Part 78

The mother, who could not divine or imagine why her son so strenuously and positively maintained himself to be caliph, never disputed but that he had lost his senses, when she found he insisted so much upon a thing that was so incredible; and in this thought, said, I pray God, son, to have mercy upon you! Pray do not talk so madly. Beseech God to forgive you, and give you grace to talk more reasonably. What would the world say to hear you rave in this manner? Do you not know that ‘walls have ears?’

These remonstrances only enraged Abon Hassan the more; and he was so provoked at his mother, that he said, Old woman, I have bid you once already to hold your tongue. If you do not, I shall rise and give you cause to repent it all your lifetime. I am the caliph and the commander of the believers; and you ought to believe me when I say so.

Then the good woman perceiving that he was more distracted than ever, abandoned herself to tears, and beating her face and breast, expressed the utmost grief and astonishment to see her son in that terrible state. Abon Hassan, instead of being appeased, and being moved by his mother’s tears, on the contrary lost all the respect due from a son to his mother, and getting up hastily, and laying hold of a cane, ran to his mother in great fury, and in a threatening manner, that would have frightened every one but a mother so partial to him, said, Tell me presently, wicked woman, who I am. I do not believe, son, replied she, looking at him tenderly, and void of fear, that you are so abandoned by God as not to know your mother, who brought you into the world, and to mistake yourself. You are indeed my son Abon Hassan, and are very much in the wrong to arrogate to yourself the title which belongs only to our sovereign lord the caliph Haroun Alraschid, after the noble and generous present the monarch made us yesterday. In short, I forgot to tell you, that the grand vizier Giafar came to me yesterday, and putting a purse of a thousand pieces of gold into my hands, bid me pray for the commander of the faithful, who made me that present; and does not this liberality concern you more than me, who have but a short time to live?

At these words Abon Hassan grew quite mad. The circumstance of the caliph’s liberality his mother told him of, persuaded him more than ever that he was caliph, remembering that he had sent the vizier. Well, old hag, cried he, will you be convinced when I tell you I sent you those thousand pieces of gold by my grand vizier Giafar, who obeyed my commands, as I was commander of the faithful? But instead of believing me you endeavour to distract me by your contradictions, and maintain with obstinacy that I am your son, but you shall not go long unpunished. After these words, he was so unnatural, in the height of his frenzy, as to beat her cruelly with his cane.

The poor mother, who could not have thought that her son would have come so soon from words to blows, called out for help so loud, that the neighbours ran in to her assistance. Abon Hassan continued to beat her, at every stroke asking her if he was the commander of the faithful? To which she always answered tenderly, that he was her son.

By that time the neighbours came in, Abon Hassan’s rage began to abate. The first who entered the room got between him and his mother, and taking the cane out of his hand, said to him, What are you doing, Abon Hassan? have you lost all fear of God, and your reason? Did ever a son so well brought up as you, dare to strike his mother? Are you not ashamed so to treat yours, who loves you so tenderly? Abon Hassan, still full of fury, looked at him that spoke without returning an answer; and then staring on all the rest of his neighbours that followed him, said, Who is that Abon Hassan you speak of? Is it me you call by that name?

This question disconcerted the neighbours a little. How! said he who spoke first, do not you know your mother, who brought you up, and with whom you have always lived? Begone, you are impertinent people, replied Abon Hassan; I neither know her nor you, and will not know her. I am not Abon Hassan; I am the commander of the faithful, and will make you know it to your cost.

At this discourse the neighbours no longer doubted that he was mad; and to prevent his being guilty of the like actions, seized him, notwithstanding his resistance, and bound him hand and foot. But though apparently disabled from doing any mischief, they did not choose to leave him alone with his mother. Two of them ran for the keeper of the hospital for mad folks, who came presently with chains, hand-cuffs, a bull’s pizzle, and a great many attendants. When they entered the room, Abon Hassan, who little expected such treatment, struggled to unloose himself; but after his keeper had given him two or three smart strokes upon the shoulders with the bull’s pizzle, he lay so quiet, that the keeper and his people did what they would with him. As soon as they had bound and manacled him, they took him with them to the hospital. When he was got out of his house into the street, the people crowded round him; one buffeted him, another boxed him, and others called him fool and madman. To all this treatment he replied, There is no greatness and power but in God most high and almighty. I am treated as a fool, though I am in my right senses. I suffer all these injuries and indignities for the love of God. He was conducted to the hospital, where he was lodged in an iron cage; but before he was shut up, the keeper, who was hardened to such terrible execution, regaled him without pity with fifty strokes of the bull’s pizzle on his shoulders, which he repeated every day for three weeks, bidding him remember that he was not the commander of the faithful. I am not mad; but if I did want your assistance, nothing would so effectually make me mad, as your cruel treatment of me. I want not your advice, said Abon Hassan.

