Chapter 2

_In the fore ground a Farm House.--A view of a Castle at a distance._

FARMER ASHFIELD _discovered at a table, with his jug and pipe._

_Enter_ DAME ASHFIELD, _in a riding dress, and a basket under her arm._

_Ash._ Well, Dame, welcome whoam. What news does thee bring vrom market?

_Dame._ What news, husband? What I always told you; that Farmer Grundy's wheat brought five shillings a quarter more than ours did.

_Ash._ All the better vor he.

_Dame._ Ah! the sun seems to shine on purpose for him.

_Ash._ Come, come, missus, as thee hast not the grace to thank God for prosperous times, dan't thee grumble when they be unkindly a bit.

_Dame._ And I assure you, Dame Grundy's butter was quite the crack of the market.

_Ash._ Be quiet, woolye? aleways ding, dinging Dame Grundy into my ears--what will Mrs. Grundy zay? What will Mrs. Grundy think--Canst thee be quiet, let ur alone, and behave thyzel pratty?

_Dame._--Certainly I can--I'll tell thee, Tummas, what she said at church last Sunday.

_Ash._ Canst thee tell what parson zaid? Noa--Then I'll tell thee--A' zaid that envy were as foul a weed as grows, and cankers all wholesome plants that be near it--that's what a' zaid.

_Dame._ And do you think I envy Mrs. Grundy indeed?

_Ash._ Why dant thee letten her aloane then--I do verily think when thee goest to t'other world, the vurst question thee ax 'il be, if Mrs. Grundy's there--Zoa be quiet, and behave pratty, do'ye--Has thee brought whoam the Salisbury news?

_Dame._ No, Tummas: but I have brought a rare wadget of news with me. First and foremost I saw such a mort of coaches, servants, and waggons, all belonging to Sir Abel Handy, and all coming to the castle--and a handsome young man, dressed all in lace, pulled off his hat to me, and said--"Mrs. Ashfield, do me the honour of presenting that letter to your husband."--So there he stood without his hat--Oh, Tummas, had you seen how Mrs. Grundy looked!

_Ash._ Dom Mrs. Grundy--be quiet, and let I read, woolye? [_Reads._] "My dear farmer" [_Taking off his hat._] Thankye zur--zame to you, wi' all my heart and soul--"My dear farmer"--

_Dame._ Farmer--Why, you are blind, Tummas, it is--"My dear father"--Tis from our own dear Susan.

_Ash._ Odds dickens and daizeys! zoo it be, zure enow!--"My dear feyther, you will be surprized"--Zoo I be, he, he! What pretty writing, bean't it? all as straight as thof it were ploughed--"Surprized to hear, that in a few hours I shall embrace you--Nelly, who was formerly our servant, has fortunately married Sir Abel Handy Bart."--

_Dame._ Handy Bart.--Pugh! Bart. stands for Baronight, mun.

_Ash._ Likely, likely,--Drabbit it, only to think of the zwaps and changes of this world!

_Dame._ Our Nelly married to a great Baronet! I wonder, Tummas, what Mrs. Grundy will say?

_Ash._ Now, woolye be quiet, and let I read--"And she has proposed bringing me to see you; an offer, I hope, as acceptable to my dear feyther"--

_Dame._ "And mother"--

_Ash._ Bless her, how prettily she do write feyther, dan't she?

_Dame._ And mother.

_Ash._ Ees, but feyther first, though----"As acceptable to my dear feyther and mother, as to their affectionate daughter--Susan Ashfield."--Now bean't that a pratty letter?

_Dame._ And, Tummas, is not she a pretty girl?

_Ash._ Ees; and as good as she be pratty--Drabbit it, I do feel zoo happy, and zoo warm,--for all the world like the zun in harvest.

_Dame._ Oh, Tummas, I shall be so pleased to see her, I shan't know whether I stand on my head or my heels.

_Ash._ Stand on thy head! vor sheame o' thyzel--behave pratty, do.

_Dame._ Nay, I meant no harm--Eh, here comes friend Evergreen the gardener, from the castle. Bless me, what a hurry the old man is in.

_Enter_ EVERGREEN.

_Everg._ Good day, honest Thomas.

_Ash._ Zame to you, measter Evergreen.

_Everg._ Have you heard the news?

_Dame._ Any thing about Mrs. Grundy?

_Ash._ Dame, be quiet, woolye now?

_Everg._ No, no--The news is, that my master, Sir Philip Blandford, after having been abroad for twenty years, returns this day to the castle; and that the reason of his coming is, to marry his only daughter to the son of Sir Abel Handy, I think they call him.

_Dame._ As sure as two-pence, that is Nelly's husband.

_Everg._ Indeed!--Well, Sir Abel and his son will be here immediately; and, Farmer, you must attend them.

_Ash._ Likely, likely.

_Everg._ And, mistress, come and lend us a hand at the castle, will you?--Ah, it is twenty long years since I have seen Sir Philip--Poor gentleman! bad, bad health--worn almost to the grave, I am told.---What a lad do I remember him--till that dreadful--[_Checking himself._] But where is Henry? I must see him--must caution him--[_A gun is discharged at a distance._] That's his gun, I suppose--he is not far then--Poor Henry!

_Dame._ Poor Henry! I like that indeed! What though he be nobody knows who, there is not a girl in the parish that is not ready to pull caps for him--The Miss Grundys, genteel as they think themselves, would be glad to snap at him--If he were our own, we could not love him better.

_Everg._ And he deserves to be loved--Why, he's as handsome as a peach tree in blossom; and his mind is as free from weeds as my favourite carnation bed. But, Thomas, run to the castle, and receive Sir Abel and his son.

_Ash._ I wool, I wool--Zo, good day. [_Bowing._] Let every man make his bow, and behave pratty--that's what I say.--Missus, do'ye show un Sue's letter, woolye? Do ye letten see how pratty she do write feyther. [_Exit._

_Dame._ Now Tummas is gone, I'll tell you such a story about Mrs. Grundy--But come, step in, you must needs be weary; and I am sure a mug of harvest beer, sweetened with a hearty welcome, will refresh you. [_Exeunt into the house._