Part 5

But there are few Women whose Understandings are worth the Management, their Estates are much more capable of Improvement. No Woman, much less a Woman of Fortune, is ever fit to be her own Mistress, and he who has not the Vanity to think what much finer Things he could perform, had he the Management of her Fortune; or so much Partiality and Self-love, as to fancy it can’t be better bestow’d than in making his; will yet be so honest and humble, as to think that ’tis fit she should take his Assistance, as Steward at least. For the good Man aspires no further, he would only take the Trouble of her Affairs off her Hand; and the Sense of her Condescension and his great Obligations, will for ever secure him against acting like a Lord and Master.

The Steps to Folly, as well as Sin, are gradual, and almost imperceptible, and when we are once on the Decline, we go down without taking Notice on’t; were it not for this, one could not account for those strange unequal Marriages we too often see. For there was a Time, no doubt, when a Woman could not have bore the very Thought of what she has been afterwards betray’d into; it would have appear’d as shocking to her, as it always does to other People; and had a Man been so impolitick as to discover the least Intimation of such a Design, he had given her a sufficient Antidote against it. This your wise Men are well satisfied of, and understand their own Interest too well to let their Design go bare-fac’d, for that would effectually put a Bar to their Success. So innocent are they, that they had not the least Thought at first of what their good Fortune afterwards leads them to! They would draw upon him, (if they wear a Sword) or fly in her Face who should let fall the least Hint that they had such Intentions; and this very Eagerness to avoid the Suspicion, is a shrewd Sign that there is Occasion for’t.

But who shall dare to shew the Lady her Danger, when will it be seasonable to give her friendly Notice? If you do it ere she is resolv’d, though with all the Friendship and Tenderness imaginable, she will hardly forgive the Affront, or bear the Provocation; you offer her an Outrage by entertaining such a Thought, and ’tis ten to one if you are not afterwards accus’d for putting in her Head what otherwise she could ne’er have dreamt of. And when no direct Proof can be offer’d, when matter of Prudence is the only Thing in Question, every Body has so good an Opinion of their own Understanding, as to think their own Way the best. And when she has her Innocence and fair Intentions to oppose your Fears and Surmises, and you cannot pretend to wish her better than she does her self, to be more disinterested and diligent in your Watchfulness, or to see farther in what so nearly concerns her, what can be done? Her Ruin is commonly too far advanc’d to be prevented, ere you can in Good-breeding reach out a Hand to help her. For if the Train has took, if she is intangled in the Snare, if Love, or rather a blind unreasonable Fondness, which usurps the Name of that noble Passion, has gain’d on her, Reason and Persuasion may as properly be urg’d to the Folks in _Bethlem_, as to her. Tell her of this World, she is got above it, and has no Regard to its impertinent Censures; tell her of the next, she laughs at you, and will never be convinc’d that Actions which are not expresly forbid can be Criminal, though they proceed from, and must necessarily be reduc’d to ill Principles, though they give Offence, are of ill Example, injure our Reputation, which, next to our Innocence, we are obliged, as Christians, to take the greatest Care of; and, in a Word, do more Mischief than we can readily imagine. Tell her of her own Good, you appear yet more ridiculous, for who can judge of her Happiness but her self? And whilst our Hearts are violently set upon any thing, there is no convincing us that we shall ever be of another Mind. Our Passions want no Advocates, they are always furnish’d with plausible Pretences, and those very Prejudices, which gave rise to this unreasonable Passion, will for certain give her Obstinacy enough to justify and continue in it. Besides, some are so ill advis’d as to think to support one Indiscretion with another; they would not have it thought they have made a false Step, in once giving Countenance to that which is not fit to be continued. Or perhaps the Lady might be willing enough to throw off the Intruder at first, but wanted Courage to get above the Fear of his Calumnies, and the longer she suffers him to buz about her, she will find it the harder to get rid of his Importunities. By all which it appears, that she who really intends to be secure, must keep at the greatest Distance from Danger, she must not grant the _least_ Indulgence, where such ill Uses will be made of it.

And since the Case is so, That Woman can never be in Safety who allows a Man Opportunity to betray her. Frequent Conversation does for certain produce either Aversion or Liking, and when ’tis once come to Liking, it depends on the Man’s Generosity not to improve it farther, and where can one find an Instance that this is any Security? There are very many indeed which shew it is none. How sensible soever a Woman may appear of another’s Indiscretion, if she will tread in the same Steps, though but for a little Way, she gives us no Assurance that she will not fall into the same Folly; she may perhaps intend very well, but she puts it past her Power to fulfil her good Intentions. Even those who have forfeited their Discretion, the most valuable Jewel next to their Vertue, and without which Vertue it self is but very weak and faint, ’tis like, were once as well resolv’d as she; they had the very same Thoughts, they made the same Apologies, and their Resentment would have been every whit as great against those who could have imagined they should so far forget themselves.

