's hand_.] What does the fellow mean?

_Scrub_. O madam, down upon your knees, your marrow-bones! --he 's one of 'em. {100}

_Arch_. Of whom?

_Scrub_. One of the rogues--I beg your pardon, one of the honest gentlemen that just now are broke into the house.

_Arch_. How!

_Mrs. Sul_. I hope you did not come to rob me?

_Arch_. Indeed I did, madam, but I would have taken nothing but what you might ha' spared; but your crying 'Thieves' has waked this dreaming fool, and so he takes 'em for granted. {110}

_Scrub_. Granted! 'tis granted, sir; take all we have.

_Mrs. Sul_. The fellow looks as if he were broke out of Bedlam.

_Scrub_. 'Oons, madam, they 're broke into the house with fire and sword! I saw them, heard them; they 'll be here this minute.

_Arch_. What, thieves!

_Scrub_. Under favour, sir, I think so.

_Mrs. Sul_. What shall we do, sir?

_Arch_. Madam, I wish your ladyship a good night {120}

_Mrs. Sul_. Will you leave me?

_Arch_. Leave you! Lord, madam, did not you command me to be gone just now, upon pain of your immortal hatred?

_Mrs. Sul_. Nay, but pray, sir---- [_Takes hold of him_.

_Arch_. Ha! ha! ha! now comes my turn to be ravished. --You see now, madam, you must use men one way or other; but take this by the way; good madam, that none but a fool will give you the benefit of his courage, unless you'll take his love along with it. --How are they armed, friend? {131}

_Scrub_. With sword and pistol, sir.

_Arch_. Hush!--I see a dark lantern coming through the gallery--Madam, be assured I will protect you, or lose my life.

_Mrs. Sul_. Your life! no, sir, they can rob me of nothing that I value half so much; therefore now, sir, let me entreat you to be gone. {138}

_Arch_. No, madam, I'll consult my own safety for the sake of yours; I 'll work by stratagem. Have you courage enough to stand the appearance of 'em?

_Mrs. Sul_. Yes, yes, since I have 'scaped your hands, I can face anything.

_Arch_. Come hither, brother Scrub! don't you know me?

_Scrub_. Eh, my dear brother, let me kiss thee.

[_Kisses Archer_.

_Arch_. This way--here----

[Archer and Scrub hide behind the bed.

_Enter Gibbet, with a dark lantern in one hand, and a pistol in the other_.

_Gib_. Ay, ay, this is the chamber, and the lady alone.

_Mrs. Sul_. Who are you, sir? what would you have? d' ye come to rob me? {149}

_Gib_. Rob you! alack a day, madam, I 'm only a younger brother, madam; and so, madam, if you make a noise, I 'll shoot you through the head; but don't be afraid, madam.--[_Laying his lantern and pistol upon the table_.] These rings, madam; don't be concerned, madam, I have a profound respect for you, madam; your keys, madam; don't be frighted, madam, I 'm the most of a gentleman. --[_Searching her pockets_.] This necklace, madam; I never was rude to any lady;--I have a veneration --for this necklace-- {160}

[_Here Archer having come round, and seized the pistol takes Gibbet by the collar, trips up his heels, and claps the pistol to his breast_.

_Arch_. Hold, profane villain, and take the reward of thy sacrilege!

_Gib_. Oh! pray, sir, don't kill me; I an't prepared.

_Arch_. How many is there of 'em, Scrub?

_Scrub_. Five-and-forty, sir.

_Arch_. Then I must kill the villain, to have him out of the way.

_Gib_. Hold, hold, sir, we are but three, upon my honour.

_Arch_. Scrub, will you undertake to secure him?

_Scrub_. Not I, sir; kill him, kill him! {170}

_Arch_. Run to Gipsy's chamber, there you'll find the doctor; bring him hither presently.--[_Exit Scrub, running_.] Come, rogue, if you have a short prayer, say it.

_Gib_. Sir, I have no prayer at all; the government has provided a chaplain to say prayers for us on these occasions.

_Mrs. Sul_. Pray, sir, don't kill him: you fright me as much as him. {179}

_Arch_. The dog shall die, madam, for being the occasion of my disappointment.--Sirrah, this moment is your last.

_Gib_. Sir, I 'll give you two hundred pounds to spare my life.

_Arch_. Have you no more, rascal?

_Gib_. Yes, sir, I can command four hundred, but I must reserve two of 'em to save my life at the sessions.

_Re-enter Scrub and Foigard_.

_Arch_. Here, doctor, I suppose Scrub and you between you may manage him. Lay hold of him, doctor.

[_Foigard lays hold of Gibbet_.

_Gib_. What! turned over to the priest already!-- Look 'ee, doctor, you come before your time; I an't condemned yet, I thank ye. {192}

_Foi_. Come, my dear joy; I vill secure your body and your shoul too; I vill make you a good catholic, and give you an absolution.

_Gib_. Absolution! can you procure me a pardon, doctor?

_Foi_. No, joy--

_Gib_. Then you and your absolution may to the devil! {199} _Arch_. Convey him into the cellar, there bind him:-- take the pistol, and if he offers to resist, shoot him through the head--and come back to us with all the speed you can.

_Scrub_. Ay, ay, come, doctor, do you hold him fast, and I 'll guard him.

[_Exit Foigard with Gibbet, Scrub following_.

_Mrs. Sul_. But how came the doctor--

_Arch_. In short, madam--[_Shrieking without_.] 'Sdeath! the rogues are at work with the other ladies--I 'm vexed I parted with the pistol; but I must fly to their assistance.--Will you stay here, madam, or venture yourself with me? {211}

_Mrs. Sul_. [_Taking him by the arm_.] Oh, with you, dear sir, with you. [_Exeunt_.