Chapter 8
Pro. Cease to lament for that thou canst not helpe, And study helpe for that which thou lament'st, Time is the Nurse, and breeder of all good; Here, if thou stay, thou canst not see thy loue: Besides, thy staying will abridge thy life: Hope is a louers staffe, walke hence with that And manage it, against despairing thoughts: Thy letters may be here, though thou art hence, Which, being writ to me, shall be deliuer'd Euen in the milke-white bosome of thy Loue. The time now serues not to expostulate, Come, Ile conuey thee through the City-gate. And ere I part with thee, confer at large Of all that may concerne thy Loue-affaires: As thou lou'st Siluia (though not for thy selfe) Regard thy danger, and along with me
Val. I pray thee Launce, and if thou seest my Boy Bid him make haste, and meet me at the North-gate
Pro. Goe sirha, finde him out: Come Valentine
Val. Oh my deere Siluia; haplesse Valentine
Launce. I am but a foole, looke you, and yet I haue the wit to thinke my Master is a kinde of a knaue: but that's all one, if he be but one knaue: He liues not now that knowes me to be in loue, yet I am in loue, but a Teeme of horse shall not plucke that from me: nor who 'tis I loue: and yet 'tis a woman; but what woman, I will not tell my selfe: and yet 'tis a Milke-maid: yet 'tis not a maid: for shee hath had Gossips: yet 'tis a maid, for she is her Masters maid, and serues for wages. Shee hath more qualities then a Water-Spaniell, which is much in a bare Christian: Heere is the Catelog of her Condition. Inprimis. Shee can fetch and carry: why a horse can doe no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch, but onely carry, therefore is shee better then a Iade. Item. She can milke, looke you, a sweet vertue in a maid with cleane hands
Speed. How now Signior Launce? what newes with your Mastership? La. With my Mastership? why, it is at Sea: Sp. Well, your old vice still: mistake the word: what newes then in your paper? La. The black'st newes that euer thou heard'st
Sp. Why man? how blacke? La. Why, as blacke as Inke
Sp. Let me read them? La. Fie on thee Iolt-head, thou canst not read
Sp. Thou lyest: I can
La. I will try thee: tell me this: who begot thee? Sp. Marry, the son of my Grand-father
La. Oh illiterate loyterer; it was the sonne of thy Grand-mother: this proues that thou canst not read
Sp. Come foole, come: try me in thy paper
La. There: and S[aint]. Nicholas be thy speed
Sp. Inprimis she can milke
La. I that she can
Sp. Item, she brewes good Ale
La. And thereof comes the prouerbe: (Blessing of your heart, you brew good Ale.) Sp. Item, she can sowe
La. That's as much as to say (Can she so?) Sp. Item she can knit
La. What neede a man care for a stock with a wench, When she can knit him a stocke? Sp. Item, she can wash and scoure
La. A speciall vertue: for then shee neede not be wash'd, and scowr'd
Sp. Item, she can spin
La. Then may I set the world on wheeles, when she can spin for her liuing
Sp. Item, she hath many namelesse vertues
La. That's as much as to say Bastard-vertues: that indeede know not their fathers; and therefore haue no names
Sp. Here follow her vices
La. Close at the heeles of her vertues
Sp. Item, shee is not to be fasting in respect of her breath
La. Well: that fault may be mended with a breakfast: read on
Sp. Item, she hath a sweet mouth
La. That makes amends for her soure breath
Sp. Item, she doth talke in her sleepe
La. It's no matter for that; so shee sleepe not in her talke
Sp. Item, she is slow in words
La. Oh villaine, that set this downe among her vices; To be slow in words, is a womans onely vertue: I pray thee out with't, and place it for her chiefe vertue
Sp. Item, she is proud
La. Out with that too: It was Eues legacie, and cannot be t'ane from her
Sp. Item, she hath no teeth
La. I care not for that neither: because I loue crusts
Sp. Item, she is curst
La. Well: the best is, she hath no teeth to bite
Sp. Item, she will often praise her liquor
La. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised
Sp. Item, she is too liberall
La. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ downe she is slow of: of her purse, shee shall not, for that ile keepe shut: Now, of another thing shee may, and that cannot I helpe. Well, proceede
Sp. Item, shee hath more haire then wit, and more faults then haires, and more wealth then faults
La. Stop there: Ile haue her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last Article: rehearse that once more
Sp. Item, she hath more haire then wit
La. More haire then wit: it may be ile proue it: The couer of the salt, hides the salt, and therefore it is more then the salt; the haire that couers the wit, is more then the wit; for the greater hides the lesse: What's next? Sp. And more faults then haires
La. That's monstrous: oh that that were out
Sp. And more wealth then faults
La. Why that word makes the faults gracious: Well, ile haue her: and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible
Sp. What then? La. Why then, will I tell thee, that thy Master staies for thee at the North gate
Sp. For me? La. For thee? I, who art thou? he hath staid for a better man then thee
Sp. And must I goe to him? La. Thou must run to him; for thou hast staid so long, that going will scarce serue the turne
Sp. Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your loue Letters
La. Now will he be swing'd for reading my Letter; An vnmannerly slaue, that will thrust himselfe into secrets: Ile after, to reioyce in the boyes correctio[n].