Abon Hassan’s mother went every day to see her son, and could not forbear crying to see him fall away daily, and to hear him sigh and complain at the hardships he endured. In short his shoulders, back, and sides, were so black and bruised, that he could not turn himself. His mother would willingly have talked with him, to comfort him, and to sound him whether he still retained the notion of being caliph; but whenever she opened her mouth he stopped her with so much fury, that she was forced to leave him, and return home inconsolable at his obstinacy.

By degrees those strong and lively ideas which Abon Hassan entertained, of having been clothed in the caliph’s habit, and having exercised his authority, and been punctually obeyed and treated like the true caliph, and which persuaded him when he awaked that he was so, all began to wear away insensibly. Sometimes he would say to himself, If I was the caliph and commander of the believers, how came I, when I awaked, to find myself at home, dressed in my own apparel? Why should I not have been attended by eunuchs, and their chief, and a crowd of beautiful ladies? Why should my grand vizier Giafar, and all those emirs and governors of provinces, who prostrated themselves at my feet, forsake me? Undoubtedly if I had any authority over them, they would have delivered me long ago out of this miserable condition I am in; certainly I ought to look upon all as a dream. It is true I commanded the judge of the police to punish the iman and the four old men his companions; I ordered Giafar the grand vizier to carry my mother a thousand pieces of gold; and all my commands were executed. All these things are obstacles to my believing it a dream, and I cannot comprehend it; but there are so many things that I cannot comprehend, nor ever shall, that I will put my trust in God, who knows all things.

Abon Hassan was taken up with these thoughts and reflections when his mother came to see him. She found him so much altered and emaciated, that she let fall a torrent of tears; in the midst of which she saluted him as she used to do, and he returned her salute, which he had never done before, since he had been in the hospital. This she looked upon to be a good sign. Well, my son, said she, wiping her tears, how do you do, and how do you find yourself? Have you renounced all those whims and fancies which the devil had put into your head? Indeed, mother, replied Abon Hassan, very rationally and calmly, and in a tone expressive of his grief for the excesses he had been transported to against her, I acknowledge my error, and beg of you to forgive the execrable crime which I have been guilty of towards you, and which I detest. I ask pardon also of my neighbours that I have abused. I have been deceived by a dream; but by so extraordinary a one, and so like to truth, that I venture to affirm any other person, to whom such a thing might have happened, would have been guilty of as great or greater extravagancies; and I am this instant so much perplexed about it, that while I am speaking I can hardly persuade myself but that what has happened to me was a matter of fact, so like was it to what happens to people who are broad awake. But whatever it was, I do, and shall always look upon it as a dream and an illusion. I am convinced that I am not that shadow of a caliph and commander of the faithful, but Abon Hassan your son, the son of a person whom I have always honoured till that fatal day, the remembrance of which will cover me with confusion, and whom I shall honour and respect all my life as I ought.

At these sensible words, the tears of sorrow and affliction which the mother of Abon Hassan had so long shed were changed into those of joy, to find her son so well recovered. My son! cried she, transported with pleasure, my satisfaction and comfort to hear you talk so reasonably is inexpressible; and it gives me as much joy as if I had brought you into the world a second time; but I must tell you my opinion upon this adventure, and observe one thing which you may not have taken notice of; the stranger that you brought home with you one evening to sup with you, went away without shutting your chamber-door after him, as you desired him; which I believe gave the devil an opportunity to enter, and throw you into that horrible illusion you were in: and, therefore, my son, you ought to return God thanks for your deliverance, and beseech him to keep you from falling again into the snares of the evil spirit.

You have found out the source of my misfortunes, answered Abon Hassan. It was that very night I had this dream which turned my brain. I bid the merchant expressly to shut the door after him; and now I find he did not do it. I am persuaded, as well as you, the devil, finding it open, came in, and filled my head full of these fancies. The people of Moussol, from whence this merchant came, may not know how we at Bagdad are well convinced that the devil is the cause of troublesome dreams when we leave our chamber-doors open. But since, mother, you see I am, by the grace of God, so well recovered, for God’s sake get me out of this hellish place, and deliver me from the hand of this executioner, who will infallibly shorten my days if I stay here any longer. The mother, glad to hear her son was so well cured of his foolish imagination of being caliph, went immediately to the keeper, and assuring him that he was very sensible and well, he came and examined him, and released him in her presence.

When Abon Hassan came home, he staid within doors some days, to recover his health by better living than he had found in the hospital. But when he had recovered his strength, and felt no more effect of the harsh treatment he had suffered in his confinement, he began to be weary of spending his evenings alone. He presently entered again upon the same way of living as before; which was, to provide enough every day to regale a new stranger at night.

