Chapter 8

"You must remember, my dear, these rules are laid down on the supposition of your being united to a person who possesses the three qualifications for happiness before mentioned. In this case no farther direction is necessary, but that you strictly perform the duty of a wife, namely, to love, to honor, and obey. The two first articles are a tribute so indispensably due to _merit_, that they must be paid by _inclination_--and they naturally lead to the performance of the last, which will not only be easy, but a pleasing task, since nothing can ever be enjoined by such a person that is in itself improper, and a few things will, that can, with any reason, be disagreeable to you.

"The being united to a man of irreligious principles, makes it impossible to discharge a great part of the proper duty of a wife. To name but one instance, obedience will be rendered impracticable, by frequent injunctions inconsistent with, and contrary to, the higher obligations of morality. This is not a supposition, but is a certainty founded upon facts, which I have too often seen and can attest. Where this happens, the reasons for non-compliance ought to be offered in a plain, strong, good natured manner. There is at least the chance of success from being heard. But should those reasons be rejected, or the hearing them refused, and silence on the subject enjoined, which is most probable, few people caring to hear what they know to be right, when they are determined not to be convinced by it--obey the injunction, and urge not the argument farther. Keep, however, steady to your principles, and suffer neither persuasion nor threats to prevail on you to act contrary to them. All commands repugnant to the laws of christianity, it is your indispensable duty to disobey. All requests that are inconsistent with prudence, or incompatible with the rank and character which you ought to maintain in life, it is your interest to refuse. A compliance with the former would be criminal, a consent to the latter highly indiscreet; and it might thereby subject you to general censure. For a man, capable of requiring, from his wife, what he knows to be in itself wrong, is equally capable of throwing the whole blame of such misconduct on her, and of afterwards upbraiding her for a behavior, to which he will, upon the same principle, disown that he has been accessary. Many similar instances have come within the compass of my own observation. In things of less material nature, that are neither criminal in themselves, nor pernicious in their consequences, always acquiesce, if insisted on, however disagreeable they may be to your own temper and inclination. Such a compliance will evidently prove that your refusal, in the other cases, proceeds not from a spirit of contradiction, but merely from a just regard to that superior duty which can never be infringed with impunity.

"As the want of understanding is by no art to be concealed, by no address to be disguised, it might be supposed impossible for a woman of sense to unite herself to a person whose defect, in this instance, must render that sort of rational society, which constitutes the chief happiness of such an union, impossible. Yet here, how often has the weakness of female judgment been conspicuous! The advantages of great superiority in rank or fortune have frequently proved so irresistible a temptation, as, in opinion, to outweigh, not only the folly, but even the vices of its possessor--a grand mistake, ever tacitly acknowledged by a subsequent repentance, when the expected pleasures of affluence, equipage, and all the glittering pageantry, have been experimentally found insufficient to make amends for the want of that constant satisfaction which results from the social joy of conversing with a reasonable friend!

"But however weak this motive must be acknowledged, it is more excusable than another, which, I fear, has sometimes had an equal influence on the mind--I mean so great a love of sway, as to induce her to give the preference to a person of weak intellectuals, in hopes of holding, uncontrolled, the reins of government. The expectation is, in fact, ill grounded. Obstinacy and pride are generally the companions of folly. The silliest people are often the most tenacious of their opinions, and, consequently, the hardest of all others to be managed. But admit the contrary, the principle is in itself bad. It tends to invert the order of nature, and to counteract the design of Providence.

"A woman can never be seen in a more ridiculous light than when she appears to govern her husband. If, unfortunately, the superiority of understanding is on her side, the apparent consciousness of that superiority betrays a weakness, that renders her contemptible in the sight of every considerate person, and it may, very probably, fix in his mind a dislike never to be eradicated. In such a case, if it should ever be your own, remember that some degree of dissimulation is commendable, so far as to let your husband's defects appear unobserved. When he judges wrong, never flatly contradict, but lead him insensibly into another opinion, in so discreet a manner, that it may seem entirely his own, and let the whole credit of every prudent determination rest on him, without indulging the foolish vanity of claiming any merit to yourself. Thus a person of but an indifferent capacity, may be so assisted, as, in many instances, to shine with borrowed lustre, scarce distinguishable from the native, and by degrees he may be brought into a kind of mechanical method of acting properly, in all the common occurrences of life. Odd as this position may seem, it is founded in fact. I have seen the method successfully practised by more than one person, where a weak mind, on the governed side, has been so prudently set off as to appear the sole director; like the statue of the Delphic god, which was thought to give forth its own oracles, whilst the humble priest, who lent his voice, was by the shrine concealed, nor sought a higher glory than a supposed obedience to the power he would be thought to serve."

