Chapter 31

I gave him repeated assurances of a punctual performance of whatever should be enjoined me. Then, said he, in the evening you must be at the mosque built by the caliph's lady on the banks of the Tigris, and stay there till one comes to call you, I agreed to what he proposed; and, after passing the day in great impatience, went in the evening to the prayer that is said in an hour and an half after sunset in the mosque, and there I staid after the people were gone. Immediately I saw a boat making up to the mosque, the rowers of which were all eunuchs, who came on shore, and put several large trunks into the mosque, and then retired; only one of them remained, whom I perceived to be the same eunuch that had all along accompanied the lady, and had been with me that morning. About the same time, I saw the lady enter the mosque; and, making up to her, told her I was ready to obey her orders. Come, said she, we have no time to lose. With that she opened one of the trunks, and bid me get into it, that being necessary both for her safety and mine. Fear nothing, added she; leave the management of the rest to me. I considered that I had gone too far to look back, and so obeyed her orders; upon which she locked the trunk. This done, the eunuch who was her confident, called the other eunuchs who had brought in the trunks, and ordered them to carry them on board again; after which the lady and eunuch re-embarked, and the boatmen rowed to Zobeide's apartment. In the mean time, I reflected very seriously upon the danger to which I had exposed myself, and made vows and prayers, though it was then too late. The boat put into the palace-gate, and the trunks were carried into the apartment of the officer of the eunuchs, who keeps the key of the ladies' apartments, and suffers nothing to enter without a narrow inspection. The officer was then in bed, consequently there was a necessity for calling him. He was angry that they should break his rest, and chid the favourite lady severely for coming home so late: You shall not come off so easily as you think; for, said he, not one of these trunks shall pass till I have opened every one of them. He then commanded the eunuchs to bring them before him, and open them one by one. The first they began with was that in which I lay; so that I was in the last degree of consternation.

The favourite lady, who had the key of the trunk, protested it should not be opened. You know very well, said she, I bring nothing hither but what is to serve Zobeide, your mistress and mine. This trunk, continued she, is filled with rich goods I had from some merchants lately arrived, besides a number of bottles of Zemzem water [Footnote: There is a fountain at Mecca, which, according to the Mahometans, is a spring that God showed to Hagar after Abraham was obliged to put her away. The water of this spring is drank by way of devotion, and is sent in presents to the princes and princesses.] sent from Mecca; if any of these should happen to break, the goods will be spoiled, and you must answer for them. Zobeide will take care, I warrant you, to resent your insolence. In fine, she stood up so tight to the matter, that the officer did not dare to take upon him to open any of the trunks. Let me go then, said he, carry them off. Immediately the lady's apartment was opened, and the trunks were carried in. They were scarcely got in, when all of a sudden I heard a cry, Here is the caliph, here comes the caliph. This put me in such a fright, that I wonder I did not die upon the spot, for it was actually the caliph. What hast thou got in these trunks? said he to the favourite. Some stuffs, said she, lately arrived, which your majesty's lady had a mind to see. Open them, cried he, and let me see them too. She pretended to excuse herself, alleging that the stuffs were only proper for ladies, and that by opening them his lady would be deprived of the pleasure of seeing them first. I say, open them, cried the caliph; I have a mind to see them, and shall see them. She still represented that her mistress would be angry with her if she opened them. No, no, said he, I will engage she shall not say a word to you for so doing; come, open them, I cannot stop. There was a necessity of obeying, which gave me such shocking alarms, that I trembled every time I thought on it. Down sat the caliph; and the favourite ordered all the trunks to be brought before him, one after another. Then she opened them; and, to spin out the time, showed all the beauties of each particular stuff, thinking thereby to tire out his patience; but her stratagem did not take. Being as loath as I to have the trunk where I lay open, she left that till the last. So when all the rest were viewed, Come, says the caliph, make an end; let us see what is in that one. I am at a loss to tell you whether I was dead or alive at that moment, for I little thought of escaping so great a danger.

When Zobeide's favourite saw that the caliph would needs have the trunk opened where I lay, As for this trunk, says she, your majesty will please to dispense with the opening of it; there are some things in it which I cannot show you unless your lady be by. Well, well, says the caliph, since it is so, I am satisfied; order the trunks to be carried away. The word was no sooner spoken, than the trunks were removed into her chamber, where I began to come to life again.

