Part 25

Very well, replied Abon Hassan, shaking his head, you would have me believe all this but I can tell you, you are all fools or mad; and that is a great pity, for you are very handsome: for I can tell you, that since I saw you, I have been at home, where I used my mother so ill, that they sent me to a mad-house, and kept me three weeks, and beat me every day with a bull’s pizzle; and yet you would make me believe all this to be a dream. Commander of the Faithful answered the lady, we are all ready to swear by what your majesty holds most dear, that all you tell is a dream; for you never stirred out of this hall since yesterday, but slept here all night long.

The confidence with which the lady assured Abon Hassan that all she said was truth, and that he had never been out of the hall since that time, made him not to know what to believe, but bewildered his senses. O Heaven! said he to himself, am I Abon Hassan, or the commander of the faithful? Almighty God, enlighten my understanding, and inform me of the truth. Then he bared his shoulders, and showed the ladies the livid weals. Look, and judge, said he, whether these strokes could come to me in a dream, or when I was asleep. For my part, I can affirm that they were real blows; for I feel the smart of them yet, and that is a testimonial there is no room to doubt of. Now, if I received these strokes in my sleep, it is the most surprising and extraordinary thing in the world, and what I cannot understand.

In this uncertainty, Abon Hassan called to one of the officers that stood round him: Come hither, said he, and bite the tip of my ear, that I may know whether I am asleep or awake. The officer obeyed him, and bit so hard that he made him cry out horridly: the music struck up at the same time, and the officers and ladies all began to dance, and skip about Abon Hassan, and made such a noise, that he was in a perfect enthusiasm, and played a thousand merry tricks. He tore off his caliph’s habit, threw off his turban, and jumped up in his shirt and drawers, and taking hold of two of the ladies’ hands, fell a-dancing and singing, and jumping and cutting capers, that the caliph could not contain himself, but burst into so violent a laughter at this sudden pleasantry of Abon Hassan’s, that he fell backwards, and made a greater noise than the musicians and all of them together, and lay in that condition for some time. At last he got up again, and putting out his head, cried out, Abon Hassan, Abon Hassan, what! have you a mind to kill me with laughing?

As soon as the caliph’s voice was heard, every body was silent, and Abon Hassan among the rest; who, turning his head to see from whence the voice came, knew the caliph and the Moussel merchant, but was not in the least dashed; but, on the contrary, found that he was awake, and all that had happened to him was matter of fact, and not a dream. He entered into the caliph’s pleasantry and intentions: Ha! ha! said he, looking at him with a good assurance, you are a merchant of Moussel, and complain that I would kill you, who have been the occasion of my using my mother so ill, and being sent to a mad-house. It was you who treated the iman and the four scheiks in the manner they were used, and not I; I wash my hands of it. It was you who have been the cause of all my disorders: in short, you are the aggressor, and I the injured person.

Indeed you are in the right of it, Abon Hassan, answered the caliph, laughing all the while; but to comfort thee, and make thee amends for all thy troubles, I call Heaven to witness, I am ready and willing to make thee what reparation thou pleasest to ask. After these words, he came out of the closet into the hall, and ordered one of his most magnificent habits to be brought, and commanded the ladies to dress Abon Hassan in it; and when they had done so, he said, embracing him, Thou art my brother; ask what thou wilt, and thou shalt have it.

Commander of the Faithful, replied Abon Hassan, I beg of your majesty to do me the favour to tell me what you did to disturb my brain in that manner, and what was your design; for that is a thing of the greatest importance for me to know, that I may perfectly recover my senses.

The caliph promised to give him that satisfaction, and said, First you ought to know, that I often disguise myself, and particularly at night, to observe what irregularities are committed in Bagdad; besides, I set apart the first day of every month to make a tour about it, sometimes on one side and sometimes on another, but always return by the bridge. That evening that you invited me to supper, I had been taking my rounds; and in our discourse you told me, that the only thing you wished for was to be caliph for four and twenty hours, to punish the iman of your mosque and his four counsellors. I fancied that this desire of thine would afford me a great deal of diversion, and thought immediately how I might procure thee that satisfaction. I had about me a certain powder, which throws immediately the person that takes it into a sound sleep for such a time. I put a dose of it, without being perceived by thee, into the last glass I presented to thee; upon which you fell fast asleep, and I ordered my slave to carry you to my palace, and came away without shutting the door. I have no occasion to repeat what happened at my palace when you waked: but after you had been regaled all day, one of the slaves, by my order, put another dose of the same powder at night into a glass she gave you; you fell asleep as before, and the same slave carried you home, and left the door open. You told me all that happened to you afterwards. I never imagined that you could have suffered so much as you have done. But as I have a great regard for you, I will make you amends; and that you may have no cause to remember your ill treatment, think of what would please you, and ask me boldly for it.

