SCENE III.--_An apartment at MISS SNARE'S--A glass door at the back--A

screen on the L.--Two chairs._

_Enter PINKEY and BOSS, D.F._

BOSS. Now, my man, you _must_ make up your mind, you can't be in finer order for popping the question; you have just finished your three pints of claret, your lady has this moment called with Damper and the mysterious gentleman that tea'd here yesterday, and you can't have a better opportunity.

PIN. _(A little elevated.)_ I'm sure I can't, I feel quite brimful of words, overflowing with good three, four, and five-syllable, words. Lord, I think I could now stand on my legs and talk for an hour or two without stopping for breath. I only want the subject matter.

BOSS. You can't have a more inspiring theme than your love for your lady.

PIN. You and Miss Snare talk a great deal together; I've heard you when you didn't know it. What do you talk about? Tell me, do--some people always seem to have to say so much to one another, that I can't, for the life of me, make out what they can have converse upon.

BOSS. You would gain little by knowing what passes between _us_.

PIN. Why?

BOSS. We merely admire each other's good qualities.

PIN. As much as to say, I've none for anybody to admire--I understand you--but I have though.

BOSS. Oh, no doubt. You may be hiding your candle under a bushel.

PIN. That's it--I _have_ a light--I feel I have a light, I'm only afraid, if I attempt to show it, it will go out.

[_MISS SKYLARK is heard singing._

BOSS. She's coming, I'll leave you together.

PIN. Oh, don't, I am not quite ready; that is, I don't feel quite so desperate as I did just now.

BOSS. Come, come, pop at once; and then, like a conquering hero, take her on your arm to this party that we are all invited to. We have arranged the opportunity for you, step behind this screen.

PIN. Why?

BOSS. It's necessary.

PIN. Do all people step behind screens when they propose to marry?

BOSS. Too many, I'm afraid.

PIN. Ah! but matrimony soon kicks the screen down, don't it? I wish we could be married without this awful ceremony of proposing. Why can't people make telegraphic signs? what a deal of trouble it would save.

[_MISS SNARE, heard without._

MISS SNA. Step this way, my dear.

[_BOSS puts PINKEY behind the screen._

_MISS SKYLARK enters following MISS SNARE, D.F._

MISS SKY. For what?

MISS SNA. Ah! Mr. Narcissus, I was looking for you. _(She beckons to BOSS.)_ Take a seat for one moment, I beg.

[_MISS SKYLARK sits; BOSS and MISS SNARE run off D.F.; BOSS locks the door, holds up the key, and disappears._

MISS SKY. What is the meaning of this? The door locked upon me. Miss Snare! _(Calling at the door.)_ Let me out, I'm so nervous when I'm in a room by myself, pray, let me out. _(Coming forward.)_ Very strange conduct, to ask me to step into this room, and then turn the key upon me. What can it mean?

[_PINKEY sighs, very audibly, behind the screen._

MISS SKY. _(Alarmed.)_ Oh! what's that? it seems like the groan of a criminal full of remorse: surely no one can be in the room. I thought the sound came from behind that screen. Hem! _(Coughs.)_ I wish I could get courage to peep.

[_She sings to gain courage--passing cautiously behind the screen. PINKEY, at the same time, comes round in front, then takes his place at the back of it as she re-appears._

No one is there--there are no closets--no other door than that. I'm getting frightened, upon my honor I am--it must have been my fancy. Well, all I can do is to sit quiet till my friends are disposed to set me at liberty. I really feel inclined to scream.

[_She sits in the chair. PINKEY comes forward, and gently places a chair by the side of her._

PIN. Hem!

[_She screams and falls on her knees. DAMPER, MISS SNARE, BOSS and CHESTER, are seen watching them through the glass door._

MISS SKY. Oh! what's that?--I can't look I'm sure its something frightful.

PIN. _(Falling on his knees beside her.)_ Now for it, I'm at high popping pressure. Angelic creature--dearest of women--I love you to distraction--I shall never be happy without you, you are necessary to my life--I never loved anybody but you--never _can_ love anybody but you--I've got four hundred a year, an uncle with a row of houses, and an aunt with money in the bank--I'm the only nephew--I'm in both their wills--you are all to me, Oh, that I were all to you--in short--in fact--in a few words--will you be mine? There!

MISS SKY. _(Recovers herself during his speech and rises.)_ No.

