Chapter 3

edit. Hazlitt, i. 178-9.

¶ _Of the woman that followed her fourth husbands bere and wept._ viii.

¶ A woman there was which had had iiii husbandys. It fourtuned also that this fourth husbande dyed and was brought to chyrche vpon the bere; whom this woman folowed and made great mone, and waxed very sory, in so moche that her neyghbours thought she wolde swown and dye for sorow. Wherfore one of her gosseps cam to her, and spake to her in her ere, and bad her, for Godds sake, comfort her self and refrayne that lamentacion, or ellys it wold hurt her and perauenture put her in ieopardy of her life. To whom this woman answeryd and sayd: I wys, good gosyp, I haue grete cause to morne, if ye knew all. For I haue beryed iii husbandes besyde this man; but I was neuer in the case that I am now. For there was not one of them but when that I folowed the corse to chyrch, yet I was sure of an nother husband, before the corse cam out of my house, and now I am sure of no nother husband; and therfore ye may be sure I haue great cause to be sad and heuy.

By thys tale ye may se that the olde prouerbe ys trew, that it is as great pyte to se a woman wepe as a gose to go barefote.

FOOTNOTES:

[15] either.

[16] moving.

¶ _Of the woman that sayd her woer came too late._ ix.

¶ Another woman there was that knelyd at the mas of requiem, whyle the corse of her husbande lay on the bere in the chyrche. To whome a yonge man cam and spake wyth her in her ere, as thoughe it had ben for som mater concernyng the funerallys; howe be it he spake of no suche matter, but onely wowyd her that he myght be her husbande to whom she answered and sayde thus: syr, by my trouthe I am sory that ye come so late, for I am sped all redy. For I was made sure yesterday to another man.

By thys tale ye maye perceyue that women ofte tymes be wyse and lothe to lose any tyme.

¶ _Of the mylner with the golden thombe._[17] x.

¶ A marchaunt that thought to deride a mylner seyd vnto the mylner syttynge amonge company: sir, I haue harde say that euery trew mylner that tollyth trewlye hathe a gylden thombe. The myllner answeryd and sayde it was true. Than quod the marchant: I pray the let me se thy thombe; and when the mylner shewyd hys thombe the marchant sayd: I can not perceyue that thy thombe is gylt; but it is as all other mens thombes be. To whome the mylner answered and sayde: syr, treuthe it is that my thombe is gylt; but ye haue no power to se it: for there is a properte euer incydent _vnto it_, that he that is a cockolde shall neuer haue power to se it.[18]

¶ _Of the horseman of Irelande that prayde Oconer for to hange up the frere._ xi.

¶ One whiche was called Oconer, an Yrysshe lorde, toke an horsman prisoner that was one of hys great enmys whiche for any request or entrety that the horsman made gaue iugement that he sholde incontynent be hanged, and made a frere to shryue hym and bad hym make hem redy to dye. Thys frere that shroue him examyned hym of dyuers synnes, and asked him amonge other whiche were the gretteste synnes that euer he dyd. This horsman answered and sayd: one of the greatest actys that euer I dyd whiche I now most repent is that, whan I toke Oconer the last weke in a chyrche, and there I myght haue brennyd[19] hym chyrche and all, and because I had conscience and pyte of brennyng of the chyrche, I taryed the tyme so long, that Oconer escaped; and that same deferrynge of brennynge of the chyrche and so longe taryeng of that tyme is one of the worst actes that euer I dyd wherof I moste[20] repent. This frere perceuynge hym in that mynde sayde: peace in the name of God, and change thy mynde and dye in charite, or els thou shalt neuer come in heuen. Nay, quod the horsman, I wyll neuer chaunge that mynde what so euer shall come to my soule. Thys frere perceyuynge hym thus styl contynew his minde, cam to Oconer and sayde: syr, in the name of God, haue some pyte vppon this mannys sowle, and let hym not dye now, tyl he be in a beter mynde. For yf he dye now, he is so ferre out of cheryte, that vtterly his soule shall be dampned, and [he] shewyd hym what minde he was in and all the hole mater as is before shewyd. Thys horsman, herynge the frere thus intrete for hym, sayd to Oconer thus: Oconer, thou seest well by thys mannys reporte that, yf I dye now, I am out of charyte and not redy to go to heuen; and so it is that I am now out of charyte in dede; but thou seest well that this frere is a good man and he is now well dysposed and in charyte and he is redy to go to heuen, and so am not I. Therfore I pray the hang vp this frere, whyle that he is redy to go to heuen and let me tary tyl another tyme, that I may be in charyte and redy and mete to go to heuen. Thys Oconer, herying thys mad answere of hym, sparyd the man and forgaue hym hys lyfe at that season.

By thys ye may se, that he that is in danger of hys enmye that hath no pite, he can do no beter but shew to hym the vttermost of his malycyous mynde whych that he beryth to ward hym.

FOOTNOTES:

[17] See Brand's _Popular Antiquities_, edit. 1849, iii. 387.

[18] The reverse of the Somersetshire saying. The proverb is well known: "An honest miller hath a golden thumb;" but to this the Somersetshire folks add, "none but a cuckold can see it."

[19] Burned.

[20] orig. reads _muste_.

¶ _Of the preest that sayd nother corpus meus nor corpus meum._ xii.

¶ The archdekyn of Essex[21] that had ben longe in auctorite, in a tyme of vysytacyon, whan all the prestys apperyd before hym, called asyde iii of the yonge prestys which were acusyd that thy could not wel say theyr dyvyne seruyce, and askyd of them when they sayd mas, whether they sayd corpus meus or corpum meum. The fyrst prest sayde that he sayd corpus meus. The second sayd that he sayd corpum meum. And than he asked of the thyrd how he sayde; whyche answered and sayd thus: syr, because it is so great a dout and dyuers men be in dyuers opynyons: therfore because I wolde be sure I wolde not offende, whan I come to the place I leue it clene out and say nothynge therfore. Wherfore the bysshoppe than openly rebuked them all thre. But dyuers that were present thought more defaut in hym, because he hym selfe beforetyme had admytted them to be prestys.

By this tale ye may se that one ought to take hede how he rebukyth an other lest it torne moste to his owne rebuke.

FOOTNOTES:

[21] Richard Rawson was Archdeacon of Essex from 1503 to 1543, and was perhaps the person here intended. See Le Neve's _Fasti_, ed. Hardy, ii. 336.

¶ _Of two freres whereof the one loued nat the ele heed nor the other the tayle._ xiii.

¶ Two freres satte at a gentylmans tabyll, whiche had before hym on a fastyng day an ele and cut the hed of the ele and layd it vpon one of the frerys trenchars; but the frere, bycause he wold haue had of the middle parte of the ele, sayd to the gentylman he louyd no ele hedes. Thys gentylman also cut the tayle of the ele, and layde it on the other frerys trenchar. He lyke wyse, because he wolde haue had of the myddle parte of the ele, sayde he loued no ele tayles. This gentylman, perceuynge that, gaue the tayle to hym that sayd he louyd not the hed, and gaue the hed to hym that sayd he loued not the tayle. And as fore the myddell part of the ele, he ete parte hym selfe and parte he gaue to other folke at the table; wherfore these freres for anger wolde ete neuer a morsell, and so they for al theyr craft and subtylte were not only deceyued of the best morsell of the ele, but thereof had no parte at all.

By this ye se that they that couet the best parte somtyme therfore lese the meane parte and all.

¶ _Of the welche man that shroue hym for brekynge of hys faste on the fryday._ xiv.

¶ A Welcheman, dwellynge in a wylde place of Walys, cam to hys curate in the tyme of Lente and was confessyd; and when hys confessyon was in maner at the end, the curate askyd hym, and[22] he had any other thyng to say that greuyd his conscience. Which sore abasshid answered no worde a great whyle; at last by exhortacyon of his goostly fader he sayde that there was one thyng in his mynde that greatly greued his conscyence, which he was asshamed to vtter: for it was so greuous that he trowed God wold neuer forgyue hym. To whom the curate answerd and sayd, that Goddes mercy was aboue all, and bad hym not dyspayre in the mercy of God. For what so euer it was, yf he were repentant, that God wolde forgyue hym. ¶ And so by longe exortacyon at the last he shewyd it and seyde thus. Syr, it happenyd ones that, as my wyfe was makynge a chese vpon a Fryday, I wolde fayne haue sayed whether it had ben salt or fresshe, and toke a lytyll of the whey in my hande, and put it in my mouthe; and or[23] I was ware, parte of it went downe my throte agaynst my wyll and so I brake my faste. To whom the curate sayde: and if there be non other thynge, I warant God shall forgyue the. So whan he had well comforted hym with the mercy of God, the curate prayed hym to answere a questyon and to tell hym trueth; and when the welchman had promysed to tell the truth, the curate sayd that there were robberyes and murders done nye the place where he dwelte and diuers men found slayn; and asked hym whether _he knew ought_ poyntynge[24] to any of them. To whom he answeryd and sayd yes and sayd _he had ben priuye_ to many of them, and dyd helpe to robe and to slee dyuers of them. _Then the_ curate asked hym, why he dyd not conffesse hym therof. The Welshman _answeryd_ and sayde he toke that for no synne: for it was a custome amongest _them that_, when any boty cam of any ryche merchant rydyng, that it was but a _trewe_ neyboure dede one to help another when one callyd another; and so they _held it_ but for good felowshyp and neyghbourhood.

_Here_ maye ye se that some haue remorse of conscyence of small venyall _sinnis and_ fere not to do gret offencys without shame of the worled[25] or drede of _God_; and, as the comon prouerbe is, they stumble at a strawe and lepe ouer a blocke.

FOOTNOTES:

[22] if.

[23] before.

[24] appertaining or relevant.

[25] World.

¶ _Of the merchaunte of London that dyd put nobles in his mouthe in hys dethe bedde._ xv.

¶ A ryche couetous marchant there was that dwellid in London, which euer gaderyd mony and could neuer fynd in hys hert to spend ought _vpon_ hym selfe nor vpon no man els. Whiche fell sore syke, and as he laye on hys deth bed had his purs lyenge at his beddys hede, and [he] had suche a loue to his money that he put his hande in his purs, and toke out therof x or xii li. in nobles and put them in his mouth. And because his wyfe and other perceyued hym very syke and lyke to dye, they exortyd hym to be confessyd, and brought the curate vnto hym. Which when they had caused him to say Benedicite, the curate bad hym crye God mercy and shewe to hym his synnes. Than this seyck man began to sey: I crey God mercy I haue offendyd in the vii dedly synnes and broken the x commaundementes; but[26] because of the gold in his mouth he muffled so in his speche, that the curate could not well vnderstande hym: wherfore the curat askyd hym, what he had in his mouthe that letted his spech. I wys, mayster parsone, quod the syke man, muffelynge, I haue nothyng in my mouthe but a lyttle money; bycause I wot not whither[27] I shal go, I thought I wold take some spendynge money with me: for I wot not what nede I shall haue therof; and incontynent after that sayeng dyed, before he was confessyd or repentant that any man coulde perceyue, and so by lyklyhod went to the deuyll.

By this tale ye may se, that they that all theyr lyues wyll neuer do charyte to theyr neghbours, that God in tyme of theyr dethe wyll not suffre them to haue grace of repentaunce.

FOOTNOTES:

[26] Orig. reads _and_: _but_ seems to be required.

¶ _Of the mylner that stale the nuttes of the tayler that stale a shepe._ xvi.

¶ There was a certayne ryche husbandman in a vyllage, whiche louyd nuttes meruelously well and sette trees of fylberdes and other nutte trees in his orcharde, and norysshed them well all his lyfe; and when he dyed he made his executours to make promyse to bery with him in his graue a bagge of nuttes, or els they sholde not be his executours; which executours, for fere of lesynge of theyre romes[28] fulfylled his mynde and dyd so. It happenyd that, the same nyghte after that he was beryed, there was a mylner in a whyte cote cam to this mannes garden to the entent to stele a bagge of nuttes; and in the way he met wyth a tayler in a black cote, an vnthrift of hys acquayntance, and shewyd hym hys intent. This tayler lykewyse shewyd hym, that he intendyd the same tyme to stele a shepe; and so they bothe there agred to go forwarde euery man seuerally wyth hys purpose; and after that they apoynted to make god chere eche wyth other and to mete agayn in the chyrch porch, and he that cam fyrste to tarye for the other. This mylner, when he had spede of hys nuttys, came furst to the chyrch porch, and there taryed for hys felow, and the mene whyle satte styll there and knakked nuttes. It fortuned than the sexten of the church, because yt was about ix of the cloke, cam to ryng curfue; and whan he lokyd in the porche and sawe one all in whyte knakkynge nuttes he had wente[29] it had bene the dede man rysyn owt of hys graue, knakkynge the nuttes that were beryed wyth hym, and ran home agayne in all hast and tolde to a krepyll that was in his house what he had sene. Thys crepyll, thus herynge hym, rebuked the sexten and sayd that yf he were able to go he wolde go thyder and coniure the spyryte. By my trouthe, quod the sexten, and yf thou darest do that, I wyll bere the on my neck; and so they both agreed. The sexten toke the creple on his nek, and cam in to the chyrchyarde again, and the mylner in the porch seeing[30] one comynge beryng a thynge on his necke had went[31] it had ben the tayler comynge with the shepe, and rose vp to mete them. And as he cam towarde them, he askyd and sayd: is he fat, is he fat? The sexten, heryng hym sey so, for fere cast the crepull down and sayd: fatte or lene, take hym as he is; and ranne awaye; and the creple by myracle was made hole, and ran away as fast as he or faster. Thys mylner perceyuyng that they were two, and that one ran after an other, thoughte that one had spyed the tayler stelyng the shepe, and that he had ron after hym to haue taken hym; and fearyng that one had spyed hym also stelynge the nuttes, he for feare lefte hys nuttes behynd him; and as secretly as he cowde ran home to hys myll. And anon after that he was gone, the tayler cam wyth the stolen shepe vppon hys necke to the chyrche to seke the mylner; and whan he fownde there the nutte shalys,[32] he supposyd that his felow had ben ther and gone home, as he was in dede; wherfore he toke vp the shepe agayne on his necke, [and] went towarde the myll. But yet durynge this while, the sexten which ranne away went not to hys owne house, but went to the parysh prestys chamber, and shewyd hym how the spyryt of the man was rysen out of hys graue knacking nuttes, as ye haue hard before; wherfore the prest sayd that he wolde go coniure hym, yf the sexten wolde go wyth hym; and so they bothe agreed. The prest dyd on hys surples and a stole about hys necke, and toke holy water wyth hym, and cam wyth the sexten toward the church; and as sone as he entred in the chyrche yard, the talyer wyth the whyte shepe on hys neck intendyng, as I before haue shewyd yow, to go downe to the myll, met with them, and had went that the prest in his surples had ben the mylner in his whyte cote, and seyd to hym: by God! I haue hym, I haue hym! meanynge thereby[33] the shepe that he had stolen. The prest, perceyuynge the tayller all in blake and a whyte thynge on hys nek, had went it had ben the deuyll beryng away the spyryte of the dede man that was beryed, and ran away as fast as he coude, takyng the way down towarde the myl, and the sexten ronnyng after hym. Thys tayler, seying one folowyng hym, had went that one had folowed the mylner to haue done hym som hurt, and thought he wold folow, if nede were to help the milner; and went forth, tyl he cam to the mill and knocked at the myll dore. The mylner beynge wythin asked who was there. The tayler answeryd and sayd: by God! I haue caught one of them, and made hym sure and tyed hym fast by the legges. But the mylner, heryng him sey that he had hym tyed fast by the legges, had went it had ben the constable, that had taken the tayler for stelyng of the shepe, and had tyed hym by the legges; and ferid that he had come to haue taken hym also for stelynge of the nuttes: wherfore the mylner opened a bak dore, and ran away as fast as he could. The tayler, herynge the backe dore openynge, wente to the other syde of the myll, and there saw the mylner ronnyng away, and stode ther a lytyll whyle musyng wyth the shepe on his necke. Then was the parysshe preest and the sexten standynge there vnder the mylhouse hydyng them for fere, and seeing[34] the tayler agayn with the shepe on hys nek, had wende styll it had ben the deuyll wyth the spyryt of the dede man on[35] hys nek, and for fere ran awaye; but because they knew not the grounde well, the preste lepte into a dyche almoste ouer the hed lyke to be drownyde, that he cryed wyth a loude voyce: help, helpe! Than the tayler lokyd about, and seeing[36] the mylner ronne away and the sexten a nother way, and hearing[37] the preste creye helpe, had went it had ben the constable wyth a great company cryeng for helpe to take him and to bring hym to pryson for stelyng of the shepe: wherfore he threwe down the shepe and ran away another way as fast as he coud: and so euery man was afferd of other wythout cause.