A LETTER TO A NEW MARRIED MAN.

I received the news of your marriage with infinite delight, and hope that the sincerity with which I wish you happiness, may excuse the liberty I take in giving you a few rules, whereby more certainly to obtain it. I see you smile at my wrong-headed kindness, and, reflecting on the charms of your bride, cry out in a rapture, that you are happy enough without any rules. I know you are. But after one of the forty years, which I hope you will pass pleasingly together, is over, this letter may come in turn, and rules for felicity may not be found unnecessary, however some of them may appear impracticable.

Could that kind of love be kept alive through the marriage state, which makes the charm of a single one, the sovereign good would no longer be sought for; in the union of two faithful lovers it would be found: but reason shows that this is impossible, and experience informs us that it never was so; we must preserve it as long, and supply it as happily as we can.

When your present violence of passion subsides, however, and a more cool and tranquil affection takes its place, be not hasty to censure yourself as indifferent, or to lament yourself as unhappy; you have lost that only which it was impossible to retain, and it were graceless amid the pleasures of a prosperous summer to regret the blossoms of a transient spring. Neither unwarily condemn your bride's insipidity till you have recollected that no object however sublime, no sounds however charming, can continue to transport us with delight when they no longer strike us with novelty. The skill to renovate the powers of pleasing is said indeed to be possessed by some women in an eminent degree; but the artifices of maturity are seldom seen to adorn the innocence of youth: you have made your choice, and ought to approve it.

Satiety follows quickly upon the heels of possession; and to be happy, we must always have something in view. The person of your lady is already all your own, and will not grow more pleasing in your eyes I doubt, though the rest of your sex will think her handsome for these dozen of years. Turn therefore all your attention to her mind, which will daily grow brighter by polishing. Study some easy science together, and acquire a similarity of tastes while you enjoy a community of pleasures. You will by this means have many images in common, and be freed from the necessity of separating to find amusement. Nothing is so dangerous to wedded love as the possibility of either being happy out of the company of the other: endeavor therefore, to cement the present intimacy on every side; let your wife never be kept ignorant of your income, your expenses, your friendships, or aversions; let her know your very faults, but make them amiable by your virtues; consider all concealment as a breach of fidelity; let her never have any thing to find out in your character; and remember, that from the moment one of the partners turns spy upon the other, they have commenced a state of hostility.

Seek not for happiness in singularity; and dread a refinement of wisdom as a deviation into folly. Listen not to those sages who advise you always to scorn the counsel of a woman, and if you comply with her requests pronounce you to be wife-ridden.

I said that the person of your lady would not grow more pleasing to you; but pray let her never suspect that it grows less so: that a woman will pardon an affront to her understanding much sooner than one to her person, is well known; nor will any of us contradict the assertion. All our attainments, all our arts, are employed to gain and keep the heart of man: and what mortification can exceed the disappointment, if the end be not obtained? There is no reproof however pointed, no punishment however severe, that a woman of spirit will not prefer to neglect; and if she can endure it without complaint, it only proves that she means to make herself amends by the attention of others for the slights of her husband. For this, and for every reason, it behoves a married man not to let his politeness fail, though his ardor may abate, but to retain at least that general civility towards his own lady which he is so willing to pay to every other, and not show a wife of eighteen or twenty years old, that every man in company can treat her with more complaisance than he, who so often vowed to her eternal fondness.

It is not my opinion that a young woman should be indulged in every wild wish of her gay heart or giddy head; but contradiction may be softened by domestic kindness, and quiet pleasures substituted in the place of noisy ones. Public amusements are not indeed so expensive as is sometimes imagined, but they tend to alienate the minds of married people from each other. A well chosen society of friends and acquaintance, more eminent for virtue and good sense than for gaiety and splendor, where the conversation of the day may afford comment for the evening, seems the most rational pleasure this great town can afford.

That your own superiority should always be seen, but never felt, seems an excellent general rule. A wife should outshine her husband in nothing, not even in her dress. The bane of married happiness among the city men in general has been, that finding themselves unfit for polite life, they transferred their vanity to their ladies, dressed them up gaily, and sent them out a gallanting, while the good man was to regale with port wine or rum punch, perhaps among mean companions, after the compting house was shut. This practice produced the ridicule thrown on them in all our comedies and novels since commerce began to prosper. But now that I am so near the subject, a word or two on jealousy may not be amiss; for though not a failing of the present age's growth, yet the seeds of it are too certainly sown in every warm bosom, for us to neglect it as a fault of no consequence. If you are ever tempted to be jealous, watch your wife narrowly--but never tease her; tell her your jealousy but conceal your suspicion; let her, in short, be satisfied that it is only your odd temper, and even troublesome attachment, that makes you follow her; but let her not dream that you ever doubted seriously of her virtue even for a moment. If she is disposed towards jealousy of you, let me beseech you to be always explicit with her and never mysterious: be above delighting in her pain, of all things--nor do your business nor pay your visits with an air of concealment, when all you are doing might as well be proclaimed perhaps in the parish vestry. But I hope better than this of your tenderness and of your virtue, and will release you from a lecture you have so little need of, unless your extreme youth and my uncommon regard will excuse it. And now farewell; make my kindest compliments to your wife, and be happy in proportion as happiness is wished you by, Dear Sir, &c.

