Part 76

The caliph, who was naturally lively, was mightily diverted with these sallies of Abon Hassan’s, and took great pleasure in promoting drinking, often asking for wine, thinking that when it began to work, he might, by his conversation, satisfy his curiosity. In order, therefore, to enter into conversation, he asked him his name, his business, and how he spent his life. My name, sir, replied he, is Abon Hassan. I lost my father, who was a merchant of Bagdad and though he was not the richest, yet he lived very comfortably. When he died, he left me money enough for my station to live free from ambition; but as he always kept a very strict hand over me in his lifetime, I was willing, when he was gone, to make up the time I thought I had lost. Notwithstanding this, continued Abon Hassan, I was more prudent than most young people are, who give themselves up to debauchery, without any thought, and pursue it till they reduce themselves to the utmost poverty, and are forced to do penance all the rest of their lives after. To avoid this misfortune, I divided what I had left me into two parts, land and ready money. I destined the ready money to supply the expenses of my acquaintance. I meditated, and took a fixed resolution not to touch my rents. I associated with young people of my own age, and with my ready money, which I spent profusely, treated them splendidly every day; and in short, spared for no sort of pleasure. But all this did not last long; for by the time the year was out, I had got to the bottom of my box, and then all my table friends vanished. I made a visit to every one of them successively, and represented to them the miserable condition I was in, but none of them made an offer to relieve me. Upon this, I renounced their friendship, and retrenched so far as to live within the compass of my income, and bound myself to keep company with none but the first stranger I could meet with coming that day into Bagdad, and to entertain him but one day and one night. I have told you the rest before; and I thank my good fortune this day for meeting with a stranger of so much worth.

The caliph was very well satisfied with this information, and said to Abon Hassan, I cannot enough commend the measures you have taken, and the prudence with which you have acted, by forsaking your debauchery, --a conduct rarely to be met with in young persons; and I esteem you the more for being so faithful to yourself. It was a slippery path you trod in, and I cannot enough admire, how, after having seen the end of your ready money, you had so great command over yourself as not to enter upon your rents, or even your estate. In short, I must own, I envy you your happiness. You are the happiest man in the world, to enjoy every day the company of some one honest man, with whom you can discourse freely and agreeably, and to whom you give an opportunity to declare, wherever he goes, how handsomely he was received by you. But, we talk too long without drinking: come, drink, and pour out a glass for me.

In this manner the caliph and Abon Hassan conversed together, drinking and talking of indifferent pleasant subjects, till the night was pretty far advanced; when the caliph pretending to be fatigued after his journey, told his host he stood in need of a little rest. But, added he, as I would not deprive you of yours on my account, before we part, (because to-morrow I may be gone before you are stirring,) I should be glad to show you how sensible I am of your civility, and the good cheer and hospitality you have shown me. The only thing that troubles me is, that I know not which way to make you any acknowledgement, I beg of you, therefore, to let me understand how I may do it, and you shall see I will not be ungrateful; for it is impossible but a man like you must have some business, some want, or wish for something agreeable to you. Speak freely, and open your mind; for though I am out a merchant, it may be in my power to oblige you myself, or by some friend.

To these offers of the caliph, Abon Hassan, taking him still for a Moussol merchant, replied, I am very well persuaded, my good sir, that it is not out of compliment that you make me these generous tenders; but upon the word of an honest man, I assure you, I have nothing that troubles me, no business, nor desires, and I ask nothing of any body. I have not the least ambition, as I told you before; and am satisfied with my condition: therefore, I can only thank you for your obliging proffers, and the honour you have done me to come and take a slight repast with me. Yet I must tell you, pursued Abon Hassan, there is one thing gives me uneasiness, without, however, disturbing my rest. You must know the town of Bagdad is divided into quarters, in each of which there is a mosque, with an iman to perform prayers at certain hours, at the head of the quarter which assembles there. The iman of the division I live in is a grave old man, of an austere countenance, and the greatest hypocrite in the world. Four old men of this neighbourhood, who are people of the same stamp, meet regularly every day at this iman’s house. There they vent their slander, calumny, and malice against me, and the whole quarter, to the disturbance of the peace of a neighbourhood, and the promotion of dissention. Some they threaten, others they frighten; and, in short, would be lords paramount, and have every one govern himself according to their caprice, though they know not how to govern themselves. Indeed, I am sorry to see that they meddle with any thing but their koran, and do not let the world live quietly.