Commander of the Faithful, replied Abon Hassan, how great soever my tortures may have been, they were all blotted out of my remembrance, as soon as I understood my sovereign lord had any share in them, and doubt not in the least of your majesty’s bounty; but as interest had never any sway over me, and I have the liberty to ask a favour, I beg that it may be that of having access to your person, to have the happiness of admiring, all my life-time, your grandeur.

This last proof of Abon Hassan’s generosity completed the esteem the caliph had entertained for him. I am mightily pleased with thy request, said the caliph, and grant thee free access to my person at all times and all hours. In short, he assigned him an apartment in the palace; and, in regard to his pension, told him, that he would not have him to have any thing to do with his treasurer, but to come always to him for an order upon him. Abon Hassan made a low bow, and the caliph left him to go to council.

Abon Hassan made use of this time to go and inform his mother of his good fortune, and what had happened, which, he told her, was not a dream; for that he had actually been caliph, and had acted as such, and received all the honours; and that she had no reason to doubt of it, since he had it confirmed, by the caliph himself.

It was not long before this new story of Abon Hassan was spread all about Bagdad, and was carried into all the provinces both far and near, and not one single circumstance scarce omitted.

The new favourite Abon Hassan was always with the caliph; for as he was a man of a pleasant temper, and created mirth by all his words and actions, the caliph could not live without him, and often carried him along with him to see his spouse Zobeide, to whom he told his story, and who was mightily pleased with him, and observed that every time he came with the caliph he had his eyes always fixed upon one of her slaves, called Nouz-hatoul-aonadat, (which is to say, Renewed Pleasure,) and resolved to tell the caliph of it. Commander of the Faithful, said that princess one day, you do not observe so well as I, that every time Abon Hassan attends you in your visits to me, he never keeps his eyes off Nouz-hatoul-aonadat, and makes her blush, which is almost a certain sign that she entertains no aversion for him. If you approve of it, we will make a match between them.

Madam, replied the caliph, you put me in mind of a thing which I ought to have done before now. I know Abon Hassan’s taste of marriage from himself, and have always promised him a wife that should please him. I am glad you mentioned it, for I know not how I came to forget it. But it is better that Abon Hassan has followed his own inclination, and chose for himself; and if Nouz-hatoul-aonadat is not averse to it, we ought not to hesitate upon their marriage; and since they are both present, let them declare that they give consent.

Abon Hassan threw himself at the caliph’s and Zobeide’s feet, to show the sense he had of their bounty; and, rising up, said, I cannot receive a wife from better hands, but dare not hope that Nouz-hatoul-aonadat will give me hers. After these words, he looked upon the princess’s slave, who showed, by her respectful silence, and the sudden blush that rose in her cheeks, that she was disposed to obey the caliph and her mistress Zobeide.

The marriage was solemnized, and the nuptials celebrated in the palace, with great rejoicings, which lasted several days. Zobeide, in respect to the caliph, made her slave considerable presents, and the caliph did the same to Abon Hassan. The bride was conducted to the apartment the caliph had assigned Abon Hassan, who waited for her with all the impatience of a bridegroom, and received her with the sounding of trumpets and all sorts of instruments, which played in concert, and made the air echo again their sweet and harmonious notes.

After these feasts and rejoicings, which lasted several days, the new-married couple were left to pursue their loves peaceably. Abon Hassan and his spouse were charmed with each other, and lived together in perfect union, and seldom were asunder, but when either he paid his respects to the caliph, or she to Zobeide. Indeed Nouz-hatoul-aonadat was endued with all the qualifications capable of gaining Abon Hassan’s love and attachment, and was just such a wife as he desired; therefore they could want nothing to render their lives agreeable. They always ate the nicest and choicest rarities in season, and had the best meats tossed up in fricasees and ragouts, &c. by an excellent cook, who took upon him to provide every thing. Their beaufet was always stored with exquisite wines. At dinner they enjoyed themselves in this manner, and afterwards entertained each other with some pleasantry or other: and in the evenings, which they consecrated to mirth, they had generally some slight repast of dried sweetmeats, choice fruits, and other light meats, and invited each other by songs and catches to drink, and sometimes played to their voices on a lute, or other instruments which they could touch.

Abon Hassan and Nouz-hatoul-aonadat lived a long time in this manner, when the caterer, who disbursed the money for these expenses, put them in mind that he had gone his length, and parted with all his money; which they found, but too late, to be so considerable a sum, that all the presents that the caliph and the princess Zobeide had given them at their marriage, were but just enough to pay him. This made them reflect on what was past, and which at that time they could not remedy. However, they agreed to pay the cook; and sent for him, and paid him all they owed him, without showing the least trouble.