As soon as the eunuchs who had brought them were gone, she presently opened the trunk where I was prisoner. Come out, said she, go up these stairs that lead to an upper room, and stay there till I come. The door which led to the stairs she locked after I was in; and that was no sooner done than the caliph came and clapped him down upon the very trunk wherein I had been. The occasion of this visit was a motion of curiosity that did not respect me. He had a mind to discourse the lady about what she had seen or heard in the city. So they discoursed together a pretty while, after which he left her, and retired to his apartment. When she found the coast clear, she came to the chamber where I was, and made many apologies for the alarms she had given me. My uneasiness, said she, was no less than yours; you cannot well doubt of that, since I have run the same risk from love to you; perhaps another would not have had the presence of mind to manage matters so dexterously upon so tender an occasion; nothing less than the love I had for you could have inspired me with courage to do it. But come, take heart, now the danger is over. After some tender discourse between us, she told me it was time to go to bed, and that she would not fail to introduce me to Zobeide, her mistress, to-morrow, some hour of the day; for the caliph never sees her, added she, but at nights. Heartened by these words, I slept very well; or at least, whatever interruptions happened were agreeable disquietings, caused by the hopes of enjoying a lady blessed with such sparkling wit and beauty.

The next day, before I was introduced to Zobeide, her favourite instructed me how to behave, naming nearly the same questions as she put to me, and dictating the answers I was to give. This done, she carried me into a very magnificent and richly furnished hall: I had no sooner entered, than twenty female slaves, in rich and uniform habits, came out of Zobeide's apartment, and placed themselves very modestly before the throne in two equal rows: they were followed by twenty other ladies who looked younger, and were clothed after the same manner, though their habits appeared somewhat gayer. In the middle of these appeared Zobeide, with a majestic air, and so loaded with jewels, that she could scarcely walk. Zobeide then went and sat down on the throne, and the favourite lady, who had accompanied her, just by her, on her right hand; the other ladies being placed at some distance on each side of the throne.

The caliph's lady having sat down, the slaves who came in first made a sign for me to approach: I advanced between the rows they had formed, and prostrated myself upon the tapestry under the princess's feet. She ordered me to rise, and did me the honour to ask my name, my family, and the condition of my fortune; to all which I gave her satisfactory answers, as I perceived not only by her countenance, but by her words. I am very glad, said she, that my daughter (so she used to call the favourite lady, looking upon her as such, after the care she had taken of her education) has made a choice that pleases me; I approve of it, and give consent to your marriage: I shall give orders myself for what is to be done in solemnizing it, but I wish her to stay ten davs with me before the solemnity; and in that time I will speak to the caliph, and obtain his consent; mean while do you stay here, you shall be taken care of. Accordingly I staid ten days in the ladies' apartments, and during that time was deprived of the pleasure of seeing the favourite lady; but was so well used, by her orders, that I had no reason to be dissatisfied.

Zobeide told the caliph her resolution of marrying the favourite lady; and he, leaving to her the liberty of doing upon that head as she pleased, granted the favourite a considerable sum to help her fortune. When the ten days were expired, Zobeide ordered the contract of marriage to be drawn up; and the necessary preparations being made for the solemnity, the dancers, (both men and women) were called in, and rejoicings continued in the palace nine days. The tenth day being appointed for the last ceremony of the marriage, the favourite lady was conducted to a bath, and I to another. At night I sat down at table, and had all manner of rarities served up to me, and, among other things ragoo with garlic, such as you have now forced me to eat of. This ragoo I liked so well, that I scarcely touched any other of the dishes. But such was my unhappiness, that when I rose from the table, I only wiped my hands instead of washing them well; a piece of negligence of which I had never before been guilty. Though it was night, the whole apartment of the ladies was as light as day, by means of illuminations. Nothing was to be heard in the palace but music and acclamations of joy. My bride and I were introduced into a great hall, where we were placed upon two thrones. The women who attended her made her shift herself several times, and painted her face with different sorts of colours, according to the usual custom on wedding- days; and every time she changed her habit, they exposed her to my view.

