Part 3

[34] When _James_ the _first_, at great _Britannia_'s helm, Rul'd this word-clipping and word-coining Realm, No words to Royal favour made pretence, But what agreed in sound and clash'd in sense. Thrice happy he! how great that Speaker's praise, Whose ev'ry Period look'd an hundred ways. What then? we now with just abhorrence shun The trifling Quibble, and the School-boys Pun; Tho' no great Connoisseur, I make a shift Just to find out a _Durfey_ from a _Swift_; I can discern with half an eye, I hope, _Mist_ from _Jo Addison_, from _Eusden Pope_: I know a Farce from one of _Congreve_'s Plays, And _Cibber_'s Opera from _Johnny Gay_'s.

[35] When pert _Defoe_ his sawcy Papers writ, He from a Cart was Pillor'd for his Wit: By Mob was pelted half a Morning's space, And rotten Eggs besmear'd his yellow face; The _Censor_ then improv'd the list'ning Isle, And held both Parties in an artful Smile. A Scribbling Crew now pinching Winter brings,) That spare no earthly nor no heav'nly things,) Nor Church, nor State, nor Treasurers, nor Kings.) But Blasphemy displeases all the Town;) And for defying Scripture, Law, and Crown,) _Woolston_ should pay his Fine, and lose his Gown,)

[36] It must be own'd the _Journals_ try all ways To merit their respective Party's praise: They jar in every Article from _Spain_; A War these threaten, those a Peace maintain: Tho' Lye they will, to give 'em all their due, In Foreign matters, and Domestick too. Whoe'er thou art that would'st a _Postman_ write, Enquire all day, and hearken all the night. Sure, _Gazetteers_ and Writers of _Courants_ Might soon exceed th' Intelligence of _France_: To be out-done old _England_ should refuse, As in her Arms, so in her Publick News; But Truth is scarce, the Scene of Action large, And Correspondence an excessive Charge.

[37] There are who say, no Man can be a Wit Unless for _Newgate_ or for _Bedlam_ fit; Let Pamphleteers abusive Satyr write, To shew a Genius is to shew a Spite: That Author's Works will ne'er be reckon'd good Who has not been where _Curl_ the Printer stood.

[38] Alass Poor Me, you may my fortune guess: I write, and yet Humanity profess; (Tho' nothing can delight a modern Judge, Without ill-nature and a private Grudge) I love the King, the Queen, and Royal Race: I like the Government, but want no Place: Too low in Life to be a _Justice_ I, And for a Constable, thank God, too high; Was never in a Plot, my Brain's not hurt; I Politicks to Poetry convert.

[39] A Politician must (as I have read) Be furnish'd, in the first place, with a _Head_: A _Head_ well fill'd with _Machiavelian_ Brains, And stuff'd with Precedents of former Reigns: Must Journals read, and _Magna Charta_ quote; But acts still wiser, if he speaks by _Note_: Learns well his Lesson, and ne'er fears mistakes: For Ready Money Ready Speakers makes; He must Instructions and Credentials draw, Pay well the Army, and protect the Law: Give to his Country what's his Country's due, But first help _Brothers_, _Sons_, and _Cousins_ too. He must read _Grotius_ upon War and Peace, And the twelve Judges Salary encrease. He must oblige old Friends and new Allies, And find out _Ways and Means_ for fresh _Supplies_. He must the Weavers Grievances redress, And Merchants wants in Merchants words express.

[40] Dramatick Poets that expect the Bays, Should cull our Histories for Party Plays; _Wickfort's Embassador_ should fill their head, And the _State-Tryals_ carefully be read: For what is _Dryden_'s Muse and _Otway_'s Plots To th' _Earl of Essex_ or the _Queen of Scots_?

