Part 24

At this discourse, the neighbours no longer doubted but that he was mad; and to prevent his being guilty of the like actions, seized him, notwithstanding his resistance, and bound him hand and foot, while one in the mean time ran for the keeper of the hospital for mad folks, who came presently with a bull’s pizzle, chains, and handcuffs, and a great many attendants. When they entered the room, Abon Hassan, who little expected such treatment, endeavoured all he could to unloose himself; but after the keeper had given him two or three smart strokes upon his shoulders with the bull’s pizzle, he lay so quiet, that the keeper and his people might do what they would with him; who as soon as they had bound and manacled him, took him with them to the hospital; where, before the keeper put him into a room, he regaled him with fifty strokes of the bull’s pizzle on his shoulders, which he repeated every day without pity for three weeks, bidding him to remember that he was not the commander of the faithful.

Abon Hassan’s mother went every day to see her son, and could not forbear crying to see him fall away daily, and to hear him sigh and complain at the hardships he endured. In short, his shoulders, back, and sides were so black and blue and bruized, that he could not turn himself. His mother would willingly have talked with him, to comfort him, and to sound him whether he still retained the notion of being caliph; but whenever she opened her mouth, he rebuked her with so much fury, that she was forced to leave him, and return home disconsolate at his obstinacy.

At last those strong and lively ideas which Abon Hassan entertained of being clothed in the caliph’s habit, and having used all his authority, and being obeyed very punctually, and treated like the true caliph, and which persuaded him when he waked that he was so, all began to be insensibly effaced. Sometimes he would say to himself, If I was the caliph, and commander of the believers, how came I home dressed in my own apparel? Why should I not have been attended by eunuchs and ladies? Why should my grand Vizier Giafar, and all those emirs and governors of provinces, who prostrated themselves at my feet, forsake me? Undoubtedly if I had any authority over them, they would have delivered me all this time out of this miserable condition I am in: certainly I ought to look upon all this as a dream. It is true, I commanded the judge of the police to punish the iman and four old men his companions: I ordered Giafar the grand vizier to carry my mother a thousand pieces of gold: and all my commands were executed. All these things are obstacles to my believing it a dream; but yet there are so many things that I cannot comprehend, nor ever shall, that I will put my trust in God, who knows all things.

Abon Hassan was taken up with these thoughts and sentiments, when his mother came to see him, who found him so much altered and changed from what he had been, that she let fall a torrent of tears; in the midst of which she saluted him as she used to do, and he returned her salute, which he had never done before while he had been in the hospital. This civility she looked upon to be a good sign. Well, son, said she, how do you do, and how do you find yourself? Have you renounced all those whims and fancies which some cursed demon had put into your head? Indeed, mother, replied Abon Hassan, very rationally and calmly, I acknowledge my error, and beg of you to forgive the execrable crime which I have been guilty of towards you, and which I detest. I ask pardon also of my neighbours whom I have abused. I have been deceived by a dream; but by so extraordinary a one, and so like to truth, that any other person, to whom such a thing might have happened, would have been guilty of as great extravagances: and I am at this instant so much perplexed about it, that I can hardly persuade myself but that it was matter of fact. But whatever it was, I do and always will look upon it as a dream and illusion. I am convinced that I am not that shadow of a caliph and commander of the faithful, but Abon Hassan, your son; and shall never forget that fatal day which covered me with shame and confusion; but honour and respect you all my life as I ought.

At these sensible words, the mother of Abon Hassan changed the tears of her sorrow and affliction into those of joy, to find her son so well recovered. My dear child, said she, transported with pleasure, my satisfaction and comfort is inexpressible, to hear you talk so reasonably, and gives me as much joy as if I had brought you into the world a second time. But I must observe one thing in this adventure, which you may not have taken notice of: the stranger that you brought home one night to sup with you, went away without shutting the chamber-door after him as you desired him; which I believe gave some demon an opportunity to enter, and put you into that horrible illusion you were in: and therefore, my son, you ought to return God thanks for your deliverance, and beseech him to keep you out of the snares of the evil spirit.

You have found out the source of my misfortunes, answered Abon Hassan; it was that very night I had this dream, which turned my brain. I bade the merchant expressly to shut the door after him; and now I find he did not do it. I am persuaded, as well as you, some devil came in, and filled my head full of these fancies. For they at Moussel are not so well convinced that the devil is the cause of troublesome dreams, as we are at Bagdad. But since, mother, you see I am so well recovered, for God’s sake get me out of this hellish place. The mother, glad to find her son so well cured of his foolish imagination of being caliph, went immediately to the keeper, and assuring him that he was very sensible and well, he came and examined him, and afterwards gave him his liberty.