By thys ye may se well, it is foly for any man to fere a thyng to moche, tyll that he se some profe or cause.

FOOTNOTES:

[27] Orig. reads _whether_.

[28] Places or appointments. This is one of the best stories of the kind in the present or any other collection, in our own or other languages. The construction is excellent.

[29] Weened (guessed).

[30] Orig. reads _saw_.

[31] weened.

[32] shells.

[33] In orig. _by_.

[34] Orig. reads _saw_.

¶ _Of the foure elementes where they shoulde sone be founde._ xvii.

¶ In the old world when all thyng could speke, the iiii elementys[38] mette to geder for many thynges whych they had to do, because they must meddell alway one wyth a nother, and had communicacion to gyder of dyuers maters; and by cause they coulde not conclude all theyr maters at that season, they appoyntyd to breke communicacion for that tyme and to mete agayne another tyme. Therfore eche one of them shewed to other where theyr most abydyng was and where theyr felows shoulde fynde them, yf nede shuld requyre; and fyrste the erthe sayde: bretherne, ye knowe well as for me I am permanent alway and not remouable; therfore ye may be sure to haue me alway whan ye lyste. The wather sayde: yf ye lyst to seke me, ye shall be sure to haue me under a toft of grene rushes or elles in a womans eye. The wynde sayde: yf ye lyst to speke wyth me, ye shall be sure to haue me among aspyn leuys or els in a womans tong. Then quod the fyre: yf any of you lyst to seke me, ye shall euer be sure to fynd me in a flynt stone er elles in a womans harte.

By thys tale ye may lerne as well the properte of the iiii elementys as the properteis[39] of a woman.

FOOTNOTES:

[35] Orig. reads _of_.

[36] The orig. _saw_.

[37] Orig. _hard_, i.e. _heard_.

[38] There is perhaps an allusion here to the _Interlude of the Four Elements_, supposed to have been printed about 1510 by John Rastell.

¶ _Of the woman that poured the potage in the iudges male._ xviii.

¶ There was a iustyce but late in the reame of England callyd master Vavesour,[40] a uery homely man and rude of condycyons, and louyd neuer to spend mych money. Thys master Vauysour rode on a tyme in hys cyrcuyte in the northe contrey, where he had agreed wyth the sheryf for a certain some of money for hys charges thorowe the shyre, so that at euery inne and lodgynge this master Vauysour payd for hys owne costys. It fortunyd so, that when he cam to a certayn lodgyng he comaunded one Turpyn hys seruant to se that he used good husbondry[41] and to saue suche thynges as were left and to cary it wyth hym to serue hym at the nexte baytynge. Thys Turpyn, doyng hys maystres commandement, toke the broken bred, broken mete and all such thyng that was left, and put it in hys maysters cloth sak. The wyfe of the hous, perceyuing that he toke all suche fragmentys and vytayle wyth hym that was left, and put it in the cloth sake, she brought vp the podage that was left in the pot; and when Turpyn had torned hys bake a lytyl asyde, she pouryd the podage in to the cloth sake, whych ran vpon hys robe of skarlet and other of hys garmentys and rayed[42] them very euyll, that they were mych hurt therwyth. Thys Turpyn, sodeynly turnyng[43] hym and seeing[44] it, reuyled the wyfe therfore, and ran to hys mayster and told hym what she had don: wherfore master Vauesour incontinent callyd the wyf and seyd to her thus: thou drab, quod he, what hast thow don? why hast thou pourd the podage in my cloth sake and marrd my rayment and gere? O, syr, quod the wyfe, I know wel ye ar a iudge of the realme, and I perceyue by you your mind is to do ryght and to haue that is your owen; and your mynd is to haue all thyng wyth you that ye haue payd for, both broken mete and other thynges that is left, and so it is reson that ye haue; and therfore be cause your seruant hath taken the broken mete and put it in your cloth sak, I haue therin put the potage that be left, because ye haue wel and truly payed for them. Yf I shoulde kepe ony thynge from you that ye haue payed for, paraduenture ye wold troble me in the law a nother tyme.

Here ye may se, that he that playth the nygarde to mych, som tyme it torneth him to hys owne losse.

FOOTNOTES:

[39] Orig. reads _properte is_.

[40] _Vide infra._

[41] economy.

[42] defiled, from Fr. _rayer_, to shine and give light, as the rays of the sun, and thence to streak with lines of dirt, and so to soil. The word is not common. See Nares art _ray_ (edit. 1859), and Cotgrave art _rayer_ (edit. 1650).

[43] Orig. reads _turnyd_.

[44] Orig. reads _saw_.

¶ _Of the wedded men that came to heuen to clayme theyr herytage._ xix.

¶ A certayn weddyd man there was whyche, whan he was dede, cam to heuen gates to seynt Peter, and sayd he cam to clayme hys bad heretage whyche he had deseruyd. Saynt Peter askyd hym what he was, and he sayd a weddyd man. Anon Saynt Peter openyd the gatys, and bad hym to com in, and sayde he was worthye to haue hys herytage, bycause he had had much troble and was worthye to haue a crowne of glory. Anon after there cam a nother man that claymyd heuen, and sayd to Seynt Peter he had hade ii wyues, to whom Saynt Peter answered and said: come in, for thou art worthy to haue a doble crown of glory: for thou hast had doble trouble. At the last there cam the thyrd, claymynge hys herytage and sayde to Saynt Peter that he had had iii wyues, and desyryd to come in. What! quod Saynt Peter, thou hast ben ones in troble and thereof delyueryd, and than wyllingly woldyst be troblyd again, and yet agayne therof delyueryd; and for all that coulde not beware the thyrde tyme, but enterest wyllyngly in troble agayn: therfore go thy waye to Hell: for thou shalt neuer come in heuen: for thou art not worthy.

Thys tale is a warnyng to them that haue bene twyse in paryll to beware how they come therin the thyrd tyme.

¶ _Of the merchaunte that charged his sonne to fynde one to synge for hys soule._ xx.

¶ A ryche marchant of London here was, that had one sonne that was somewhat vnthryfty. Therfore hys fader vppon hys deth bed called hym to hym, and sayde he knew well that he had ben vnthryfty; how be it, yf he knew he wold amend hys condycyons he wolde make hym hys executour and leue hym hys goods, so that he wolde promyse hym to pray for hys soule and so fynde one dayly to syng for hym: which thyng to performe hys sonne there made a faythfull promyse. After that this man made hym hys executour, and dyed. But after that hys sonne kept such ryot, that in short tyme he had wasted and spente all, and had nothynge left but a henne and a cocke that was his fader's. It fortunyd than that one of hys frendys came to hym, and sayd he was sory that he had wasted so moch, and askyd hym how he wolde performe hys promyse made to hys fader that he wolde kepe one to syng for hym. Thys yong man answered and sayde: by God! yet I wyll performe my promyse: for I wyll kepe this same cocke alyue styl, and he wyl krow euery day, and so he shall synge euery day for my faders soule; and so I wyl performe my promyse wel ynough.

By thys ye maye se, that it is wysdome for a man to do good dedys hym selfe, whyle he is here, and not to trust to the prayer and promyse of hys executours.

¶ _Of the mayde wasshynge clothes that answered the frere._ xxi.

¶ There was a mayde stode by a reuers syde in her smoke,[45] wasshynge clothes, and as she stouped ofttymes, her smocke cleued betune her buttockkes. By whome there cam a frere, seynge[46] her and sayde in sporte: mayde, mayde, take hede: for Bayarde bytes on the brydell.[47] Nay, wys [I], master frere, quod the mayden, he doth but wype hys mouthe, and wenyth ye wyll come and kysse hym.

By thys ye may se that womans answer is neuer to seke.

¶ _Of the thre wyse men of Gotam._ xxii.

¶ A certayn man there was dwellynge in a towne called Gotam that went to a fayre iii myle for to bye shepe; and as he cam ouer a bryge he met with one of hys neyghbours and told hym whether[48] he went, and askyd hym whych way he wold bryng them. Whyche sayd he wolde brynge them ouer the same bryge. Nay, quod the other man, but thou shalt not, by God! quod

_4 lines of the original are wanting._

_Presently there came a milner, who bore a sack of_[49] mele vpon a horse, a neybour of theyrs, and paciently askyd them what was the cause of theyr varyaunce; which than she_wyd to hym_ the mater and cause, as ye haue harde. Thys thyrde man, the mylner, _beganne_ for to rebuke them by a famylyer example, and toke his sacke of mele _from_ his horse backe and openyd it, and pouryd all the mele in the sacke ouer the brydge into the ronnynge ryuer; wherby all the mele was lost, and sayde thus: by my trouthe, neybours, because ye stryue for dryuynge ouer the brydge those shepe which be not yet boughte, nor wotte not where they be, me thynketh therfore there is euen as moche wytte in your hedes as there is mele now in my _sacke_.

Thys tale shewyth you, that som man takyth _upon him for to teche_ other men wysdome, when he is but a fole hymselfe.

FOOTNOTES:

[45] smock.

[46] _i.e._ who saw her.

[47] An unregistered proverb, perhaps. The meaning is tolerably clear. See _Tarlton's Newes Out of Purgatarie_ (1590). edit. Halliwell, p. 93.

[48] Whither.

¶ _Of the graye frere that answered his penytente._ xxiii.

¶ A man there was that cam to confesse hym to a _prest and tolde_ hym, that he had layne with a yonge gentyll woman. The _prest then_ asked hym in what place; and he sayde it was in * * * all nyght longe in a soft warme bed. The frere herynge that * * * thys and sayd: Now, by swete seynt Francys, then, wast thou very[50] * * *

FOOTNOTES:

[49] I am myself responsible for these few words in italic, which I have supplied from conjecture.

¶ _Of the gentylman that bare the sege borde on hys necke._ xxiv.

¶ A CHANDELER beynge a wydower, dwellynge at Holborne, _neere_ London, had a fayr doughter whom a yonge gentelman of Dauys Ynne[51] woyd[52] sore to haue hys pleasure of her, whyche by longe sute to her made, at the last graunted hym, and poynted hym to com upon a nyghte to her faders hous in the euenynge, and she wold conuey hym into her chamber secretly, which was an inner chamber within her faders chamber. So accordynge to the poyntment all thynge was performed, so that he lay wyth her all nyght, and made good chere tell about foure a clocke in the mornynge, at whyche tyme it fortunyd this yonge gentylman fell a coughynge, whych cam vpon hym so sore that he could not refrayn. Thys wench, than fering her fader that lay in the next chamber, bad hym go put hys hede in the draught, lest that her fader shold here hym: whych after her councel rose in his shyrte, and so dyd. But than because of the sauour of the draught it causyd hym to coughe moche more and louder, that the wenchys fader herde it, and askyd of hys daughter what man it was that coughed in her chamber. She aswered and said: no body. But euer this yong man coughed styll more and more, whom the fader herynge sayd: by Goddes body! hore, thou lyest; I wyll se who is there;--and rose out of his bedde. Thys wenche perceyued her fader rysinge, [and] cam to the gentylman and sayde: take hede syr to your selfe: for my fader comyth. This gentylman, sodeynly therwyth abasshyd, wolde haue pullyd his hede oute of the draughte hole, which was [so] very streyghte for hys hede that he pullyd the sege borde vp therwyth, and, [it] hangyng about his neck, ran vpon the fader beynge an olde man, and gaue hym a great fall and bare _him to the ground_.

_8 lines wanting._

here was two or thre skyttysh horses whych, when they se this gentylman ronnyng, start[ed] asyde and threwe downe the cart wyth colys, and drew _backe_ and brake the carte rope, wherby the colys fell out, some in one place and _some in_ another; and after the horses brake theyr tracys and ranne, some towarde Smythfelde and som toward Newgate. The colyar[53] ran after them, and was an houre and more, or[54] euer he coulde gette his horses to gyder agayne; by which tyme the people of the strete were rysen and cam to the _place_, and saw yt strawyn with colys. Euery one for hys parte gaderyd vp _the colys, tyll the_ most parte of the colys were gone, or the colyar had got his horses _agayne_. _Duryng thys_ whyle the gentylman went thrugh Seynt Andrews _Chyrch Yarde towarde_ Dauys Inne, and there met with the sexten commynge to attend to _ring the bell for_ morow mas: whych, whan he saw the gentylman in the _Chyrche Yarde in hys_ shyrt wyth the draught borde[55] about his neck, had wend[56] _it had ben a spryt, and_ cried: alas, alas, a spryt! and ran back again to his house almost atte b * * for fere was almoste out of his wytte that he was the worse _a long time after_. This gentilman, than, because dauys inne gatys were not open, _ranne to the ba_cksyde and lept ouer the garden wal; but, in lepyng, the draught-bord so troubled hym, that he fell downe into the gardyn and had almoste broken his necke: and ther he lay styll, tyll that the pryncypall cam into the garden; which, wan he saw hym lye there, had wente some man had ben slayne and there caste ouer the wall, and durst not come nye him, tyll he had callyd vp hys companye which, when many of the gentylmen[57] wer com to gether loked well vppon hym, and knewe hym, and after releuyd hym; but the borde that was about hys necke caused his hed so to swell, that they coulde not gette it of, tyll they were mynded to cutte it of with hatchettys. Thus was the wenche well iaped,[58] and for fere she ranne from her fader; her faders arme was hurte; the colyar lost his coles; the sexton was almost out of hys wyt; and the gentylman had almost broke his necke.

FOOTNOTES:

[50] Perhaps this story, of which we have here a fragment only, was similar to the one narrated a little farther on. See Tale 57.

[51] Thavies Inn, near St. Andrew's Church, in Holborn.

[52] wooed.

[53] Orig. reads _that the colyar_.

[54] before.

[55] the seat of the commode.

[56] weened.

¶ _Of the merchantes wyfe that sayd she wolde take a nap at sermon._ xxv.

¶ A marchantys wyfe there was in Bowe parysh in London, somewhat slepte in age, to whom her mayde cam on a Sonday in Lente after dyner and sayde: maystres, quod she, they rynge at Saynte Thomas of Acres, for there shall be a sermon prechyd anon; to whome the mastres answered and sayde: mary! Goddys blessynge haue thy harte for warnynge me thereof; and because I slepte not well all this nyght, I pray the brynge my stole to me: for I wyll go thyder to loke, whether I can take a nappe there, whyle the preest is prechynge.

By this ye may se, that many one goth to chyrch as moch for other thynges as for deuocyon.

FOOTNOTES:

[57] Orig. reads _gentylman_.

[58] mocked, made a jest of. See Nares (edit. 1859) _in voce_.

¶ _Of the woman that said and she lyued another yere she wolde haue a cockoldes hatte of her owne._ xxvi.

_Of the above tale but a few words remain in the fragment._

¶ _Of the gentylman that wysshed his tothe in the gentylwomans tayle._ xxvii.

¶ A gentylman and gentylwoman satte to gyder talkyng, _which gentylman_ had great pain in one of his tethe, and hapnyd to say _to the gentylwo_man thus: I wys, maystres, I haue a tothe in my hede which _greuyth me u_ery sore: wherfore I wold it were in your tayl. She, heryng him _say this, answe_ryed thus: in good fayth, syr, yf your tothe were in my tayle it coulde _do it but lytle_ good; but yf there be any thynge in my tayle that can do your tothe good, I wolde it were in your tothe.

By this ye may se that a womans answere is seldome to seke.[59]

¶ _Of the Welcheman that confessyd hym howe he had slayne a frere._ xxviii.

¶ In the tyme of Lente, a Welcheman cam to be confessyd of his curate; whych in his confessyon sayde that he had kylled a frere; to whome the curate sayd he coulde nat assoyle hym. Yes, quod the Welchman, yf thou knewest all, thou woldest assoyle me well ynoughe; and when the curate had commandyd hym to shew hym all the case, he sayd thus: mary, there were ii freres; and I myght haue slayn them bothe, yf I had lyst; but I let the one scape: therfore mayster curate set the tone agaynst the tother, and than the offence is not so great but ye may assoyle me well ynoughe.

