Sweet and Twenty: A Comedy in One Act
Part 1
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SWEET AND TWENTY
* * * * *
_Stewart Kidd Dramatic Anthologies_
Fifty Contemporary One-Act Plays
Edited by
FRANK SHAY and PIERRE LOVING
This volume contains FIFTY REPRESENTATIVE ONE-ACT PLAYS of the MODERN THEATER, chosen from the dramatic works of contemporary writers all over the world and is the second volume in the _Stewart Kidd Dramatic Anthologies_, the first being European Theories of the Drama, by Barrett H. Clark, which has been so enthusiastically received.
The editors have scrupulously sifted countless plays and have selected the best available in English. One-half the plays have never before been published in book form; thirty-one are no longer available in any other edition.
The work satisfies a long-felt want for a handy collection of the choicest plays produced by the art theaters all over the world. It is a complete repertory for a little theater, a volume for the study of the modern drama, a representative collection of the world's best short plays.
CONTENTS
AUSTRIA Schnitzler (Arthur)--Literature
BELGIUM Maeterlinck (Maurice)--The Intruder
BOLIVIA More (Federico)--Interlude
FRANCE Ancey (George)--M. Lamblin Porto-Riche (Georges)--Francoise's Luck
GERMANY Ettinger (Karl)--Altruism von Hofmannsthal (Hugo)--Madonna Dianora Wedekind (Frank)--The Tenor
GREAT BRITAIN Bennett (Arnold)--A Good Woman Calderon (George)--The Little Stone House. Cannan (Gilbert)--Mary's Wedding Dowson (Ernest)--The Pierrot of the Minute. Ellis (Mrs. Havelock)--The Subjection of Kezia Hankin (St. John)--The Constant Lover
INDIA Mukerji (Dhan Gopal)--The Judgment of Indra
IRELAND Gregory (Lady)--The Workhouse Ward
HOLLAND Speenhoff (J. H.)--Louise
HUNGARY Biro (Lajos)--The Grandmother
ITALY Giocosa (Giuseppe)--The Rights of the Soul
RUSSIA Andreyev (Leonid)--Love of One's Neighbor Tchekoff (Anton)--The Boor
SPAIN Benevente (Jacinto)--His Widow's Husband Quinteros (Serafina and Joaquin Alverez)--A Sunny Morning
SWEDEN Strindberg (August)--The Creditor Wied (Gustave)--Autumn Fires
UNITED STATES Beach (Lewis)--Brothers Cowan (Sada)--In the Morgue Crocker (Bosworth)--The Baby Carriage Cronyn (George W.)--A Death in Fever Flat Davies (Mary Carolyn)--The Slave with Two Faces Day (Frederick L.)--The Slump Flanner (Hildegard)--Mansions Glaspell (Susan)--Trifles Gerstenberg (Alice)--The Pot Boiler Helburn (Theresa)--Enter the Hero Hudson (Holland)--The Shepherd in the Distance Kemp (Harry)--Boccaccio's Untold Tale Langner (Lawrence)--Another Way Out MacMillan (Mary)--The Shadowed Star Millay (Edna St. Vincent)--Aro da Capo Moeller (Philip)--Helena's Husband O'Neill (Eugene)--Ile Stevens (Thomas Wood)--The Nursery Maid of Heaven Stevens (Wallace)--Three Travelers Watch a Sunrise Tompkins (Frank G.)--Sham Walker (Stuart)--The Medicine Show Wellman (Rita)--For All Time Wilde (Percival)--The Finger of God
YIDDISH Ash (Sholom)--Night Pinski (David)--Forgotten Souls
_Large 8vo, 585 pages. Net, $5.00_
_Send for Complete Dramatic Catalogue_
STEWART KIDD COMPANY PUBLISHERS, CINCINNATI, U. S. A.
