Part 22

Abon Hassan sat down over against his guest, and he and the caliph began to eat heartily of what they liked best, without speaking or drinking, according to the custom of the country. When they had done eating, the caliph’s slave brought them water to wash their hands; and, in the mean time, Abon Hassan’s mother sent up a dessert of all sorts of dried sweetmeats, and all the fruits then in season, as grapes, peaches, apples, pears, &c. As soon as it grew dark, wax-candles were lighted, and Abon Hassan, after charging his mother to take care of the caliph’s slave, brought bottles and glasses.

Then Abon Hassan, sitting down with the pretended Moussel merchant again, filled out a glass of wine, before he touched the dessert; and holding it out in his hand, said to the caliph, You know, sir, that the cock never drinks before he calls to his hens to come and drink with him; so I invite you to follow my example. I do not know what you may think; for my part, I cannot reckon him a wise man who does not love wine: come, let us leave those sort of people to their dull melancholy humours, and seek for mirth, which is only to be found in a brimmer.

While Abon Hassan was drinking, the caliph, taking the glass that was set by him, said, Now I like you, you are an honest fellow; I am mightily taken with your pleasant temper, and expect you should fill me as much. Abon Hassan, as soon as he had drunk, filled the caliph’s glass, and giving it to him, Here, sir, said he, taste this wine; I will warrant it good. I am very well persuaded, replied the caliph, laughing, that you know how to make choice of the best. O, replied Abon Hassan, while the caliph was taking off his glass, one may easily find that you know what good living is, and have seen the world. Alas! how happy is my house in your presence, and how overjoyed am I for meeting with a man of so much merit.

The caliph, who was naturally a merry man, was mightily diverted with these sallies of Abon Hassan, and took great pleasure in promoting drinking, often asking for wine, thinking that when that began to work, he might penetrate so far into his discourse as to satisfy his curiosity. Therefore, to enter into conversation, he asked him his name, his business, and how he spent his life. My name, sir, replied he, is Abon Hassan: my father, whom I buried, was a merchant of Bagdad; and though he was not the richest, yet he lived very well. When he died, he left me enough in my station to live free from ambition; but as he always kept a very strict hand over me in his life-time, I was willing, when he was gone, to make up the time I thought I had lost.

But notwithstanding, continued Abon Hassan, in this I was more prudent than most young people are, who give themselves unto debauchery without any thought, and who reduce themselves to the utmost poverty, and are forced to do penance all the rest of their lives after. Now I, to avoid this misfortune, divided what I had left me in two parts, and with one bought an estate, with a resolution not to finger my rents at that time; and kept the other in ready money to pursue my extravagances with. I associated myself with young people of my age, and with my ready money, which I spent profusely, treated them every day; and, in short, spared for no sort of pleasure. But these feastings did not last long; for by that time the year was out, I had got to the bottom of my cash, and then all my friends vanished. I made a visit to every one of them, and represented to them the miserable condition I was in, but none of them would relieve me. Upon this, I renounced their friendship, and retrenched so far as to live within the compass of my income, and obliged myself to keep company with none but the first stranger I could meet with, coming that day into Bagdad, and to entertain him but one night. I have told you the rest before; and I thank my good fortune this day for meeting with a stranger of so much worth.

The caliph was very well satisfied with this information, and said to Abon Hassan, I cannot enough commend the measures you have taken, and the prudence with which you have acted, by forsaking your debauchery; a conduct rarely to be met with in young persons; and I esteem you the more for being so just to yourself as you have been. It was a slippery path you trode in; and I cannot enough admire, how, after having seen the end of your ready money, you had so great a command over yourself not to enter upon your estate. In short, I must own I envy your happiness: you are the only happy man in the world, to enjoy every day the company of some one honest man, with whom you can discourse freely and agreeably, and to whom you give an opportunity to declare, wherever he goes, how handsomely he was received by you. But we talk too long without drinking; come drink, and pour out to me.

In this manner the caliph and Abon Hassan entertained each other, drinking and talking of indifferent matters till the night was pretty far advanced; when the caliph, pretending to be fatigued after his voyage, told his host he stood in need of a little rest; but, added he, that I may not deprive you of yours, before we part, because to-morrow I may be gone before you are stirring, I would be glad to show you how sensible I am of your civility, and the kind and obliging hospitality you have shown me. The only thing that troubles me is, that I know not which way to pay my acknowledgment; therefore I beg of you to let me understand how I may, and you shall see I will not be ungrateful; for certainly you must have some business in which you may be served, or must want something which you could wish for. Speak freely, and declare your mind; for, though I am but a merchant, it may be in mine or some friend’s power to oblige you.

