Part 37

The robber being under the bastinado, had the courage to bear twenty or thirty blows; when, pretending to be overcome with pain, he first opened one eye, and then the other, and crying out for mercy, begged the judge would put a stop to the blows. --The judge perceiving that he looked upon him with his eyes open, was much surprised at it, and said to him, Rogue, what is the meaning of this miracle? Sir, replied the highwayman, I will discover to you an important secret, if you pardon me, and give me, as a pledge that you will keep your word, the seal-ring which you have on your finger: I am ready to declare the whole mystery. The judge consented, gave him his ring, and promised him pardon. Under this promise, said the highwayman, I must confess to you, sir, that I and my three comrades do all of us see very well. We feigned ourselves to be blind, that we might freely enter people’s houses, and into women’s apartments, where we abuse their weakness. I must further confess to you, that by this trick we have gained together ten thousand drachms. This day I demanded of my partners two thousand five hundred that belonged to me as my share; but they refused because I told them I would leave them, and they were afraid I should accuse them. Upon my pressing still to have my share, they all three fell upon me; for which I appeal to those people who brought us before you. I expect from your justice, sir, that you will make them deliver me the two thousand five hundred drachms which is my due; and if you have a mind that my comrades should confess the truth, you must order them three times as many blows as I have had, and you will find they will open their eyes as well as I did.

My brother and the other two blind men would have cleared themselves of this horrid cheat, but the judge would not hear them: Villains, said he, do you feign yourselves blind then, and, under that pretext of moving their compassion, cheat people, and commit such crimes? He is a cheat, cried my brother, and we take God to witness that none of us can see.

All that my brother could say was in vain, his comrades and he received each of them two hundred blows. The judge looked when they should have opened their eyes and ascribed to their obstinacy what really they could not do. All the while, the highwayman said to the blind men, Poor fools that you are, open your eyes, and do not suffer yourselves to be beat to death. Then addressing himself to the judge, said, I perceive, sir, that they will be maliciously obstinate to the last, and will never open their eyes. They have a mind certainly to avoid the shame of reading their own condemnation in the face of every one that looks upon them; it were better, if you think fit, to pardon them, and to send some person along with me for the ten thousand drachms they have hid.

The judge did so, gave the highwayman two thousand five hundred drachms, and kept the rest himself; and as for my brother and his two companions, he thought he showed them a great deal of pity by sentencing them only to be banished. As soon as I heard what befell my brother, I ran after him; he told me his misfortune, and I brought him back secretly to the town. I could easily have justified him to the judge, and have got the highwayman punished as he deserved, but durst not attempt it, for fear of bringing myself into trouble. Thus I finished the sad adventure of my honest blind brother. The caliph laughed at it as much as at those he had heard before, and ordered again, that something should be given me; but without staying for it, I began the story of my fourth brother.

The story of the Barber’s fourth Brother.

Alcouz was the name of the fourth brother, who lost one of his eyes upon an occasion that I shall have the honour to relate to your majesty. He was a butcher by profession, and had a particular way of teaching rams to fight, by which he gained the acquaintance and friendship of the chief lords of the country, who loved that sport, and for that end kept rams at their houses; he had, beside, a very good trade, and had his shop always full of the best meat, because he was very rich, and spared no cost for the best of every sort. One day, when he was in his shop, an old man, with a long white beard, came and bought six pounds of meat of him, gave him money for it, and went his way. My brother thought the money so fine, so white, and so well coined, that he put it apart by itself. The same old man came every day for five months together, bought a like quantity of meat, and paid for it in the same sort of money, which my brother continued to lay apart by itself.

At the end of five months, Alcouz having a mind to buy a parcel of sheep, and to pay for them in this fine money, opened his chest; but instead of finding his money, was extremely surprised to see nothing in the place where he had laid it but a parcel of leaves clipped round: he beat his head and cried out aloud, which presently brought the neighbours about him, who were as much surprised as he, when he told them the story. Oh! cried my brother, weeping, that this treacherous old fellow would come now with his hypocritical looks! He had scarce done speaking when he saw him coming at a distance, ran to him, and laid hands on him: Mussulmen! cried he, as load as he could, help! hear what a cheat this wicked fellow has put upon me, and, at the some time, told a great crowd of people who came about him, what he had formerly told his neighbours. When he had done, the old man said to him very gravely and calmly, You had better let me go, and by that means make amends for the affront you have put upon me before so many people, for fear I should put a greater affront upon you, which I should be sorry to do. How, said my brother, what have you to say against me? I am an honest man in my business, and fear not you, nor any body. You would have me speak out then, said the old man, in the same tone; and turning to the people, said to them, Know, good people, that this fellow, instead of selling mutton, as he ought to do, sells man’s flesh. You are a cheat, said my brother. No, no, said the old man; good people, this very minute that I am speaking to him, there is a man with his throat cut hung up in the shop like a sheep; do any of you go thither, and see if what I say be not true.