[41] 'Tis said that _Queen Elizabeth_ could speak, At twelve years old, right _Attick_ full-mouth'd _Greek_; Hence was the Student forc'd at _Greek_ to drudge, If he would be a Bishop, or a Judge. Divines and Lawyers now don't think they thrive, 'Till promis'd places of men still alive: How old is such an one in such a Post? The answer is, he's seventy-five almost: Th' Arch-Bishop, and the Master of the Rolls? Neither is young, and one's as old as _Paul_'s. Will Men, that ask such Questions, publish books Like learned _Hooker_'s or _Chief Justice Cook_'s?

[42] On Tender Subjects with discretion touch, And never say too little, or too much. On Trivial Matters Flourishes are wrong, Motions for Candles never should be long: Or if you move, in case of sudden Rain, To shut the Windows, speak distinct and plain. Unless you talk good _English_ downright Sense, Can you be understood by Serjeant _Spence_?

[43] New Stories always should with Truth agree Or Truth's half-Sister, Probability: Scarce could _Toft_'s Rabbits and pretended throws On half the Honourable _House_ impose.

[44] When _Cato_ speaks, young _Shallow_ runs away, And swears it is so dull he cannot stay: When Rakes begin on Blasphemy to border, _Bromley_ and _Hanmer_ cry aloud---- _To Order_. The point is this, with manly Sense and ease T' inform the Judgment, and the Fancy please. Praise it deserves, nor difficult the thing, At once to serve one's Countrey and one's King. Such Speeches bring the wealthy _Tonson_'s gain,) From Age to Age they minuted remain,) As Precedents for George the twentieth's Reign.)

[45] Is there a Man on earth so perfect found, Who ne'er mistook a word in Sense or Sound? Not Blund'ring, but persisting is the fault; No mortal Sin is _Lapsus Linguæ_ thought: Clerks may mistake; consid'ring who 'tis from, I pardon little Slips in _Cler. Dom. Com._ But let me tell you I'll not take his part, If ev'ry _Thursday_ he date _Die Mart_. Of Sputt'ring mortals 'tis the fatal curse, By mending Blunders still to make 'em worse. Men sneer when---- gets a lucky Thought, And stare if _Wyndham_ should be nodding caught. But sleeping's what the wisest men may do, Should the Committee chance to sit 'till Two.

[46] Not unlike Paintings, Principles appear, Some best at distance, some when we are near. The love of Politicks so vulgar's grown, My Landlord's Party from his Sign is known: Mark of _French_ wine, see _Ormond_'s Head appear, While _Marlb'rough_'s Face directs to Beer and Beer: Some _Buchanan_'s, the _Pope_'s Head some like best, The _Devil Tavern_ is a standing jest.

[47] Whoe'er you are that have a Seat secure, Duly return'd, and from _Petition_ sure, Stick to your Friends in whatsoe'er you say; With strong aversion shun the Middle way: The Middle way the best we sometimes call, But 'tis in Politicks no way at all. A _Trimmer_'s what both Parties turn to sport, By Country hated, and despis'd at Court. Who would in earnest to a Party come, Must give his Vote, not whimsical, but plumb. There is no Medium: for the term in vogue On either side is, Honest Man, or Rogue. Can it be difficult our Minds to show, Where all the Difference is, Yes, or No?

[48] In all Professions, Time and Pains give Skill, Without hard Study, dare Physicians kill? Can he that ne'er read Statutes or Reports, Give Chamber-Counsel, or urge Law in Courts? But ev'ry Whipster knows Affairs of State, Nor fears on nicest Subjects to debate. A Knight of eighteen hundred pounds a year-- Who minds his Head, if his Estate be clear? Sure he may speak his mind, and tell the _House_, He matters not the Government a Louse. Lack-learning Knights, these things are safely said To Friends in private, at the _Bedford-Head_: But in the _House_, before your Tongue runs on, Consult _Sir James_, _Lord William_'s dead and gone. Words to recall is in no Member's power, One single word may send you to the _Tower_.