PIN. Oh, good gracious! You don't mean it?

MISS SKY. I do, sir, I have heard of you; you proposed to another lady last night.

PIN. Oh, so I did.

MISS SKY. You confess it, do you; and, because you were rejected there, sir, you have summoned all the courage you are capable of to address me.

PIN. Let me explain.

MISS SKY. Monster, away.

[_PINKEY, terrified, jumps up, runs to the door and calls out._

PIN. Let me out, pray, let me out; I've popped and it's no use. Let me out.

[_They hold the door fast laughing at PINKEY; BOSS, at length opens it; PINKEY darts out; MISS SNARE, BOSS, and DAMPER enter._

MISS SNA. (R.) What is the matter, have you refused him?

MISS SKY. (C.) Certainly. As I was coming here I met Miss Macaw, and it appears that Mr. Pinkey actually proposed to her last night.

DAM. (L.) Proposed to her!

MISS SKY. And she asked me, if I should meet him, to say that she particularly wishes to see him this evening. Could you have thought it? _I_ shall not give him any further encouragement. Who next will he propose to, I wonder?

DAM. Oho! my lady's coquetry is now accounted for. What a sex it is! the more I associate with it, the more I discover to detest in it. Miss Skylark, next to Miss Macaw, I dislike you more than any woman I know. I am going to a party--I am priviledged to take a lady. Will you accept my arm?

MISS SKY. To the manor-house?

DAM. Yes.

MISS SKY. I should like very much to go. I am so curious to discover who it is that shows such an anxiety to make our acquaintance.

DAM. Take my arm. _(MISS SKYLARK takes DAMPER'S arm.)_ That I should ever be walking with a woman in this way. Well, one can only obtain a knowledge of a pestilence by boldly venturing where it rages. Come, of course I am to be annoyed all the way there by your horrible singing propensity.

MISS SKY. _(Sings.)_

"Oh, come with me, my love, And our fairy home shall be Where the water spirits rove, In the deep, deep sea."

[_DAMPER looks savagely at her as they go off, D.F._

BOSS. Really, the courting people seem all to be getting to cross purposes! Ah, there is nothing like a platonic affection, is there, Miss Snare?

MISS SNA. I have no faith in platonic affections.

BOSS. No!

MISS SNA. We might as well think of playing at snow-balls in July. The ice-cellar of propriety may yield the snow, but the moment it becomes exposed to the warm air of temptation, it dissolves into its original liquid!

BOSS. 'Pon my life you're a philosopher in petticoats--you certainly wear a hoop from the tub of Diogenes!

MISS SNA. Oh, flatterer.

BOSS. Fact, really.

MISS SNA. I trust that I possess the candle of the sage, and have used it with more success than he did.

BOSS. How?

MISS SNA. That with its light I have discovered in you, not only an honest, but an elegant man. _(Crosses to L.)_

BOSS. You're a divinity!

MISS SNA. Oh!

BOSS. You are; and as I am no stoic, I must have a kiss. _(Offers to kiss her.)_

MISS SNA. _(Repulsing him with great dignity.)_ Sir, that is a liberty I do _not_ allow--there are certain bounds to familiarity, which once passed, we are in the highway of contempt. We have merely been friends, not lovers. You could not venture on a greater piece of indecorum, even after an accepted proposal! Good evening sir!

[_Exit D.F., courtesying._

BOSS. How very odd! This is the effect of dining with Pinkey, and yielding to a generous impulse. I hope she's not seriously offended--hang it, I shall be wretched without her; for I have never before felt so at home and so perfectly amused, as I have been in her society. What can it mean? very strange. The fact is, I think the women _are_ pleasant creatures after all; and I've not been sufficiently alive to their qualities! I'll try another--I'll see who else I can take to this party--must have a lady on my arm it seems. Perhaps Miss Snare will forgive me. If she's in her parlour, I'll tap at the door, and threaten to cut my throat if she don't; for upon my life I feel miserable enough to do it--fact! _(Takes out a pocket glass and adjusts his hair.)_ No, I couldn't! _(Regarding himself in the glass.)_ No, my fine fellow--now I look at you again, under no circumstances could I do _that!_ _(Admiring himself.)_ Upon my soul I couldn't--it would be a pity! No, no, don't be afraid, my man, I'll take every care of you, as long as I live.

[_Exit D.F._