By this ye may se, that dyuers men haue so euyll and larg conscyence that they thynke, yf they do one good dede or refrayn from doynge of one euyll synne, that yt ys satysfaccyon for other _synnes_ and ofencys.

FOOTNOTES:

[59] This moral is also attached to Tales 21, 44, and 56, in all which cases the lady's rejoinder is not less opposed to modern notions of female delicacy.

¶ _Of the Welcheman that coude nat gette but a lytell male._ xxix.

¶ There was a company of gentylmen[60] in Northamptonshyre which wente to hunte for dere in the porlews[61] in the gollet besyde Stony Stratford, amonge which gentylmen there was one which had a Welchman to his seruante, a good archer; whiche, whan they cam to a place where they thought they _should find dere_, apoynted thys Welchman to stand _still, and forbade him in_ any wyse to shote at no rascal[62] _dere but to make sure of the greate male and_ spare not. Well, quod this Welchman, _I will do so_. _Anon cam by many greate dere and_ Rascall; but euer he lette them go, and toke no hede to them; and within an houre after he saw com rydynge on the hye-waye a man of the contrey, whych had a boget hangynge at hys sadyll bowe.[63] And whan this Welcheman had espyed hym, he bad hym stande, and began to drawe his bow and bad hym delyuer that lytell male that hunge at his sadyll bowe. Thys man, for fere of hys lyfe, was glad to delyuer hym hys boget, and so dyd, and than rode hys waye, and was glad he was so _escapyd_. And when this man of the contrey was gone, thys Welcheman was _very glad_ and wente incontynente to seke hys mayster, and at the laste founde hym wyth hys companye; and whan he saw hym he came to hym, and sayd thus: mayster, by cottes plut and her nayle! I haue stande yonder this two hourys, and I colde se neuer a male but a lytell male that a man had hangynge at his sadell bow, and thet I haue goten, and lo here it is; and toke his master the boget whiche he had taken away from the forsayd man, for the whiche dede bothe the mayster and the seruante were afterwarde in greate trouble.

By this ye may lerne, yt is greate folye for a mayster to putte a seruaunte to that besynes whereof he can nothynge skyll and wherin he hath not ben usyd.

FOOTNOTES:

[60] orig. reads _gentylman_.

[61] purlieus.

[62] a lean beast not worth hunting--_Nares._

[63] The jest here, such as it is, lies in the play on the words male (of the deer) and the mail, or post.

¶ _Of the gentyll woman that sayde to a gentyll man: ye haue a berde aboue and none benethe._ xxx.

¶ A yonge gentylman of the age of xx yere, somwhat dysposed to myrth and gaye, on a tyme talked wyth a gentylwoman whyche was ryght wyse and also mery. Thys gentylwoman, as she talked with hym, happenyd to loke vpon hys berde which was but yonge and somewhat growen vpon the ouer lyppe, and but lyttell growen benethe as all other yonge mennys berdes comynly vse to grow, and sayd to hym thus: syr, ye haue a berde aboue and none beneth; and he, herynge her say so sayde in sporte: maystres, ye haue a berde beneth and none aboue. Mary, quod she, than set the tone agaynst the tother. Which answere made the gentylman so abasshed, that he had not one worde to answere.

¶ _Of the frere that sayde our Lorde fed fyue M. people with iii. fysshys._ xxxi.

¶ There was a certayn White Frere whiche was a very glotton and a great nyggyn,[64] which had an vngracyouse boy that euer folowed hym and bare his cloke, and what for the freres glotony and for his chorlysshnes the boy, where he wente, cowlde scante gette meate ynoughe: for the frere wolde eate almoste all hym selfe. But on a tyme the frere made a sermone in the contry, wherin he touched very many myracles whyche Cryste dyd afore hys passyon, amonge which he specyally rehersyd the myracle whyche Cryste did in fedynge fyue thousande people with fyue louys of brede and with iii lytell fysshes; and this frerys boy which caryd not gretely for hys mayster * *, _by reason that_ hys mayster was so great a churle, _cryed out aloude_ that all the church harde, and sayd: by _my faith, then, there were no_ fryers there! whyche answere made all _the people laughe, so_ that for shame the frere wente out of the * * * * * he than departyd out of the churche * * * *

By thys ye may se that it is honeste * * depart with suche as he hath to them * *

FOOTNOTES:

[64] niggard.

¶ _Of the frankelyn that wold haue had the frere gone._ xxxii.

¶ A ryche fraynklyn dwellyn in the countie of * * * _had a frere in his_ house, of whom he could neuer be ryd any _meanes, but he wold tarrye by the_ space of a senyght[65] and wold neuer depart; wherfore _the franklyn was sore grevud and sadly_ wery of hym. On a tyme as he and hys wyfe and this frere _were togydder_, he faynyd hymselfe very angry wyth hys wyfe, in somoche that he _smote_ her. Thys frere perseyuyng well what they ment sayd * * * I haue bene here this seuenyght whan ye were frendys, and _I will tarrye a_ fortenyght lenger but I wyll se you frendys agayne, or I depart. _The franklyn_, perceyuynge that he coude no good nor wold not depart by none _other meanes_, answeryd hym shortely and sayd: by God! frere, but thou shalt abyde here no longer; and toke hym by the shulders, and thrust hym out of the dorys of the house.

By this ye may se, that he that wyl lerne no good by examples in a maner to hym shewyd, is worthy to be taught wyth open rebuke.

FOOTNOTES:

[65] a week.

¶ _Of the prest that sayd Our Lady was not so curyous a woman._ xxxiii.

¶ In the towne of Bottelley dwellyd a mylner, whiche had a good homely wenche to his doughter, whome the curate of the nexte towne louyd, and, as the fame went, had her at hys pleasure. But on a tyme thys curat prechyd of those curyouse wyues now a dayes, and whether it were for the nonys,[66] or whether it cam oute at all aduenturys, he had penyd to say thus in hys sermon: ye wyues, ye be so curyous in all your warkes, that ye wot not what ye meane, but ye shold folow Oure Lady. For Our Lady was nothynge so curyous as ye be; but she was a good homely wenche lyke the mylners doughter of Botteley. At whych sayng all the parishons made gret laughyng, and specyally they that knew that he louyd that same wenche.

By this ye may se, it is gret foly for a man that is suspectyd with any person to praise or to name the same parson openly, lest it bryng hym in forther sclaunder.

FOOTNOTES:

[66] nonce.

¶ _Of the good man that sayde to his wyfe he had euyll fare._ xxxiv.

¶ A frere Lymytour[67] come into a pore mannys howse in the countrey, and because thys pore man thought thys frere myght do hym some good, he therefore thought to make hym good chere. But bycause hys wyfe wold dresse hym no good mete for coste, he therfore at dyner tyme sayd thus: by God! wyfe, bycause thou dyddest dresse me no good mete to my dyner, were it not for mayster frere, thou shouldest haue halfe a dosyn strypes. Nay, syr, quod the frere, I pray you spare not for me; wherwyth the wyfe was angry, and therfore at souper she caused them to fare wors.

¶ _Of the frere that had hys chylde make a laten_ xxxv.

_But very few words remain of this Tale._

FOOTNOTES:

[67] Mendicant friar.

¶ _Of the gentylman that asked the frere for his beuer._ xxxvi.

¶ _In the terme_ tyme a good old gentylman, beyng a lawyer, cam to Lon_don to the_ terme; and as he cam he hapenyd to ouertake a frere, which _was an un_thrift and went alone wythout hys beuer: wherfore this _gentylman asked_ thys frere, where was hys beuer that shold kepe hym compa_ny, and sayd it was_ contrary to his relygyon to go alone, and it wolde cause people to suppose hym to be som apostata or som vnthryft. By God, syr, quod the _frere! my beuer_ commaundeth hym unto your master-shyp. Why, quod the gentylman, I knowe hym not. Than (quod the frere to the gentylman), ye are the more fole to aske for hym.

By thys tale ye may se, that he that geueth counsell to any vnthryft, and _tech_eth hym hys dutye, shall haue oftymes but a mock for his labour.

¶ _Of the thre men that chose the woman._ xxxvii.

¶ Thre gentylmen cam into an Inne, where a fayre woman was tapster: wherfore, as these thre satte there makynge mery, eche of them kyssed her, and made good pastyme and plesure. Howbeit one spake merley[68] and sayde: I can not se how this gentylwoman is able to make pastyme and pleasure to vs all thre excepte that she were departed in thre partes. By my trouthe, quod one of them, yf that she myght be departed, than I wolde chuse for my parte her hed and her fayre face, that I myghte alway kysse her. Than quod the seconde: I wolde haue the breste and harte: for there lyeth her loue. Than quod the thyrd: then ther is nothyng left for me but the loynys, buttockes and legges; I am contente to haue it for my parte. And whan these gentylmen had passed the tyme there by the space of one hour or ii, they toke theyr leue and were goynge awaye; but, or the went, the thyrd man whych had chosen the bely and the buttockys did kys the tapyster and bad her farewell. What! quod the fyrste man that had chosen the face and the mouth, why dost thou so? thou dost me wronge to kysse my parte that I haue chosen of her. O! quod the other, I pray the be nat angry: for I am contente that thou shal kys my parte for it.

FOOTNOTES:

[68] Merrily.

¶ _Of the gentylman that taught his cooke the medycyne for the tothake._ xxxviii.

¶ In Essex there dwellyd a mery gentylman, whyche had a coke callyd Thomas that was greatly dysseasyd with the tothake, and complaynyd to hys mayster thereof; whych sayd he had a boke of medecins and sayd he wold loke vp hys boke to se whether he could fynd any medecyn therin for it, and so sent[69] one of hys doughters to hys study for hys boke, and incontynent lokyd uppon yt a long season; and than sayd thus to hys coke: Thomas, quod he, here is a medesyn for your tothake; and yt ys a charm; but yt wyl do you no good except ye knele on your knees, and aske yt for Sent Charyte. Thys man, glad to be relesyd of hys payn, kneled and sayd: mayster, for Seint Charyte, let me haue that medecyne. Than, quod thys gentylman, knele on your knees and say after me; whyche knelyd down and sayd after hym as he bad hym. Thys gentylman began and sayd thus:--

"The son on the Sonday."

"The son on the Sonday," quod Thomas.

"The mone on the Monday."

"The mone on the Monday."

"The Trynyté on the Tewsday."

"The Trynyté on the Tewsday."

"The wyt on the Wednysday."

"The wyt on the Wednysday."

"The holy holy Thursday."

"The holy holy Thursday."

"And all that fast on Fryday."

"And all that fast on Friday."

"---- in thy mouthe on Saterday."

Thys coke Thomas,[70] heryng hys mayster thus mokkyng hym, in anger stert vp and sayd: by Goddys body! mokkyng churle, I wyll neuer do the seruyce more; and went forth to hys chamber to gete hys gere to geder to thentent to haue gon thens by and by; but what for the anger that he toke wyth his mayster for the mok that he gaue hym, and what for labor that he toke to geder hys gere so shortly togeder, the payne of the tothake went from hym incontynent, that hys mayster cam to hym and made hym to tarry styll, and tolde hym that hys charme was the cause of the ease of the payne of the tothake.

By thys tale ye may se, that anger oftymes puttyth away the bodely payne.

FOOTNOTES:

[69] orig. reads _send_.

[70] orig. reads Thomas coke. In the orig. the text runs on in the above passage, which is generally done in old books to save room.

¶ _Of the gentylman that promysed the scoler of Oxforde a sarcanet typet._ xxxix.

¶ A scoler of Oxford latley made Mayster of Art cam in to the cyte of London, and in Poulys mette with the sayd mery gentleman of Essex, which was euer disposyd to play many mery pageants,[71] wyth whom before he had bene of famylyer accoyntaunce and prayd hym to give hym a sercenet typet. This gentylman, more lyberall of promyse than of gyfte, grauntyd hym he should haue one, yf he wold com to hys lodgyng to the sygne[72] of the Bull wythout Byshops gate in the next mornynge at vi of the cloke. Thys scoler thankyd hym, and for that nyght departyd to hys lodgyng in Flete Strete, and in the mornyng erely as he poyntyd cam to hym to the sygne of the Bull. And as [soon as] thys gentylman saw hym, he bad hym go wyth hym in to the Cyte, and he sholde be sped anon; whyche incontynent went togyder, tyll they[73] cam in to seynt Laurence Church in the Jury, where the gentylman espyed a preste raueshyd to masse[74] and [he] told the skoller that "yonder is the preste that hath the typet for you," and bad hym knele downe in the pew, and he shold speke to hym for it. And incontynent thys gentylman went to the preest and sayd: syr, here is a skoller, a kynnysman of myne, gretly dyseasyed wyth the chyncough.[75] I pray you, whan masse is donne, gyue hym iii draughtys of your chales. The preest grantyd hym, and tornyd hym to the skoler, and sayd: syr, I shall serue you as sone as I haue sayd masse. The skoler than taryed styll and herd the mas, trusting that whan the masse was done, that the preste wold giue hym hys typet of sarcenet. Thys gentylman in the meane whyle departyd out of the chyrche. Thys preste, whan mas was done, putte wyne in the chales, and cam to the skoler knelyng in the pew, profferyng hym to drynk of the chales. Thys skoler lokyd upon hym, and musyd and sayd: why, master parson, wherfore profer ye me the chales? Mary, quod the prest, for the gentylman told me ye were dysseasyd with the chyncough, and prayd me therfor that for a medecyne ye might drynk of the chales. Nay, by seynt mary, quod the scoler, he promysyd me ye shulde delyuer me a tipet of sarcenet. Nay, quod the preest, he spake to me of no typet, but he desyred me to gyue yow drynk of the chales for the chyncough. By Goddis body, quod the scoler, he is, as he was euer wont to be, but a mokkyng wretch, and if[76] I lyue I shall quyte hym; and so departid out of the church in great anger.

By thys tale ye may percyue, it is no wysdom for a man to truste to a man to do a thing, that is contrary to hys old accustumyd condycyons.

FOOTNOTES:

[71] tricks and pranks.

[72] orig. reads _synne_.

[73] orig. reads _he_.

[74] Intently engaged in the celebration of mass. "St. Lawrence Jewry," says Mr. Cunningham (_Handbook of Lond._ 471,) "stood in King Street, Cheapside. It was destroyed in the Fire of 1666, and was rebuilt by Sir C. Wren."

[75] Hooping-cough.

¶ _Of mayster Skelton that brought the bysshop of Norwiche ii fesauntes._ xl.

¶ It fortuned ther was a great varyance bitwen the bysshop of Norwych and one master Shelton[77] a poyet lauryat, in so much that the bysshop commaundyd hym that he shuld not come in his gatys. Thys mayster Skelton dyd absent hym selfe for a long seson; but at the laste he thought to do hys dewty to hym, and studyed weys how he myght obtayne the bysshopys fauour, and determynyd hem self that he wold come to hym wyth some present and humble hym self to the byshop; and [he] gat a cople of fesantes and cam to the bysshuppys place, and requyryd the porter he might come in to speke wyth my lord. This porter, knowyng his lordys pleasure, wold not suffer him to come in at the gatys: wherfor thys mayster Skelton went on the baksyde to seke some other way to come into the place. But the place was motyd, [so] that he cowlde se no way to come ouer except in one place, where there lay a long tree ouer the motte in maner of a brydge that was fallyn down wyth wynd: wherfore thys mayster Skelton went a long vpon the tree to come ouer; and whan he was almost ouer hys fote slypyd for lak of sure fotyng, and [he] fel in to the mote vp to the myddyll. But at the last he recoueryd hym self, and as wel as he coud dryed hymself ageyne, and sodenly cam to the byshop, beyng in hys hall than lately rysen from dyner, whyche, whan he saw Skelton commyng sodenly, sayd to hym: why, thow catyfe, I warnyd the thow shuldys neuer come in at my gatys and chargyd my porter to kepe the out. Forsoth, my lorde, quod Skelton, though ye gaue suche charge and though your gatys be neuer so suerly kept: yet yt ys no more possible to kepe me out of your dorys than to kepe out crowes or pyes: for I cam not in at your gatys, but I cam ouer the mote, [so] that I haue ben almost drownyd for my labour; and shewyd his clothys how euyll he was arayed, whych causyd many that stode therby to laughe apace. Than quod Skelton: yf it lyke your lordeshyp, I haue brought you a dyshe to your super, a cople of Fesantes. Nay, quod the byshop, I defy the and thy Fesantys also, and, wrech as thou art, pyke the out of my howse, for I wyll none of thy gyft how * * * * Skelton, than consyderynge that the bysshoppe called hym fole so ofte, sayd to one of hys famylyers therby that, thoughe it were euyll to be christened a fole, yet it was moche worse to be confyrmed a fole of suche a bysshoppe: for the name of confyrmacyon must nedes abyde. Therfore he ymagened howe he myghte auoyde that confyrmacyon, and mused a whyle; and at the laste sayde to the bysshope thus: if your lordeshype knewe the names of these fesantes ye wold _be_ contente to take them. Why, caytese, quod the bisshoppe hastly and angrey, _what_ be theyr names? Y wys, my lorde, quod Skelton, this fesante is called Alpha, which is in primys--the fyrst; and this is called O, that is novissimus, the last; and for the more playne vnderstandynge of my mynde, if it plese your lordeshype to take them, I promyse you this alpha is the fyrste that euer I gaue you, and this O is the laste that euer I wyll gyue you whyle I lyue. At which answere all that were by made great laughter, and they all _desired the Bishoppe_ to be good lorde vnto him for his merye conceytes, at which _earnest entrety, as it_ wente, the bysshope was contente to take hym vnto his fauer agayne.