It were endless to reckon up the divers Stratagems Men use to catch their Prey, their different Ways of insinuating, which vary with Circumstances, and the Lady’s Temper, but how unfairly, how basely soever they proceed, when the Prey is once caught, it passes for lawful Prize, and other Men having the same Hopes and Projects, see nothing to find Fault with, but that it was not their own good Fortune. They may exclaim against it perhaps in a Lady’s Hearing, but it is only to keep themselves from being suspected, and to give the better Colour to their own Designs. Sometimes a Woman is cajol’d, and sometimes hector’d, she is seduc’d to love a Man, or aw’d into a Fear of him: He defends her Honour against another, or assumes the Power of blasting it himself; was willing to pass for one of no Consequence till he could make himself considerable at her Cost. He might be admitted at first to be _her Jest_, but he carries on the Humour so far till he makes her _his_; he will either entertain or serve her as Occasion offers, and some Way or other gets himself intrusted with her Fortune, her Fame, or her Soul. Allow him but a frequent and free Conversation, and there’s no manner of Question but that his Ingenuity and Application, will, at one Time or other, get the Ascendant over her.

And generally the more humble and undesigning a Man appears, the more improbable it looks that he should dare to pretend, the greater Caution should be us’d against him. A bold Address and good Assurance may sometimes, but does not always, take. To a Woman of Sense an artificial Modesty and Humility is a thousand times more dangerous, for he only draws back to receive the more Encouragement, and she regards not what Advances she makes towards him, who seems to understand himself and the World so well as to be incapable of making an ill Use of them. Would it not be unreasonable, and a Piece of Ill-breeding, to be shy of him who has no Pretensions, or only such as are Just and Modest? What Hurt in a Visit? Or what if Visits grow a little more frequent? The Man has so much Discernment, as to relish her Wit and Humour, and can she do less than be Partial to him who is so just to her? He strives to please and to render himself agreeable, or necessary, perhaps, and whoever will make it his Business, may find Ways enough to do it. For they know but little of Human Nature, they never consulted their own Hearts, who are not sensible what Advances a well-manag’d Flattery makes, especially from a Person of whose Wit and Sense one has a good Opinion. His Wit at first recommends his Flatteries, and these, in Requital, set off his Wit; and she who has been us’d to this high-season’d Diet, will scarce ever relish another Conversation.

Having got thus far, to be sure he is not wanting to his good Fortune, but drives on to an Intimacy, or what they are pleas’d, now a-days, though very unjustly, to call a Friendship; all is safe under this sacred Character, which sets them above little Aims and mean Designs. A Character that must be conducted with the nicest Honour, allows the greatest Trusts, leads to the highest Improvements, is attended with the purest Pleasures and most rational Satisfaction. And what if the malicious World, envious of his Happiness, should take Offence at it, since he has taken all due Precautions, such unjust and ill-natur’d Censures are not to be regarded; for his Part the Distance that is between them checks all aspiring Desires, but her Conversation is what he must not, cannot want: Life is insipid, and not to be endur’d without it; and he is too much the Lady’s Friend, has too just a Value for her, to entertain a Thought to her Disadvantage.

Now if once it is come to this, _GOD_ help the poor Woman! for not much Service can be done her by any of her Friends on Earth. That Pretender, to be sure, will be the Darling, he will worm out every other Person, though ever so kind and disinterested. For tho’ true Friends will endeavour to please in order to serve, their Complaisance never goes so far as to prove injurious; the beloved Fault is what they chiefly strike at, and this the Flatterer always sooths; so that at last he becomes the most acceptable Company, and they who are conscious of their own Integrity, are not apt to bear such an unjust Distinction, nor is it by this Time to any Purpose to remonstrate the Danger of such an Intimacy. When a Man, and for certain much more when a Woman, is fallen into this Toil, that is, when either have been so unwary and indiscreet as to let another find out by what Artifices he may manage their Self-love, and draw it over to his Party, ’tis too late for anyone who is really their Friend, to break the Snare and disabuse them.

Neither Sex cares to deny themselves that which pleases, especially when they think they may innocently indulge it; and nothing pleases more than the being Admir’d and Humour’d. We may be told of the Danger, and shewn the Fall of others, but though their Misfortunes are ever so often or so lively represented to us, we are all so well assur’d of our own good Conduct, as to believe it will bring us safe off those Rocks on which others have been Shipwreck’d. We suppose it in our Power to shorten the Line of our Liberty whenever we think fit, not considering that the farther we run, we shall be the more unwilling to retreat, and unable to judge when a Retreat is necessary. A Woman does not know that she is more than half lost when she admits of these Suggestions; that those Arguments she brings for continuing a Man’s Conversation, prove only that she ought to have quitted it sooner; that Liking insensibly converts to Love, and that when she admits a Man to be her Friend, ’tis his Fault if he does not make himself her Husband.