Exeunt.
Scena Secunda.
Enter Duke, Thurio, Protheus.
Du. Sir Thurio, feare not, but that she will loue you Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight
Th. Since his exile she hath despis'd me most, Forsworne my company, and rail'd at me, That I am desperate of obtaining her
Du. This weake impresse of Loue, is as a figure Trenched in ice, which with an houres heate Dissolues to water, and doth loose his forme. A little time will melt her frozen thoughts, And worthlesse Valentine shall be forgot. How now sir Protheus, is your countriman (According to our Proclamation) gon? Pro. Gon, my good Lord
Du. My daughter takes his going grieuously? Pro. A little time (my Lord) will kill that griefe
Du. So I beleeue: but Thurio thinkes not so: Protheus, the good conceit I hold of thee, (For thou hast showne some signe of good desert) Makes me the better to confer with thee
Pro. Longer then I proue loyall to your Grace, Let me not liue, to looke vpon your Grace
Du. Thou know'st how willingly, I would effect The match betweene sir Thurio, and my daughter? Pro. I doe my Lord
Du. And also, I thinke, thou art not ignorant How she opposes her against my will? Pro. She did my Lord, when Valentine was here
Du. I, and peruersly, she perseuers so: What might we doe to make the girle forget The loue of Valentine, and loue sir Thurio? Pro. The best way is, to slander Valentine, With falsehood, cowardize, and poore discent: Three things, that women highly hold in hate
Du. I, but she'll thinke, that it is spoke in hate
Pro. I, if his enemy deliuer it. Therefore it must with circumstance be spoken By one, whom she esteemeth as his friend
Du. Then you must vndertake to slander him
Pro. And that (my Lord) I shall be loath to doe: 'Tis an ill office for a Gentleman, Especially against his very friend
Du. Where your good word cannot aduantage him, Your slander neuer can endamage him; Therefore the office is indifferent, Being intreated to it by your friend
Pro. You haue preuail'd (my Lord) if I can doe it By ought that I can speake in his dispraise, She shall not long continue loue to him: But say this weede her loue from Valentine, It followes not that she will loue sir Thurio
Th. Therefore, as you vnwinde her loue from him; Least it should rauell, and be good to none, You must prouide to bottome it on me: Which must be done, by praising me as much As you, in worth dispraise, sir Valentine
Du. And Protheus, we dare trust you in this kinde, Because we know (on Valentines report) You are already loues firme votary, And cannot soone reuolt, and change your minde. Vpon this warrant, shall you haue accesse, Where you, with Siluia, may conferre at large. For she is lumpish, heauy, mellancholly, And (for your friends sake) will be glad of you; Where you may temper her, by your perswasion, To hate yong Valentine, and loue my friend
Pro. As much as I can doe, I will effect: But you sir Thurio, are not sharpe enough: You must lay Lime, to tangle her desires By walefull Sonnets, whose composed Rimes Should be full fraught with seruiceable vowes
Du. I, much is the force of heauen-bred Poesie
Pro. Say that vpon the altar of her beauty You sacrifice your teares, your sighes, your heart: Write till your inke be dry: and with your teares Moist it againe: and frame some feeling line, That may discouer such integrity: For Orpheus Lute, was strung with Poets sinewes, Whose golden touch could soften steele and stones; Make Tygers tame, and huge Leuiathans Forsake vnsounded deepes, to dance on Sands. After your dire-lamenting Elegies, Visit by night your Ladies chamber-window With some sweet Consort; To their Instruments Tune a deploring dumpe: the nights dead silence Will well become such sweet complaining grieuance: This, or else nothing, will inherit her
Du. This discipline, showes thou hast bin in loue
Th. And thy aduice, this night, ile put in practise: Therefore, sweet Protheus, my direction-giuer, Let vs into the City presently To sort some Gentlemen, well skil'd in Musicke. I haue a Sonnet, that will serue the turne To giue the on-set to thy good aduise
Du. About it Gentlemen
Pro. We'll wait vpon your Grace, till after Supper, And afterward determine our proceedings
Du. Euen now about it, I will pardon you.