When Abon Hassan came home, he staid within doors some days, to comfort himself by better food and nourishment than what he had at the hospital. But when he had recovered his strength, and refreshed himself after his harsh treatment, he began to be weary with spending his evenings alone, and so entered again upon the same way of living as before; which was to provide enough every day to regale a stranger at night.

The day on which Abon Hassan renewed this custom, happened to be the first day of the month, which was the day that the caliph always sets apart to go disguised through the town, to observe what irregularities were committed in the government of the city. Towards the evening he went to the bridge, and set himself on a bench which was fixed to the parapet; where, looking about him, he perceived the caliph disguised again like a Moussel merchant, and followed by the same slave: and, persuaded that all his misfortunes were owing to the caliph’s leaving his door open, whom he took for a merchant, he swooned at the sight of him. God preserve me, said he to himself; if I am not deceived, there is the magician again that enchanted me! and thereupon got up, and looked over the parapet into the river, that he might not see him.

The caliph, who had a mind to carry on his joke farther, had taken a great deal of care to inform himself of all that had happened when Abon Hassan waked at home, and conceived a great pleasure at the relation given him, especially at his being sent to a mad-house. But that monarch was both just and generous, and had taken a great liking to Abon Hassan: he designed, after he had carried on this scene, to take him into his palace; and to pursue this project, he had dressed himself again like a merchant of Moussel. He perceived Abon Hassan at the same time that he saw him, and presently guessed by his actions that he was angry with him, and wanted to shun him. This made him walk close to the parapet Abon Hassan leaned over; and when he came nigh him, he put his head over to look him in the face. Ah, brother Abon Hassan, said he, is it you? give me leave to embrace you. Not I, replied Abon Hassan roughly, without looking at the pretended Moussel merchant: I will not embrace you; I have nothing to say to you; go along.

What! answered the caliph, do you not know me? Do you not remember the evening we spent together at your house this day month, where you did me the honour to treat me very generously? No, replied Abon Hassan, I do not know you, nor what you talk about: go, I say again, about your business.

The caliph was not to be dashed with this rude behaviour of Abon Hassan. He knew very well the law he had imposed on himself, never to have any commerce again with a stranger he had once entertained; but though Abon Hassan had declared so much to him, he pretended to be ignorant of it. I cannot believe, said he, but you must know me again; it is not possible that you should have forgot me in so short a time. Certainly some misfortune has befallen you, which gives you this aversion. However, you ought to remember that I show my acknowledgment by my good wishes; and that I have offered you my interest, which is not despicable, in an affair which you had very much at heart.

I do not know, replied Abon Hassan, what your interest may be, and I have no desire to make use of it; but I am sensible the utmost of your wishes was to make me mad. In God’s name, I say once more, go your way, and trouble me no more.

Ah! brother Abon Hassan, replied the caliph, embracing him, I do not intend to part with you in this manner, since I have had the good fortune to meet with you a second time: you must exercise the same hospitality towards me again that you showed me a month ago, when I had the honour to drink with you.

I have protested against it, said Abon Hassan, and have so much power over myself as not to receive such a man as you. You know the proverb, Take up your drum and be gone: make the application to yourself. God be with you; you have been the cause of my misfortune, and I will not venture myself with you again. My good friend Abon Hassan, said the caliph, embracing him again, I beg of you not to treat me after this injurious manner, but be better persuaded of my friendship. Do me the favour to tell me what has happened to you; for I assure you, I wish you well, and would be glad of an opportunity to make you amends for the trouble I have caused you, if it has been actually my fault. Abon Hassan yielded to the pressing instances of the caliph, and bade him sit down by him. Your incredulity and importunity have tired my patience; and what I am going to tell you, will show you that I do not accuse you wrongfully.

The caliph sat down by Abon Hassan, while he told him all that happened to him, from his waking in the palace to his waking again in his own house, all as a mere dream, with all the circumstances, which the caliph knew as well as himself, and which renewed his pleasure. He exaggerated afterwards upon the impression that dream of being caliph made upon him, which, he said, threw him into such extravagances, that he was carried to the mad-house, and used very barbarously. But, said he, what will surprise you, and what you little think of, is, that it was altogether your fault that these things fell out: for, if you remember, I desired you to shut the door after you, which you neglected; and some devil finding it open, put this dream into my head, which, though it was very agreeable, was the cause of the misfortune I complain of; therefore you, for your negligence, are answerable for the horrid and detestable crime I was guilty of, in lifting my hand against my mother, whom I might have killed, and committed parricide, because she said I was her son, and she would not acknowledge me for the commander of the faithful: besides, I blush when I think of it, and that all my neighbours were witnesses of my folly. In short, Abon Hassan complained of his misfortunes with great heat and vehemence, and did not forget the least circumstance; which pleased the caliph to find he had succeeded so well, who could not help bursting out a-laughing at the simplicity wherewith he related them.