* * * * *
Stewart Kidd Modern Plays
Edited by Frank Shay
SWEET AND TWENTY
* * * * *
_Stewart Kidd Modern Plays_
_Edited by_ FRANK SHAY
To meet the immensely increased demands of the play-reading public and those interested in the modern drama, Stewart Kidd are issuing under the general editorship of Frank Shay a series of plays from the pens of the world's best contemporary writers. No effort is being spared to secure the best work available, and the plays are issued in a form that is at once attractive to readers and suited to the needs of the performer and producer. _Buffalo Express_: "Each play is of merit. Each is unlike the other. The group furnishes a striking example of the realistic trend of the modern drama."
From time to time special announcements will be printed giving complete lists of the plays.
SHAM, a Social Satire in One Act. _By Frank G. Tompkins._
Originally produced by Sam Hume, at the Arts and Crafts Theatre, Detroit.
_San Francisco Bulletin_: "The lines are new and many of them are decidedly clever."
_Providence Journal_: "An ingenious and merry little one-act play."
THE SHEPHERD IN THE DISTANCE, a Pantomime in One Act. _By Holland Hudson._ Originally produced by the Washington Square Players.
_Oakland Tribune_: "A pleasing pantomime of the Ancient East."
MANSIONS, a Play in One Act. _By Hildegarde Flanner._ Originally produced by the Indiana Little Theatre Society.
_Three Arts Magazine_: "This thoughtful and well-written play of Characters and Ideals has become a favorite with Little Theatres and is now available in print."
HEARTS TO MEND, a Fantasy in One Act. _By H. A. Overstreet._ Originally produced by the Fireside Players, White Plains, N. Y.
_St. Louis Star_: "It is a light whimsy and well carried out."
_San Francisco Chronicle_: "No one is likely to hear or read it without real and legitimate pleasure."
SIX WHO PASS WHILE THE LENTILS BOIL. _By Stuart Walker._
Originally produced by the Portmanteau Players at Christodora House, New York City.
_Brooklyn Eagle_: "Literary without being pedantic, and dramatic without being noisy."
OTHERS TO FOLLOW. _Bound in Art Paper._ _Each, net, .50_
* * * * *
SWEET AND TWENTY
A Comedy in One Act
by
FLOYD DELL
Author of Moon Calf
First produced by the Provincetown Players, New York City January 25, 1918, with the following cast:
THE YOUNG WOMAN _Edna St. Vincent Millay_ THE YOUNG MAN _Ordway Tead_ THE AGENT _Otto Liveright_ THE GUARD _Louis Ell_
Cincinnati Stewart Kidd Company Publishers
Copyright, 1921 Stewart & Kidd Company All Rights Reserved Copyright in England
SWEET AND TWENTY is fully protected by the copyright law, all requirements of which have been complied with. No performance, either professional or amateur, may be given without the written permission of the author or his representative, Stewart Kidd Company, Cincinnati, Ohio.
SWEET AND TWENTY
SCENE--_A corner of the cherry orchard on the country place of the late Mr. Boggley, now on sale and open for inspection to prospective buyers. The cherry orchard, now in full bloom, is a very pleasant place. There is a green-painted rustic bench beside the path...._
(_This scene can be effectively produced on a small stage by a back-drop painted a blue-green color, with a single conventionalized cherry branch painted across it, and two three-leaved screens masking the wings, painted in blue-green with a spray of cherry blossoms_).
_A young woman, dressed in a light summer frock and carrying a parasol, drifts in from the back. She sees the bench, comes over to it and sits down with an air of petulant weariness._
_A handsome young man enters from the right. He stops short in surprise on seeing the charming stranger who lolls upon the bench. He takes off his hat._
HE
Oh, I beg your pardon!
SHE
Oh, you needn't! I've no right to be here, either.
HE
(_Coming down to her_) Now what do you mean by that?
SHE
I thought perhaps you were playing truant, as I am.
HE
Playing truant?
SHE
I was looking at the house, you know. And I got tired and ran away.