[49] The wrong'd to help, the lawless to restrain, Thrice ev'ry Year, in ancient _Egbert_'s Reign, The _Members_ to the _Mitchelgemot_ went, In after Ages call'd the _Parliament_; Early the _Mitchelgemot_ did begin T' enroll their Statutes, on a Parchment Skin: For impious Treason hence no room was left, For Murder, for Polygamy, or Theft: Since when the Senates power both Sexes know From Hops and Claret, Soap and Callico. Now wholesom Laws young Senators bring in 'Gainst _Goats_, _Attornies_, _Bribery_, and _Gin_. Since such the nature of the _British_ State, The power of _Parliament_ so old and great, Ye 'Squires and _Irish_ Lords, 'tis worth your care) To be return'd for City, Town, or Shire,) By Sheriff, Bailiff, Constable, or Mayor.)

[50] Some doubt, which to a Seat has best Pretence, A man of Substance, or a man of Sense: But never any Member feats will do, Without a Head-piece and a Pocket too; Sense is requir'd the depth of Things to reach, And Money gives Authority to Speech.

[51] A Man of Bus'ness won't 'till ev'ning dine; Abstains from Women, Company, and Wine: From _Fig_'s new Theatre he'll miss a Night, Tho' Cocks, and Bulls, and _Irish_ Women fight: Nor sultry Sun, nor storms of soaking Rain, The Man of Bus'ness from the _House_ detain: Nor speaks he for no reason but to say, I am a _Member_, and I spoke to day. I speak sometimes, you'll hear his Lordship cry, Because Some speak that have less Sense than I.

[52] The Man that has both Land and Money too May wonders in a Trading Borough do: They'll praise his Ven'son, and commend his Port,) Turn their two former Members into Sport,) And, if he likes it, Satyrize the Court.) But at a Feast 'tis difficult to know From real Friends an undiscover'd Foe; The man that swears he will the Poll secure, And pawns his Soul that your Election's sure, Suspect that man: beware, all is not right, He's, ten to one, a Corporation-Bite.

[53] Alderman _Pond_, a downright honest Man, Would say, I cannot help you, or I can: To spend your Money, Sir, is all a jest; Matters are settled, set your heart at rest: We've made a Compromise, and, Sir, you know, That sends one Member _High_, and t'other _Low_. But if his good Advice you would not take, He'd scorn your Supper, and your Punch forsake: Leave you of mighty Interest to brag, And poll two Voices like _Sir Robert Fag_.

[54] _Parliamenteering_ is a sort of Itch, That will too oft unwary Knights bewitch. Two good Estates Sir _Harry Clodpole_ spent; Sate thrice, but spoke not once, in Parliament: Two good Estates are gone--Who'll take his word? Oh! should his Uncle die, he'd spend a third: He'd buy a House, his happiness to crown, Within a mile of some good _Borough-Town_; Tag, Rag, and Bobtail to Sir _Harry_'s run, Men that have Votes, and Women that have none: Sons, Daughters, Grandsons, with his Honour dine; He keeps a Publick-House without a Sign. Coolers and Smiths extol th' ensuing Choice, And drunken Taylors boast their right of Voice. Dearly the free-born neighbourhood is bought, They never leave him while he's worth a groat: So Leeches stick, nor quit the bleeding wound, Till off they drop with Skinfuls to the ground.

_FINIS_.

[1] Humano capiti cervicem Pictor equinam Jungere si velit, & varias inducere plumas, Undiq; collatis membris, ut turpiter atrum Desinat in piscem mulier formosa superne: Spectatum admissi, risum teneatis, amici? Credite, Pisones, isti tabulæ fore librum Persimilem, cujus, velit ægri somnia, vanæ Fingentur species. Pictoribus atq; Poetis Quidlibet audendi semper fuit æqua potestas; Scimus, & hanc veniam petimusq; damusq; vicissim: Sed non ut placidis coeant immitia, non ut Serpentes avibus geminentur, tigribus agni.

[2] Incoeptis gravibus plerumq; & magna professis Purpureus late qui splendeat unus & alter Assuitur pannus, cum lucus & ara Dianæ, Aut properantis aquæ per amænos ambitus agros, Aut flumen Rhenum, aut pluvius describitur arcus; Sed nunc non erar his locus: & fortasse cupressum, Scis simulare, quid hoc, si fractis enatat exspes Navibus, ære dato qui pingitur? amphora cæpit Institui, currente rota cur urceus exit? Deniq; sit quidvis simplex duntaxat & unum.