Abon Hassan, who thought that his story should rather move compassion, and that every one ought to be as much concerned at it as himself, very much resented the pretended Moussel merchant’s laughter. What! said he, do you make a jest of me, to laugh in my face, or do you believe that I do not speak seriously? If you want proofs of what I advance, look and see whether or no I tell you the truth: with that, stooping down, and baring his shoulders, he showed the caliph the strokes and weals the bull’s pizzle had made.

The caliph could not behold these objects of horror without pitying poor Abon Hassan, and being sorry for carrying the jest so far. Come, rise, dear brother, said he, hugging Abon Hassan friendly in his arms; let me go and enjoy the happiness of being merry with you to-night; and to-morrow, if it please God, all things will go well.

Abon Hassan, notwithstanding his resolution and oath, could not resist the caliph’s caresses. I will consent, said he to the pretended merchant, if you will swear to shut my door after you, that no demon may come in to distract my brain again. The caliph promised that he would; upon which they both got up, and, followed by the caliph’s slave, reached Abon Hassan’s house by the time it was dark.

As soon as Abon Hassan entered the doors, he called for candles, and desired his guest to sit down upon a sofa, and then placed himself by him. A little time after, supper was brought up, and they both fell to without ceremony: afterwards there came up a small dessert of fruit, wine, and glasses. Abon Hassan first filled out his glass, and then the caliph’s; and after they had drunk some time, and talked of indifferent matters, the caliph perceiving that his host grew warm with liquor, began to talk of love, and asked him if he had never been sensible of that passion.

Brother, replied Abon Hassan familiarly, I never looked upon love or marriage but as bondage or slavery, to which I was always unwilling to submit; and must own to you that I never loved any thing but good cheer and good wine; in short, to divert and entertain myself agreeably with my friends. But yet I do not tell you that I am so indifferent for marriage, or incapable of an inclination, if I could meet with a woman of such beauty and sweetness of temper as those I saw in my dream that fatal night I first saw you, and received you into my house, and you, to my misfortune, left my door open, who would pass the whole night with me, drinking, and singing, and playing on some instrument, and who would study to please and divert me: I believe, on the contrary, I should change all my indifference to a perfect attachment to such a person, and I believe should live very happily with her. But where is such a woman to be found, but in the caliph’s palace, or in those of the grand vizier, or some other great lords of the court, who want no money? I choose rather to stick close to my bottle, which is a pleasure much cheaper, and which I can enjoy as well as they. In saying, these words, he filled out his own and the caliph’s glass, and said, Come, take your glass, and let us pursue this charming pleasure.

When they had drunk off their wine, It is a great pity, said the caliph, that so gallant a man as you, who owns himself not insensible of love, should lead so solitary a life. I prefer the easy quiet life I live, replied Abon Hassan, before the company of a wife, whose beauty might not please, and who, besides, might create me a great deal of trouble by her imperfections, and perhaps ill humour. This subject lasted a long time; and the caliph, seeing Abon Hassan had drunk up to the pitch he wanted to have him, said, Let me alone; since you have so good a taste, I warrant you I will find you one that shall please you: and then taking Abon Hassan’s glass, and putting a pinch of the same powder into it again, filled him up a bumper, and presenting it to him, said, Come, let us drink first the fair lady’s health who is to make you happy.

Abon Hassan took the glass laughing, and shaking his head, said, Come, I will drink the lady’s health you promised me, though I am very well contented as I am, and do not rely on your promise; but cannot be guilty of so great a piece of incivility, as to disoblige a guest of so much merit, in such a trifling matter. But as soon as he had drunk off his liquor, he was seized with as deep a sleep as before; and the caliph ordered the same slave to take him and carry him to the palace, and in the mean time shut the door after him, as he had promised, and followed him.

When they arrived at the palace, the caliph ordered Abon Hassan to be laid on a sofa, in the fourth hall, from whence he was carried home: but first he bade them put him in the same habit which he acted the caliph in. After that, he charged all the eunuchs; officers, ladies, and musicians, who were in the hall when he drank the last glass of wine, to be there by daybreak, and to take care to act their parts well; and then went to bed, charging Mesrour to wake him before they went into the hall, that he might hide himself in the closet as before.

Mesrour wakened the caliph at the hour appointed; who immediately rose, and went to the hall where Abon Hassan was laid fast asleep; and when he had placed himself in his closet, Mesrour and the other officers and ladies placed themselves about the sofa, so that the caliph might see what passed.