To these offers of the caliph, Abon Hassan, taking him still for a Moussel merchant, replied, I am very well persuaded, good sir, that it is not out of a compliment that you make me these generous tenders; but, upon the word of an honest man, I have nothing that troubles me, no business nor desires, and want not any thing. I have not the least ambition, as I told you before, but am very well satisfied with my condition. Therefore, I can only thank you for your obliging proffers, and the honour you have done me to come and take a slight repast with me. Yet I must tell you, pursued Abon Hassan, there is one thing gives me great uneasiness. You know the town of Bagdad is divided into several parts and divisions, to each of which there belongs a mosque, and an iman to read prayers at certain hours. The iman of the division I live in is an old man, of an austere countenance, and the greatest hypocrite in the world. This man, and four old men of this neighbourhood, who are people of the same stamp, meet every day at the iman’s house; there they vent their slander, calumny, and malice against me and the whole division, to the disturbance of the public peace of the neighbourhood, and the promotion of dissension. Some they threaten, others they rail against; and, in short, would be lords paramount, and have every one govern himself according to their caprice; and, at the same time, know not how to govern themselves. Indeed, I would have them meddle with nothing but their Alcoran, and let the world live quietly.

Well, I suppose, said the caliph, you would willingly put a stop to this disorder. You have guessed it, answered Abon Hassan; and the only thing I should desire, would be to be caliph only for one day, in the stead of our sovereign lord and master Haroun Alraschid, the commander of the faithful. What would you do if you were? said the caliph. I would make them examples, answered Abon Hassan, to the satisfaction of all honest men. I would punish the four old men with each a hundred bastinadoes on the soles of their feet, and the iman with four hundred, to learn them not to disturb and abuse their neighbours any more.

The caliph was extremely well pleased with this thought of Abon Hassan’s; and, as he was a prince who loved adventures, he fancied to make this a very singular one. Indeed, said he, I approve very much of your wish, which I see proceeds from an upright mind, that cannot bear to see the malice of wicked people go unpunished. I could like to see it take effect, and that is not so impossible a thing as you imagine. I am persuaded that the caliph would willingly put his authority for twenty-four hours into your hands, if he knew your good intentions, and the just use you would make of it. I see, said Abon Hassan, you laugh at my foolish fancy; and the caliph himself would laugh at my extravagance too if he knew it; but yet it would be a means of informing him of the iman’s and his companions’ behaviour, and he might chastise them.

Heaven forbid, replied the caliph, that I, who have been so handsomely entertained by you, should laugh at you; neither do I believe, as much a stranger as I am, that the caliph would be displeased. But let us lay this discourse aside; it is almost midnight, and time to go to bed. With all my heart, said Abon Hassan, I would not be any hindrance to your going to rest; but there is still some wine in the bottle, and, if you please, we will drink it off first. The only thing that I have to recommend to you is, that, when you go out in the morning, if I am not up, you will give yourself the trouble of shutting the door after you, which the caliph promised; and while Abon Hassan was talking, took the bottle and two glasses, and filled his own first, saying, Here is a cup of thanks to you; and then filling the other, put artfully a little powder, which he had about him, into it, and giving it to Abon Hassan, said, you have taken the pains to fill for me all this night, and it is the least I can do to save you the trouble once; come, drink to our good repose.

Abon Hassan took the glass, and, to show his guest with how much pleasure he received the honour he did him, whipped it off at once; but had scarcely set the glass upon the table before the powder began to work, and he fell into so sound a sleep, that his head knocked against his knees. The caliph ordered the slave that he had brought along with him, and who came again into the room as soon as he had supped, to take him upon his back, and follow him; but to be sure to observe the house, that he might know it again when he should bring him back; and in this manner the caliph, followed by the slave with Abon Hassan on his back, went out of the house, but without shutting the door after him, as Abon Hassan desired, and went directly to his palace, and, by a backdoor, into his own apartment, where all the officers of his apartment were waiting for him, whom he ordered to undress him, and put him in his bed, which they immediately performed.

Then the caliph sent for all the officers and ladies of the palace, and said to them, I would have all those whose business it is to attend my levee wait to-morrow morning upon this man who lies in my bed, and pay the same respect to him as to myself, and obey him in whatever he commands; let him be refused in nothing that he asks for, and be spoken to and answered in every thing he says or does, as if he was the commander of the faithful. In short, I expect you to look upon him as the true caliph, and neglect not the least circumstance.