By thys tale ye may se, that mery conceytes dothe _a man more_ good than to frete hymselfe with _anger_ and melancholy.

FOOTNOTES:

[76] orig. reads _ever_.

[77] The celebrated poet. The bishop was of course Bishop Nykke, Nikke, or Nyx, as the name is variously spelled. He held the see from 1501 to 1536.

¶ _Of the yeman of garde that sayd he wolde bete the carter._ xli.

¶ A yoman of the kynges garde, dwellynge in a vyllage besyde London, had a very fayre yonge wife. To whome a carter of the towne, _a mery_ fellowe, resorted and laye with her dyuers tymes, whan her husbande was on garde; and thys was so openly knowen that all the towne spake therof. _A certaine yonge_ man of the towne well acquoyntyd with thys yeman _told him_ that suche a carter hadde layne by his wyfe. To whome _this yeman of the garde_ sware by Goddes body, if he mette with hym it _should go harde but he wolde bete him well._ _Hey_, quod the yonge man, if ye go streyght euen nowe the _right way_, ye _shall_ ouertake him dryuyng a carte laden with haye towarde London; wherfore the yeman of the garde incontynent rode after this carter, and within shorte space overtoke him and knewe him well ynoughe, and incontynent called the carter to him and sayd thus: Syrra, I vnderstande that thou doste lye euery nyght with my wyfe, whan I am from home. Thys carter beynge no thynge afrayde of hym answered, ye, marry, what than? What than, quod the yeman of garde! By Goddys harte! hadst thou nat tolde me truth, I wolde haue broke thy hede. And so the yeman of garde retourned, and no hurte done, no stroke stryken nor proferyed.

By this ye may se, that the greatyst crakers somtyme, whan it commeth to the profe, be moste cowardes.

¶ _Of the fole that saide he had leuer go to hell than to heuen._ xlii.

¶ A fole there was, that dwelled with a gentylman in the countrey, whiche was called a great tyraunte and an extorcyoner. But this fole loued his mayster meruaylously, because he cherysshed hym so well. It happened * *

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to heuen; for I had leuer go to hell. Than the other asked hym why he had leuer go to hell. By my trouthe, quod the fole: for I wyll go with my master; and I am sure my master shall go to hell. For euery man seyth he shall go to the deuyll in hell; and therfore I wyll go thyder with hym.

¶ _Of the plowmannys sonne that sayde he sawe one make a gose to creke sweetly._ xliii.

¶ There was a certayn plowmans son of the contrey of the age of xvi yeres, that neuer coming moche amonge company but alway went to plough and husbandry. On a tyme this yonge lad went to a weddyng with his fader, where he se one lute[78] vpon a lute; and whan he came home at nyght his moder asked hym, what sporte he had at weddynge. This lad answeryd and sayd: by my trouth, moder, quod he, there was one that brought a gose in his armes and tykled her so vpon the neck, that she crekyd the sweetlyest that I hard gose creke in my lyfe.

¶ _Of the maydes answere that was with chylde._ xliv.

¶ At a merchauntes house in London there was a mayde whiche was great with chylde, to whom the maystres of the house cam, and comaunded[79] her to tell her who was the fader of the chylde. To whom the mayde answered: forsooth, nobody. Why, quod the maystres, it is not possyble but som man is the fader thereof? To whom the mayd answered: why, maystres, why may I not haue a chyld without a man as well as hennys lay eggys withhout a cocke?

By this ye may se it is harde to fynde a woman wythout an excuse.

FOOTNOTES:

[78] _Lute_, as a verb, appears to be obsolete. We still say _to fiddle_, and no doubt _to lute_ was formerly just as much in use.

[79] Orig. reads _and that commanded_.

¶ _Of the seruaunt that rymyd with hys mayster._ xlv.

¶ A gentleman there was dwellynge nygh Kyngston upon Tamys, and rydynge in the contrey with his seruaunt which was _not the_ quyckest felowe, but rode alway sadly[80] by _his maysters side and uttered_ uery fewe wordys. Hys mayster sayd to him: _wherefore rydyst_ thou so saddly? I wolde have the tell me some tale to beguyle the tyme with. By my trouthe, mayster, quod he, I can tell no tale. Then sayd his mayster: canst thou not synge? No by my trouthe, quod he, I coulde neuer synge in all my lyfe. Quod the mayster: canst thou ryme? No, by my trouthe, quod he, I can not; but yf ye wyll begyn to ryme, I wyll folow as well as I can. By my trouth, quod the mayster, that is well; therfore I wyll begyn to make a ryme. Let me se how well thou canst folowe thy mayster meanwhyle; and then [he] began to ryme thus:--

"Many mennys swannys swymme in Temmys, And so do myne."

Then quod the seruant:--

"And many a man lyeth by other mennys wyues, And so do I by thyne."[81]

What dost thou, horeson, quod the mayster? By my trouthe, mayster, no thynge, quod he, but make vp the ryme. But quod the mayster: I charge the tell me why thou sayest so? Forsothe Mayster, quod he, for nothynge in the worlde but to make vp your ryme. Than quod the mayster: yf thou doist for nothynge ellys, I am content. So the mayster forgaue hym hys saynge, all thoughe he sayd trouthe peraduenture.

FOOTNOTES:

[80] Quietly.

¶ _Of the Welcheman that delyuered the letter to the ape._ xlvi.

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fauoure to his seruant and commaunded his seruant shortely to br_ynge hym an_ answere. This Welcheman came to the chefe Iustyce' place, and at _the gate saw_ an ape syttynge there in a cote made for hym, as they use to _apparell apes_ for disporte. This Welchman dyd of hys cappe, and made curtsye _to the ape and_ sayd: my mayster recommendeth hym to my lorde youre father, and sendeth hym here a letter. This ape toke this letter and opened it, and _lokyd theron_, and after lokyd vpon the man, makynge many mockes and moyes, _as the proper_tyes of apes is to do. This Welcheman, because he vnde_rstood hym_ nat, came agayne to his mayster accordynge to his commaundes, _and tolde hym he_ delyuered the letter vnto my lorde chefe Iustyce' sonne, _who was at the gate_ in a furred cote. Anone his mayster asked hym what _answere he broughte. The man_ sayd he gaue hym an answere; but it was other Frenche _or Laten: for he understode_ him nat. But, syr, quod he, ye nede nat to fere: for I saw _in his counte_naunce so moche, that I warrante you he wyll do your errande to my lorde his father. This gentylman in truste therof made not a_nye further suite_, for lacke wherof his seruaunte, that had done the felonye, within a monthe after was rayned at the kynges benche and caste, and afterwarde hanged.

By this ye may se that euery wyse man ought to take hede, that _he sende nat a fo_lysshe seruaunte vpon a hasty message that is a matter of _nede_.

FOOTNOTES:

[81] This, to save space, is printed like prose in the orig.; but it was evidently meant to be verse.

¶ _Of hym that solde ryght nought._ xlvii.

¶ A _certaine_ felowe there was whiche profered a dagger to sell to a fellowe, _the_ which answered hym and sayd, that he had ryght nought _to giue_ therfore; wherefore the other sayde that he shulde haue hys dagger _upon_ _c_ondycyon that he shulde gyue and delyuer vnto hym therefore _within iii_ dayes after ryghte nought, or els forty shyllynges in money: wher_on the_ other was contente. Thys bergayne thus agreed, he that shulde del_yuer_ his ryght noughte toke no thoughte, vntyll suche tyme that the day apoynted drewe nye. At the whiche tyme he began to ymagen, howe he myght _delyuer_ this man ryght nought. And fyrst of all he thought on a feder, a straw, a pynnes poynte, and suche other; but nothynge could he deuyse but that it was somwhat; wherfore he came home all sadde and pencyfe for sorowe of losynge of his xl. shyllynges, and coulde nother slepe nor take reste, wherof hys wyfe, beynge agreued, demaunded the cause of his heuynes; which at the last after many denayes tolde her all. Well, syr, quod she, lette me here with alone and gette ye forthe a-towne; and I shall handell this matter well ynoughe. This man folowynge his wyfes counsell wente forthe of the

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Therfore, syr, quod she, put your hande in yonder potte, and take your money. This man beynge glad thrust his hande in it, supposyng to haue taken xl shyllynges of money, and thrust his hande thoroughe it vp to the elbowe. Quod the wyfe than: syr, what haue ye there? Mary, quod he, ryghte nought. Syr, quod she, than haue ye youre bergayne, and than my husbande hathe contented you for his dagger accordynge to his promyse.

By this ye may se, that oftentymes a womans wytte at an extremyte _is moche_ better than a mans.

¶ _Of the frere that tolde the thre chyldres fortunes._ xlviii.

¶ There was _a frere_ lymyttour whyche wente a lymyttynge to a cer_tayne_ towne, wherin dwellyd a certayne ryche man of whome he ne_uer coulde_ gette the value of an hal[f]peny: yet he thought he wolde go thyder and assaye hem.[82] And as he wente thyderwarde, the wyfe stand_yng at the_ dore, perceyuynge hym commynge a farre of, thoughte that he _was commynge_ thyther, and by and by ranne in and badde her chyldren standyng _thereby_, that if the frere asked for her, say she was nat within. The frere _sawe her_ runne in and suspected the cause, and came to the dore and asked for the wyfe. The chyldren, as they were bydden, sayde that she was nat within. Than stode he styll lokynge on the chyldren; and at the laste he called to hym the eldeste and badde hym let hym se his hande; and whan he _saw his_ hande: O Jesu! quod he, what fortune for the is ordayned! _Then he asked the_ seconde sonne to se his hande and, his hande sene, the frere sayd: _O Jesu! what_ destenye for the is prepared. Than loked he in the thyrde sonnes _hand_. _O God!_ quod he, thy desteny is hardest of all; and therwith wente he his way. The _wyfe_, heryng these thinges, sodenly ranne out and called the frere againe, _and pray_de hym to come in, and after to sytte downe, and sette before hym _all the vita_ile that she had. And whan he had well eaten and dronken, she be_sought_ hym to tell her the destenyes of her chyldren; which at the last after many _difficulties_ tolde her that the fyrste shulde be a beggar, the seconde a thefe, the thyrde a homicyde; whiche she hearynge fell downe in a soone[83] and toke it greuouslye. The frere comforted her and said that, thoughe these were theyr fortunes, there myght be remedy had. Than she besought of him[84] his counsell. Than said the frere: you must make the eldest that shalbe a beggar a frere, and the seconde that shalbe a thefe a man of lawe, and the thyrde that shalbe an homicyde a phisicyon.

By this tale ye may lerne, that they that will come to the speche or presence of any persone for theyr owne cause, they muste fyrste endeuer them selfe to shewe suche matters as those persones most delyte in.

FOOTNOTES:

[82] _i. e._ him. The Orig. reads _them_.

¶ _Of the boy that bare the frere his masters money._ xlix.

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Ye, quod the frere. Than wente the man to the boye and sayd: syr, thy mayster byddeth the gyue me xl pens. I wyll nat, quod the boye. Than called the man with an hye voyce to the frere and sayd: syr, he sayeth he wyll not. Than quod the frere: bete him; and whan the boye harde his mayster say so, he gaue the man xl pens.

By this ye may se, it is foly for a man to say ye or nay to a matter, excepte he knewe surely what the matter is.

FOOTNOTES:

[83] Swoon.

[84] Orig. reads _besought him of_.

¶ _Of Phylyp Spencer the bochers man._ l.

¶ A certayne bocher dwellynge in Saynt Nicolas[85] Flesshambles in London, called Poule, had a seruaunte called Peter. Thys Peter on a Sonday was at the churche herynge masse; and one of his felowes, whose name was Phylyppe Spencer, was sente to call him at the commaundement of his maister. So it happened at the tyme that the curat _preched_, and in his sermonde touched many auctoryties of the holy scriptures, amonge all, the wordes of the pystles of saynt Poule ad[86] phylypenses: howe [we] be nat onely bounde to beleue in Chryste but also to suffre for Chrystes sake; and [he] sayd these wordes in the pulpet: what sayeth Poule ad Phylyppenses to this? Thys yonge man, that was called Philyppe Spenser, hadde went he had spoken of him [and] answered shortely and sayd: mary, syr, he bad Peter come home and take his parte of a podynge, for he shulde go for a Calfe anone. The curate herynge this, was abasshed, and all the audyence made great laughter.

By thys ye may se, that it is no token of a wyse man to gyue a soden answere to a questyon, before he knowe surely what the matter is.

FOOTNOTES:

[85] Orig, reads _Nocolas_. The Church of St. Nicholas Shambles, which formerly stood in the neigbourhood of Newgate Market, was pulled down at the Reformation. See Cunningham, _Handbook of London_, in voce.

[86] Orig. reads _and_.

¶ _Of the courtear and the carter._ li.

¶ There came a courtyer by a carter, the whiche in derysyon preysed the carters backe, legges, and other membres of his body meruaylously, whose gestynge the carter perceyued and sayde, he had another properte than the courtyer espyed in hym; and whan the courtyer had demanded what it shulde be, he lokyd asyde ouer hys shulder vpon the courtyer and sayde thus: lo! syr, this is my propertie. I haue a walle eye in my hede: for I neuer loke ouer my shulder thys wyse but lyghtlye[87] I spye[88] a knaue.

By this tale a man may se, that he that useth to deryde and mocke other folkes, is somtyme him selfe more deryded and mocked.

FOOTNOTES:

[87] Quickly.

[88] Orig. reads _lyghtlye espye_.

¶ _Of the yongman that prayd his felow to teche hym hys paternoster._ lii.

¶ A yonge man of the age of xx yere, rude and unlerned, in the tyme of Lente came to his curate to be confessed; whiche, whan he was of his lyfe serched and examyned could not saye his Pater noster: wherfore his confessoure exorted him to lerne his Pater noster and shewed him what an holy and goodly prayer it was and the effecte therof and the vii peticyons therin contayned. _The i. sanctificetur &c. halowed be thy name. The ii. adueniat regnum &c. thy kingdome come. The iii. Fiat voluntas &c. thy will be done in earth as it is in heuen. The iv. Panem nostrum &c. geue[89] us_ our dayly sustenaunce alway and helpe vs as we helpe[90] them that haue nede of us. The v. Dimitte &c. Forgyue vs our synnes done to the as we forgyue them that trespas agaynste vs. The vi. Et ne nos. Let vs nat be ouercome with euyll temptacyon. The vii. Sed libera &c. But delyuer us from all euyll. amen. And than his confessour, after this exposicyon to hym made, injoyned hym in penaunce to faste euery Fryday on brede and water, tyll he had his Pater noster well and sufficiently lerned. This yonge man, mekely acceptyng his penaunce, so departed and came home to one of his companyons, and sayde to his felowe: so it is that my gostely father hathe gyuen me in penaunce to faste euery Fryday [on] brede and water, tyll I can say my Pater noster. Therfore I pray thee teche me my Pater noster, and by my truthe I shall therfore teche the a songe of Robyn Hode that shall be worth xx of it.

By thys tale ye may lerne to knowe the effecte of the holy prayer of the Pater noster.