Just before my brother had opened his chest he had killed a sheep, dressed it, and exposed it in the shop, according to custom. He protested that what the old man said was false; but notwithstanding all his protestations, the credulous mob, prejudiced against a man accused of such a heinous crime, would go to see whether the matter was true. They obliged my brother to quit the old man, laid hold of him, and ran like madmen into his shop, where they saw a man hung up with his throat cut, as the old man had told them; for he was a magician and deceived the eyes of all people, as he did my brother, when he made him take leaves instead of money. At this sight, one of those who held Alcouz, gave him a great blow with his fist, and said to him, Thou wicked villain! Dost thou make us eat men’s flesh instead of mutton? And at the same time, the old man gave him another blow, which beat out one of his eyes, and every body that could get near him beat him; and not content with that, they carried him before a judge, with the pretended carcass of the man to be evidence against him. Sir, said the old magician to the judge, we have brought you a man, who is so barbarous as to murder people, and to sell their flesh instead of mutton; the public expects that you shall punish him in an exemplary manner. The judge heard my brother with patience, but would believe nothing of the story of the money changed into leaves, called my brother a cheat, told him he would believe his own eyes, and ordered him to receive five hundred blows. He afterwards made him tell where his money was, took it all from him, and banished him for ever, after having made him ride three days through the city upon a camel, exposed to the insults of the people.

I was not at Bagdad when this tragical adventure befell my fourth brother. He retired into a remote place, where he lay concealed till he was cured of the blows with which his back was terribly mauled. When he was able to walk, he went by night to a certain town where nobody knew him; and there he took a lodging, from whence he seldom went out. But being weary of this confined life, he went to walk in one of the suburbs, where all of a sudden he heard a great noise of horsemen coming behind him. He was then by chance near the gate of a great house; and fearing, after what had befallen him, that these horsemen were pursuing him, he opened the gate, in order to hide himself; and after he shut it, came into a great court, where immediately two servants came, and collaring him, said, Heaven be praised, that you have come of your own accord to surrender yourself to us! You have frightened us so much these three last nights, that we could not sleep nor would you have spared our lives, if we had not prevented you. You may very well imagine my brother was much surprised at this compliment. Good people, said he, I know not what you mean; you certainly take me for some body else. No, no, replied they: we know that you and your comrades are great robbers: you were not contented to rob our master of all that he had, and to reduce him to beggary, but you had a mind to take his life. Let us see a little if you have not a knife about you, which you had in your hand when you pursued us last night; and having said this, they searched him, and found he had a knife. Ho! ho! cried they, laying hold of him, and dare you say that you are not a robber? Why, said my brother, cannot a man carry a knife about him without being a highwayman? If you will hearken to my story, continued he, instead of having so bad an opinion of me, you will be touched with compassion at my misfortunes. But far from hearkening to him, they fell upon him, trod upon him, took away his clothes, and tore his shirt. Then seeing the scars on his back, O dog! said they, redoubling their blows, would you have us believe you are an honest man when your back shows us the contrary? --Alas! said my brother, my crimes must be very great, since after having been abused already so unjustly, I am abused again a second time without being more culpable!

The two servants, no way moved with this complaint, carried him before the judge, who asked him, how he durst be so bold as to go into their house, and pursue them with a drawn knife? Sir, replied poor Alcouz, I am the most innocent man in the world, and am undone, if you will not be pleased to hear me patiently; nobody deserves more compassion. Sir, replied one of the domestics, will you listen to a robber, who enters people’s houses to plunder and murder them? If you will not believe us, only look upon his back. And when he said so, he uncovered my brother’s back, and showed it to the judge; who, without any other information, commanded immediately to give him a hundred lashes with a bull’s pizzle over the shoulders, and made him afterwards be carried through the town on a camel, with one crying before him, ‘Thus are such men punished as enter people’s houses by force.’ After haring treated him thus, they banished him the town, and forbid him ever to return to it again. Some people who met him after the second misfortune, brought me word where he was, and I went and fetched him to Bagdad privately, and gave him all the assistance I could. The caliph, continued the barber, did not laugh so much at this story as at the other. He was pleased to pity the unfortunate Alcouz, and ordered something to be given me. But, without giving his servants time to obey his orders, I continued my discourse, and said to him, My sovereign lord and master, you see that I do not talk much; and since your majesty has been pleased to do me the favour to listen to me so far, I beg you would likewise hear the adventures of my two other brothers. I hope they will be as diverting as those of the former. You may make a complete history of them, that will not be unworthy of your library. I shall do myself the honour then to acquaint you, that the fifth brother was called Alnaschar.