Exeunt.
Actus Quartus. Scoena Prima.
Enter Valentine, Speed, and certaine Out-lawes.
1.Outl. Fellowes, stand fast: I see a passenger
2.Out. If there be ten, shrinke not, but down with 'em
3.Out. Stand sir, and throw vs that you haue about 'ye. If not: we'll make you sit, and rifle you
Sp. Sir we are vndone; these are the Villaines That all the Trauailers doe feare so much
Val. My friends
1.Out. That's not so, sir: we are your enemies
2.Out. Peace: we'll heare him
3.Out. I by my beard will we: for he is a proper man
Val. Then know that I haue little wealth to loose; A man I am, cross'd with aduersitie: My riches, are these poore habiliments, Of which, if you should here disfurnish me, You take the sum and substance that I haue
2.Out. Whether trauell you? Val. To Verona
1.Out. Whence came you? Val. From Millaine
3.Out. Haue you long soiourn'd there? Val. Some sixteene moneths, and longer might haue staid, If crooked fortune had not thwarted me
1.Out. What, were you banish'd thence? Val. I was
2.Out. For what offence? Val. For that which now torments me to rehearse; I kil'd a man, whose death I much repent, But yet I slew him manfully, in fight, Without false vantage, or base treachery
1.Out. Why nere repent it, if it were done so; But were you banisht for so small a fault? Val. I was, and held me glad of such a doome
2.Out. Haue you the Tongues? Val. My youthfull trauaile, therein made me happy, Or else I often had beene often miserable
3.Out. By the bare scalpe of Robin Hoods fat Fryer, This fellow were a King, for our wilde faction
1.Out. We'll haue him: Sirs, a word
Sp. Master, be one of them: It's an honourable kinde of theeuery
Val. Peace villaine
2.Out. Tell vs this: haue you any thing to take to? Val. Nothing but my fortune
3.Out. Know then, that some of vs are Gentlemen, Such as the fury of vngouern'd youth Thrust from the company of awfull men. My selfe was from Verona banished, For practising to steale away a Lady, And heire and Neece, alide vnto the Duke
2.Out. And I from Mantua, for a Gentleman, Who, in my moode, I stab'd vnto the heart
1.Out. And I, for such like petty crimes as these. But to the purpose: for we cite our faults, That they may hold excus'd our lawlesse liues; And partly seeing you are beautifide With goodly shape; and by your owne report, A Linguist, and a man of such perfection, As we doe in our quality much want
2.Out. Indeede because you are a banish'd man, Therefore, aboue the rest, we parley to you: Are you content to be our Generall? To make a vertue of necessity, And liue as we doe in this wildernesse? 3.Out. What saist thou? wilt thou be of our consort? Say I, and be the captaine of vs all: We'll doe thee homage, and be rul'd by thee, Loue thee, as our Commander, and our King
1.Out. But if thou scorne our curtesie, thou dyest
2.Out. Thou shalt not liue, to brag what we haue offer'd
Val. I take your offer, and will liue with you, Prouided that you do no outrages On silly women, or poore passengers
3.Out. No, we detest such vile base practises. Come, goe with vs, we'll bring thee to our Crewes, And show thee all the Treasure we haue got; Which, with our selues, all rest at thy dispose.
Exeunt.
Scoena Secunda.
Enter Protheus, Thurio, Iulia, Host, Musitian, Siluia.