GARRICK'S ADVICE TO MARRIED LADIES.

Ye fair married dames who so often deplore That a lover once blest is a lover no more; Attend to my counsel, nor blush to be taught That prudence must cherish what beauty has caught.

The bloom on your cheek, and the glance of your eye, Your roses and lilies may make the men sigh; But roses, and lilies, and sighs pass away, And passion will die as your beauties decay.

Use the man that you wed like your fav'rite guitar, Though music in both, they are both apt to jar; How tuneful and soft from a delicate touch, Not handled too roughly, nor play'd on too much!

The sparrow and linnet will feed from your hand, Grow tame by your kindness, and come at command: Exert with your husband the same happy skill, For hearts, like your birds, may be tamed to your will.

Be gay and good-humour'd, complying and kind, Turn the chief of your care from your face to your mind; 'Tis thus that a wife may her conquests improve, And Hymen shall rivet the fetters of love.

ORIGIN OF NUNNERIES.

Soon after the introduction of Christianity, St. Mark is said to have founded a society called Therapeutes, who dwelt by the lake Moeris in Egypt, and devoted themselves to solitude and religious offices. About the year 305 of the christian computation, St. Anthony being persecuted by Dioclesian, retired into the desert near the lake Moeris; numbers of people soon followed his example, joined themselves to the Therapeutes; St. Anthony being placed at their head, and improving upon their rules, first formed them into regular monasteries, and enjoined them to live in mortification and chastity. About the same time, or soon after, St. Synclitica, resolving not to be behind St. Anthony in her zeal for chastity, is generally believed to have collected together a number of enthusiastic females, and to have founded the first nunnery for their reception. Some imagine the scheme of celibacy was concerted between St. Anthony and St. Synclitica, as St. Anthony, on his first retiring into solitude, is said to have put his sister into a nunnery, which must have been that of St. Synclitica; but however this be, from their institution, monks and nuns increased so fast, that in the city of Orixa, about seventeen years after the death of St. Anthony, there were twenty thousand virgins devoted to celibacy.

Such at this time was the rage of celibacy; a rage which, however unnatural, will cease to excite our wonder, when we consider, that it was accounted by both sexes the sure and only infallible road to heaven and eternal happiness; and as such, it behoved the church vigorously to maintain and countenance it, which she did by beginning about this time to deny the liberty of marriage to her sons. In the first council of Nice, held soon after the introduction of christianity, the celibacy of the clergy was strenuously argued for, and some think that even in an earlier period it had been the subject of debate; however this be, it was not agreed to in the council of Nice, though at the end of the fourth century it is said that Syricus, bishop of Rome, enacted the first decree against the marriage of monks; a decree which was not universally received: for several centuries after, we find that it was not uncommon for clergymen to have wives; even the popes were allowed this liberty, as it is said in some of the old statutes of the church, that it was lawful for the pope to marry a virgin for the sake of having children. So exceedingly difficult is it to combat against nature, that little regard seems to have been paid to this decree of Syricus; for we are informed, that several centuries after, it was no uncommon thing for the clergy to have wives, and perhaps even a plurality of them; as we find it among the ordonnances of pope Sylvester, that every priest should be the husband of one wife only; and Pius the Second affirmed, that though many strong reasons might be adduced in support of the celibacy of the clergy, there were still stronger reasons against it.

DESCRIPTION OF THE GREAT CONVENT AT AJUDA IN RIO JANERIO.

At the end of the chapel is a large quadrangle, entered by a massive gateway, surrounded by three stories of grated windows. Here female negro pedlars come with their goods, and expose them in the court-yard below. The nuns, from their grated windows above, see what they like, and, letting down a cord, the article is fastened to it; it is then drawn up and examined, and, if approved of, the price is let down. Some that I saw in the act of buying and selling in this way, were very merry, joking and laughing with the blacks below, and did not seem at all indisposed to do the same with my companion. In three of the lower windows, on a level with the court-yard, are revolving cupboards, like half-barrels, and at the back of each is a plate of tin, perforated like the top of a nutmeg-grater. The nuns of this convent are celebrated for making sweet confectionary, which people purchase. There is a bell which the purchaser applies to, and a nun peeps through the perforated tin; she then lays the dish on a shelf of the revolving cupboard, and turns it inside out; the dish is taken, the price laid in its place, and it is turned in. While we stood there, the invisible lady-warder asked for a pinch of snuff; the box was laid down in the same way, and turned in and out.