FOOTNOTES:

[89] Singer's ed. reads _yeve_.

[90] Orig. ed. and Singer read _we haue and helpe them_.

¶ _Of the frere that prechyd in ryme expownynge the ave maria._ liii.

¶ A certayne frere there was whiche, vpon Our Lady day the Annuncyacion, made a sermon in the Whyte Freres in London, and began his antetexte thys wyse. Aue Maria gracia plena dominus tecum &c. These wordes, quod the frere, were spoken by the aungell Gabryell to Oure Ladye, whan she conceyued Christe; which is as moche to saye in our mother tonge as: all hayle, Mary, well thou be; the sonne of God is with the. And furthermore the aungell sayde: thou shall conceyue and bere a sonne, and thou shalt call his name Jesum; and Elyzabeth thy swete cosyn, she shall conceyue the swete Saynt John. And so [he] proceded styll in his sermon in suche fonde ryme, that dyuers and many gentylmen of the court that were there began to smyle and laughe. The frere that perceyuyng said thus: Maysters, I pray you, harke; I shall tell you a narracyon. There was ones a yonge preest, that was nat all the best clerke, sayd masse and redde a colect thus: Deus qui vigenti filii tui &c. wherfore he shulde haue said vnigeniti filii tui &c.; and after, whan masse was done, there was suche a gentylman, as one of you are, nowe that had herde this masse, came to the preest and sayde thus: syr, I pray you tell me how many sonnes had God Almyghty? Quod the preest: why aske you that? Mary, syr, quod the gentylman, I suppose he had xx sonnes: for ye sayd right nowe: Deus qui viginti filii tui.[91] The preest, perceyuynge how that he deryded hym, answered hym shortely and said thus: howe many sonnes so euer God Almyghty had, I am sure that thou arte none of them: for thou scornyst the worde of God. And so sayde the frere in the pulpet: no more are ye none of the chyldren of God: for ye scorne and laughe at me nowe, that preche to you the worde of God whiche

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_By this ye may_[92] perceyue wel that the best, the wysyst and the most holyest matter that is, by fond pronuncyacion and otterauns, may be marryd nor shall not[93] edyfye to the audyence. Therfore euery proces shold[94] be vtteryd wyth wordys and countenaunce conuenyent to the matter.

Also yet by thys tale they that be vnlearnyd in the laten tonge may know the sestence[95] of the Aue Maria.

FOOTNOTES:

[91] This portion of the tale is repeated in _Scoggin's or Scogin's Jests_.

¶ _Of the curat that prechyd the artycles of the Crede._ liv.

¶ In a wyllage in Warwykshyre there was a parysh prest, al though he wer no great clarke nor graduat of the vnyuersyte, yet he prechid to hys paryshons vppon a Sonday, declaryng to them xii artycles of the Crede; shewyng them that the furst artycle was to beleue in God the fader almyghty maker of heuen and erth; the second, to beleue in Jesu Cryste hys onely son our Lorde coequal wyth the fader in all thynges perteynyng to the deyte; the thyrd, that he was conceyuyd of the holy goost, borne of the vyrgyn Mary; the fourthe, that he suffred deth under Pons pylate and that he was crucyfyed, dede and beryed; the fyft, that he descended to hell, and fet[96] out the good sowlys that were in feyth and hope, and than the thyrd day rose from deth to lyfe; the syxt, [that] he assendyd into heuen to the ryght syde of God the fader, where he syttyth; the seuynth, that he shall come at the day of dome to judge both us that be quyk and them that be dede; the eyght, to beleue in the Holy Ghost equall God wyth the fader and the sone; the nynth, [to beleue] in the holy churche Catholyk and in the holy communyon of sayntes; the tenth, [to beleue] in the remyssion of synnys; the levynth, [to beleue] in the resurreccyon generall of the body and soule; the twelfth [to beleue] in eurlastynge lyfe that God shall rewarde them that be good. And [he] sayd to his paryshons further, that these artycles ye be bounde to beleue: for they be trewe of auctoryte. And yf you beleue not me, than for a more surete and suffycyent auctoryte go your way to Couentre, and there ye shall se them all playe in Corpus Cristi playe.

By redynge of this tale, they that understand no Laten may lerne to knovve the xii articles of the fayth.

FOOTNOTES:

[92] I have supplied these four words from conjecture. They are not in the original nor in Singer's reprint.

[93] The double negative is very common in old English books.

[94] Orig. reads _wold_.

[95] Essence?

[96] Fetched.

¶ _Of the frere that prechyd the x commaundementis._ lv.

¶ A lymytour of the Gray Freres in London prechyd[97] in a certaine vyllage in the contrey in the tyme of his lymytacyon, and had prechyd a sermon which he had lernyd by hart, that of the declaring of the x. commaundementis. The fyrst, to beleue in one God and to honoure him aboue all thynges. The seconde, to swere not in vayn by hym nor none of his creatures. The thyrde, to absteyne from wordely operacyon on the holy day, thou and all thy seruauntys of whome thou hast cherg. The fourthe, to honour thy parentys and to help them in theyr necessyte. The fyft, to sle no man in dede nor wyll, nor for no hatred hurte his bodye nor good name. The syxte, to do no fornycacyon actuall nor by no vnlefull[98] thought to desyre no fleshly delectacyon. The seuenthe (eighth), to stele nor depryue no mannes goodes by thefte. _The ninth, not to bear false witness against thy neighbour. The tenth, not_[99] to couete nor desyre no mannes goodes vnlefullye. Thou shalt not desyre thy neyghbours wyfe for thyne owne apetyte vnlaufully. And because this frere had preched this sermonde so often, one that had herde it before tolde the freres seruaunte, that his maister was called frere John x. Commaundementes; wherfore this seruaunte shewed the frere his mayster therof, and aduysed him to preche some sermonde of some other matter: for it greued him to here his maister so deryded and to be called frere John x. Commaundementes. For euery man knoweth [quod he] what ye wyll say, as sone as euer ye begyn, because ye haue prechyd it so ofte. Why than, quod the frere, I am sure thou knowest well whiche be the x commaundementes that hast herde them so ofte declared. Ye, syr, quod the seruaunte, that I do. Than, quod the frere, I pray the reherse them vnto me nowe. Mary, quod the seruaunte, they be these. Pride, couetise,[100] slouthe, enuy, wrathe, glotony and lechery.

By redyng thys tale ye may lerne to knowe the x commaundementes and the vii dedely synnes.[101]

FOOTNOTES:

[97] Orig. reads _whych perchyd_, which the context will scarcely allow.

[98] Unlawful.

[99] The words in italics are supplied by me from conjecture. They are not in orig. or in Singer's reprint; but it is evident what the context requires.

[100] Covetousness. Orig. reads _covetous_.

[101] Whitford, in his _Werke for Householders_, 1533, says:--"yet must you have a lesson to teche your folkes to beware of the vii pryncipall synnes, whiche ben communely called the seven dedely synnes, but in dede they doue call them wronge: for they be not alway dedely synnes. Therfore they sholde be called capytall or pryncipall synnes, and not dedely synnes. These ben theyr names by ordere after our dyvysion: Pryde, Envy, Wrath, Covetyse, Glotony, Slouth, and Lechery."

¶ _Of the wyfe that bad her husbande ete the candell fyrste._ lvi.

¶ The husbande sayde to his wyfe thus wyse: by this candell, I dremed thys nyght that I was cockecolde. To whom she answered and sayd: husbande, by this brede, ye are none. Than sayd he: wyfe, eate the brede. She answered and sayd to her husbande: than eate you the candell: for you sware fyrste.

By this a man may se, that a womans answer is _neuer to seke_.

¶ _Of the man of lawes sonnes answer._ lvii.

¶ A woman demaunded a questyon of a little chylde, sonne unto a man of lawe, of what crafte his father was; whiche chylde sayde, his father was a craftye man of lawe.

By this tale a man may perceyue, that somtyme peraduenture yonge Innocentes speke truely vnaduysed.

¶ _Of the frere in the pulpet that bad the woman leue her babelynge._ lviii.

¶ In a certayne parrysshe churche in London, after the olde laudable and accustomed maner, there was a frere Mynor, all thoughe he were nat the best clerke nor coulde nat make the best sermondes, yet by the lycence of the curate he there prechyd to the Parysshons. Among the whyche audyence there was a wyfe at that tyme lytell disposed to contemplacyon, [who] talked wyth a gossype of hers of other femenyne tales so loude that the frere harde and somwhat was perturbed therwith. To whome therfore openly the frere spake and sayd: thou woman there in the tawny gowne, holde thy peace and leaue thy babelynge; thou troublest the worde of God. This woman therwith sodenly abasshed, because the frere spake to her so openly, that all the people her behelde, answered shortly and said: I beshrowe his harte that babeleth more of us two. At the which seyng the people dyd laughe, because they felte but lytell frute in hys sermonde.

By this tale a man may lerne to beware howe he openly rebuketh any other, and in what audyence, lest it come to his owne reprofe.

¶ _Of the Welchman that cast the Scotte into the see._ lix.

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they toke many great interpryses and many shyppes and many prisoners of other realmes that were theyr enemyes. Amonge the whiche they happened on a season to take a Scottes shype; and dyuers Scottes they slewe and toke prisoners, amonge whome there was a Welcheman that had one of the Scottes prysoners, and bad him that he shulde do of his harneys, whiche to do the Scotte was very lothe; howe be it for feare at the laste he pulled it of with an euyll wyll, and sayd to the Welcheman: and if thou wylte nedes haue my harneys, take it there, and cast it ouer the borde into the see. The Welcheman, seynge that, sayd: by Cottes blud and her nayle,[102] I shall make her fette[103] it agayne; and toke him by the legges, and caste hym after ouer the borde into the see.

By this tale a man may lerne, that he that is subiecte to another, ought to forsake his owne wyll and folowe his wyll and comaundement that so hathe subieccyon ouer him, leste it turne to his great hurte and damage.

FOOTNOTES:

[102] i.e. By God's blood and His nail.

[103] Fetch.

¶ _Of the man that had the dome wyfe._ lx.

¶ There was a man that maryed a woman whiche had great ryches and beautie; howe be it she had suche an impedyment of nature, that she was domme and coulde nat speke. Whiche thinge made him to be ryght pensyfe and sadde; wherfore, vpon a day as he walked alone ryght heuy in harte, thynkynge vpon his wyfe, there came one to him and asked hym, what was the cause of his heuynesse; whiche answered that it was onely because his wife was borne domme. To whome this other sayde: I shall shewe the sone a remedye and a medecyne therfore, that is thus: go take an aspen lefe and laye it vnder her tonge this nyght, she beynge a slepe; and I warante the that she shall speke on the morowe. Whiche man, beynge glad of this medycyne, prepared therfore and gathered aspyn leaues; wherfore he layde thre of them vnder her tonge, when she was a slepe. And on the morowe whan he hymselfe awaked, he, desyrous to knowe howe his medecyne wrought, beynge in bedde with her, he demaunded of her howe she dyd; and sodenly she answered and sayd: I beshrowe your harte for wakenynge me so erly; and so by the virtue of that medycyne she was restored to her speche. But in conclusyon her speche so encreased day by day, and she was so curste of condycyon, that euery daye she brauled and chydde with her husbande so moche, that at the laste he was more vexed, and hadde moche more trouble and disease with her shrewde wordes, than he hadde before whan she was dome. Wherfore, as he walked another tyme abrode, he happened to meate agayne with the same persone that taughte _hym howe to make his wyfe speke_[104]

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and more wery of her nowe than I was before, whan she was domme; wherfore I praye you teche me a medycyne to modefye her, that she speke nat so moche. This other answered and sayd thus: syr, I am a deuyll of hell; but I am one of them that haue leste power there. All be it yet I haue power to make a woman to speke, but and if a woman begyn ones to speke, I, nor all the deuyls in hell that haue the more power, be nat able to make a woman to be styll, nor to cause her to leaue her spekynge.

By thys tale ye may note, that a man ofte tymes desyreth and coueteth moche that thynge, that ofte turneth to his displeasure.

FOOTNOTES:

[104] These words in Italics I have supplied from conjecture. They are not in orig. or in Singer.

¶ _Of the Proctour of Arches that had the lytel wyfe._ lxi.

¶ One askyd a Proctour of the Arches, lately before maryed, why he chose so lytel a wyfe; whiche answered: because he had a texte sayenge thus: ex duobus malis minus[105] est eliendum, that is to saye in englyshe, amonge euyll thinges the leste is to be chosen.

¶ _Of ii nonnes that were shryuen of one preste._ lxii.

¶ In the tyme of Lente there came two nonnes to saynte Johnns in London bycause of the great pardon, there to be confessed. Of the whyche nonnes, the one was a young lady and the other was olde. This yonge lady chose fyrst her confessour, and confessed her that she hadde synned in lechery. The confessour asked, with whome it was; she sayd it was with a lustye gallante. He demaunded where it was; she sayd: in a plesaunte grene herber. He asked further: whan it was. She sayd: in the mery moneth of Maye. Than sayd the confessour this wyse: a fayre yonge lady, with a lusty galante, in a plesaunte herber, and in the mery moneth of Maye! Ye dyd but your kynde! Nowe, by my truthe, God forgyue you, and I do; and so she departed. And incontynent the olde nonne mette with her, askynge her howe she lyked her confessour; whiche sayd he was the best gostly father that euer she hadde and the most easyest in penaunce-geuyng. For comfort wherof this other nonne went to the same confessour and shroue her lykewyse, that she had synned in lechery. And he demaunded with whome. Whiche sayde: with an old frere. He asked where. She said: in her olde cloyster. He asked: what season. She sayde: in Lente. Than the confessour sayd: an old ----, to lye with an old frere, in her olde cloyster, and in the holy tyme of Lente! by cockes body,[106] if God forgyue the, yet wyll I neuer forgyue the. Which wordes caused her to departe all sadde and sore abasshed.

By this tale men may lerne, that a vicyous acte is more abhomynable in one person than in another, in one season than in another, and in one place than in an other.[107]

FOOTNOTES:

[105] orig. reads: _ex duobus malis minus malis_.

[106] By God's body.

[107] If meant as quiet irony, this moral is admirable.

¶ _Of the esquyer that sholde have ben made knyght._ lxiii.

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and the trumpettes began to blowe, a yonge squyer of Englande rydynge on a lusty courser of whych horse the noyse of the trumpettes so prycked the corage, that the squyer could nat him retayne; so that agaynste his wyll he ranne vpon hys enemyes. Whyche squyer, seynge none other remedy, sette his spere in the rest and rode throughe the thyckest of hys enemyes, and in conclusyon had good fortune, and saued hym selfe alyue without hurte: and the Englysshe hooste folowed and had the victorye. And after, whan the felde was wonne, this kynge Edwarde called the squyre and badde hym knele down, _and he_ wolde make hym knyght, because he valyauntely was the man that day, which with the moost couragyous stomake aduentured fyrste vpon theyr enemyes. To whome the squyer thus answered: if it lyke your grace to make any one knyghte therfore, I beseche you to make my horse knyght, and nat _me: for certes_ it was his dede, and nat myne, and full sore agaynst my wyll. Whiche answere the kynge herynge refrayned to promote hym to the order of knyghthode, reputynge hym in maner but for a cowarde; and euer after fauored hym the lesse therfore.

By this tale a man may lerne, howe it is wysedome _when he is_ in good credence to kepe hym[self] therein, and in no wyse to dysable[108] hym selfe to moche.

¶ _Of him that wolde gette the maystrye of his wyfe._ lxiv.

¶ A yonge man, late maryed to a wyfe, thought it was good polecye to gette the maystrye of her in the begynnynge, came to her, the potte sethynge ouer the fyre, all thoughe the meate therein were nat ynoughe soden [and] commaunded[109] her to take the potte fro the fyre; whiche answered and said that the meate was nat redy to eate. And he said agayne: I wyll haue it taken of for my pleasure. This good woman, lothe yet to offende hym, sette the potte besyde the fyre, as he badde. And anone after he commaunded her to sette the potte behynde the dore, and she said agayne: ye be nat wyse therin. But he precysely said, it shuld be so, as he bad. And she gentylly againe dyd his commaundement. This man, yet nat satisfied, comaunded her to set the pot a-hygh vpon the henne roste. What! quod the wyfe, I trowe ye be madde. And he fyerslye than comaunded her to sette it there, or els he sayd she shulde repente it. She, somwhat afrayde to moue his pacyence, toke a ladder, and sette it to the rost[110] and wente her selfe vp the ladder, and toke the potte in her hande, prayeng her husbande than to holde the ladder faste for [fear of] slydynge; whiche so dyd. And whan the husbande loked up, and sawe the potte stande there on hyght, he sayd thus: Lo! nowe standeth the potte there, as I wolde haue it. This wyfe hearynge

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FOOTNOTES:

[108] disparage.