HE
Well, to tell the truth, so did I. It's dull work, isn't it?
SHE
I've been upstairs and down for two hours. That family portrait gallery finished me. It was so old and gloomy and dead that I felt as if I were dead myself. I just had to do something. I wanted to jab my parasol through the window-pane. I understood just how the suffragettes felt. But I was afraid of shocking the agent. He is such a meek little man, and he seemed to think so well of me. If I had broken the window I would have shattered his ideals of womanhood, too, I'm afraid. So I just slipped away quietly and came here.
HE
I've only been there half an hour and we--I've only been in the basement. That's why our tours of inspection didn't bring us together sooner. I've been cross-examining the furnace. Do you understand furnaces? (_He sits down beside her_) I don't.
SHE
Do you like family portraits? I hate 'em!
HE
What! Do the family portraits go with the house?
SHE
No, thank heaven. They've been bequeathed to the Metropolitan Museum of Horrors, I understand. They're valuable historically--early colonial governors and all that sort of stuff. But there is someone with me who--who takes a deep interest in such things.
HE
(_frowning at a sudden memory_) Hm. Didn't I see you at that real estate office in New York yesterday?
SHE
Yes. _He_ was with me then.
HE (_compassionately_)
I--I thought I remembered seeing you with--with him.
SHE (_cheerfully_)
Isn't he _just_ the sort of man who would be interested in family portraits?
HE (_confused_)
Well--since you ask me--I--!
SHE
Oh, that's all right. Tubby's a dear, in spite of his funny old ideas. I like him very much.
HE
(_gulping the pill_) Yes....
SHE
He's so anxious to please me in buying this house. I suppose it's all right to have a house, but I'd like to become acquainted with it gradually. I'd like to feel that there was always some corner left to explore--some mystery saved up for a rainy day. Tubby can't understand that. He drags me everywhere, explaining how we'll keep this and change that--dormer windows here and perhaps a new wing there.... I suppose you've been rebuilding the house, too?
HE
No. Merely decided to turn that sunny south room into a study. It would make a very pleasant place to work. But if you really want the place, I'd hate to take it away from you.
SHE
I was just going to say that if _you_ really wanted it, _I'd_ withdraw. It was Tubby's idea to buy it, you know--not mine. You _do_ want it, don't you?
HE
I can't say that I do. It's so infernally big. But Maria thinks I ought to have it. (_Explanatorily_) Maria is--
SHE (_gently_)
She's--the one who _is_ interested in furnaces, I understand. I saw her with you at the real-estate office yesterday. Well--furnaces are necessary, I suppose. (_There is a pause, which she breaks suddenly_) Do you see that bee?
HE
A bee? (_He follows her gaze up to a cluster of blossoms._)
SHE
Yes--there! (_Affectionately_) The rascal! There he goes. (_Their eyes follow the flight of the bee across the orchard. There is a silence, in which Maria and Tubby drift into the limbo of forgotten things. Alone together beneath the blossoms, a spell seems to have fallen upon them. She tries to think of something to say--and at last succeeds._)
SHE
Have you heard the story of the people who used to live here?
HE
No; why?
SHE
An agent was telling us. It's quite romantic--and rather sad. You see, the man that built this house was in love with a girl. He was building it for her--as a surprise. But he had neglected to mention to her that he was in love with her. And so, in pique, she married another man, though she was really in love with him. The news came just when he had finished the house. He shut it up for a year or two, but eventually married someone else, and they lived here for ten years--most unhappily. Then they went abroad, and the house was sold. It was bought, curiously enough, by the husband of the girl he had been in love with. They lived here till they died--hating each other to the end, the agent says.
HE
It gives me the shivers. To think of that house, haunted by the memories of wasted love! Which of us, I wonder, will have to live in it? I don't want to.
SHE (_prosaically_)
Oh, don't take it so seriously as all that. If one can't live in a house where there's been an unhappy marriage, why, good heavens, where _is_ one going to live? Most marriages, I fancy, are unhappy.