After these ceremonies, we were conducted to the wedding- room, and, as soon as the company retired, I approached to embrace my mistress, but, instead of answering me with transports, she shoved me off, and cried out most fearfully; upon which all the ladies of the apartment came running into the chamber to know what she cried for; and, for my own part, I was so thunderstruck, that I stood, without the power of so much as asking what she meant by it. Dear sister, said they to her, what is the matter? Let us know it, that we may try to relieve you. Take, said she, out of my sight that vile fellow. Why, madam, said I, wherein have I deserved your displeasure? You are a villain, said she, furiously: what, to eat garlic, and not wash your hands! Do you think that I would suffer such a filthy fellow to touch me? Down with him, down with him upon the ground, continued she, addressing herself to the ladies; and pray let me have a good bull's pizzle. In short, I was thrown down upon the ground, and while some held my hands, and others my feet, my wife, who was presently furnished with a weapon, laid on me most unmercifully, till I could scarcely breathe: then she said to the ladies, Take him, send him to the justiciary judge, and let the hand be cut off with which he fed upon the garlic ragoo. God bless my soul, cried I, must I be beat, bruised, unmercifully mauled, and, to complete my affliction, have my hand cut off, for eating of a ragoo with garlic, and forgetting to wash my hands? What proportion is there between the punishment and the crime? Plague on the ragoo, plague on the cook that dressed it, and may he be equally unhappy that served it up!

All the ladies that were by took pity on me, when they heard the cutting off of my hand spoken of. Dear madam, dear sister, said they to the favourite lady, you carry your resentment too far. We own he is a man quite ignorant of the world, that he does not observe your quality, and the regards that are due to you; but we beseech you to overlook and pardon the fault he has committed. I have not received suitable satisfaction, said she; I will teach him to know the world, make him bear the sensible marks of his impertinence, and be cautious hereafter how he tastes a garlic ragoo without washing his hands. However, they still continued their solicitations, and fell down at her feet, and kissing her fair hand, Good madam, said they, in the name of God, moderate your wrath, and grant the favour we request. She answered never a word, but got up, and, after throwing out a thousand hard words against me, walked out of the chamber, with the ladies, leaving me in inconceivable affliction.

I continued here ten days, without seeing any body but an old woman-slave who brought me victuals. I asked the old woman what was become of the favourite lady? She is sick, said the old woman, of the poisoned smell you infected her with. Why did you not take care to wash your hands after eating of that cursed ragoo? Is it possible, thought I to myself, that these ladies can be so nice and vindictive for so small a fault? In the mean time I loved my wife, notwithstanding all her cruelty. One day the old woman told me that my spouse was recovered and gone to bathe, and would come to see me the next day; so, said she, I would have you to call up your patience, and endeavour to accommodate yourself to her humour. Besides, she is a woman of good sense and discretion, and entirely beloved by all the ladies about Zobeide's court. Accordingly my wife came next night, and accosted me thus: You see I am too good in seeing you again, after the affront you have offered me; but still I cannot stoop to be reconciled to you, till I have punished you according to your demerit, in not washing your hands after eating the garlic ragoo. This said, she called the ladies, who, by her order, threw me upon the ground, and, after binding me fast, had the barbarity to cut off my thumbs and great toes with a razor. One of the ladies applied a certain root to staunch the blood; but by the bleeding and pain I swooned away. When I came to myself, they gave me wine to drink to recruit my strength. Ah! madam, said I to my wife, if ever I eat of garlic ragoo again, I solemnly swear to wash my hands an hundred and twenty times with the herb alcali, with the ashes of the same plant, and with soap. Well, replied my wife, upon that condition I am willing to forget what is past, and live with you as my husband. This, continued the Bagdad merchant, addressing himself to the company, is the reason why I refused to eat of the garlic ragoo now upon the table.