Pro. Already haue I bin false to Valentine, And now I must be as vniust to Thurio, Vnder the colour of commending him, I haue accesse my owne loue to prefer. But Siluia is too faire, too true, too holy, To be corrupted with my worthlesse guifts; When I protest true loyalty to her, She twits me with my falsehood to my friend; When to her beauty I commend my vowes, She bids me thinke how I haue bin forsworne In breaking faith with Iulia, whom I lou'd; And notwithstanding all her sodaine quips, The least whereof would quell a louers hope: Yet (Spaniel-like) the more she spurnes my loue, The more it growes, and fawneth on her still; But here comes Thurio; now must we to her window, And giue some euening Musique to her eare
Th. How now, sir Protheus, are you crept before vs? Pro. I gentle Thurio, for you know that loue Will creepe in seruice, where it cannot goe
Th. I, but I hope, Sir, that you loue not here
Pro. Sir, but I doe: or else I would be hence
Th. Who, Siluia? Pro. I, Siluia, for your sake
Th. I thanke you for your owne: Now Gentlemen Let's tune: and too it lustily a while
Ho. Now, my yong guest; me thinks your' allycholly; I pray you why is it? Iu. Marry (mine Host) because I cannot be merry
Ho. Come, we'll haue you merry: ile bring you where you shall heare Musique, and see the Gentleman that you ask'd for
Iu. But shall I heare him speake
Ho. I that you shall
Iu. That will be Musique
Ho. Harke, harke
Iu. Is he among these? Ho. I: but peace, let's heare'm
Song. Who is Siluia? what is she? That all our Swaines commend her? Holy, faire, and wise is she, The heauen such grace did lend her, that she might admired be. Is she kinde as she is faire? For beauty liues with kindnesse: Loue doth to her eyes repaire, To helpe him of his blindnesse: And being help'd, inhabits there. Then to Siluia, let vs sing, That Siluia is excelling; She excels each mortall thing Vpon the dull earth dwelling. To her let vs Garlands bring
Ho. How now? are you sadder then you were before; How doe you, man? the Musicke likes you not
Iu. You mistake: the Musitian likes me not
Ho. Why, my pretty youth? Iu. He plaies false (father.) Ho. How, out of tune on the strings
Iu. Not so: but yet So false that he grieues my very heart-strings
Ho. You haue a quicke eare
Iu. I, I would I were deafe: it makes me haue a slow heart
Ho. I perceiue you delight not in Musique
Iu. Not a whit, when it iars so
Ho. Harke, what fine change is in the Musique
Iu. I: that change is the spight
Ho. You would haue them alwaies play but one thing
Iu. I would alwaies haue one play but one thing. But Host, doth this Sir Protheus, that we talke on, Often resort vnto this Gentlewoman? Ho. I tell you what Launce his man told me, He lou'd her out of all nicke
Iu. Where is Launce? Ho. Gone to seeke his dog, which to morrow, by his Masters command, hee must carry for a present to his Lady
Iu. Peace, stand aside, the company parts
Pro. Sir Thurio, feare not you, I will so pleade, That you shall say, my cunning drift excels
Th. Where meete we? Pro. At Saint Gregories well
Th. Farewell
Pro. Madam: good eu'n to your Ladiship
Sil. I thanke you for your Musique (Gentlemen) Who is that that spake? Pro. One (Lady) if you knew his pure hearts truth, You would quickly learne to know him by his voice
Sil. Sir Protheus, as I take it
Pro. Sir Protheus (gentle Lady) and your Seruant
Sil. What's your will? Pro. That I may compasse yours
Sil. You haue your wish: my will is euen this, That presently you hie you home to bed: Thou subtile, periur'd, false, disloyall man: Think'st thou I am so shallow, so conceitlesse, To be seduced by thy flattery, That has't deceiu'd so many with thy vowes? Returne, returne, and make thy loue amends: For me (by this pale queene of night I sweare) I am so farre from granting thy request, That I despise thee, for thy wrongfull suite; And by and by intend to chide my selfe, Euen for this time I spend in talking to thee
Pro. I grant (sweet loue) that I did loue a Lady, But she is dead
Iu. 'Twere false, if I should speake it; For I am sure she is not buried
Sil. Say that she be: yet Valentine thy friend Suruiues; to whom (thy selfe art witnesse) I am betroth'd; and art thou not asham'd To wrong him, with thy importunacy? Pro. I likewise heare that Valentine is dead
Sil. And so suppose am I; for in her graue Assure thy selfe, my loue is buried
Pro. Sweet Lady, let me rake it from the earth
Sil. Goe to thy Ladies graue and call hers thence, Or at the least, in hers, sepulcher thine
Iul. He heard not that
Pro. Madam: if your heart be so obdurate: Vouchsafe me yet your Picture for my loue, The Picture that is hanging in your chamber: To that ile speake, to that ile sigh and weepe: For since the substance of your perfect selfe Is else deuoted, I am but a shadow; And to your shadow, will I make true loue
Iul. If 'twere a substance you would sure deceiue it, And make it but a shadow, as I am
Sil. I am very loath to be your Idoll Sir; But, since your falsehood shall become you well To worship shadowes, and adore false shapes, Send to me in the morning, and ile send it: And so, good rest
Pro. As wretches haue ore-night That wait for execution in the morne
Iul. Host, will you goe? Ho. By my hallidome, I was fast asleepe
Iul. Pray you, where lies Sir Protheus? Ho. Marry, at my house: Trust me, I thinke 'tis almost day
Iul. Not so: but it hath bin the longest night That ere I watch'd, and the most heauiest.
Scoena Tertia.
Enter Eglamore, Siluia.