Well, I suppose, said the caliph, you wish to have a stop put to this disorder? You have guessed right, answered Abon Hassan: and the only thing I should pray for would be to be caliph but for one day, in the stead of our sovereign lord and master Haroun Alraschid, the commander of the faithful. What would you do if you was? said the caliph. I would make examples of them, answered Abon Hassan, to the satisfaction of all honest men. I would punish the four old men with each a hundred bastinadoes on the soles of their feet, and the iman with four hundred, to teach them not to disturb and abuse their neighbours any more.

The caliph was extremely well pleased with this thought of Abon Hassan’s; and as he loved adventures, he longed to make this a very singular one. Indeed, said he, I approve very much of your wish, which I see proceeds from an upright heart, that cannot bear to see the malice of wicked people go unpunished; I could like to see it take effect, and it is not so impossible a thing as you may imagine. I am persuaded that the caliph would willingly put his authority for twenty-four hours into your hands, if he knew your good intentions, and the good use you would make of it. Though a foreign merchant, I have credit enough to contribute in some degree to the execution of this plan. I see, said Abon Hassan, you laugh at my foolish fancy, and the caliph himself would laugh at my extravagance too, if he knew it; yet it would be a means of informing him of the behaviour of the iman and his companions, and induce him to chastise them.

Heaven forbid, replied the caliph, that I, who have been so handsomely entertained by you, should laugh at you; neither do I believe, as much a stranger as I am to you, that the caliph would be displeased: but let us leave off talking; it is almost midnight, and time to go to bed. With all my heart, said Abon Hassan, I would not be any hinderance to your going to rest; but there is still some wine in the bottle, and if you please we will drink it off first, and then retire. The only thing that I have to recommend to you is, that when you go out in the morning, if I am not up, you will not leave the door open, but give yourself the trouble of shutting it after you. This the caliph promised to do; and while Abon Hassan was talking, took the bottle and two glasses, and filled his own first, saying, Here is a cup of thanks to you, and then filling the other, put into it artfully a little powder, which he had about him, and giving it to Abon Hassan, said, You have taken the pains to fill for me all this night, and it is the least I can do to save you the trouble once: I beg you to take this glass; drink it off for my sake.

Abon Hassan took the glass, and to show his guest with how much pleasure he received the honour he did him, whipt it off at once, but had scarcely set the glass upon the table, but the powder began to work, and he fell into so sound a sleep, that his head knocked against his knees so suddenly, that the caliph could not help laughing. The caliph ordered the slave he had brought along with him, and who came again into the room as soon as he had supped, and had been there to receive his orders, to take him upon his back, and follow him; but to be sure to observe the house, that he might know it again when he was ordered to bring him back; and in this manner the caliph, followed by the slave with Abon Hassan upon his back, went out of the house, but without shutting the door after him as Abon Hassan desired him, and went directly to his palace, and by a private door into his own apartment, where all the officers of his chamber were waiting for him, whom he ordered to undress Abon Hassan and put him in his bed, which they immediately performed.

Then the caliph sent for all the officers and ladies of the palace, and said to them, I would have all those, whose business it is to attend my levee, wait to-morrow morning upon this man, who lies in my bed, and pay the same respect to him as to myself, and obey him in whatever he commands; let him be refused nothing that he asks for, and be spoken to and answered in every thing he says or does, as if he was the commander of the faithful. In short, I expect that you look upon him as the true caliph and commander of the faithful, without regarding me; and above all things, mistake not in the least circumstance.

The officers and ladies, who presently understood that the caliph had a mind to divert himself, answered him by low bows, and then withdrew, every one preparing to contribute to the best of their power to perform their respective parts adroitly.

The caliph returning to his palace, sent for the grand vizier: Giafar, said he, I have sent for you to instruct you, and to prevent your being surprised to-morrow when you come to audience, to see this man that is laid here in my bed, seated on my throne in my royal robes: accost him with the same reverence and respect you pay to myself; observe and punctually execute whatever he bids you do, the same as if I commanded you. He will exercise great liberality, and commission you with the distribution of it. Do all he bids you, even if his liberality should extend so far as to empty all the coffers in my treasury; and remember to acquaint all my emirs, and all the officers without the palace, to pay him the same honour at audience as to myself, and to carry on the matter so well, that he may not perceive the least thing that may interrupt this diversion which I design myself.