Things being thus disposed, and the caliph’s powder having had its effect, Abon Hassan began to stir, and the music to play a very agreeable concert. Abon Hassan was in a great surprise to hear that charming harmony; but when he opened his eyes, and saw the ladies and officers about him, and which he thought he knew again, his amazement was redoubled. The hall that he was in seemed to be the same he dreamed of; and he observed the same branches, and the same furniture and ornaments.

When the concert was ended, he bit his finger and cried loud enough for the caliph to hear him, Alas! I am fallen again into the same dream and illusion that happened to me a month ago, and must expect again the bull’s pizzle and mad-house. Almighty God, added he, I commit myself into the hands of thy divine providence. He was a wicked man that I entertained at my house last night, who has been the cause of this illusion, and the miserable hardships I must undergo. The base wretch swore to shut the door after him, and he did not do it; and the devil came in, and filled my head full of this wicked dream of being commander of the faithful, and other phantoms, which bewitch my eyes. May thou be confounded, Satan, and crushed under some mountain!

After these words, Abon Hassan closed his eyes, and remained some time thoughtful, and very much perplexed; then opening them again, and looking about him, cried out a second time, Great God! I commit myself into the hands of thy providence; preserve me from the temptation of Satan. Then shutting them again, he said, All that I know is, I will go and sleep till Satan leaves me, and returns as he came; when one of the ladies approached, and sitting down on a sofa by him, said to him, Commander of the Faithful, I beg of your majesty to forgive me for taking the liberty to tell you not to go to sleep; day appears, and it is time to rise. Be gone, Satan! answered Abon Hassan, raising his voice: but looking upon the lady, he said, Is it I you call the commander of the faithful? Certainly you take me for somebody else. It is to your majesty I give that title, replied the lady, to whom it belongs, as you are sovereign of the world and the Mussulmans, and I am your most humble slave. Undoubtedly your majesty, added she, pretends to have forgot yourself, or this is the effect of some troublesome dream; but if you would but open your eyes, the mists which may disturb your imagination will soon be dispelled, and you will find yourself in your own palace, surrounded by your officers and slaves, who all wait your commands: and that your majesty may not be surprised to find yourself in this hall, and not in bed, I beg leave to tell you, that you fell so suddenly asleep last night, that we were unwilling to wake you, to conduct you to your own chamber, but laid you carefully upon this sofa. In short, she urged so many things to him that were so very probable, that at last he sat upon his breech, and knew all the ladies again. Then she who spoke first, assuming the discourse, said, Commander of the Faithful, and the prophet’s vicar on earth, be not displeased if I acquaint your majesty once more, that it is time to rise, for day appears.

You are very troublesome and importunate, replied Abon Hassan, rubbing his eyes: I am not the commander of the faithful, but Abon Hassan; and you shall not persuade me otherwise. We do not know that Abon Hassan your majesty speaks of, answered the lady; but know you to be the commander of the believers.

Abon Hassan looking about, and finding himself in the same hall, attributed all he saw and heard to be such a dream as he had before, and feared very much the dreadful consequences. Heaven have mercy on me! said he, lifting up his hands and eyes, like a man who knew not where he was; after what I have seen, there is no dispute but that devil who came into my chamber possesses me, and fills my imagination full of all these visions.

The caliph, who saw him all the time, and heard these exclamations, almost killed himself with laughing; and had much ado to forbear bursting out into so loud a laughter, that the false caliph must have heard him.

Afterwards Abon Hassan laid himself down again, and shutting his eyes, the same lady said again, Since your majesty does not rise, after we have, according to our duty, told you it was day, and the dispatch of business requires your presence, we shall use the liberty you give us in such like cases. Then taking him by one arm, and calling to one of the other ladies to do the same by the other, they lifted him up, and carried him into the middle of the hall, where they set him on his breech, and all taking hands, danced round him while the music played.

Abon Hassan was in an inexpressible perplexity of mind, and said, What! am I indeed caliph, and commander of the faithful? and in the uncertainty he was in, would have said something more, but the music was so loud that he could not be heard. At last he made a sign to two of the ladies who were dancing, that he wanted to speak with them; upon which they forbore, and went to him. Do not lie, now, said he, but tell me truly who I am.

Commander of the Faithful, replied one of the ladies, your majesty would either surprise us by asking this question, or else you must have had some very extraordinary dream to-night; which may very well be, considering that your majesty has slept longer to-night than ordinary: however, if you will give me leave, I will refresh your memory with what passed yesterday. Then she told him how he went to the council, punished the iman and the four old men, and sent a present by his grand vizier, of a thousand pieces of gold, to the mother of one Abon Hassan: after that, continued she, your majesty dined in the three halls, and, in the fourth, did us the honour to make us sit down by you, to hear our songs, and receive wine from our hands, till your majesty fell so fast asleep, that you never awaked, contrary to custom, before day. All your slaves and officers can confirm what I say; and it is now time you should go to prayers.