[109] orig. is here apparently very corrupt; it reads: "all thoughe the meat therein were nat ynoughe, sodenlye commaunded," &c.

¶ _Of the penytent that sayd the shepe of God have mercy upon me._ lxv.

¶ A certayne confessour, in the holy tyme of Lente, enioyned his penytente to saye dayly for his penaunce this prayer: Agnus Dei miserere mei, whiche was as moche to saye in englysshe as the Lambe of God haue mercye vpon me. This penytente acceptynge his penaunce departed, and that tyme twelfe monthe after came agayne to be confessed of the same confessoure, whiche demaunded of him whether he had fulfylled his penaunce that he hym enioyned the laste yeare. _Than_ he sayde thus: ye, syr, I thanke God I haue fulfylled it. For I haue sayd thus to daye in the mornynge and so dayly: the shepe of God haue mercy vpon me. To whome the confessour said: nay, I bad the say: Agnus Dei miserere mei, that is, the Lamb of God haue mercy vpon me. Ye, syr, quod the _penytente_, ye say truthe; that was the laste yeare. But now it is a twelfemonthe _since_, and it is a shepe by this tyme. Therfore I muste nedes say nowe: the shepe of God haue mercy vpon me.

By this tale ye may perceyue, that if holy scripture be expowned to the lay people onely in the lytterall sence, peraduenture it shall do lytell good.

FOOTNOTES:

[110] planted it against the roost.

¶ _Of the husbande that sayd he was John Daw._ lxvi.

¶ It _happened_ dyuers to be in communicacyon, amonge whome there was a curate or a parysshe preest and one John Dawe, a parisshon of his; whiche ii had communicacyon more busy than other in thys maner. This preest thought that one myght nat by felynge knowe one from a nother in the darke. John Dawe his parysshone, [being] of the contrary opinyon, layde with his curate for a wager xl pence; whervpon the parysshe preest, wyllynge to proue his wager, wente to this John Dawes house in the euenynge, and sodenly gate hym to bedde with his wyfe; where, whan he began to be somwhat busye, she felynge his crowne sayde shortely with a loude voyce: by God! thou art nat John Dawe. That hearynge, her husbande answered: thou sayest trouthe, wyfe, I John Dawe am here.[111] Therfore, mayster persone, gyue me the money: for ye haue loste your xl. pence.

By this tale ye may lerne to perceyue, that it is no wysedome for a man to be couetous of wynnynge of any wager to put in ieopardye a thynge, that maye turne him to greatter displeasure.

¶ _Of the scoler of Oxforde that proued by souestry ii chykens iii._ lxvii.

¶ A ryche Frankelyn in the contrey hauynge by his wyfe but one chylde and no mo, for the great affeccyon that he had to his sayd chylde founde hym at Oxforde to schole by the space of ii or iii yere. Thys yonge scoler, in a vacacyon[112] tyme, for his disporte came home to his father. It fortuned afterwarde on a nyght, the father, the mother and the sayd yonge scoler

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_I_ haue studyed souestry, and by that scyence I can proue, that these ii chekyns in the dysshe be thre chekyns.[113] Mary, sayde the father, that wolde I fayne se. The scoller toke one of the chekyns in his hande and said: lo! here is one chekyn, and incontynente he toke bothe the chekyns in his hande iointely and sayd: here is ii chekyns; and one and ii maketh iii: ergo here is iii chekyns. Than the father toke one of the chekyns to him selfe, and gaue another to his wyfe, and sayd thus: lo! I wyll haue one of the chekyns to my parte, and thy mother shal haue a nother, and because of thy good argumente thou shalte haue the thyrde to thy supper: for thou gettyst no more meate here at this tyme; whyche promyse the father kepte, and so the scoller wente without his supper.

By this tale men may se, that it is great foly to put one to scole to lerne any subtyll scyence, whiche hathe no naturall wytte.

FOOTNOTES:

[111] orig. reads _I am here John Dawe_.

[112] orig. reads _vocacyon_.

[113] The same story is to be found in _Scogin's Jests_, with a trifling variation. _Scogin's Jests_ were published before 1565. Several of the anecdotes, here narrated, were re-produced in that and other collections. See also _Joake upon Joake_, 1721, where the present story is told of King Charles the Second, Nell Gwynne, and the Duchess of Portsmouth. In this version the Duchess is the sufferer.

¶ _Of the frere that stale the podynge._[114] lxviii.

¶ A frere of London there was that on a Sonday in the mornynge yerly[115] in the somer season came fro London to Barnette to make a colacyon,[116] and was there an houre before hye masse began: and bycause he wolde come to the churche honestly, he wente fyrst to an ale house there to wype his shoes and to make him selfe clenly. In the whyche house there were podynges to sell, and dyuers folkes there brekynge theyr faste, and eatynge podynges. But the frere brake his faste in a secrete place in the same house. This frere sone after came to the church, and by lycence of the curate entered into the pulpet to make a colacyon or sermon. And in his sermon there he rebuked sore the maner of them that met to breke theyr faste on the Sonday before hye masse, and said it was called the deuyls blacke brekefast. And with that worde spekynge, as he dyd caste his armes out to make his countenaunce, there fell a podyng out of his sleue, whiche he hym selfe had stolen a lytell before in the same alehouse; and whan the people saw that, and specially they that brake theyr faste there the same mornynge, and knewe well that the wyfe had complayned howe she had one of her podynges stolen, they laughed so moche at the frere, that he incontynente wente downe out of the pulpet for shame.

By this tale a man may se that, whan a precher dothe rebuke any synne or vyce wherin he is knowen openly to be gyltie him selfe, suche prechynge shall lytell edefye to the people.

FOOTNOTES:

[114] This story, as already mentioned in the Introduction, is taken from the tale of the "Vickar of Bergamo" in _Tarlton's Newes out of Purgatorie_ (1590). See Halliwell's ed. of _Tarlton's Jests, &c._ p. 82. (Shakesp. Sec.).

[115] Early.

[116] Homily.

¶ _Of the frankelyns sonne that cam to take ordres._ lxix.

¶ A certayne scoler there was, intendynge to be made a preest, whyche hadde nother great wytte nor lernynge, came to the bysshoppe to take orders, whose folysshenes the bysshoppe perceyuynge, because he was a ryche mannes sonne wolde nat very strongly oppose him, but asked him thys _questyon: Noye had thre sonnes, Sem, Came, and Japhete; nowe tell me, who was Japhetes father? But the scoler was all abashed, and knew nat what to answere: wherefore the bysshoppe sayde: get the home and consider awhile_, and come agayne and soyle[117] me this questyon, and thou shalt haue orders. This scoler so departed and came home to his father, and shewed hym the cause of the hynderaunce of his orders. Hys father, beyng angry at his folisshenes, thought to teche hym the solucyon of this questyon by a familier example, and called his spanyels before hym, and sayd thus: Thou knowest well, Colle my dogge hathe these iii. whelpes, Ryg, Trygge and Tryboll. Muste nat all my dogges nedes be syre to Tryboll? Than quod the scoler: by God! father, ye [have] sayd trouthe. Let me alone nowe; ye shall se me do well ynoughe the nexte tyme. Wherfore on the morowe he wente to the bysshoppe agayne, and sayd he coulde soyle his questyon. Than sayd the bysshoppe: Noye had thre sonnes, Sem, Came,[118] and Japhete. Now, tell me who was Japhetes father. Mary, syr, quod the scoler, if it plese youre lordeshyppe, Colle my fathers dogge.

By this tale a man may lerne, that it is but loste tyme to teche a fole any thynge, whiche hathe no wytte to perceyue it.

FOOTNOTES:

[117] Satisfy, a very rare word.

¶ _Of the husbandman that lodgyd the frere in his own bedde._ lxx.

¶ It fortuned so that a frere, late in the euenynge, desyred lodgynge of a poore man of the countrey, the whiche for lacke of other lodgyng, glad to harborowe the frere, lodged him in his owne bedde. And after, he and his wyfe, the frere beynge a slepe, came and laye in the same bedde; and in the mornynge after the poore man rose and went to the market, leauyng the frere in the bedde with his wyfe. And as he wente he smiled and laughte to hym selfe; wherfore hys neyghbours demaunded of hym, why he so smyled. He answered and sayd: I laughe to thynke, howe shamefaste the frere shal be whanne he waketh, whome I left in bedde with my wyfe.

By this tale a man may lerne, that he that ouershoteth hym selfe doth folysshely: yet he is more fole to shewe it openly.

FOOTNOTES:

[118] Ham.

¶ _Of the preste that wolde say two gospels for a grote._ lxxi.

¶ Somtyme there dwelled a preest in Stretforde vpon Auyne of small lernyng, which vndeuoutly sange masse and oftentymes twyse on one day. So it happened on a tyme, after his seconde masse was done in shorte space, nat a myle from Stretforde there mette with hym dyuers marchaunte men whiche wolde haue harde masse, and desyred hym to synge masse and he shuld haue a grote; whiche answered them and sayd: syrs, I wyll say masse no more this day; but I wyll say you two gospels for one grote, and that is dogge chepe [for] a masse in any place in Englande.

By this tale a man may se, that they that be rude and unlerned regarde but lytell the meryte and goodness of holy prayer.

¶ _Of the coutear that dyd cast the frere ouer the bote._ lxxii.

_Too much damaged to decypher._

¶ _Of the frere that prechyd what mennys sowles were._ lxxiii.

¶ A precher in pulpet whiche prechyd the worde _of God, amonge other_ matters spake of mennes soules and sayd _that the soule was so_ subtyll that a thousande soules myght daunce _on the space of the nayle of a_ mannes fynger. Amonge which audyence there was a mery conceyted _fellow_ of small deuocyon that answered and sayde thus: mayster doctour, if a thousande soules may daunce on a mannes nayle, I praye you than, where shall the pyper stande?

By this tale a man may se, that it is but foly to shewe or to teche vertue to them, that haue no pleasure nor mynde therto.

¶ _Of the husbande that cryed ble under the bed._ lxxiv.

¶ In London there was a certayne artifycer hauyng a fayre wife, to whom a lusty galante made pursute to accomplisshe his pleasure. This woman, denyeng, shewed the matter vnto her husband whiche, moued therewith, bad his wyfe to appoynte him a tyme to come secretly to lye with her all nyght, and with great crakes and othes sware that, agaynst his comyng, he wolde be redy harneysed and wolde put him in ieopardye of his lyfe, except he wolde make hym a great amendes. Thys nyght was then appoynted; at whiche tyme thys courtyer came at his houre, and entred in at the chamber, and set his two-hande sworde downe, and sayde these wordes: stande thou there, thou sworde, the dethe of thre men! This husbande lyenge vnder the bedde in harneys, herynge these wordes, lay still for fere. The courtyer anone gat him to bed with the wyfe about his prepensed busynesse; and within an houre or two the husbande, beynge wery of lyenge, beganne to remoue hym. The courtyer, that hearynge, asked the wyfe what thinge that was that remoued vnder the bedde; whiche, excusyng the matter, sayd it was a lytell shepe, that was wonte dayly to go about the house; and the husbande, that herynge, anone cryed _ble_, as it had ben a shepe. And so in conclusyon, whan the courtyer sawe his tyme, he rose and kissed the wyfe, and took his leaue and departed. And as sone as he was gone the husbande arose; and, whan the wyfe loked on him, somwhat abasshed began to make a sad countenance; and [she] sayde; alas! syr, why did you * *

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_By this tale ye may se_, that he is not wyse that will put his confydence _in bosters_ and great crakers, whiche ofte tymes wyll do but ly_tell, when it comes to_ the poynte.

¶ _Of the shomaker that asked the colyer what tydynges in hell._[119] lxxv.

¶ A souter[120] syttynge in his shope, that sawe a colyer come by, _deryded hym_, because he was so blacke, and asked hym, what newes from hell and howe the deuyll fared. To whome the colyer answeryd hym: he was well, whan I sawe hym laste; for he was rydynge _and waited_ but for a souter to plucke on his botes.

By this ye may se that he that vseth to deryde other folkes is somtyme him selfe more deryded and mocked.

FOOTNOTES:

[119] The blackness of colliers was employed of course from a very early period as a ground for satirical insinuations as to their connection with the Evil One. In 1568, Ulpian Fulwell, a distinguished writer of the Elizabethan era, published _A Pleasant Interlude intituled Like will to Like quoth the Devil to the Collier_; and in the old play of _Grim the Collier of Croydon_, the epithet grim was intended to convey a similar idea. In _Robin Goodfellow His Mad Pranks and Merry Jests_, 1628, however, Grim is the name of a Fairy.

[120] Shoemaker or Cobbler. Lat. _Sutor_.

¶ _Of Seynt Peter that cryed cause bobe._ lxxvi.

¶ I fynde wrytten amonge olde gestes,[121] howe God mayde Saynt Peter porter of heuen, and that God of hys goodnes, sone after his passyon, suffered many men to come to the kyngdome of Heuen with small deseruynge; at whiche tyme there was in heuen a great company of Welchemen, whyche with their crakynge and babelynge troubled all the other. Wherfore God sayde to saynte Peter, that he was wery of them, and that he wolde fayne haue them out of heuen. To whome saynte Peter sayd: Good Lorde, I warrente you, that shal be done. Wherfore saynt Peter wente out of heuen gates and cryed wyth a loud voyce _Cause bobe_, that is as moche to saye as rosted chese, whiche thynge the Welchemen herynge, ranne out of Heuen a great pace. And when Saynt Peter sawe them all out, he sodenly wente into Heuen, and locked the dore, and so sparred all the Welchemen out.

By this ye may se, that it is no wysdome for a man to loue or to set his mynde to moche vpon any delycate or worldely pleasure, wherby he shall lose the celestyall and eternall ioye.

FOOTNOTES:

[121] It is not very usual to find this word in its jocular sense spelled in this manner. It continued to be used in its original signification (_action_ or _exploit_) even to the Restoration, perhaps later. The most recent example of this employment with which the Editor has happened to meet is at p. 29 of Mauley's _Iter Carolinum_, 1660, where the writer speaks of "His Majesties Gests from Newcastle to Holdenby in Feb. 1646." These _gests_ were certainly no _jests_. Since the former part of this note was written a more recent instance of the use of _gest_ in the sense in question has occurred to the Editor in the _Life and Gests of S. Thomas Cantilupe, Gant_, 1674. 8vo.

¶ _Of hym that aduenturyd body and soule for hys prynce._ lxxvii.

¶ Two knyghtes there were which wente to a standynge fylde with theyr prynce; but one of them was confessed before he wente, but the other wente into the felde without shryfte or repentaunce. Afterwarde thys prynce wanne the fylde, and had the victory that day; wherfore he that was confessed came to the prynce, and asked an offyce and sayd that he had deserved it, for he had done good seruice and aduentured that day as farre as any man in the felde. To whome the other that was unconfessed answered and sayd: nay, by the masse, I am more worthy to haue a rewarde than he: for he aduentured but his body for your sake, for he durst nat go to the felde tyll he was confessed; _but I that was unconfessed adventured my soule_.[122] * * * *

_The remainder of this tale is wanting._

¶ _Of the parson that stale the mylners elys._ lxxviii.

_Too imperfect to decypher._

¶ _Of the Welchman that saw one xls. better than God._ lxxix.

¶ A Welchman on a tyme went to churche to _be shryued, and chanced_ to come in euyn at the sacryng-time.[123] When he had _confessed him_ he went home, wher one of his felowes askyd hym wh_ether he had seen God_ Almighty to day; which answerd and sayd: nay, but I saw _one forty shillings better_.

¶ _Of the frere that said dyryge for the hoggys soule._ lxxx.