The day on which Abon Hassan renewed his custom of going about sunset to the foot of Bagdad bridge to stop the first stranger that offered, and desire him to do him the honour of supping with him, happened to be the first day of the month, which was the day that the caliph always set apart to go in disguise out of some of the city-gates to observe with his own eyes what was committed contrary to the good government of the city, as he had established and regulated it at the beginning of his reign. He had not been long arrived at the bridge, and sat himself on a bench which was fixed to the parapet, when, looking about him, he perceived the caliph disguised again like a Moussol merchant, and followed by the same slave. Persuaded that all his misfortunes were owing to the caliph (whom he took for a merchant) leaving his door open, he shuddered at the sight of him. God preserve me! said he to himself; if I am not deceived, there is the magician again that enchanted me! and thereupon got up, and looked over the parapet into the river, that he might not see him till he was past.

The caliph, who had a mind to carry on the diversion he had received by Abon Hassan, had taken care to inform himself of all that had happened when Abon Hassan awaked at home, and conceived a great pleasure at the relation given him, especially at his being sent to a madhouse, and the treatment he received there. But as this monarch was both just and generous, and had taken a great liking to Abon Hassan, as capable of contributing further to his amusement, and had doubted whether, after renouncing his pretended character of a caliph, he would return to his usual manner of living, he designed, with a view to get him nearer him, to dress himself again like a merchant of Moussol, the better to execute his plan. He perceived Abon Hassan at the same time that he saw him, and presently guessed by his action that he was angry with him, and wanted to shun him. This made him walk close to the parapet Abon Hassan leaned over; and when he came nigh him, he put his head over to look him in the face. Ho, brother Abon Hassan, said he, is it you? I greet you! Give me leave to embrace you! Not I, replied Abon Hassan, briskly, without looking at the pretended Moussol merchant; I do not greet you; I will have neither your greeting nor your embraces. Go along!

What! answered the caliph, do you not know me? Do you not remember the evening we spent together at your house this day month, where you did me the honour to treat me very generously? No, replied Abon Hassan in the same tone, I do not know you, nor what you talk about; go, I say again, about your business.

The caliph was not to be dashed with this rude behaviour of Abon Hassan. He knew very well the law he had imposed on himself, never to have any commerce again with a stranger he had once entertained; but though Abon Hassan had declared so much to him, he pretended to be ignorant of it. I cannot believe, said he, but you must know me again; it is not possible that you should have forgotten me in so short a time. Certainly some misfortune has befallen you, which inspires you with this aversion for me. However, you ought to remember, that I showed my gratitude by my good wishes, and that I offered you my interest, which is not to be slighted, in an affair which you had very much at heart.

I do not know, replied Abon Hassan, what your interest may be, and I have no desire to make use of it; but I am sensible the utmost of your good wishes ended in making me mad. In God’s name, I say, once more, go your way, and trouble me no more.

Ah! brother Abon Hassan, replied the caliph, embracing him, I do not intend to part with you in this manner, since I have had the good fortune to meet with you a second time; you must exercise the same hospitality towards me again, that you showed me a month ago, when I had the honour to drink with you.

I have protested against it, said Abon Hassan, and have so much power over myself, not to receive a second time such an unlucky man as you. You know the proverb, ‘Take up your drum and begone.’ Make the application to yourself. How often must I repeat it? God be with you! You have been the cause of my misfortune, and I will not venture myself with you again. My good friend Abon Hassan, said the caliph, embracing him again, you treat me in a way I little expected. I beg of you not to talk to me in this harsh manner, but be persuaded of my friendship. Do me the favour to tell me what has happened to you; for I assure you, I wished you well, and still do so; and would be glad of an opportunity to make you any amends for the trouble I have caused you, if it has been really my fault. Abon Hassan yielded to the pressing instances of the caliph, and bid him sit down by him. Your incredulity and importunity, said he, have tired my patience; and what I am going to tell you will show you that I do not accuse you wrongfully.