CEREMONY OF THE INITIATION OF A NUN.

The disposition to take the veil, even among young girls, is not uncommon in Brazil. The opposition of friends can prevent it, until they are twenty five years old; but after that time they are considered competent to decide for themselves. A writer describes the initiation of a young lady, whose wealthy parents were extremely reluctant to have her take the vow. She held a lighted torch in her hand, in imitation of the prudent virgins; and when the priest chanted, "Your spouse approaches; come forth and meet him," she approached the altar singing, "I follow with my whole heart;" and, accompanied by two nuns already professed, she knelt before the bishop. She seemed very lovely, with an unusually sweet, gentle, and pensive countenance. She did not look particularly or deeply affected; but when she sung her responses, there was something exceedingly mournful in the soft, tremulous, and timid tones of her voice. The bishop now exhorted her to make a public profession of her vows before the congregation, and said, "Will you persevere in your purpose of holy chastity?" She blushed deeply, and, with a downcast look, lowly, but firmly answered, "I will." He again said, more distinctly, "Do you promise to preserve it?" and she replied more emphatically, "I do promise." The bishop then said, "Thanks be to God;" and she bent forward and reverently kissed his hand, while he asked her, "Will you be blest and consecrated?" She replied, "Oh! I wish it."

The habiliments, in which she was hereafter to be clothed, were sanctified by the aspersion of holy water: then followed several prayers to God, that "As he had blessed the garments of Aaron, with ointment which flowed from his head to his beard, so he would now bless the garments of his servant, with the copious dew of his benediction." When the garment was thus blessed, the girl retired with it; and having laid aside the dress in which she had appeared, she returned, arrayed in her new attire, except her veil. A gold ring was next provided, and consecrated with a prayer, that she who wore it "might be fortified with celestial virtue, to preserve a pure faith, and incorrupt fidelity to her spouse, Jesus Christ." He last took the veil, and her female attendants having uncovered her head, he threw it over her, so that it fell on her shoulders and bosom, and said, "Receive this sacred veil, under the shadow of which you may learn to despise the world, and submit yourself truly, and with all humility of heart, to your Spouse;" to which she sung a response, in a very sweet, soft, and touching voice: "He has placed this veil before my face that I should see no lover but himself."

The bishop now kindly took her hand, and held it while the following hymn was chanted by the choir with great harmony: "Beloved Spouse, come--the winter is passed--the turtle sings, and the blooming vines are redolent of summer."

A crown, a necklace, and other female ornaments, were now taken by the bishop and separately blessed; and the girl bending forward, he placed them on her head and neck, praying that she might be thought worthy "to be enrolled into the society of the hundred and forty-four thousand virgins, who preserved their chastity and did not mix with the society of impure women."

Last of all, he placed the ring on the middle finger of her right hand, and solemnly said, "So I marry you to Jesus Christ, who will henceforth be your protector. Receive this ring, the pledge of your faith, that you may be called the spouse of God." She fell on her knees, and sung, "I am married to him whom angels serve, whose beauty the sun and moon admire;" then rising, and showing with exultation her right hand, she said, emphatically, as if to impress it on the attention of the congregation, "My Lord has wedded me with this ring, and decorated me with a crown as his spouse. I here renounce and despise all earthly ornaments for his sake, whom alone I see, whom alone I love, in whom alone I trust, and to whom alone I give all my affections. My heart hath uttered a good word: I speak of the deed I have done for my King." The bishop then pronounced a general benediction, and retired up to the altar; while the nun professed was borne off between her friends, with lighted tapers, and garlands waving.

WEDDED LOVE IS INFINITELY PREFERABLE TO VARIETY.

Hail, wedded love, mysterious law, true source Of human offspring, sole propriety, In Paradise of all things common else!

By thee adult'rous lust was driven from men, Among the bestial herds to range; by thee, Founded in reason, loyal, just and pure, Relations dear, and all the charities Of father, son, and brother, first were known.

Thou art the fountain of domestic sweets, Whose bed is undefiled and chaste pronounced. Here Love his golden shafts employs, here lights His constant lamp, and waves his purple wings, Reigns here and revels; not in the bought smile Of harlots, loveless, joyless, unendear'd, Casual fruition; nor in court amours, Mix'd dance, or wanton mask, or midnight ball, Or serenade, which the starved lover sings To his proud fair, best quitted with disdain.

ITALIAN DEBAUCHERY.