The officers and ladies presently understood that the caliph had a mind to divert himself, and made low bows to show their obedience, and then withdrew, every one full of the part they were to act.

Then he sent for the grand vizier: Giafar, said he, I have sent for you to instruct you, and to prevent your being surprised to-morrow when you come to an audience, to see this man, that is laid here in my bed, seated on my throne in my royal robes: accost him with the same reverence and respect you pay to myself; observe, and punctually execute, whatever he bids you do, the same as if I commanded you, even if his liberality should extend so far as to empty all the coffers in my treasury; and remember to acquaint all my emirs and huissirs, all the officers without the palace, to pay him the same honour at audience as the commander of the believers himself; and to carry on the matter so well, that he might not perceive the least thing that may interrupt this joke which I am diverting myself with.

Afterwards the grand vizier retired, and the caliph went to bed in another apartment; and ordered Mesrour, the chief of his eunuchs, to take care to manage things so well, that he might see how Abon Hassan would use the power and authority of the caliph for the time he desired to have it; and, above all, charged him to awake him at the usual hour, before he awakened Abon Hassan, because he had a mind to be present when he rose.

Mesrour failed not to do as the caliph had commanded; and, as soon as the caliph went into the room where Abon Hassan lay, he placed himself in a little closet, from whence he could see all that passed. All the officers and ladies who were to attend Abon Hassan’s levee, took their posts according to their rank, with great silence, and discharged themselves as punctually of their offices as if the caliph had been to rise.

As it was just day-break, and time to rise to morning prayer before sun-rise, the officer that stood nearest to the head of the bed, put a sponge steeped in vinegar to Abon Hassan’s nose; who, presently turning his head about without opening his eyes, sneezed heartily, which was generally the effect of the caliph’s powder, and which lasted longer or shorter in proportion to the dose. Then opening his eyes, he found himself, by the small light that appeared, in a stately room magnificently furnished, the ceiling of which was finely painted, and the floor covered with a rich silk tapestry, and surrounded by a great many young and handsome ladies, with all sorts of instruments of music in their hands, and black eunuchs richly clothed, all standing with great modesty and respect. After casting his eyes on the quilt of the bed, he perceived it was cloth of gold, richly embossed with pearls and diamonds; and that there was laid by the bed a habit of the same stuff and trimmings, with a caliph’s turban.

At the sight of these glittering objects, Abon Hassan was in the most inexpressible confusion and amazement, and looked upon all he saw as a dream. So, said he to himself, I am caliph; but, added he a little after, it is only a dream, the effect of the wish I entertained my guest with last night; and then he turned himself about to sleep again. At the same time, the eunuch said very respectfully, Commander of the Faithful, it is time for your majesty to rise to prayers; the morning begins to advance.

These words very much surprised Abon Hassan. Am I awake, or do I sleep? said he to himself. Ah! certainly I am asleep! continued he, keeping his eyes shut; there is no reason to doubt of it.

Immediately the eunuch, who saw he had no inclination to get up, and that he gave him no answer, said again, Your majesty, I hope, will not be angry, if I tell you once more that it is time to rise to morning prayer, which you never neglect, and the sun is just upon rising. I am mistaken, said Abon Hassan presently; I am not asleep, but awake: for those that sleep do not hear, and I hear very distinctly. Then opening his eyes, he saw plainly by broad daylight, what appeared but uncertain before, and rising upon his breech, with a smiling countenance, like a man overjoyed at a sudden promotion, pleased the caliph, who penetrated into the bottom of his thoughts.

Then the ladies of the palace prostrated themselves with their faces to the ground before Abon Hassan, and those who had the instruments of music in their hands, wished him a good-morrow, by a concert of soft flutes, hautboys, theorboes, and other harmonious instruments, with which he was ravished, and was in such an ecstasy, that he knew not himself, nor where he was; but, recovering at last his first idea, he doubted whether what he saw was a dream or matter of fact. He clapped his hands before his eyes, and lowering his head, said to himself, What means all this? where am I? and whom does this palace belong to? What can these eunuchs, officers, beautiful ladies, and musicians signify? How is it possible for me to distinguish whether I am in my right senses or in a dream? When he took his hands from his eyes, the sun shone full in at the chamber-window; and at that instant, Mesrour, the chief of the eunuchs, came in, prostrated himself before Abon Hassan, and said, Commander of the Faithful, your majesty will excuse me for representing to you, that you used not to lie so long, and that the time of prayer is over; I am afraid your majesty has had an ill night, and has been indisposed, and may not be able to ascend your throne in council as usual: all your generals, governors, and other officers of state, wait your presence in the council-hall.