HE
A bitter philosophy for one so--
SHE
Nonsense! But listen to the rest of the story. The most interesting part is about this very orchard.
HE
Really!
SHE
Yes. This orchard, it seems, was here before the house was. It was part of an old farm where he and she--the unhappy lovers, you know--stopped one day, while they were out driving, and asked for something to eat. The farmer's wife was busy, but she gave them each a glass of milk, and told them they could eat all the cherries they wanted. So they picked a hatful of cherries, and ate them, sitting on a bench like this one. And then he fell in love with her....
HE
And ... didn't tell her so.... (_She glances at him in alarm. His self-possession has vanished. He is pale and frightened, but there is a desperate look in his eyes, as if some unknown power were forcing him to do something very rash. In short, he seems like a young man who has just fallen in love._)
SHE (_hastily_)
So you see this orchard is haunted, too!
HE
I feel it. I seem to hear the ghost of that old-time lover whispering to me....
SHE (_provocatively_)
Indeed! What does he say?
HE
He says: "I was a coward; you must be bold. I was silent; you must speak out."
SHE (_mischievously_)
That's very curious--because that old lover isn't dead at all. He's a baronet or something in England.
HE (_earnestly_)
His youth is dead; and it is his youth that speaks to me.
SHE (_quickly_)
You mustn't believe all that ghosts tell you.
HE
Oh, but I must. For they know the folly of silence--the bitterness of cowardice.
SHE
The circumstances were--slightly--different, weren't they?
HE (_stubbornly_)
I don't care!
SHE (_soberly_)
You know perfectly well it's no use.
HE
I can't help that!
SHE
Please! You simply mustn't! It's disgraceful!
HE
What's disgraceful?
SHE (_confused_)
What you are going to say.
HE (_simply_)
Only that I love you. What is there disgraceful about that? It's beautiful!
SHE
It's wrong.
HE
It's inevitable.
SHE
Why inevitable? Can't you talk with a girl in a cherry orchard for half an hour without falling in love with her?
HE
Not if the girl is you.
SHE
But why especially _me_?
HE
I don't know. Love--is a mystery. I only know that I was destined to love you.
SHE
How can you be so sure?
HE
Because you have changed the world for me. It's as though I had been groping about in the dark, and then--sunrise! And there's a queer feeling here. (_He puts his hand on his heart_) To tell the honest truth, there's a still queerer feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's a gone feeling, if you must know. And my knees are weak. I know now why men used to fall on their knees when they told a girl they loved her; it was because they couldn't stand up. And there's a feeling in my feet as though I were walking on air. And--
SHE (_faintly_)
That's enough!
HE
And I could die for you and be glad of the chance. It's perfectly absurd, but it's absolutely true. I've never spoken to you before, and heaven knows I may never get a chance to speak to you again, but I'd never forgive myself if I didn't say this to you now. I love you! love you! love you! Now tell me I'm a fool. Tell me to go. Anything--I've said my say.... Why don't you speak?
SHE
I--I've nothing to say--except--except that I--well--(_almost inaudibly_) I feel some of those symptoms myself.
HE (_triumphantly_)
You love me!
SHE
I--don't know. Yes. Perhaps.
HE
Then kiss me!
SHE (_doubtfully_)
No....
HE
Kiss me!
SHE (_tormentedly_)
Oh, what's the use?
HE
I don't know. I don't care. I only know that we love each other.
SHE
(_after a moment's hesitation, desperately_) I don't care, either! I _do_ want to kiss you. (_She does.... He is the first to awake from the ecstasy._)
HE
It is wicked--
SHE (_absently_)
Is it?
HE
But, oh heaven! kiss me again! (_She does._)
SHE
Darling!
HE
Do you suppose anyone is likely to come this way?
SHE
No.
HE (_speculatively_)
Your husband is probably still in the portrait gallery....
