The Art of Being Bored: A Comedy in Three Acts
letter I don’t know what happened to me—then I understood how deep my
feelings were—yes, I love you, my dear child, my divine creature! More than I ever imagined I did! And I want you to know—(_Tenderly_)—don’t you feel that I love you deeply, dear little Suzanne?
SUZANNE. (_A little surprised at his vehemence_) Yes—Roger——
ROGER. The way you look at me—I frightened you—you don’t believe me—I’m not used to—I’m not used to saying tender things, I’m awkward—I don’t know how to say those things—one’s emotions are influenced by maternal training and you know my mother; she has made a dryasdust scientist of me. Science has been my sole preoccupation—You have been my sole distraction—the one ray of sunshine in my dreary youth. You have only me and I have only you—and I, my dear child, whom else have I to love but you?—And I didn’t know! You have charmed me as one is charmed by a child!—With your simplicity, with your grace! I was your teacher, but your pupil as well. While I was nursing your mind to blossom forth into thought, you were planting seeds of tenderness in my heart. I taught you to read, you taught me to—love! It was your tiny pink fingers, the silk of your golden hair that woke my heart to its first kisses! You crept into my heart then, and you have grown now until your soul has filled mine! (_Pause_) Now do you believe me?
SUZANNE. (_Moved, she rises and speaks in a low voice_) Let’s go!
ROGER. Why?—Where?
SUZANNE. (_Troubled_) Away from here.
ROGER. But why?
SUZANNE. It’s so dark!
ROGER. But, just a moment ago——
SUZANNE. A moment ago I didn’t see what you meant——
ROGER. No, stay, stay! There’s no better place than this. I have so much to tell you. My heart is so full! I don’t know why I tell you all this—It’s true—It’s so good to say these things—Ah, Suzanne—stay! Dear Suzanne—(_He holds her_)
SUZANNE. No, I beg you!
ROGER. _You?_[6]
[6] She uses the formal “vous.”
SUZANNE. (_More and more troubled_) I—beg you——
ROGER. But _only_ a moment ago——
SUZANNE. Yes, but now——
ROGER. Why?
SUZANNE. I don’t know, I——
ROGER. You’re crying! Have I hurt you?
SUZANNE. No! No!
ROGER. Have I offended you, without knowing it?
SUZANNE. No, no,—I don’t know. I don’t understand. Please, let’s go away from here!
ROGER. Suzanne!—I don’t understand!—I can’t see!
(_The_ DUCHESS _appears_.)
DUCHESS. And do you know why? It is because neither of you can see what’s as clear as day! (_She turns up the gas_) There!
ROGER. Aunt!
DUCHESS. My dear children, how happy you make me! Go on, kiss your bride!
ROGER. (_Not understanding at first_) My bride—Suzanne! (_He looks at his aunt, then at_ SUZANNE) Ohh! It’s true,—I love her!
DUCHESS. (_Joyously_) Nonsense! Even when it’s as clear as day? (_To_ SUZANNE) And how about you?
SUZANNE. (_With downcast eyes_) Oh, Aunt!
DUCHESS. It seemed—that you could see all the time! Women’s eyes are a little better than men’s, eh? That idea of mine to turn down the gas was splendid. So everything’s going nicely now? Well, there is only your mother to see!
ROGER. What?
DUCHESS. Oh, it will be a little difficult!—Here she is! Here they all come—The whole tragedy! Shh! Not a word! Leave everything in my hands, I’ll take care of it. What’s all this?
(_Enter_ MADAME DE CÉRAN, DES MILLETS, _surrounded by ladies, the_ GENERAL, BELLAC, LUCY, MADAME DE LOUDAN, MADAME ARRIÉGO, PAUL _and_ JEANNE; _and the others_.)
MME. DE CÉRAN. Great news, Aunt!
DUCHESS. What?
MME. DE CÉRAN. Revel is dead!
DUCHESS. You’re fooling!
MME. DE CÉRAN. It’s in the evening papers. Look! (_She hands her a paper_)
DUCHESS. Well—(_Takes the paper and reads it_)
MME. ARRIÉGO. (_To the Poet_) Beautiful, superb!
MME. DE LOUDAN. Beautiful! Inspired!
GENERAL. Remarkable! One excellent line!
Des Millets. Oh, General!
GENERAL. Yes, indeed! An excellent line! “The”—how does it go? “Honor is like a god which hath one altar only!”
PAUL. (_To_ JEANNE) A trifle too many feet!
BELLAC. (_To_ LUCY, _after looking at paper_) He died at six o’clock!
SAINT-RÉAULT. (_To his wife, showing her paper_) Yes, at six o’clock. Oh, I have M. Toulonnier’s promise!