To make an end of the Bagdad merchant's story, the ladies, said he, applied to my wounds, not only the root I mentioned to you but likewise some balsam of Mecca, which they were morally assured was not adulterated, because they had it from the caliph's own dispensatory; by virtue of that admirable balsam I was perfectly cured in a few days, and my wife and I lived together as agreeably as if I had never eaten of the garlic ragoo. But having been all my lifetime used to the liberty of ranging abroad, I was very uneasy at being confined to the caliph's palace, and yet said nothing of it to my wife, from a fear of displeasing her. She smelt it, however; and wanted nothing more herself than to get out, for it was gratitude alone that made her continue with Zobeide. In fine, being a very witty woman, she represented, in lively terms, to her mistress, the constraint I was under in not living in the city with my fellow-companions, as I had always done: this she did so effectually, that the good princess chose rather to deprive herself of the pleasure of having her favourite about her, than not to grant what she desired. Accordingly, about a month after our marriage, my wife came into my room with several eunuchs, each carrying a bag of silver. When the eunuchs were gone, You never told me, said she, that you were uneasy in being confined to court, but I perceived it very well, and have happily found means to make you contented. My mistress Zobeide gives us leave to go out of the palace, and here are fifty thousand sequins, of which she has made us a present, in order to enable us to live comfortable in the city. Take ten thousand of them, and go and buy us a house, I soon purchased a house; and, after furnishing it richly, we went and lived in it, and kept a great many slaves of both sexes, with a very pretty equipage. In short, we began to live in a very agreeable manner, which did not last long, for at a year's end my wife fell sick and died. I might have married again, and lived honourably at Bagdad; but ambition to see the world put me upon other thoughts. I sold my house, and, after buying up several sorts of goods, went with a caravan to Persia; from Persia I travelled to Samarcande, and from thence hither.

This, said the purveyor to the sultan of Casgar, is the story that the Bagdad merchant told in a company where I was yesterday. This story, said the sultan, has something extraordinary in it, but it does not come near that of my little Hunchback. Then the jewish physician prostrated himself before the sultan's throne, and rising again, addressed himself to that prince in the following manner: Sir, if you will be so good as to hear me, I flatter myself you will be pleased with a story I have to tell you. Well spoken, said the sultan; but if it is not more surprising than that of little Hunch-back, do not you expect to live. The physician, finding the sultan of Casgar disposed to hear him, gave the following relation:

THE STORY TOLD BY THE JEWISH PHYSICIAN.

Sir, when I was a student of physic, and just beginning the practice of that noble profession with some reputation, a man-slave called me to see a patient in the city governor's family. I went accordingly, and was carried into a room, where I found a very handsome young man mightily cast down with his condition: I saluted him, and sat down by him, but he made no return to my compliments, except by a sign with his eyes that he heard me and thanked me. Pray, sir, said I, give me your hand, that I may feel your pulse. But, instead of stretching out his right, he gave me his left hand, at which I was extremely surprised. This, said I to myself, is a gross piece of ignorance, not to know that people present their right hand, and not their left, to a physician. However, I felt his pulse, wrote him a receipt, and took leave.

I continued my visits for nine days, and every time I felt his pulse he still gave me the left hand: on the tenth day he seemed to be pretty well, and so I prescribed nothing for him but bathing. The governor of Damascus, who was by, did, in testimony of his being well satisfied with my service, invest me with a very rich robe, saying, he made me a physician of the city hospital, and physician in ordinary to his house, where I might freely eat at his table when I pleased. The young man likewise showed me many civilities, and asked me to accompany him to the bath: accordingly we went together; and when his attendants had undressed him, I perceived he wanted the right hand, and that it had not been long cut off, which had been the occasion of his distemper, though concealed from me; for while the people about him were applying proper medicines externally, they had called me to prevent the ill consequences of the fever he was then in. I was very much surprised and concerned on seeing his misfortune, which he observed by my countenance. Doctor, cried he, do not be astonished to see that my hand is cut off; some day or other I will tell you the occasion of it; and in that relation you will be entertained with very surprising adventures.

After bathing, we sat down and ate; and after we had some other discourse together, he asked me if it would be any prejudice to his health, if he went to take a walk out of town in the governor's garden? I made answer, it would be so far from that, that it would benefit his health. Since it is so, said he, if you would let me have your company, I will tell you the history of my adventures, I replied, I was at his command for all that day. Upon which he presently called his servants, to bring something for a collation; and so we went to the governor's garden. There we took two or three turns, and then sat down upon a carpet that his servants had spread under a tree, which gave a very pleasant shade. After we were set, the young man gave his history in the following terms: I was born, said he, at Moussol, and come of one of the most considerable families in the city. My father was the eldest of ten brothers that were all alive, and all married, when my grandfather died. All the brothers were childless but my father, and he had never a child but me. He took particular care of my education, and made me learn every thing that was proper for a child of my quality.