At this discourse of Mesrour’s, Abon Hassan was verily persuaded that he was neither asleep nor in a dream; but, at the same time, was very much embarrassed and confused. At last, looking earnestly at Mesrour, he said to him in a serious tone, Who is it you speak to, and call the commander of the faithful? For my part, I do not know you, and you mistake me for somebody else.

Any person but Mesrour would have been dashed at these questions of Abon Hassan’s; but he had been so well instructed by the caliph, that he played his part to a wonder. My worthy lord and master, said he, your majesty only speaks thus to try me: is not your majesty the commander of the faithful, monarch of the world, and the prophet’s vicar on earth? Mesrour, your slave, has not forgot you, after so many years that he has had the honour and happiness to serve and pay his respects to your majesty; and should think himself the most unhappy of all men if he has incurred your displeasure, and begs of you most humbly to remove his fears; but is apt to believe that you have been disturbed by some troublesome dream last night.

Abon Hassan burst out a-laughing at these words of Mesrour’s, and fell backwards upon the bolster, which pleased the caliph so much, that he would have laughed as loud himself, if he had not been afraid of putting a stop to the pleasant scene he promised himself.

Abon Hassan, when he had tired himself with laughing, sat up again on his breech, and, speaking to a little black eunuch that stood by him, said, Hark ye, tell me who I am. Sir, answered the little boy modestly, your majesty is the commander of the believers, and God’s vicar on earth. You are a liar, sooty face, said Abon Hassan. Then he called the lady that stood the nearest to him: Come hither, fair one, said he, holding out his hand, bite the end of my finger, that I may feel whether I am asleep or awake.

The lady, who knew the caliph saw all that passed, was overjoyed to show how capable she was of diverting him, and went with a grave countenance, and putting his finger between her teeth, she bit so hard that he cried out; and, snatching his hand quickly back again, said, I find I am awake, and not asleep. But by what miracle am I become caliph in a night’s time? This is certainly the most strange and surprising thing in the world! Then addressing himself to the same lady, he said, I conjure you, for Heaven’s sake, not to hide the truth from me; am I really the commander of the faithful? It is so true, answered the lady, that we, who are your slaves, are amazed to find that you will not believe yourself to be so. Ah! you are a deceiver, replied Abon Hassan; I know very well who I am.

As the chief of the eunuchs perceived that Abon Hassan had a mind to rise, he lent him his hand, and helped him to get out of bed. No sooner were his feet set on the floor, than the chamber rang again with repeated acclamations of the officers and ladies, who cried out, God preserve your majesty, and give you a good day. O Heaven! cried Abon Hassan, what a strange thing is this! Last night I was Abon Hassan, and this morning I am the commander of the believers! I cannot comprehend this sudden and surprising change. Presently some of the officers began to dress him; and when they had done, Mesrour led him through all the eunuchs and ladies, who were ranged on both sides quite to the council-chamber door, which was opened by one of the huissirs. Mesrour walked before him to the foot of the throne, where he stopped, and putting one hand under one arm, while another officer did the same by the other, they helped him to ascend the throne.

The caliph, in the mean time, came out of the closet where he was hid, and went into another which looked into the council-hall, from whence he could hear all that passed, and see Abon Hassan, who filled his throne with all the gravity imaginable.

As soon as Abon Hassan had seated himself, the grand vizier Giafar prostrated himself at the foot of the throne, and addressing himself to him, said, God shower down blessings on your majesty in this life, receive you into his paradise in the other world, and confound your enemies!

Abon Hassan, after all that had happened that morning, and these words of the grand vizier, never doubted but he was caliph, as he wished to be; and so, without examining any farther, how, or by what adventure or sudden change of fortune, he immediately began to exercise his power, and looking very gravely upon the vizier, asked him what he had to say. Commander of the Faithful, replied the grand vizier, the emirs, viziers, and other officers who are of your majesty’s council, wait at the door, until your majesty give them leave to come in, and pay their usual respects to you. Abon Hassan presently bade that the door be opened, and the grand vizier gave the sign to the huissir that waited for it.

When the door was opened, the viziers, emirs, and principal officers of the court, all dressed magnificently in their habits of ceremony, went in their order to the foot of the throne, and paid their respects to Abon Hassan; and bowing their heads down to the carpet, kneeling on one knee, saluted him with the title of Commander of the Faithful, according to the instruction of the grand vizier, and afterwards took their seats.