BELLAC. (_To_ LUCY) Toulonnier gave me a formal promise——
MME. DE CÉRAN. (_To the_ DUCHESS) Toulonnier is on our side.
DUCHESS. Well, where is your Toulonnier?
SAINT-RÉAULT. He just received a telegram.
MME. DE CÉRAN. (_Aside_) That confirms the appointment. Good!—But why—? (_Enter_ TOULONNIER) Ah—At last!
ALL. It’s he! Ah! Ah!
(TOULONNIER _comes down-stage, surrounded by the company_.)
MME. DE CÉRAN. My dear Secretary General!
SAINT-RÉAULT. My dear Toulonnier!
MME. DE CÉRAN. Well, the telegram——?
BELLAC. It’s about poor Revel, is it not?
TOULONNIER. (_Embarrassed_) Yes, about Revel.
BELLAC. Well, what about him?
DUCHESS. (_Looking at_ TOULONNIER) It says he isn’t dead!
MME. DE CÉRAN, BELLAC, _and_ SAINT-RÉAULT. (_Showing the papers_) But the papers!
DUCHESS. They’re mistaken!
ALL. Oh!
DUCHESS. For once! (_To_ TOULONNIER) Aren’t they?
TOULONNIER. Well, he’s not exactly dead!
SAINT-RÉAULT. (_Sinking into a chair_) Yet?
DUCHESS. And I’ll warrant he’s received another appointment!
TOULONNIER. Commander of the Legion of Honor.
SAINT-RÉAULT. Again!
TOULONNIER. (_Showing his telegram_) It will appear in to-morrow’s Official! (_To_ SAINT-RÉAULT, _sympathetically_) Believe me, I feel deeply——!
DUCHESS. (_Aside, looking at_ TOULONNIER) He knew it before he came this evening! He’s a good one—I too have some important news to announce!
ALL. (_Turning toward the_ DUCHESS) Ahh!
DUCHESS. Two things!
LUCY. What?
MME. DE LOUDAN. What, Duchess?
BELLAC. What?
DUCHESS. First, the engagement of our friend, Miss Lucy Watson, to Professor Bellac!
ALL. Bellac? What!!
BELLAC. (_Aside_) Duchess!
DUCHESS. Ah! You must make some reparation.
BELLAC. Rep—— Oh! With pleasure! Ah, Lucy!
LUCY. (_Astonished_) Why, Madame!
DUCHESS. (_Aside_) Reparation, my child!
LUCY. None is necessary, because there is nothing to repair! However, my ideas and my inclinations are in perfect harmony. (_She gives her hand to_ BELLAC)
BELLAC. Ah, Lucy!
DUCHESS. Good! Number one!
MME. DE LOUDAN. You are the happiest of women, Lucy!
DUCHESS. Second piece of news!
MME. DE LOUDAN. Another engagement?
DUCHESS. Yes.
MME. DE LOUDAN. It’s a regular festival!
DUCHESS. The engagement of my dear nephew, Roger de Céran——
MME. DE CÉRAN. Duchess!
DUCHESS. To a girl who is very dear to my heart——
MME. DE CÉRAN. Oh, Aunt!
DUCHESS. My sole heir——
MME. DE CÉRAN. Your——?
DUCHESS. My fortune and my family name will be hers! My adopted daughter, Mademoiselle Suzanne de Villiers de Réville.
SUZANNE. (_Throwing herself into the_ DUCHESS’S _arms_) Oh, my mother!
MME. DE CÉRAN. But, Duchess!
DUCHESS. Find a richer and a nobler name!
MME. DE CÉRAN. Oh, I’m not saying—and yet—(_To_ ROGER) Consider, Roger——
ROGER. I love her, mother.
DUCHESS. (_Looking about her_) Number two! There remains—(_To_ PAUL) Come here, will you? What reparation are you going to make?
PAUL. (_Ashamed_) Ah, Duchess, it was you, then?
JEANNE. (_Confused_) Ah, Madame, then you heard——?
DUCHESS. Yes, little trickster, I did.
PAUL. Oh!
DUCHESS. But, since you didn’t say too much evil of me, I’ll forgive you. You’ll be Prefect——
PAUL. Oh, Duchess! (_He kisses her hand_)
JEANNE. Ah, Madame—! “Gratitude,” as Saint-Evremont says——
PAUL. What’s the use—now?
_Curtain._
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Transcriber's Notes
Obvious typographical errors have been silently corrected. Variations in hyphenation have been standardised but all other spelling, punctuation and general disregard of accents remains unchanged.
Italics are represented thus _italic_ and bold thus =bold=.
End of Project Gutenberg's The Art of being Bored, by Edouard Pailleron