After the grand vizier retired, the caliph went to bed in another apartment, and gave Mesrour, the chief of his eunuchs, the orders which he was to execute, that every thing might succeed as he intended, to gratify the wish of Abon Hassan; that he might see how Abon Hassan would use the power and authority of the caliph for the short time he desired to have it. Above all, he charged him not fail to awake him at the usual hour, before he awakened Abon Hassan, because he had a mind to be present when he arose.

Mesrour failed not to do as the caliph had commanded, and as soon as the caliph went into the room where Abon Hassan lay, he placed himself in a little raised closet, from whence he could see all that passed. All the officers and ladies, who were to attend Abon Hassan’s levee, went in at the same time, and took their posts according to their rank, with great silence, and ready to acquit themselves of their respective duties, as if it was the caliph who was going to rise.

As it was just daybreak, and time to rise to morning prayer before sun-rise, the officer that stood nearest the head of the bed put a sponge steeped in vinegar to Abon Hassan’s nose, who presently turning his head about, without opening his eyes, with a little effort discharged a kind of phlegm, which was received in a little golden basin before it fell on the carpet. This was the usual effect of the caliph’s powder, the sleep lasting longer or shorter, in proportion to the dose. When Abon Hassan laid down his head on the bolster, he opened his eyes; and by the small daylight that appeared, he found himself in a large handsome room, magnificently furnished, the ceiling of which was finely painted in the Arabesque pattern, adorned with vases of gold and silver, and the floor covered with a rich silk tapestry, and surrounded by a great many young and handsome ladies, many of them having instruments of music in their hands, and black eunuchs richly clothed, all standing with great modesty and respect. After casting his eyes on the covering of the bed, he perceived it was cloth of gold, richly embossed with pearls and diamonds, and by the bed lay, on a cushion, a habit of the same stuffs and trimmings, with a caliph’s turban.

At the sight of these glittering objects Abon Hassan was in most inexpressible confusion and amazement, and looked upon all he saw as a dream; yet such a dream as he wished it not to be. So, said he to himself, I am caliph; but, added he, recollecting himself, it is only a dream, the effect of the wish I entertained my guest with last night; and then he turned himself about, and shut his eyes to sleep again. At the same time the eunuch said, very respectfully, Commander of the faithful, it is time for your majesty to rise to prayers; the morning begins to advance.

These words very much surprised Abon Hassan. Am I awake, or do I sleep? said he to himself: Ah, certainly I am asleep! continued he, keeping his eyes shut; there is no reason to doubt of it.

Immediately the eunuch, who saw he gave him no answer, and had no inclination to get up, said again, Your majesty must permit me to repeat once more that it is time to rise to morning prayer, unless you choose to let it pass; the sun is just rising, and you never neglect this duty. I am mistaken, said Abon Hassan presently: I am not asleep, but awake; for those that sleep do not hear, and I hear somebody speak to me: then opening his eyes again, he saw plainly by broad daylight, what he had seen but indistinctly before; and started up, with a smiling countenance, like a man overjoyed at a sudden promotion. The caliph, who saw him, penetrated his thoughts with great delight.

Then the young ladies of the palace prostrated themselves with their faces to the ground before Abon Hassan, and those who had the instruments of music in their hands wished him a good morrow, by a concert of soft flutes, hautboys, theorboes, and other harmonious instruments, with which he was enchanted, and in such an ecstacy, that he knew not where he was, nor whether he was himself; but reverting to his first idea, he still doubted whether what he saw and heard was a dream or reality. He clapt his hands before his eyes, and lowering his head, said to himself, What means all this? Where am I? and to whom does this palace belong? What can these eunuchs, handsome well-dressed officers, beautiful ladies, and musicians, mean? How is it possible for me not to distinguish whether I am in my right senses, or in a dream?

When he took his hands from his eyes, opened them, and lifted up his head, the sun shone full in at the chamber window; and at that instant, Mesrour, the chief of the eunuchs, came in, prostrated himself before Abon Hassan, and said, Commander of the faithful, your majesty will excuse me for representing to you, that you used not to rise so late, and that the time of prayer is over. If your majesty has not had a bad night, and has been indisposed, it is time to ascend your throne and hold council as usual; all your generals, governors, and other great officers of state, wait your presence in the council-hall.

At this discourse of Mesrour, Abon Hassan was verily persuaded that he was neither asleep nor in a dream; but at the same time was not less embarrassed and confused under this uncertainty what steps to take: at last, looking earnestly at Mesrour, he said to him in a serious tone, Who is it you speak to, and call the commander of the faithful? I do not know you, and you must mistake me for somebody else.

