SCENE II

_In Guy Fallon’s Library_

MRS. KONTOROMPA. I was just saying the same thing as I came upstairs. “What an _ex_quisite day!” That’s what I was saying.

GUY. But a trifle too hot.

MRS. K. Ye--es. [_A long pause._] Oh yes, quite.

GUY. Seen Katya?

MRS. K. I waved my hand to her in the garden as I came up the drive.... How _is_ Katya, Guy?

GUY. Tophole.

MRS. K. [_Significantly._] Have you anything to tell me about--well, about Katya?

GUY. Let me see, now.... N-no; I think not. She bought three new hats yesterday, but I haven’t seen them yet.

MRS. K. What I meant was.... Well, it’s no use beating about the bush--_how is she_?

GUY. But I’ve already told you, mamma. She has the appetite of a horse.

MRS. K. Nothing at all? well--quite?... no sign that?... _you_ know!

GUY. I wish I did. What is it you want me to tell you?

MRS. K. Just the truth--the honest, simple truth.

GUY. [_Wilfully misunderstanding her._] Oh, your new toque! How stupid I am! I think it’s simply splendid. But you always do look nice in pink.

MRS. K. [_Beaming._] How sweet of you, Guy! But that wasn’t it.... Have you ever considered, Guy, that I should like to be a grandmother?

GUY. No. Would you really? Really and truly?

MRS. K. Yes, Guy. The patter of little feet, the ... the soft, smooth cheeks....

GUY. But I detest children.

MRS. K. Ah! You’ll never make me believe that. No good man hates children.

GUY. No, I s’pose not. But then, mamma, I’m not good. I remember that when I was a boy....

MRS. K. But poor Katya! Consider her. Consider me.

GUY. In what way?

MRS. K. You--you know perfectly well what I mean. If I could only be the grandmother of _one_ child--well, that would be something, wouldn’t it?

GUY. It would be a great deal.

MRS. K. For my part, I had four brothers and three sisters. My grandmother had seventy-three grandchildren.

GUY. Yes, people were very thorough half a century ago. Quite like the Old Testament.

MRS. K. But you will promise, won’t you?

GUY. Do you know, mamma, you have the manner of being most direct and open, but as a matter of fact you are speaking in riddles. Now, tell me--what is it you want me to promise you?

MRS. K. I don’t quite know.

GUY. I thought you didn’t.

MRS. K. You see, Katya is so reticent in these matters. But you’ll do your best, I’m sure. To win over Katya, I mean. That is, if it _is_ Katya.

GUY. Who is to blame, you mean?

MRS. K. Oh, I shouldn’t say “blame.” Although if it goes on much longer, I may. But you’ll think it over, eh? That is the most I can expect at our first interview on this subject.

GUY. There are to be others?

MRS. K. If necessary.

GUY. But, mamma, you don’t know how much at sea I feel. As a matter of fact, I’m not absolutely certain that we’re both talking about the same thing. Will you tell me what _you_ have been talking about?

MRS. K. N-no. You tell me first.

GUY. I daren’t.

MRS. K. That’s it! We _are_ talking about the same thing. I felt sure we were.

GUY. Well, so long as you’re satisfied, mamma....

MRS. K. I shall look forward to it with the greatest pleasure. You see, you’ve got such a big house. I should have this room, if I were you. Bars across the windows, and so on.

GUY. But the stairs!

MRS. K. A little wicket gate on the landing. They begin to prowl about quite early. I remember Katya eighteen years ago--_always_ on her hands and knees!

GUY. She’s in the garden with Mariana.

MRS. K. Yes, I saw her.... Well, then, _that’s_ settled.

GUY. One can only do what one can.

MRS. K. Yes, win her over, Guy: win her over.

* * * * *