SHE
My husband! (_Drawing away_) What do you mean? (_Thoroughly awake now_) You didn't think--? (_She jumps up and laughs convulsively_) He thought poor old Tubby was my husband!!
HE
(_staring up at her bewildered_) Why, isn't he your husband?
SHE (_scornfully_)
No!! He's my uncle!
HE
Your unc--
SHE
Yes, of course! (_Indignantly_) Do you suppose I would be married to a man that's fat and bald and forty years old?
HE (_distressed_)
I--I beg your pardon. I did think so.
SHE
Just because you saw me with him? How ridiculous!
HE
It was a silly mistake. But--the things you said! You spoke so--realistically--about marriage.
SHE
It was _your_ marriage I was speaking about. (_With hasty compunction_) Oh, I beg your--
HE
_My_ marriage! (_He rises_) Good heavens! And to whom, pray, did you think I was married? (_A light dawning_) To Maria? Why, Maria is my aunt!
SHE
Yes--of course. How stupid of me.
HE
Let's get this straight. Are you married to _anybody_?
SHE
Certainly not. As if I would let anybody make love to me if I were!
HE
Now don't put on airs. You did something quite as improper. You kissed a married man.
SHE
I didn't.
HE
It's the same thing. You _thought_ I was married.
SHE
But you _aren't_.
HE
No. I'm _not_ married. And--and--_you're_ not married. (_The logic of the situation striking him all of a sudden_) In fact--! (_He pauses, rather alarmed._)
SHE
Yes?
HE
In fact--well--there's no reason in the world why we _shouldn't_ make love to each other!
SHE
(_equally startled_) Why--that's so!
HE
Then--then--shall we?
SHE
(_sitting down and looking demurely at her toes_) Oh, not if you don't want to!
HE
(_adjusting himself to the situation_) Well--under the circumstances--I suppose I ought to begin by asking you to marry me....
SHE
(_languidly, with a provoking glance_) You don't seem very anxious to.
HE
(_feeling at a disadvantage_) It isn't that--but--well--
SHE (_lightly_)
Well what?
HE
Dash it all, I don't know your name!
SHE
(_looking at him with wild curiosity_) That didn't seem to stop you a while ago....
HE (_doggedly_)
Well, then--will you marry me?
SHE (_promptly_)
No.
HE (_surprised_)
No! Why do you say that?
SHE (_coolly_)
Why should I marry you? I know nothing about you. I've known you for less than an hour.
HE (_sardonically_)
That fact didn't seem to keep you from kissing me.
SHE
Besides--I don't like the way you go about it. If you'd propose the same way you made love to me, maybe I'd accept you.
HE
All right. (_Dropping on one knee before her_) Beloved! (_An awkward pause_) No, I can't do it. (_He gets up and distractedly dusts off his knees with his handkerchief_) I'm very sorry.
SHE
(_with calm inquiry_) Perhaps it's because you don't love me any more?
HE (_fretfully_)
Of course I love you!
SHE (_coldly_)
But you don't want to marry me.... I see.
HE
Not at all! I _do_ want to marry you. But--
SHE
Well?
HE
Marriage is a serious matter. Now don't take offense! I only meant that--well--(_He starts again_) We _are_ in love with each other, and that's the important thing. But, as you said, we don't know each other. I've no doubt that when we get acquainted we will like each other better still. But we've got to get acquainted first.
SHE (_rising_)
You're just like Tubby buying a house. You want to know all about it. Well! I warn you that you'll never know all about me. So you needn't try.
HE (_apologetically_)
It was _your_ suggestion.
SHE (_impatiently_)
Oh, all right! Go ahead and cross-examine me if you like. I'll tell you to begin with that I'm perfectly healthy, and that there's no T. B., insanity, or Socialism in my family. What else do you want to know?
HE (_hesitantly_)
Why did you put Socialism in?
SHE
Oh, just for fun. You aren't a Socialist, are you?