Any person but Mesrour would have been dashed at these questions of Abon Hassan’s; but he had been so well instructed by the caliph, that he played his part to a wonder. My worthy lord and master, said he, your majesty only speaks thus to try me: Is not your majesty the commander of the faithful, monarch of the world from East to West, and vicar on earth [95] to the prophet sent of God? Mesrour, your poor slave, has not forgotten you, after so many years that he has had the honour and happiness to serve and pay his respects to your majesty. He would think himself the most unhappy of men if he has incurred your displeasure, and begs of you most humbly to remove his fears; but had rather suppose that you have been disturbed by some troublesome dream to-night.

Abon Hassan burst out a laughing at these words of Mesrour’s, and fell backwards upon the bolster, which pleased the caliph so much that he would have laughed as loud himself, if he had not been afraid of putting a stop too soon to the pleasant scene he promised himself.

Abon Hassan, when he had tired himself with laughing, sat up again, and speaking to a little eunuch that stood by him, black as Mesrour, said, Hark ye, tell me who I am? Sir, answered the little boy modestly, your majesty is the commander of the believers, and God’s vicar on earth. You are a little liar, black face, said Abon Hassan. Then he called the lady that stood nearest to him: Come hither, fair one, said he, holding out his hand, bite the end of my finger, that I may feel whether I am asleep or awake.

The lady, who knew the caliph saw all that passed, was overjoyed to have an opportunity of showing her power of diverting him, and went with a grave countenance, and putting his finger between her teeth, she bit it so hard that she put him to violent pain. Snatching his hand quickly back again, he said, I find I am awake, and not asleep. But by what miracle am I become caliph in a night’s time? this is certainly the most strange and surprising thing in the world! then addressing himself to the same lady, said, I conjure you, by the protection of God, in whom you trust as well as I, not to hide the truth from me; am I really the commander of the faithful? It is so true, answered the lady, that we, who are your slaves, are amazed to find that you will not believe yourself to be so. You are a deceiver, replied Abon Hassan; I know very well who I am.

As the chief of the eunuchs perceived that Abon Hassan had a mind to rise, he offered him his hand, and helped him to get out of bed. No sooner were his feet set on the floor, but the chamber rang again with the repeated acclamations of the officers and ladies, who cried out altogether, Commander of the faithful, God give your majesty a good day. O heaven! cried Abon Hassan, what a strange thing is this! Last night I was Abon Hassan, and this morning I am the commander of the believers! I cannot comprehend this sudden and surprising change. Presently some of the officers began to dress him; and when they had done, Mesrour led him through all the eunuchs and ladies, who were ranged on both sides, quite to the council chamber door, which was opened by one of the officers. Mesrour walked before him to the foot of the throne, where he stopped, and putting one hand under one arm, while another officer who followed did the same by the other, they helped him to ascend the throne. Abon Hassan sat down amidst the acclamations of the officers, who wished him all happiness and prosperity, and turning to the right and left he saw the officers of the guards ranged in good order, and making a fine appearance.

The caliph in the mean time came out of the closet, where he was hid, and went into another, which looked into the council-hall, from whence he could see and hear all that passed in council, while his grand vizier presided in his place, when he was prevented by illness from attending in person. What pleased him highly, was to see Abon Hassan fill his throne with almost as much gravity as himself.

As soon as Abon Hassan had seated himself, the grand vizier Giafar prostrated himself at the foot of the throne, and rising and addressing himself to him, said, Commander of the faithful, God shower down blessings on your majesty in this life, receive you into his paradise in the other world, and confound your enemies.

Abon Hassan, after all that had happened that morning, and these words of the grand vizier, never doubted but that he was caliph, as he wished to be; and so without examining any farther, how, or by what adventure, or sudden change of fortune, he immediately began to exercise his power, and looking very gravely upon the vizier, asked him what he had to say? Commander of the faithful, replied the grand vizier, the emirs, viziers, and other officers who are of your majesty’s council, wait at the door till your majesty gives them leave to come in and pay their accustomed respects to you. Abon Hassan presently ordered the door to be opened, and the grand vizier turning, and addressing himself to the officers who waited for orders, said, Chief of the door-keepers, the commander of the faithful orders you to do your duty.

When the door was opened, the viziers, emirs, and principal officers of the court, all dressed magnificently in their habits of ceremony, went in their order to the foot of the throne, and paid their respects to Abon Hassan; and bowing their heads down to the carpet, kneeling on one knee, saluted him with the title of the commander of the faithful, according to the instructions of the grand vizier, and afterwards took their seats.