The Story of the Barber’s fifth Brother.

Alnaschar, as long as our father lived, was very lazy; instead of working for his hiving, he used to go begging in the evening, and to live next day upon what he got. Our father died in a very old age, and left among us seven hundred drachms of silver: we divided it equally, so that each of us had a hundred for our share. Alnaschar, who had never so much money before in his lifetime, was very much perplexed to know what he should do with it. He consulted a long time with himself, and at last resolved to lay it out in glasses, bottles, and other glass-ware, which he bought of a wholesale dealer. He put all in an open basket, and chose a very little shop, where he sat with the basket before him, and his back against the wall, expecting while somebody should come and buy his ware. In this posture he sat, with his eyes fixed on his basket, and began to meditate; during which he spoke as follows, loud enough to be heard by a neighbouring tailor: This basket, said he, cost me a hundred drachms, which is all I have in the world; I shall make two hundred of it by retailing my glass, and of these two hundred drachms, which I will again lay out in glass-ware, I shall make four hundred; --and going on thus, I shall at last make four thousand drachms; of four thousand I shall easily make eight thousand, and when I come to ten thousand, I will leave off selling glass, and turn jeweller. I will trade in diamonds, pearls, and all sorts of precious stones. Then, when I am rich as I can wish, I will buy a fine house, a great estate, slaves, eunuchs, and horses. I will keep a good house, and make a great figure in the world; I will send for all the musicians and dancers of both sexes in town. --Nor will I stop here: I will, by the favour of heaven, go on till I get a hundred thousand drachms; and when I have got so much, I will think myself as great as a prince, and send to demand the grand vizier’s daughter in marriage; and represent to that minister that I have heard much of the wonderful beauty, understanding, wit, and all the other qualities of his daughter. In a word, that I will give him a thousand pieces of gold the first night after we are married; and if the vizier be so uncivil as to refuse his daughter, which cannot be supposed, I will go and carry her off before his face, and take her to my house, whether he will or no. --As soon as I have married the grand vizier’s daughter, I will buy her ten young black eunuchs, the handsomest that can be had. I will clothe myself like a prince, and, mounted upon a fine horse, with a saddle of fine gold, and housings of cloth of gold, finely embroidered with diamonds and pearls, I will ride through the city, attended by slaves before and behind; and I will go to the vizier’s palace, in view of all the people, great and small, who will show me the most profound respect. When I alight at the foot of the vizier’s staircase, I will go up the same through my own people, ranged in files on the right and left; and the grand vizier, receiving me as his son-in-law, shall give me the right hand, and set me above him, to do me the more honour. If this comes to pass, as I hope it will, two of my people shall each of them have a purse with a thousand pieces of gold, which they shall carry with them. I will take one, and presenting it to the grand vizier, will tell him, There is the thousand pieces of gold that I promised the first night of marriage; and I will offer him the other, and say to him, There is as much more, to shew you that I am a man of my word, and even better than my promise. After such an action as this, all the world will talk of my generosity. I will return to my own house in the same pomp. My wife will send some officer to compliment me, on account of my visit to the vizier, her father; I will honour the officer with a fine robe, and send him back with a rich present. If she thinks to send me one, I will not accept it, but dismiss the bearer. I will not suffer her to go out of her apartment on any account whatever, without giving me notice; and when I have a mind to come to her apartment, it shall be in such a manner as to make her respect me. In short, no house shall be better ordered than mine. I will be always richly clad. When I retire with my wife in the evening, I will sit on the upper hand; I will affect a grave air, without turning my head to one side or other. I will speak little; and whilst my wife, beautiful as the full moon, stands before me in all her charms, I will make as if I did not see her. Her women about her will say to me, Our dear lord and master, here is your spouse, your humble servant, before you, ready to receive your caresses, and much mortified that you do not vouchsafe to look upon her; she is wearied with standing so long; bid her, at least, sit down. I will give no answer to this discourse, which will increase their surprise and grief. They will prostrate themselves at my feet; and after they have for a considerable time entreated me to relent, I will at last lift up my head, and give her a careless look, and resume my former posture: they will suppose that my wife is not well enough, nor handsomely enough dressed, and will carry her to her closet to change her apparel. At the same time I will get up, and put on a more magnificent suit than before: they will return, and hold the same discourse with me as before, and I will have the pleasure not so much as to look upon my wife, till they have prayed and entreated as long as they did at first. Thus I will begin on the first day of marriage to teach her what she is to expect during the rest of her life.