¶ Upon a tyme certayn women in the countrye were _appoynted[124] to dery_de and mokke a frere limitour, that vsed moche to _trouble them_; whereupon one of them, a lytyll before the frere came, _tooke a hogge_, and for dysport leyd it under the borde after the manner of a corse; _and told the_ frere it was her good man and dysyred hime to say dirige for his soule. _Where_fore the frere and his felaw began Placebo and Dirige and so fo_rth, thorough_ the seruyse full devowtly, which the wyues so heryng could not re_fraine_ them selfe from lawghynge and went in to a lytyll parler to lawgh _more_ at theyr pleasure. These freris somwhat suspected the cause, and quikly, _or_ that the women were ware, lokyd under the borde, and spying[125] that it was an hog, sodenly toke it bytwene them and bare it homeward as fast as they might. The women, seyng that, ran after the frere and cryed: com agayn, maester frere, come agayne, and let it allone. Nay by my faith, quod the frere, he is a broder of ours, and therefore he must nedys be buryed in oure cloyster. And so the frerys gate the hog.

By this ye may se, that they that use to deride and mok other, somtyme it tornyth to theyre owne losse and damage.

FOOTNOTES:

[122] The words in Italics are supplied from conjecture. They are not in orig. or in Singer.

[123] Sacrament.

[124] Prepared, _i.e._ had made themselves ready.

[125] Orig. reads _spyed_.

¶ _Of the parson that sayde masse of requiem for Crystes soul._ lxxxi.

¶ A certayn prest there was that dwellyd in the cuntry which was not very well lernyd. Therfore on Ester-Euyn he sent his boy to the prest of the next town, that was ii. myle from thens, to know what masse he sholde synge on the morowe. This boy came to the sayd prest, and dyd his maysters errande to hym. Then quod the prest: tel thy mayster that he must * *

_Several lines wanting._

masse he shuld synge on the morowe. By my trothe, _quod the boy_, I have forgotten it; but he bad me tell you it began * * * * _Then quod the prest_: I trowe thou sayest trewth: for now I remem_ber me it is the masse of requiem_: for God Almyghty dyed upon Good Fry_day_, and it _is meet we shulde say masse_ for hys soule.

_By thys tale ye may se, that_ when one fole sendyth another fole on hys er_rand, hys_ besynes folyshly sped.

¶ _Of the herdeman that sayde: ryde apace, ye shall haue rayn._ lxxxii.

¶ _A certayne skoler of Oxenford_ which had studied the iudicials of astronomy, _upon a tyme as he_ was rydyng by the way, came[126] by a herdman; and _he asked thys herdm_an how far it was to the next town. Syr, quod the herd_man, it is rather_ past a mile and an half; but, sir, quod he, ye nede to ryde _apace: for ye shal h_aue a shower of rayn, or ye com thider. What, quod the skoler, _maketh ye say so_? There ys no token of rayn: for the cloudes be both fayr and clere. _By my troth_, quod the herdman, but ye shall fynd it so. The skoler then rode forth, _and it chanced_ or he had ryden half a myle forther, there fell a good showre of rayn _and[127] thys_ skoler was well washyd and wett to the skyn. The skoler then tornyd _hym backe, and_ rode to the herdman, and desyryd hym to tech him that connyng. _Nay_, quod the herdman, I wyll not tech you my connynge for nought. Then _the skoler_ profferyde hym xl shyllyngs to teche hym that connynge. The herd_man, after_ he had reseyuyd hys money, sayd thus: syr, se you not yonder _blacke_ ewe with the whyte face? Yes, quod the skoler. Suerly, quod the herdman, when she daunsith and holdeth up her tayle, ye shall haue a showre of rayn within half an howre after.[128]

By this ye may se, that the connyng of herdmen and shepardes, as touchinge alteracyons of weders, is more sure than the iudicials of astronomy.

FOOTNOTES:

[126] Orig. reads _which came_.

[127] Singer's conjectural reading is _that_; but _and_ seems to me to be the word required.

¶ _Of hym that sayde: I shall haue nener a peny._ lxxxiii.

¶ In a certayne towne, there was a rych man that lay on his deth bed at poynte of deth, whyche chargyd hys executours to dele[129] for hys soule a certayne some of money in pence, and on thys condicion chargyd them as they would answere afore God, that euery pore man that cam to them and told a trew tale shulde haue a peny, and they that said a fals thing shuld haue none; and in the dole-tyme there cam one whych sayd that God was a good man. Quod the executours: thou shalt haue a peny, for thou saist trouth. Anone came a nother and said, the deuil was a good man. Quod the executours: there thou lyest; therefore thou shalt haue nere a peny. At laste came on[e] to the executors and said thus: ye shall gyue me nere a peny: which wordes made the executors amasyd, and toke aduysment whyther they shuld * * * *

_The end of this tale is wanting._

FOOTNOTES:

[128] See _Scoggin's Jests_(reprint 1795), p. 47.

[129] Count out.

¶ _Of the husbande that sayde hys wyfe and he agreed well._ lxxxiv.

_Too imperfect to decypher._

¶ _Of the prest that sayde Comede episcope._ lxxxv.

¶ In the tyme of visitacyon a bysshoppe, whi_che was maryed_[130] and had gote many chyldren, prepared to questyon a preest what rule he kepte, whiche preest had a le_man_ * * * * * and by her had two or thre small chyldren. In shorte _tyme before the Bys_shoppes commynge, he prepared a rowme to hyde his _leman and children_ ouer in the rofe of his hall; and whan the bysshoppe was _come and discoursing_ with him in the same hall, hauynge x of his owne chyldren about him, _the preest_, who coude speke lytell lytyn or none, bad the bysshoppe in latyn * * * * Comede,[131] episcope. This woman in rofe of the house, hearing _the preest say_ so, had went[132] he had called her, byddynge her: come, Ede; and _answered him_ and sayde: shall I brynge my chyldren with me also? The bysshoppe, _hearing_ this, sayde in sporte: vxor tua sicut vitis abundans in lateribus domus tuæ. The preest than, halfe amasyd, answerd and sayd: filii tui sicut nouellæ oliuarum in circuitu mensæ tuæ.

By this ye may se, that they, that have but small lernyng, som tyme speke truely unaduysed.

FOOTNOTES:

[130] These two words are not in orig. or in Singer; but they seem to be what the context requires.

¶ _Of the woman that stale the pot._ lxxxvi.

¶ On Ashe Wednesday in the mornynge, was a curate of a churche whyche had made good chere the nyght afore and sytten up late, and came to the churche to here confessyon, to whome there came a woman; and among other thynges she confessed her that she had stolen a potte. But than, because of greate watche that this preest had, he there sodenly felle aslepe; and whan this woman sawe him nat wyllynge to here her, she rose and went her waye. And anone an other woman kneled down to the same preest and began to say: Benedicite; wherwith this preest sodenly awaked, and wenynge she had ben the other woman,[133] sayd all angerly, what! arte thou nowe at Benedicite agayne? tell me, what dyddest thou whan thou haddest stolyn the potte?

FOOTNOTES:

[131] Orig. reads _Comode_.

[132] Weened.

¶ _Of mayster Whyttynton dreme._[134] lxxxvii.

¶ Sone after one maister Whyttynton had bylded a colege, on a nyght as he slepte, he dremed that he satte in his church and many folkes there also; and further he dremed that he sawe Our Lady in the same church with a glas of goodly oyntemente in her hande goynge to one askynge him what he had done for her sake; which sayd that he had sayd Our Ladyes sauter[135] euery daye: wherfore she gaue him a lytel of the oyle. And anone she wente to another. * * *

_Several lines wanting._

_he had buylded_ a great college, and was very gladde in hys mynde. _Whan that Oure Ladye cam to hym_, she asked him what he hadde suffred for her _sake, this_ questyon made him greatly abashed, because he had nothing to _answer; wherefore Our Lady_ him informed that for all the great dede of buyldynge _of a colege he must haue no parte of_ that goodly oyntemente.

_By this ye may perceue_, that to suffre for Goddes sake is more _acceptable to God than to buyld or_ gyue great goodes.

FOOTNOTES:

[133] Orig. reads _and_ after _woman_.

[134] The celebrated Sir Richard Whittington. In his _If you know Not me you know No Body_, Part ii. 1606, Heywood introduces the following dialogue respecting Whittington between Dean Nowell and Old Hobson, the haberdasher of the Poultry:--

"_Dr. Now._ This Sir Richard Whittington, three times Mayor, Son to a knight, and 'prentice to a mercer, Began the library of Gray-friars in London, And his executors after him did build Whittington College, thirteen almshouses for poor men, Repair'd Saint Bartholomew's, in Smithfield, Glared the Guildhall, and built Newgate.

_Hob._ Bones a me, then, I have heard lies; For I have heard he was a scullion, And rais'd himself by venture of a cat.

_Dr. Now._ They did the more wrong to the gentleman."

[135] Psalter.

¶ _Of the prest that killed his horse called modicus._ lxxxviii.

¶ _A certayne Bysshoppe_ appoynted to go on visytacion to a preeste's; _and, bycause he_ would haue the preest do but lyttel coste vpon him, he told him to prepare but lytell meate saying thus: Preparas * * * * * _modicus_. This preest whyche understode hym nat halfe well, had _some desire_,[136] wherfore he thoughte to obtayne the bysshoppes fauour; _and therfore againste_ the bysshoppes comynge kylled his horse that was _called Modicus_, whereof the bysshoppe and his seruauntes ete parte; whiche, _whan the byss_hoppe knewe afterwarde, was greatly displeased.

By this ye may se, that many a fole dothe moche coste in makyng _good chere_ at dyners, whiche bathe but lytell thanke for his laboure.

FOOTNOTES:

[136] Wanting in orig. and left blank by Singer. I have supplied them from conjecture.

¶ _Of the Welcheman that stale the Englysshmans cocke._ lxxxix.

¶ A Welcheman dwellynge in Englande fortuned to stele an Englysshemans cocke, and set it on the fyre to sethe; wherefore thys Englysheman, suspecting the Welcheman, came to his house, and sawe the cocke sethyng on the fyre and said to the Welcheman thus: syr, this is my cocke. Mary, quod the Welcheman; and if it be thyne, thou shalte haue thy parte of it. Nay, quod the Englyssheman, that is nat ynoughe. By cottes blut and her nayle! quod the Welcheman, if her be nat ynoughe nowe, her will be ynoughe anone: for her hath a good fyre under her.

¶ _Of hym that brought a botell to a preste._ xc.

¶ Certayne vycars[137] of Poules, disposed to be mery on a Sonday at hye masse tyme, sente another madde felowe of theyr acquointance unto a folysshe dronken preest to gyue hym a bottell, whiche man met with the preest upon the toppe of the stayres by the chauncell dore, and spake to him and sayd thus: syr, my mayster hath sente you a bottell to put your drynke in, because he can kepe none in your braynes. This preest, therwith beynge very angry, all sodenly toke the bottell, and with his fote flange it downe into the body of the churche upon the gentylmans hede.[138]

FOOTNOTES:

[137] Priests.

¶ _Of the endytement of Jesu of Nazareth._ xci.

¶ A certayne Jury in the countye of Myddelsex was enpaneled for the kynge to enquere of all endytements, murders, and felonyes. The persones of this panell were folyshe, couetous and unlerned: for who so euer wolde gyue them a grote, they wolde affyne and verifye his byll, whether it were true or fals, withoute any profe or euydence; wherefore one that was * * * *

_Some lines wanting._

_the Jury loking_ on the grote and nothing on the byll as was their _costome_, which byll whan it was presented into the courte, _the judge_ said openly before all the people: lo! syrs, here is the _straungest byll euer_ presented by an enquest: for here they haue indyted _Jesu of Nazareth_ for stelyng of an asse. Which whan the people harde it, it _made them all to laughe_, and to wonder at the folysshenes and shamefull periury _of the Jury_.

By this ye may se, it is great parell[139] to enpanell _men upon an_ enquest, whiche be folysshe and haue but small _witte or honesty_.

FOOTNOTES:

[138] Orig. reads _gentylmens_.

¶ _Of the frere that preched agaynst them that rode on the Sonday._ xcii.

¶ In a certayne parryshe, a frere preched and _said moche_ againt them, that rode on the Sonday euer lokyng upon _one that was there_, spurred redy to ryde. This man, perceuyng that _the frere loked at_ hym, sodenly halfe in angre answered the frere thus: _I meruayle that ye say so_ moche agaynste them that ryde on the Sonday: for Christe _rode into Jerusalem_ on Palme Sonday, as thou knowest well it is wrytten * * * _To_ whome the frere sodenly answered and sayd thus: _but knowe ye not also what came_ thereof? Was he nat hanged on the Fryday after! Whiche hearing _all them that were_ in the churche fell on laughynge.

FOOTNOTES:

[139] Peril.

¶ _Of the one broder that founde a purs._ xciii.

¶ There was a certayne man that had two sonnes unl_yke eche other_. For the eldyst was lustye and quycke, and vsed moch_e betimes to_ walke into the fyldes. Than was the yonger slowe, and vsed _moche_ to lye in his bed as long as he myght. So on a day the elder, as _he was vsed_, rose erly and walked into the fyldes; and there by fortune he founde a purse of money, and brought it home to his father. His father, whan he had it, wente strayght to hys other sonne yet lyenge than in his bed and sayd to him: o thou slogarde, quod he, seyst thou nat thyne eldest brother, howe he by hys erly rysyng had founde a purse with money whereby we shall be greatly holpen all our lyfe, whyle thou sluggynge in thy bedde dost no[140] good but slepe? He than wyst nat what to say, but answered shortly and said: father, quod he, if he that hathe loste the purse and money had lyne in hys bedde that same tyme that he loste it, as I do nowe, my brother had founde no purse nor money to day.

By this ye may se, that they that be accustomed in vyce and synne will alwaye fynde one excuse or other to cloke therewyth theyr vyce and vnthryftynes.

FOOTNOTES:

[140] Orig. reads _thou sluggynge in thy bedde dost thou no good_, which repetition of _thou_ seems unnecessary.

¶ _Of the answere of the mastres to the mayde._ xciv.

¶ A certayne wyfe there was, whiche was somwhat fayre, and, as all women be that be fayre, was somwhat proude of her beautye; and as she and her mayde satte together, she, as one that was desyrous to be praysed, sayd to her thus: I, faythe, Jone, howe thynkest thou? am I nat a fayre wyfe? Yes, by my trouth, maistres, quod she, ye be the fayrest that euer was excepte * * *

_The end is wanting._

¶ _Of the northern man that was all harte._ xcv.

_Of this tale but a small fragment remains._

¶ _Of the burnynge of olde John._ xcvi.

¶ _In a certayne_ towne there was a wife somewhat aged, that had beryed _her husbande_, whose name was John, whome she so tend_erlye loued in his_ lyfe, that after hys dethe she caused an ymage of tymber _to be made in forme_ and persone as lyke to hym as coulde be; whiche ymage _she kept carefully_ under her bedde; and euery nyghte she caused her mayde to _wrap the ymage in a shete_ and lay it in her bedde; and called it olde John. Thys _widowe had_ a prentyse whose name was John; whiche John wolde fayne _haue married hys_ maystres, nat for no great pleasure, but onely for her good _substance: for she_ was ryche. Wherefore he ymagened howe he myght obtayne hys _desire and so dyd_ speke to the mayde of the house, and desyred her to lay hym in hys maystres bedde for one nyghte in stede of the pycture,[141] and promysed her a good rewarde for her laboure; whyche mayde ouer nyghte wrapped the sayde younge man in a shete, and layde hym in his maysters bedde, as she was wonte to laye the pycture. Thys wydowe was wonte euery nyght, before she slepte and dyuers tymes whan she waked, to kysse the sayde pycture of olde John: wherefore the sayde nyghte she kyssed the sayde yonge man, beleuynge that she hadde kyste the picture. And he sodenly sterte,[142] and toke her in his armes, and so well pleased her than, that olde John from thens forth was clene out of her mynde, and [she] was contente that this yonge John shulde lye with her styll all that nyghte, and that the pycture of olde John shulde lye styll under the bedde for a thynge of noughte. After thys in the mornynge, thys wydowe, intendynge to please this yonge John whyche had made her so good pastyme all the nyght, bad her mayde go dresse some good mete for their brekefast to feaste therwith her yonge John. This mayde, whan she had longe sought for wode to dresse the sayde mete, told her maystres that she coude fynde no wode that was drye, except onelye the pycture of olde John that lyeth under the bed. * * * * * * * *

_Some lines wanting._

and dressyd the brekfast; and so olde John _was brenyd; and_ from thens forth yong John occupyed _his place_.

FOOTNOTES:

[141] Not here put as a painting, but in a general sense, as a representation.