Eg. This is the houre that Madam Siluia Entreated me to call, and know her minde: Ther's some great matter she'ld employ me in. Madam, Madam
Sil. Who cals? Eg. Your seruant, and your friend; One that attends your Ladiships command
Sil. Sir Eglamore, a thousand times good morrow
Eg. As many (worthy Lady) to your selfe: According to your Ladiships impose, I am thus early come, to know what seruice It is your pleasure to command me in
Sil. Oh Eglamoure, thou art a Gentleman: Thinke not I flatter (for I sweare I doe not) Valiant, wise, remorse-full, well accomplish'd. Thou art not ignorant what deere good will I beare vnto the banish'd Valentine: Nor how my father would enforce me marry Vaine Thurio (whom my very soule abhor'd.) Thy selfe hast lou'd, and I haue heard thee say No griefe did euer come so neere thy heart, As when thy Lady, and thy true-loue dide, Vpon whose Graue thou vow'dst pure chastitie: Sir Eglamoure: I would to Valentine To Mantua, where I heare, he makes aboad; And for the waies are dangerous to passe, I doe desire thy worthy company, Vpon whose faith and honor, I repose. Vrge not my fathers anger (Eglamoure) But thinke vpon my griefe (a Ladies griefe) And on the iustice of my flying hence, To keepe me from a most vnholy match, Which heauen and fortune still rewards with plagues. I doe desire thee, euen from a heart As full of sorrowes, as the Sea of sands, To beare me company, and goe with me: If not, to hide what I haue said to thee, That I may venture to depart alone
Egl. Madam, I pitty much your grieuances, Which, since I know they vertuously are plac'd, I giue consent to goe along with you, Wreaking as little what betideth me, As much, I wish all good befortune you. When will you goe? Sil. This euening comming
Eg. Where shall I meete you? Sil. At Frier Patrickes Cell, Where I intend holy Confession
Eg. I will not faile your Ladiship: Good morrow (gentle Lady.) Sil. Good morrow, kinde Sir Eglamoure.
Exeunt.
Scena Quarta.
Enter Launce, Protheus, Iulia, Siluia.
Lau. When a mans seruant shall play the Curre with him (looke you) it goes hard: one that I brought vp of a puppy: one that I sau'd from drowning, when three or foure of his blinde brothers and sisters went to it: I haue taught him (euen as one would say precisely, thus I would teach a dog) I was sent to deliuer him, as a present to Mistris Siluia, from my Master; and I came no sooner into the dyning-chamber, but he steps me to her Trencher, and steales her Capons-leg: O, 'tis a foule thing, when a Cur cannot keepe himselfe in all companies: I would haue (as one should say) one that takes vpon him to be a dog indeede, to be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit then he, to take a fault vpon me that he did, I thinke verily hee had bin hang'd for't: sure as I liue he had suffer'd for't: you shall iudge: Hee thrusts me himselfe into the company of three or foure gentleman-like-dogs, vnder the Dukes table: hee had not bin there (blesse the marke) a pissing while, but all the chamber smelt him: out with the dog (saies one) what cur is that (saies another) whip him out (saies the third) hang him vp (saies the Duke.) I hauing bin acquainted with the smell before, knew it was Crab; and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogges: friend (quoth I) you meane to whip the dog: I marry doe I (quoth he) you doe him the more wrong (quoth I) 'twas I did the thing you wot of: he makes me no more adoe, but whips me out of the chamber: how many Masters would doe this for his Seruant? nay, ile be sworne I haue sat in the stockes, for puddings he hath stolne, otherwise he had bin executed: I haue stood on the Pillorie for Geese he hath kil'd, otherwise he had sufferd for't: thou think'st not of this now: nay, I remember the tricke you seru'd me, when I tooke my leaue of Madam Siluia: did not I bid thee still marke me, and doe as I do; when did'st thou see me heaue vp my leg, and make water against a Gentlewomans farthingale? did'st thou euer see me doe such a tricke? Pro. Sebastian is thy name: I like thee well, And will imploy thee in some seruice presently
Iu. In what you please, ile doe what I can
Pro. I hope thou wilt. How now you whorson pezant, Where haue you bin these two dayes loytering? La. Marry Sir, I carried Mistris Siluia the dogge you bad me
Pro. And what saies she to my little Iewell? La. Marry she saies your dog was a cur, and tels you currish thanks is good enough for such a present
Pro. But she receiu'd my dog? La. No indeede did she not: Here haue I brought him backe againe
Pro. What, didst thou offer her this from me? La. I Sir, the other Squirrill was stolne from me By the Hangmans boyes in the market place, And then I offer'd her mine owne, who is a dog As big as ten of yours, & therefore the guift the greater