After the ceremonies of the marriage, said Alnaschar, I will take from one of my servants, who shall be about me, a purse of five hundred pieces of gold, which I will give to the tire-women, that they may leave me alone with my spouse. When they are gone, my wife shall go to bed first; then I will lie down by her, with my back towards her, and will not say one word to her all night. The next morning she will certainly complain of my contempt to her, and of my pride, to her mother, the grand vizier’s wife, which will rejoice my heart. Her mother will come to wait upon me, respectfully kiss my hands, and say to me, Sir, (for she will not dare to call me son-in-law, for fear of provoking me by such a familiar style,) I entreat you not to disdain to look upon my daughter, and refuse to come near her: I assure you that her chief delight is to please you, and that she loves you with all her soul. But, in spite of all my mother-in-law can say, I will not answer her one word, but keep an obstinate gravity. Then she will throw herself at my feet, kiss them repeatedly, and say to me, Sir, is it possible that you can suspect my daughter’s good sense? I assure you I never let her go out of my sight. You are the first man that ever saw her face: do not mortify her so much; do her the favour to look upon her, to speak to her, and confirm her in her good intentions to satisfy you in every thing. But nothing of this shall prevail with me. Upon which my mother-in-law will take a glass of wine, and, putting it in the hand of her daughter, my wife, will say, Go, present him this glass of wine yourself; perhaps he will not be so cruel as to refuse it from so fair a hand. My wife will come with the glass, and stand trembling before me; and when she finds that I do not look towards her, but that I continue to disdain her, she will say to me, with tears in her eyes, My heart, my dear soul, my amiable lord, I conjure you, by the favours which heaven heaps upon you, to receive this glass of wine from the hand of your most humble servant; but I will not look upon her still, nor answer her. My charming spouse, will she say, redoubling her tears, and putting the glass to my mouth, I will never leave off till I prevail with you to drink; then, wearied with her entreaties, I will dart a terrible look at her, give her a good box on the cheek, and such a push with my foot, as will throw her to a distance from the sofa.

My brother was so full of these chimerical visions, that he acted with his foot as if she had been really before him, and by misfortune he gave such a push to his basket and glasses, that they were thrown down in the street, and broken in a thousand pieces.

The tailor, his neighbour, who heard his extravagant talk, burst into a great fit of laughter when he saw the basket fall. O, what an unworthy fellow art thou! said he to my brother: ought you not be ashamed to abuse thus a young spouse, who gave you no cause to complain. You must be a very brutish fellow to despise the tears and charms of such a beautiful lady. Were I the vizier, your father-in-law, I would order you a hundred lashes with a bull’s pizzle, and send you through the town with your character written on your forehead. My brother, on this fatal accident, came to himself, and perceiving that he had brought this misfortune upon himself by his insupportable pride, he beat his face, tore his clothes, and cried so loud, that the neighbours came about him; and the people, who were going to their noon-prayers, stopt to know what was the matter. Being on a Friday, more people went to prayers than usual: some of them took pity on Alnaschar, and others only laughed at him for his extravagance. In the mean time, his vanity being dispersed with his property, he bitterly bewailed his loss; and a lady of rank passing by upon a mule richly caparisoned, my brother’s situation moved her compassion. She asked him who he was, and what he cried for? They told her, that he was a poor man, who had laid out the little money he was worth in the purchase of a basket of glass ware, and that the basket had fallen over, and all his glasses were broken. The lady immediately turned to an eunuch who attended her, and said to him, Give the poor man what you have about you. The eunuch obeyed, and put into my brother’s hands a purse, with five hundred pieces of gold. Alnaschar was ready to die with joy when he received it. He gave a thousand blessings to the lady, and shutting up his shop, where he had no more occasion to sit, he went to his house.

While he was making deep reflections upon his good luck, he heard somebody knock at his door: before he opened, he asked who it was; and knowing by the voice that it was a woman, he let her in. My son, said she, I have a favour to beg of you: the hour of prayer is come; pray let me wash myself, that I may be fit to say my prayers. Pray let me come into your house, and give me a basin of water. My brother looked at her, and saw that she was a woman well advanced in years: though he knew her not, he granted her request, and sat down again, still full of his new adventure. He put his gold in a long strait purse, proper to carry at his girdle. The old woman in the mean time said her prayers, and when she had done, came to my brother, and bowed twice to the ground so low, that she touched it with her forehead, as if she had been going to say her prayers: then rising up, she wished my brother all happiness.

Being meanly clad, and very humble, he thought she asked alms, upon which he offered her two pieces of gold. The old woman stept back in a sort of surprise, as if my brother had affronted her. Good God! said she, what is the meaning of this? Is it possible, sir, that you took me for one of those impudent beggars who push into people’s houses to ask alms? Take back your money; I need it not, thank heaven. I belong to a young lady of this city, who is a charming beauty, and very rich; she lets me want for nothing.