And if Men, even the Modestest and the Best, are only in pursuit of their own Designs, when they pretend to do the Lady Service; if the Honour they would seem to do her, tends only to lead her into an imprudent, and therefore a dishonourable Action; and they have all that good Opinion of themselves as to take every thing for Encouragement, so that she who goes beyond a bare Civility, though she meant no more than Respect, will find it interpreted a Favour, and made ill Use of, (for Favours, how innocent soever, never turn to a Lady’s Advantage) what Shadow of a Pretence can a Woman have for admitting an Intimacy with a Man, whose Principles are known to be Loose, and his Practices Licentious? can she expect to be safe with him who has ruin’d others, and by the very same Methods he takes with her? If an Intimacy with a Man of a fair Character gives Offence, with a Man of an ill one, ’tis doubly and trebly scandalous. And suppose neither her Fortune nor Beauty can tempt him, he has his ill-natur’d Pleasure in destroying that Vertue he will not practise, or if that can’t be done, in blasting the Reputation of it at least, and in making the World believe he has made a Conquest, though he has found a Foil.

If the Man be the Woman’s Inferior, besides all the Dangers formerly mention’d, and those just now taken Notice of, she gives such a Countenance to his Vices, as renders her in great measure, Partaker in them; and, it can scarce be thought in such Circumstances, a Woman could like the Man if she were not reconcil’d to his Faults. Is he her Equal, and no unsuitable Match, if his Designs are fair, why don’t they Marry, since they are so well pleas’d with each other’s Conversation, which in this State only can be frequently and safely allow’d? Is he her Better, and she hopes, by catching him, to make her Fortune, alas! the poor Woman is neither acquainted with the World nor her self; she neither knows her own Weakness, nor his Treachery, and though he gives her ever so much Encouragement to this vain Hope, ’tis only in order to accomplish her Ruin. To be sure the more Freedom she allows, the more she lessens his Esteem, and that’s not likely to increase a real, though it may a pretended Kindness; she ought to fly, if she would have him pursue, the strictest Vertue and Reserve being the only Way to secure him.

Religion and Reputation are so sure a Guard, such a Security to poor defenceless Woman, that whenever a Man has ill Designs on her, he is sure to make a Breach into one or both of these, by endeavouring either to corrupt her Principles, to make her less strict in Devotion, or to lessen her Value of a fair Reputation, and would persuade her, that less than she imagines will secure her as to the next World, and that not much Regard is to be given to the Censures of this. Or if this be too bold at first, and will not pass with her, he has another Way to make even her Love to Vertue contribute to its Ruin, by persuading her it never shines as it ought, unless it is expos’d, and that she has no Reason to boast of her Vertue unless she has try’d it. An Opinion of the worst Consequence that may be, and the most mischievous to a Woman, because it is calculated to feed her Vanity, and tends indeed to her utter Ruin. For, can it be fit to rush into Temptations, when we are taught every Day to pray against them? If the Trials of our Vertue render it illustrious, ’tis such Trials as Heaven is pleas’d to send us, not those of our own seeking. It holds true of both Sexes, that next to the Divine Grace a modest Distrust of themselves is their best Security, none being so often and so shamefully foil’d, as those who depend most on their own Strength and Resolution.

As to the Opinion of the World, tho’ one cannot say ’tis always just, yet generally it has a Foundation, great Regard is to be paid to it, and very good Use to be made of it. Others _may_ be in Fault for passing their Censures, but we certainly _are_ so, if we give them any the least just Occasion. And since Reputation is not only one of the Rewards of Vertue, that which always ought, and generally does attend it, but also a Guard against Evil, an Inducement to Good, and a great Instrument in the Hand of the Wife to promote the common Cause of Vertue; the being Prodigal of the one, looks as if we set no great Value on the other, and she who abandons her good Name, is not like to preserve her Innocence.

A Woman therefore can never have too nice a Sense of Honour, provided she does not prefer it before her Duty; she can never be too careful to secure her Character, not only from the Suspicion of a Crime, but even from the Shadow of an Indiscretion. ’Tis well worth her while to renounce the most Entertaining, and, what some perhaps, will call the most Improving Company, rather than give the World a just Occasion of Suspicion or Censure. For besides the Injury that is done Religion, which enjoins us to avoid the very Appearance of Evil, and to do nothing but what is of good Report, she puts her self too much in a Man’s Power, who will run such a Risque for his Conversation, and expresses such a Value for him, as cannot fail of being made use of to do her a Mischief.