[3] Decipimur specie recti; brevis esse laboro, Obscurus fio: sectantem lævia, nervi Deficiunt animique: professus grandia, turget. Qui variare cupit rem prodigialiter unam Delphinum sylvis appingit, fluctibus aprum. In vitium ducit culpæ fuga, si caret arte. Æmilium circa ludum faber imus & ungues Exprimet, & molles imitabitur ore capillos; Infelix operis summa, quia ponere totum Nesciet; hunc ego me, si quid componere curem, Non magis esse velim, quam pravo vivere naso Spectandum nigris oculis nigroq; capillo.

[4] Sumite materiam vestris, qui scribitis, æquam Viribus; & versate diu, quid ferre recusent, Quid valeant humeri: cui lecta potenter erit res, Nec facundia deseret hunc nec lucidus ordo. Ordinis hæc virtus erit & venus, aut ego fallor, Ut jam nunc dicat jam nunc debentia dici: Pleraq; differat, & præsens in tempus omittat. Dixeris egregie, notum si callida verbum Reddiderit junctura novum; si forte necesse est Indiciis monstrare recentibus abdita rerum Fingere cinctutis non exaudita Cethegis Continget, dabiturq; licentia sumpta pudenter Et nova sictaq; nuper habebunt verba fidem, si Græco fonte cadant.

[5] ---- licuit, semperque licebit Signatum præsente nota procudere nomen. Ut Sylvæ foliis pronos mutantur in annos: Prima cadunt, ita verborum vetus interit ætas, Debemur morti nos nostraq; sive receptus Terra Neptunus classes aquilonibus arcet, Regis opus, sterilisve diu palus aptaque remis Vicinas urbes alit & grave sentit aratrum. Seu cursum mutavit iniquum frugibus amnis Doctus iter melius; mortalia facta peribunt, Nedum sermonum stet honos & gratia vivax. Multa renascentur quæ jam cecidere, cadentq; Quæ nunc sunt in honore vocabula, si volet usus, Quem penes arbitrium est & jus norma loquendi.

[6] Res gestæ regumq; ducumq; & tristia bella Quo scribi possent numero, monstravit Homerus. Versibus impariter junctis querimonia primum, Post etiam voti inclusa est voti sententia compos. Quis tamen exiguos elegos emiserit auctor Grammatici certant, & adhuc sub judice lis est.

[7] Musa dedit fidibus Divos puerosq; Deorum, Et pugilem victorem, & equum certamine primum, Et juvenum curas, & libera vina referre.

[8] Descriptas servare vices operumq; colores Cur ego si nequeo ignoroq;, poeta salutor? Cur nescire pudens prave quam discere malo?

[9] Versibus exponi tragicis res comica nonvult Indignatur item privatis ac prope socco Dignis carminibus narrari cæna Thyestæ, Interdum tamen & vocem Comædia tollit, Iratusq; Chremes tumido delitigat ore. Telephus & Peleus, cum pauper & exul uterq;, Projicit ampullas & sesqui pedalia verba.

[10] Non fatis est est pulchra esse Poemata, dulcia sunto. Ut ridentibus arrident, ita flentibus adflent Humani vultus; si vis me flere, dolendum est Primum ipsi tibi: tunc tua me infortunia lædent Telephe, vel Peleu; male si mandata loqueris, Aut dormitabo aut ridebo.

[11] Format enim Natura prius nos intus ad omnem Fortunarum habitum, &c. Post effert animi motus interprete Lingua ---- tristia mæstum Vultum verba decent, &c. Si dicentis erunt fortunis absona dicta, Romani tollent equites peditesq; cachinnum.

[12] Intererit multum Divusne loquetur, an Heros: Mercatorne vagus, cultorne virentis agelli: Colchus, an Assyrius: Thebis nutritus, an Argis.