The caterer went away very well pleased to receive so large a sum of money, though Abon Hassan and his wife were not so over-well satisfied with seeing the bottom of their purse, but remained a long time silent and very much embarrassed, to find themselves reduced to that condition the first year of their marriage. Abon Hassan remembered very well that the caliph, when he took him into the palace, promised never to let him want any thing. But when he considered how prodigal he had been of his money in so short a time, he was unwilling to expose himself to the shame of telling the caliph the ill use he had made of what he had given him, and that he wanted more. Besides, he had made over his patrimony to his mother, as soon as the caliph had received him nigh his person; and was afraid to go to her, lest she should find that he had returned to the same extravagance he had been guilty of after his father’s death. His wife, on the other hand, looked upon Zobeide’s generosity, and the liberty she had given her to marry, as more than a sufficient recompense for her service, and thought she could not ask any more.

Abon Hassan at last broke silence, and looking upon his wife, said, I see you are in the same embarrassment as myself, and am thinking what we must do in this unhappy juncture. I do not know what your sentiments may be; but mine are, let what will happen, not to retrench our expenses in the least; and, I believe you will come into my opinion: the point is, how to support them without asking the caliph or Zobeide; and I fancy I have thought on the means: but we must both assist each other.

This discourse of Abon Hassan’s very much pleased his wife, and gave her great hopes. I was thinking so as well as you, said she; but durst not explain my thoughts, because I did not know how to help ourselves; and must confess, that what you tell me gives me a great deal of pleasure. But since you say you have found out a way, and my assistance is necessary, you need but to tell me, and I will do all that lies in my power.

I believe, replied Abon Hassan, that you will not fail in this affair, which concerns us both; and therefore I must tell you this want of money has made me think of a trick we will put upon the caliph and Zobeide, and at which, I am sure, they will both be pleased, and be diverted with the cheat; which is, you and I will both die. Not I indeed, interrupted Nouz-hatoul-aonadat; you may die by yourself, if you will. I am not so weary of this life; and whether you are pleased or not, will not die so soon. If you have nothing else to propose than that, you may do it by yourself; for I shall not meddle with it.

You are so quick and hasty, replied Abon Hassan, that you will not give me time to explain my meaning: have but a little patience, and you shall find that you will be ready enough; for sure you did not think I meant a real death. Well, said his wife, if it is but sham death you design, I am at your service, and you may depend on my zeal: but I must tell you truly, I am very unwilling to die as I apprehended you meant at first.

Be but easy a little, said Abon Hassan, and I will tell you what I propose. I will feign myself dead, and you shall lay me out on a white sheet, in the middle of my chamber, with my feet towards Mecca, and my turban upon my face, just ready to be buried. When you have done so, you must cry and take on, as is usual in such cases, and tear your clothes, and with your hair loose about your ears, go to Zobeide. The princess will ask you the cause of your grief; and when you have told her, with words intermixed with sighs, she will pity you, and give you some money to defray the expense of my funeral, and a piece of gold brocade, to cover my body with, that my interment may be the more magnificent, and to make you a habit in the room of that you had torn; and as soon as you return with the money and the brocade, I will get up and lay you in my place, and go and act the same part with the caliph as you have done with Zobeide; and I dare say the caliph will be as generous to me as Zobeide will be to you.

Nouz-hatoul-aonadat liked this project very well, and said to Abon Hassan, Come, lose no time; strip to your shirt and breeches, while I prepare a sheet. Abon Hassan did as his wife bade him, and laid himself all along on his back, with his feet towards Mecca, on the sheet which his wife spread on the carpet, just in the middle of the room. As soon as he had crossed his arms, his wife wrapped him up, and put a fine piece of muslin and his turban upon his face. After this, she pulled her hair over her face, and with a dismal crying and lamentation, ran across the court of Zobeide’s apartment; who, hearing the voice of a person crying very loud, commanded some of her women to see who it was, who returned, and told her that it was Nouz-hatoul-aonadat, who was coming in a deplorable condition.

The princess, impatient to know what had happened to her, rose up immediately, and went to meet her at the door of the antechamber. Nouz-hatoul-aonadat played her part excellently well. As soon as she saw Zobeide, she redoubled her cries, tore her hair off by handfuls, beat her face and breast, and threw herself at her feet, bathing them with her tears.

Zobeide, amazed to see her slave in so extraordinary an affliction, asked her, what misfortune had happened to her. But, instead of answering, she continued sighing and sobbing; and at last, feigning to strive to check herself, said, with words intermixed with sighs, Alas! my most honoured lady and mistress, what greater misfortune could have befallen me than this, which obliges me to throw myself at your highness’s feet? May God prolong your days, my most respectable princess, in perfect health, and grant you many happy years. Abon Hassan! poor Abon Hassan! whom you honoured with your esteem, and gave me for a husband, is no more!