Preserve your Distance then, keep out of the Reach of Danger, fly if you would be safe, be sure to be always on the Reserve, not such as is Morose and Affected, but Modest and Discreet, your Caution cannot be too great, nor your Foresight reach too far; there’s nothing, or what is next to nothing, a little Amusement and entertaining Conversation, lost by this, but all is hazarded by the other. A Man understands his own Merit too well to lose his Time in a Woman’s Company, were it not to divert himself at her Cost, to turn her into a Jest, or something worse. And where-ever you see great Assiduities, when a Man insinuates into the Diversions and Humours of the Lady, liking and admiring whatever she does, though at the same Time he seems to keep a due Distance, or rather exceeds in the profoundest Respect; Respect being all he dare at present pretend to: when a more than ordinary Deference is paid; when something particular appears in the Look and Address, and such an Obsequiousness in every Action, as nothing could engage a Man to, who never forgets the Superiority of his Sex, but a Hope to be observ’d in his Turn: Then, whatever the Inequality be, and how sensible soever he seems to be of it, the Man has for certain his Engines at work, the Mine is ready to be sprung on the first Opportunity, and ’tis well if it be not too late to prevent the poor Lady’s Ruin.

To wind up this Matter; If a Woman were duly principled, and taught to know the World, especially the true Sentiments that Men have of her, and the Traps they lay for her under so many gilded Compliments, and such a seemingly great Respect, that Disgrace would be prevented which is brought upon too many Families; Women would Marry more discreetly, and demean themselves better in a married State, than some People say they do. The Foundation, indeed, ought to be laid deep and strong, she should be made a good Christian, and understand why she is so, and then she will be every thing else that is Good. Men need keep no Spies on a Woman’s Conduct, need have no Fear of her Vertue, or so much as of her Prudence and Caution, were but a due Sense of true Honour and Vertue awaken’d in her; were her Reason excited and prepared to consider the Sophistry of those Temptations which would persuade her from her Duty; and were she put in a way to know that it is both her Wisdom and Interest to observe it: she would then duly examine and weigh all the Circumstances, the Good and Evil of a married State, and not be surprized with unforeseen Inconveniencies, and either never consent to be a Wife, or make a good one when she does. This would shew her what Human Nature _is_, as well as what it _ought_ to be, and teach her not only what she may justly expect, but what she must be content with; would enable her to cure some Faults, and patiently to suffer what she cannot cure.

Indeed nothing can assure Obedience, and render it what it ought to be, but the Conscience of Duty, the paying it for GOD’S sake. Superiors don’t rightly understand their own Interest when they attempt to put out their Subjects Eyes to keep them Obedient. A blind Obedience is what a Rational Creature should never pay, nor would such an one receive it, did he rightly understand its Nature. For Human Actions are no otherwise valuable, than as they are conformable to Reason; but a blind Obedience is an Obeying _without Reason_, for ought we know, _against it_. _GOD_ himself does not require our Obedience at this rate; he lays before us the Goodness and Reasonableness of his Laws, and were there any thing in them whose Equity we could not readily comprehend, yet we have this clear and sufficient Reason, on which, to found our Obedience, that nothing but what’s just and fit, can be enjoin’d by a Just, a Wise, and Gracious _GOD_; but this is a Reason will never hold in respect of Mens Commands, unless they can prove themselves Infallible, and consequently Impeccable too.

It is therefore very much a Man’s Interest, that Women should be good Christians; for in this, as in every other Instance, he who does his Duty, finds his own Account in it. Duty and true Interest are one and the same Thing, and he who thinks otherwise is to be pitied for being so much in the Wrong: But what can be more the Duty of the Head, than to instruct and improve those who are under Government? She will freely leave him the quiet Dominion of this World, whose Thoughts and Expectations are plac’d on the next. A Prospect of Heaven, and that only, will cure that Ambition which all generous Minds are fill’d with, not by taking it away, but by placing it on a right Object. She will discern a Time when her Sex shall be no Bar to the best Employments, the highest Honour; a Time when that Distinction, now so much us’d to her Prejudice, shall be no more; but, provided she is not wanting to her self, her Soul shall shine as bright as the greatest Heroe’s. This is a true, and indeed, the only Consolation; this makes her a sufficient Compensation for all the Neglect and Contempt the ill-grounded Customs of the World throw on her; for all the Injuries brutal Power may do her, and is a sufficient Cordial to support her Spirits, be her Lot in this World what it may.