HE
Yes. (_Earnestly_) Do you know what Socialism is?
SHE (_innocently_)
It's the same thing as Anarchy, isn't it?
HE (_gently_)
No. At least not my kind. I believe in municipal ownership of street cars, and all that sort of thing. I'll give you some books to read.
SHE
Well, I never ride in street cars, so I don't care whether they're municipally owned or not. By the way, do you dance?
HE
No.
SHE
You must learn right away. I can't bother to teach you myself, but I know where you can get private lessons and become really good in a month. It is stupid not to be able to dance.
HE
(_as if he had tasted quinine_) I can see myself doing the tango! Grr!
SHE
The tango went out long ago, my dear.
HE
(_with great decision_) Well--I _won't_ learn to dance. You might as well know that to begin with.
SHE
And I won't read your old books on Socialism. You might as well know _that to begin with_!
HE
Come, come! This will never do. You see, my dear, it's simply that I _can't_ dance, and there's no use for me to try to learn.
SHE
Anybody can learn. I've made expert dancers out of the awkwardest men!
HE
But, you see, I've no inclination toward dancing. It's out of my world.
SHE
And I've no inclination toward municipal ownership. _It's_ out of _my_ world!
HE
It ought not to be out of the world of any intelligent person.
SHE
(_turning her back on him_) All right--if you want to call me stupid!
HE
(_turning and looking away meditatively_) It appears that we have very few tastes in common.
SHE
(_tapping her foot_) So it seems.
HE
If we married we might be happy for a month--
SHE
Perhaps. (_They remain standing with their backs to each other._)
HE
And then--the old story. Quarrels....
SHE
I never could bear quarrels....
HE
An unhappy marriage....
SHE
(_realizing it_) Oh!
HE
(_hopelessly turning toward her_) I can't marry you.
SHE
(_recovering quickly and facing him with a smile_) Nobody asked you, sir, she said!
HE
(_with a gesture of finality_) Well--there seems to be no more to say.
SHE (_sweetly_)
Except good-bye.
HE (_firmly_)
Good-bye, then. (_He holds out his hand._)
SHE
(_taking it_) Good-bye!
HE
(_taking her other hand--after a pause, helplessly_) Good-bye!
SHE
(_drawing in his eyes_) Good-bye! (_They cling to each other, and are presently lost in a passionate embrace. He breaks loose and stamps away, then turns to her._)
HE
Damn it all, we _do_ love each other!
SHE
(_wiping her eyes_) What a pity that is the only taste we have in common!
HE
Do you suppose that is enough?
SHE
I wish it were!
HE
A month of happiness--
SHE
Yes!
HE
And then--wretchedness.
SHE
No--never!
HE
We mustn't do it.
SHE
I suppose not.
HE
Come, let us control ourselves.
SHE
Yes, let's. (_They take hands again._)
HE
(_with an effort_) I wish you happiness. I--I'll go to Europe for a year. Try to forget me.
SHE
I shall be married when you get back--perhaps.
HE
I hope it's somebody that's not bald and fat and forty. Otherwise--!
SHE
And you--for goodness sake! marry a girl that's very young and very, very pretty. That will help.
HE
We mustn't prolong this. If we stay together another minute--
SHE
Then go!
HE
I can't go!
SHE
You must, darling! You must!
HE
Oh, if somebody would only come along! (_They are leaning toward each other, dizzy upon the brink of another kiss, when somebody does come--a short, mild-looking man in a Derby hat. There is an odd gleam in his eyes_).
THE INTRUDER (_startled_)
Excuse me! (_They turn and stare at him, but their hands cling fast to each other._)
SHE (_faintly_)
The Agent!
THE AGENT
(_in despairing accents_) Too late! Too late!
THE YOUNG MAN
No! Just in time!
THE AGENT
Too late, I say! I will go. (_He turns._)
THE YOUNG MAN
No! Stay!
THE AGENT
What's the use? It has already begun. What good can I do now?