[13] Aut famam sequere, aut sibi convenientia finge Scriptor; honoratum si forte reponis Achillem, Impiger, iracundus, inexorabilis, acer, Jura neget sibi nata, nihil non arroget armis; Sit Medea ferox invictaq;, flebilis Ino, Perfidus Ixion, Io vaga, tristis Orestes.

[14] Siquid inexpertum scenæ committis, & audes Personam formare novam, servetur ad imum Qualis ab incæpto processerit, & sibi constet.

[15] Difficile est proprie communia dicere: tuq; Rectius Iliacum carmen deducis in actus, Quam si proferres ignota indictaq; primus; Publica materies privati juris erit, si Nec circa vilem patulumq; moraberis orbem, Nec verbum verbo curabis reddere fidus Interpres, nec sic desilies imitator in arctum Unde pedem proferre pudor vetet aut operis lex.

[16] Nec sic incipies ut Scriptor Cyclicus olim. Fortunam Priami cantabo & nobile bellum; Quanto rectius hic qui nil molitur inepte, Dic mihi Musa virum captæ post tempera Trojæ Qui mores hominum multorum vidit & urbes.

[17] Non fumum ex fulgore, sed ex fumo dare lucem Cogitat:

[18] Quid dignum tanto feret hic promissor hiatu? Parturiunt montes, nascetur ridiculus mus.

[19] Nec reditum Diomedis ab interitu Meleagri, Nec gemino bellum Trojanum orditur ab ovo; ---- & quæ Desperat tractata nitescere posse, relinquit; Atq; ita mentitur, sic veris falsa remiscet Primo ne medium, medio ne discrepet imum.

[20] Tu quid ego & populus mecum desideret, audi; Si plausoris eges aulæa manentis, & usq; Sessuri donec cantor, Vos plaudite, dicat, Ætatis cujusq; notandi sunt tibi mores, Mobilibusq; decor naturis dandus & annis.

[21] Reddere qui voces jam scit puer, & pede certo Signat humum, gestit paribus colludere, & iram Colligit ac ponit temere, & mutantur in horas.

[22] Imberbis juvenis, tandem custode remoto, Gaudet equis canibusq; & aprici gramine campi: Cereus in vitium flecti, monitoribus asper, Utilium tardus provisor, prodigus æris, Sublimis, cupidusq; & amata relinquere pernix.

[23] Conversis studiis ætas animusq; virilis Quærit opes & amicitias, infervit honori, Commisisse cavet quod mox mutare laboret.

[24] Multa senem circum veniunt incommoda, vel quod Quærit & inventis miser abstinet ac timet uti: Dilator, spe longus iners, avidusq; futuri, Difficilis, querulus, laudator temporis acti Se puero, censor castigatorq; minorum. Multa ferunt anni venientes commoda secum, Multa recedentes adimunt; ne forte viriles Mandentur juveni partes, pueroq; viriles, Semper in adjunctis ævoq; morabimur aptis.

[25] Aut agitur res in Scenis, aut acta refertur; Segnius irritant aminos demissa per aures, Quam quæ sunt oculis subjecta fidelibus, & quæ Ipse sibit tradit Spectator. Quodcunq; ostendis mihi sic, incredulus odi.

[26] Neve minor, neu sit quinto productior actu Fabula, quæ posci vult & spectata reponi; Nec Deus intersit, nisi dignus vindice nodus Inciderit, nec quarta loqui persona laboret.

[27] Actoris partes Chorus officiumq; virile Defendat: neu quid medios intercinat actus Quod non proposito conducat & hæreat apte; Ille bonis faveatq; & concilietur amicis, Et regat iratos, & amet peccare timentes: Ille dapes laudet mensæ brevis, ille salubrem Justitiam, legesq; & apertis otia portis; Ille tegat commissa, Deosq; precetur & oret Ut redeat miseris, abeat fortuna superbis.