Then Nouz-hatoul-aonadat redoubled her tears and sighs, and threw herself again at the princess’s feet. Zobeide was extremely surprised at this news. Abon Hassan dead! cried she, that agreeable pleasant man! indeed I did not in the least expect his death so soon; he seemed to promise a long life, and well deserved one. Then she burst out also into tears, as did all her women, who had been often witnesses of Abon Hassan’s pleasantries, when the caliph brought him to see the princess Zobeide, and continued a long time bewailing the loss of him. At last Zobeide broke silence, and ordered one of her slaves to go to her treasure, and fetch a hundred pieces of gold, and a piece of rich brocade.

The slave returned soon with a purse and piece of brocade, which, by Zobeide’s order, she put into Nouz-hatoul-aonadat’s hand; who threw herself again at the princess’s feet, and thanked her with a great deal of satisfaction, to think she had succeeded so well. Go, said Zobeide, make use of that brocade to cover the corpse of thy husband, and with that money bury him handsomely, and as he ought to be. Moderate the transports of thy affliction: I will take care of thee.

As soon as Nouz-hatoul-aonadat got out of the princess’s presence, she dried up her tears, and returned with joy to Abon Hassan, to give him an account of her good success. When she came into her own apartment, and saw her husband still stretched out in the middle of the floor, she ran to him laughing, and bade him rise, and see the fruits of his project. Upon which he arose, and rejoiced with his wife at the sight of the purse and brocade, who, for her part, could, not contain herself. Come, husband, said she laughing, let me act the dead part, and see if you can manage the caliph as well as I have done Zobeide.

This is the temper of all women, replied Abon Hassan, who, we may well say, have always the vanity to believe they can do things better than men, though, at the same time, what they do is by their advice. It would be odd indeed, if I, who laid this plot myself, could not carry it on likewise. But let us lose no time in idle discourse: lie down in my place, and see if I do not come off with as much applause.

Abon Hassan wrapped up his wife as she had done him; and with his turban undone, and set awry on his head, and like a man in the greatest affliction imaginable, he ran to the caliph, who was holding a private council with the grand vizier Giafar and some other viziers, and he having free access wheresoever he was, went with his handkerchief before his eyes, to hide the feigned tears which trickled down his cheeks, and striking his breast with the other, expressed an extraordinary grief.

The caliph, who was ever used to see Abon Hassan gay and merry, was very much surprised to behold him in that sorrowful state, and asked him the cause of his grief. Commander of the Faithful, answered Abon Hassan, with repeated sighings and sobbings, may God preserve your majesty on the throne, which you fill so gloriously! Alas! Nouz-hatoul-aonadat, whom you in your bounty gave me for a wife, is ——. At this exclamation, Abon Hassan pretended to have his heart so full that he could not utter one syllable more, but poured forth a flood of tears.

The caliph, who presently understood that Abon Hassan came to tell him of the death of his wife, seemed very much concerned, and said to him, God comfort thee; she was a good slave, and we gave her to thee with an intention to make thee happy: she deserved a longer life. Then the tears ran down his face, so that he was obliged to pull out his handkerchief to wipe them off. In short, Abon Hassan dissembled so well, that the caliph, who did not in the least doubt of his sincerity, ordered his treasurer, who was then present, to give Abon Hassan a purse of a hundred pieces of gold, and a piece of brocade. Abon Hassan immediately cast himself at the caliph’s feet, and thanked him for his present. Follow the treasurer, said that monarch; throw the brocade over the corpse, and with the money show the last testimony of thy love for thy wife.

Abon Hassan made no reply to these obliging words of the caliph, but retired with a low bow, and followed the treasurer; and as soon as he had got the purse and piece of brocade, went home, very well pleased with having found out so quick and ready a way of supplying his necessity, which had given him some trouble.

Nouz-hatoul-aonadat, weary with lying so long in that posture, never waited till Abon Hassan bade her rise; but as soon as she heard the door open, got up and ran to her husband, and asked him if he had cheated the caliph as well as she did Zobeide? You see, said he, showing her the stuff, and shaking the purse, that I can act a sorrowful husband as well as you can an afflicted wife. But for fear this trick of theirs should be attended with some ill consequences, he thought it would not be amiss to instruct his wife with what might happen, that they might act in concert. For, added he, the better we succeed in embarrassing the caliph and Zobeide, the more they will be pleased at last, and perhaps may show their satisfaction by a greater liberality. And this last consideration induced them to carry on this scene further.

The caliph, though he had a great deal of business to transact in council, was nevertheless so impatient to go and condole with the princess upon the death of her slave, that he rose up as soon as Abon Hassan was gone, and put off the council to another day. Follow me, said he to Mesrour, who always attended him wherever he went, and let us go and share with the princess the grief which the death of her slave Nouz-hatoul-aonadat causes her.