The caliph sat down by Abon Hassan, while he told him all that had happened to him, from his waking in the palace to his waking again in his own house, all as a mere dream, with all the circumstances which the caliph knew as well as himself, and which renewed his pleasure. He enlarged afterwards upon the impression that dream of being caliph and commander of the faithful made upon him, which he said, threw him into such extravagancies, that his neighbours were obliged to bind him as a madman, and carry him to a madhouse, where he was treated in a way that must seem very barbarous. But, said he, what will surprise you, and what you little think of, is, that it was altogether your fault that these things fell out; for, if you remember, I desired you to shut the door after you, which you neglected, and the devil, finding it open, put this dream into my head, which, though it was very agreeable, was the cause of the misfortune I complain of: you, therefore, for your negligence, are answerable for the horrid and detestable crime I was guilty of in lifting my hand against my mother, whom I might have killed, and committed parricide (I blush for shame when I think of it,) only because she said I was her son, and she would not acknowledge me for the commander of the faithful, as I thought, and positively insisted on to her that I was. You are the cause of the offence I have given my neighbours, when, running in at the cries of my poor mother, they surprised me bent on knocking her down; which would never have happened, if you had taken care to shut my chamber door when you went away, as I desired you. They would not have come into my house without my leave; and, what troubles me most of all, they would not have been witness of my folly. I should not have been obliged to strike them in my own defence, and they would not have bound and fettered me to carry me and shut me up in the hospital for madmen, where I assure you every day that I remained confined in that hell, I received a score of strokes with a bull’s pizzle. Abon Hassan recounted his complaints with great heat and vehemence to the caliph, who knew better than he what had passed, and was delighted to find that he had succeeded so well in his plan to throw him into the vagaries he still was in. He could not help bursting out a laughing at the simplicity wherewith he related them.

Abon Hassan, who thought that his story should rather move compassion, and that every one ought to be as much concerned at it as himself, very much resented the pretended Moussol merchant’s laughter: What! said he, do you make a jest of me, and laugh in my face, or do you believe I laugh at you when I speak seriously? if you want proof of what I advance, look here yourself and see whether or no I tell you the truth: with that, stooping down and baring his shoulders, he showed the caliph the scars and weals the bull’s pizzle had made.

The caliph could not behold those objects without horror. He pitied poor Abon Hassan, and was sorry he had carried the jest so far. Come, rise, dear brother, said he to him very seriously, and embracing Abon Hassan heartily in his arms; let us go to your house, and enjoy the happiness of being merry with you to-night; and to-morrow, if it please God, all things will go well.

Abon Hassan, notwithstanding his resolution and oath never to admit the same stranger a second time, could not resist the caresses of the caliph, whom he always took for a merchant of Moussol. I will consent, said he, if you will swear to shut my door after you, that the devil may not come in to distract my brain again. The caliph promised that he would; upon which they both got up, walked towards the city, and followed by the caliph’s slave, reached Abon Hassan’s house by the time it was dark.

The caliph, the more to engage Abon Hassan, said to him, Place a confidence in me; I promise you on my honour I will not break my word. After this, you need not hesitate to trust in a person like me, who wishes you all happiness and prosperity, of which you will see the effects. I desire not that, said Abon Hassan, stopping him short. I yield to your importunity; but I dispense with your good wishes, and beg you in God’s name to form none for me. All the mischief that has hitherto befallen me arose purely from those you already expressed for me, and from your leaving the door open. Well, replied the caliph, still laughing at the misguided imagination of Abon Hassan, since you will have it so, be it so; I promise you I will form none. You do me pleasure by speaking so, said Abon Hassan; I desire no more; I shall be more than satisfied provided you keep your word, and I shall forgive you all the rest.

As soon as Abon Hassan entered the doors, he called for his mother and for candles, and desired his guest to sit down upon a sofa, and then placed himself by him. A little time after, supper was brought up, and they both fell to without ceremony. When they had done, Abon Hassan’s mother cleared the table, set on a small dessert of fruit, wine and glasses by her son, and withdrew, and appeared no more. Abon Hassan first filled his own glass, and then the caliph’s; and after they had drank some time, and talked of indifferent matters, the caliph perceiving that his host grew warm with liquor, began to talk of love, and asked him if he had ever felt that passion.

Brother, replied Abon Hassan, familiarly, thinking his guest was his equal, I never looked upon love or marriage but as a slavery, to which I was always unwilling to submit; and must own to you, that I never loved any thing but good cheer and good wine; in short, to divert and entertain myself agreeably with my friends. Yet I do not tell you that I am so indifferent to marriage or incapable of attachment, if I could meet with a woman of such beauty and sweetness of temper as her I saw in my dream on that fatal night I first received you into my house, and you, to my misfortune, left my door open, who would pass the whole night with me drinking, singing, and playing on some instrument, and in agreeable conversation, and who would study to please and divert me: I believe, on the contrary, I should change all my indifference into a perfect attachment to such a person, and, I think, should live very happily with her. But where is such a woman to be found but in the caliph’s palace, or in those of the grand vizier or some great lords of the court who want no money to provide them? I choose therefore to stick close to my bottle, which is a much cheaper pleasure, and which I can enjoy as well as they. Saying these words, he filled out his own and the caliph’s glass, and said, Come, take your glass, and let us pursue this charming pleasure.