[28] Tibia non, ut nunc, Orichalco vincta, tubæq; Æmula, sed tenuis simplexq; foramine pauco, Aspirare & adesse choris erat utilis, &c. Postquam coepit agros extendere victor, & urbem Latior amplecti, muros, &c. Accessit numerisq; modisq; licentia major; Sic etiam fidibus voces crevere severis, Et tulit eloquium insolitum facundia præceps: Utiliumq; sagax rerum & divina futuri Sortilegis non discrepuit sententia Delphis.

[29] Carmine qui tragico vilem certavit ob hircum Incolumi gravitate jocum tentavit, eo quod Illecebris erat & grata novitate morandus Spectator, functusq; sacris, & potus, & exlex.

[30] Effutire leves indigna Tragoedia versus, Ut festis matrona moveri jussa diebus, Intererit Satyris paulum pudibunda protervis.

[31] Non ego inornata & dominantia nomina solum Verbaq; Pisones, Satyrorum scriptor amabo; Nec sic enitar Tragico differre colori Ut nihil intersit Davusne loquatur, an audax Pythias, emuncto lucrata Simone talentum: An custos famulusque Dei Silenus alumni,

[32] Ut sibi quivis Speret idem, sudet multum frustraq; laboret.

[33] Ne nimium teneris juvenentur versibus unquam, Aut immunda crepent ignominiosaq; dicta: Offenduntur enim, quibus est equus & pater & res, Nec si quid fricti ciceris probat & nucis emtor Æquis accipiunt animis, donantve coronâ.

[34] At nostri proavi Plautinos & numeros & Laudavere sales, nimium patienter utrumq; Ne dicam stultè, mirati; si modo ego & vos Scimus inurbanum lepido seponere dictum, Legitimumq; sonum digitis callemus & aure.

[35] Ignotum Tragicæ genus invenisse Camænæ Dicitur, & plaustris vexisse poëmata Thespis, Quæ canerent agerentq; peruncti fæcibus ora; Post hunc personæ pallæq; repertor honestæ Æichylus & modicis instravit pulpita tignis, Et docuit magnumq; loqui nitiq; cothurno. Successit vetus his Comædia non sine multa Laude: sed in vitium libertas excidit, & vim Dignam lege regi; lex est accepta, chorusq; Turpiter obticuit sublato jure nocendi.

[36] Nil intentatum nostri liquere Poetæ, Nec minimum meruere decus vestigia Græca Ausi deserere, & celebrare domestica facta: Nee virtute foret clarisve potentius armis, Quam lingua, Latium, si non offenderet unum Quemq; Poetarum limæ labor & mora.

[37] Ingenium miserâ quia fortunatius arte Credit, & excludit sanos Helicone Poetas Democritus, bona pars non unguem ponere curat, Non barbam---- Nanciscetur enim pretium nomenq; Poetæ Si tribus Anticyris caput insanabile nunquam Tonsori Licino commiserit;

[38] ---- O ego lævus Qui purgor bilem sub verni temporis horam: Non alius faceret meliora poemata, verum Nil tanti est: ergo fungar vice cotis, acutum Reddere quæ ferrum valet exors ipse secandi; Munus & officium, nil scribens ipse, docebo: Unde parentur opes, quid alat formetq; Poetam: Quid deceat, quid non: quo virtus, quo ferat error.

[39] Scribendi recte sapere est & principium & fons: Rem tibi Socraticæ poterunt ostendere chartæ, Verbaq; provisam rem non invita sequuntur. Qui didicit patriæ quid debeat, & quid amicis, Quo sit amore parens, quo frater amandus, & hospes, Quod sit conscripti, quod judicis officium, quæ Partes in bellum missi ducis, ille profecto Reddere personæ scit convenientia cuiq;.

[40] Respicere exemplar vitæ morumq; jubebo Doctum imitatorem, & veras hinc ducere voces; Fabula nullius veneris, sine pondere & arte, Valdius oblectat populum meliusq; moratur, Quam versus inopes rerum nugæq; canoræ.