[142] The old perfect of _start_. The orig. reads _starte_.

¶ _Of the courtear that ete the hot custarde._ xcvii.

¶ A certayne merchaunt and a courtear, _being upon a time together_ at dyner hauing a hote custerd, _the courtear being_ somwhat homely of maner toke _parte of it and put it_ in hys mouth, whych was so hote that made him _shed teares. The_ merchaunt, lokyng on him, thought that he had _ben weeping, and asked hym why_ he wept. This curtear, not wyllynge [it] to be kn_own that he had brent his_ mouth with the hote custerd, answered and said, sir: q_uod he, I had_ a brother whych dyd a certayn offence wherfore he was hanged; _and, chauncing_ to think now vppon his deth, it maketh me to wepe. This merchaunt thought the courtear had said trew, and anon after the merchaunt was disposid to ete _of the custerd_, and put a sponefull of it in his mouth, and brent his mouth also, that his _eyes watered_. This courtear, that perceuyng, spake to the merchaunt and seyd: sir, quod _he, pray_ why do ye wepe now? The merchaunt perseyued how he had _bene deceiued_ and said[143]: mary, quod he, I wepe, because thou wast not hangid, _when that_ thy brother was hangyd.

¶ _Of the thre pointes belonging to a shrewd wyfe._ xcix.

¶ A yong man, that was desirous to haue a wyf, cam to a company _of Phi_losofers which were gadred to gider, requiring them to gif _him their opinion_ howe he might chose him sich a wyf that wer no shrew. Th_ese Philos_ofers with gret study and delyberacion determinid and shewd this man that there _were iii espe_cial pointes, wherebi he shuld sure know if a woman were a shrew. The _i point is_ that if a woman have a shril voyce, it is a gret token that she is a shrew. The ii point is that, if a woman have a sharp nose, then most commenly she is a shrew. _The_ iii point that neuer doth mis is[144] that if she were [a] kerchefer,[145] ye may be sure she is a shrew.

FOOTNOTES:

[143] Singer inserts _answered_ before _and said_; but the word does not appear to be required.

¶ _Of the man that paynted the lamb upon his wyfes bely._ c.

¶ A Conning painter ther was dwelling in London, which had a fayre yong wife, and for thingis that he had to do went ouer se; but because he was somwhat jelous, he praed his wyfe to be content, that he might paint a lamb upon her bely, and praed her it might remain ther, til he cam home again; wherewith she was content. After which lamb so painted he departid; and sone after that, a lusti yong merchaunt, a bacheler, came and woed his wyf, and obteined her fauor, so that she was content he shuld lye with her; which resortid to her and had his plesure oftymes; and on a time he toke a pensell, and to the lamb he painted ii hornys, wening to the wif that he had but refreshed the old painting. Than at the last, about a yere after, her husband cam home again, and the first night he lay with his wyfe, he loked uppon his wifes bely, and saw the ii hornes painted there. He said to his wif, that some other body had ben besy there, and made a new painting: for the picture that he painted had no hornes and this hath hornes; to whome this wif shortly * * * *

_cetera desunt._

_Here endeth the booke of a C. mery Talys. Imprinted at London at the sygne of the meremayde at powlys gate nexte to chepesyde._

¶ _Cum priuelegio Regali._

FOOTNOTES:

[144] Orig. reads _the iii point is that never mis that, &c._

[145] A very costly article of female dress during the reigns of the Tudor and Stuart sovereigns. It constituted part of the head-gear, and from the way in which it was worn by some women, was calculated to convey a notion of skittishness. In the _New Courtly Sonet of the Lady Greensleeves_, printed in Robinson's "Handful of Pleasant Delites," 1584, the lover is made to say to his mistress:--

"I bought three kerchers to thy head, That were wrought fine and gallantly: I kept thee both at board and bed, Which cost my purse well-favourdly."

ADDITIONAL NOTES AND ILLUSTRATIONS.

A C. MERY TALYS.

Introduction, vi.--I might have mentioned that Taylor the Water-Poet cites _The Hundred Merry Tales_ as one of the authorities employed by him in the composition of his _Sir Gregory Nonsense His Newes from No Place_, 1622 (Taylor's Works, 1630), and see also Epistle Dedicatory to Meredith's _Eusebius_, 1577.

P. 19.--This story is found in the _Ducento Novelle_ of Celio Malespini, printed at Venice, 1609, 4o.

P. 22. _Of the Woman that sayd her Woer cam too late._

"If thou be slow to speake, as one I knew, Thou wouldst assure thy selfe my counsels true; Hee (too late) finding her upon her knees In Church, where yet her husbands coorse she sees, Hearing the Sermon at his funerall, Longing to behold his buriall, This sutor being toucht with inward love, Approached neare his lovely sute to move, Then stooping downe he whispered in her eare Saying he bore her love, as might appeare, In that so soone he shewed his love unto her, Before any else did app[r]och to woo her, Alass (said she) your labour is in vaine, Last night a husband I did entertaine."

--_Uncasing of Machivils Instructions to his Sonne_, 1612, Sign. C 3. Stories of this kind are of very common occurrence in the modern collections of facetiæ.

P. 23. "When Davie Diker diggs, and dallies not, When smithes shoo horses, as they would be shod, _When millers toll not with a golden thumbe_."

--_The Steel Glas, a Satyre_, by George Gascoigne, Esquire (1576), Sign. H 3 verso.

A writer in the _Retrospective Review_, New Series, ii. 326, states that this story of the "Miller with the golden thumb" "is still (1854) a favourite in Yorkshire."

P. 30. _Stumble at a Straw, &c._--This proverb is quoted in _Machivils Instructions to his Sonne_, 1613, p. 16.

P. 35. _Of the good man that sayd to his wyfe. &c._

"Dr. _South_, visiting a gentleman one morning, was ask'd to stay Dinner, which he accepted of; the Gentleman stept into the next Room and told his Wife, and desired she'd provide something extraordinary. Hereupon she began to murmer and scold, and make a thousand Words; till at length, Her husband, provok'd at her Behaviour, protested, that if it was not for the Stranger in the next Room, he would kick her out of Doors. Upon which the Doctor, who heard all that passed, immediately stept out, crying, _I beg, Sir, you'll make no Stranger of me_."

--_Complete London Jester_, ed. 1771, p. 73.

P. 44. _Draughthole._--See Dekker's _Guls' Horn Book_, 1609, ed. Nott, p. 121-2-3.

P. 47. _Saynte Thomas of Acres._

"A the Austen fryers They count us for lyers: And at Saynt Thomas of Akers They carpe us lyke crakers."

--Skelton's _Colin Clout_ (Works, ed. Dyce, i. 357).

This tale is imitated in _Hobson's Conceits_.

P. 60. _Of the gentylman, that promysed the scoler of Oxforde a sarcenet typet_--Sarcenet, at the period to which this story refers, was a material which only certain persons were allowed to wear. See Nicolas' note to a passage in the _Privy Purse Expenses of Elizabeth of York_, p. 220. This jest is transplanted by Johnson, with very little alteration, into the _Pleasant Conceits of Old Hobson_, 1607.

P. 78. _Therefore I pray thee, teche me my Pater noster, and by my truthe, I shall therfore teche thee a songe of Robyn Hode that shall be worth xx of it!_

The following passage from a poem, which has been sometimes ascribed to Skelton, is a curious illustration of this paragraph:--

Thus these sysmatickes, And lowsy lunatickes, With spurres and prickes Call true men heretickes. They finger their fidles, And cry in quinibles, Away these bibles, For they be but ridles! And give them Robyn Whode, To red howe he stode In mery grene wode, When he gathered good, Before Noyes ffloodd!

_The Image of Ipocrysy_, Part iii.

P. 84. _Of the wyfe that bad, &c._

_Of swearing between a wyfe and her husband._

"Cis, by this candle in my sleep I thought One told me of thy body thou wert nought. Good husband, he that told you ly'd, she said, And swearing, laid her hand upon the bread. Then eat the bread, quoth he, that I may deem That fancie false, that true to me did seem. Nay, sir, said she, the matter well to handle, Since you swore first, you first shall eat the candle."

_Wits Interpreter, the English Parnassus_, By John Cotgrave, 1662, p. 286.

P. 87. _Of the man that had the dome wyfe._

"A certain man, as fortune fel, A woman tungles wedded to wive, Whose frowning countenance perceivig by live Til he might know what she ment he thought long, And wished ful oft she had a tung. The devil was redy, and appeered anon, An aspin lefe he bid the man take, And in her mouth should put but one, A tung, said the devil, it shall her make; Til he had doon his hed did ake; Leaves he gathered, and took plentie, And in her mouth put two or three. Within a while the medicine wrought: The man could tarry no longer time, But wakened her, to the end he mought The vertue knowe of the medicine; The first woord she spake to him She said: 'thou whoresonne knave and theef, How durst thou waken me, with a mischeef!' From that day forward she never ceased. Her boistrous bable greeved him sore: The devil he met, and him entreated To make her tungles, as she was before; 'Not so,' said the devil, 'I will meddle no more. A devil a woman to speak may constrain, But all that in hel be, cannot let it again.'"

_Schole-house of Women_, 1542 (Utterson's _Select Pieces of Early Popular Poetry_, ii. 74).

P. 89. _Of the Proctour of Arches that had the lytel wyfe._

"One ask'd his Friend, why he, so proper a Man himself, marry'd so small a Wyfe? _Why_, said he, _I thought you had known, that of all evils we should chuse the least_."--_Complete London Jester_, ed. 1771, p. 65.

P. 92. _Of him that wolde gette, &c._

In the _Scholehouse of Women_, 1542, the same story is differently related:--

"A husband man, having good trust His wife to him bad be agreeable, Thought to attempt if she had be reformable, Bad her take the pot, that sod over the fire, And set it aboove upon the astire. She answered him: 'I hold thee mad, And I more fool, by Saint Martine; Thy dinner is redy, as thou me bad, And time it were that thou shouldst dine, And thou wilt not, I will go to mine.' 'I bid thee (said he) vere up the pot.' 'A ha! (she said) I trow thou dote,' Up she goeth for fear, at last, No question mooved where it should stand Upon his hed the pottage she cast, And heeld the pot stil in her hand. Said and swore, he might her trust, She would with the pottage do what her lust."

As this story in the _C. Mery Talys_ is defective in consequence of the mutilation of the only known copy, the foregoing extract becomes valuable, as it exhibits what was probably the sequel in the prose version, from which the author of the _Scholehouse of Women_ was no doubt a borrower.

P. 101. _If a thousande soules may dance on a mannes nayle._--This is a different form of the common saying that a thousand angels can stand on the point of the needle. "One querying another, whether a thousand angels might stand on the point of a needle, another replied, 'That was a _needles_ point.'"--Ward's _Diary_, ed. 1839, p. 94.

P. 106. Scot, in his _Discovery of Witchcraft_, 1584, ed. 1651, p. 191, has a story, which bears the mark of being the same as the one here entitled "Of the parson that stale the mylner's elys." The passage in Scot, which may help to supply the unfortunate _lacuna_ in the _C. Mery Talys_, is as follows:--

"So it was, that a certain Sir John, with some of his company, once went abroad jetting, and in a moon-light evening, robbed a miller's weire and stole all his eeles. The poor miller made his mone to Sir John himself, who willed him to be quiet; for he would so curse the theef, and all his confederates, with bell, book, and candel, that they should have small joy of their fish. And therefore the next Sunday, Sir John got him to the pulpit, with his surplisse on his back, and his stole about his neck, and pronounced these words following in the audience of the people:--

'All you that have stolne the millers eeles, _Laudate Dominum de coelis_, And all they that have consented thereto, _Benedicamus Domino_.'

Lo (saith he), there is savoe for your eeles, my masters."

P. 108. _Of the parson that sayde masse of requiem, &c._--This story is also in _Scoggin's Jests_, 1626, and perhaps the lacunæ may be supplied from that source. Thus (the words supplied from _Scoggin's Jests_ are in italics):--

"Then quod the prest: tel thy mayster that he must _say the Masse which doth begin with a great R_. [when the boy returned, the Prest asked him whether the Parson had told him what] masse, &c."

And again, a line or two lower down, there can be no doubt, on a comparison of Scoggin's Jests, p. 74, what the missing words are. We ought to read:--"but he had me tell you it began _with a great R_."

¶ Tales, and quicke

answers, very mery,

and pleasant to

rede.

_Mery_

Tales, Wittie

_Questions_

and Quicke Answeres,

Very pleasant to be Readde.

IMPRINTED

_at London

in Fleete strete, by_

H. Wykes.

1567.

The Table.

PAGE

¶ _Of hym that rode out of London, and had his seruaunt folowynge hym on foote._ i. 15

¶ _Of hym that preached on saynte Christofers day._ ii. 16

¶ _Of the frenche man that stroue with the Fanwaye for his armes._ iii. _ib._

¶ _Of the curate that sayde our lorde fedde fyue hundred persones._ iiii. 17

¶ _Of hym that profered his doughter to one in maryage._ v. 18

¶ _Of the men of the countrey, that came to London to bye a crucifixe of wodde._ vi. _ib._

¶ _Of hym that folowed his wyfe to buryeng._ vii. 19

¶ _Of hym that felle in to the fyre._ viii. _ib._

¶ _Of hym that used to calle his seruaunte the kynge of fooles._ ix. 20

¶ _Of the yonge woman, that sorowed so greatly the deathe of her husbande._ x. 21

¶ _Of hym that kyssed the fayre mayde with the longe nose._ xi. _ib._

¶ _Of the uplandysshe mans answere concernyng the steple and pulpytte._ xii. 23

¶ _Of the beggers aunswere to mayster Skelton the poete._ xiii. _ib._

¶ _Of the chaplen that sayde our ladye mattens lyenge in his bedde._ xiiii. 24

¶ _Of hym that loste his purse in London._ xv. 25

¶ _Of the marchaunt that loste his boudget betwene ware and London._ xvi. 26

¶ _Of him that was called kockold._ xvii. 27

¶ _Of the iolus man._ xviii. 28

¶ _Of the fat woman that sat and solde frute._ xix. _ib._

¶ _Of a poller that begyled a preste._ xx. 29

¶ _Of Papirius pretextatus._ xxi. 31

¶ _Of the corrupte man of lawe._ xxii. 33

¶ _Of kynge Lowes of Fraunce and the husbandman Conon._ xxiii. 34

¶ _Of a picke thanke, that thought to begyle the same moste prudent kynge._ xxiiii. 37

¶ _Of Thales the great astronomer, the whiche felle in to a ditche._ xxv. 38

¶ _Of the astronomer that theues robbed._ xxvi. 39

¶ _Of the plough man that wolde saye his pater noster with a stedfast mynde._ xxvii. _ib._

¶ _Of him that dreamed he founde golde._ xxviii. 40

¶ _Of the crakynge yonge gentyll man that wolde ouerthrowe his enemys a myle of._ xxix. 42

¶ _Of him that fell of a tre and brake a rybbe in his syde._ xxx. 44

¶ _Of the fryer that brayed in his sermon._ 45

¶ _The oration of th ambassadour that was sent to Pope Urban._ xxxii. 46

¶ _Of the ambassadour that was sent to the prince Agis._ xxxiii. 47

¶ _The answere of Cleomenes to the Samiens ambassadour._ xxxiiii. _ib._

¶ _Of the wyse man Piso, and his seruant._ xxxv. 48

¶ _Of the marchant that made a wager with his lorde._ xxxvi. 49

¶ _Of the scrowes that the frier gaue out against the pestilence._ xxxvii. 51

¶ _Of the physition that used to wryte bylles ouer nyght called resceytes._ xxxviii. 52

¶ _Of him that wolde confesse him by a lybell in wrytynge._ xxxix. 53

¶ _Of the hermite of Padowe._ xl. 54

¶ _Of the uplandissh man that saw the kyng._ xli. 56

¶ _Of the courtier that bade the boye to holde his horse._ xlii. 57

¶ _Of the deceytfull scriuener._ xliii. _ib._

¶ _Of him that sayde he beleved his wyfe better than other, that she was chaste._ xliiii. 59

¶ _Of him that paid his det with cryeng bea._ xlv. 60

¶ _Of the woman that appeled from kynge Philip to kynge Philip._ xlvi. 62

¶ _Of the olde woman that prayd for the welfare of the tyran Denyse._ xlvii. 63

¶ _Of the phisitian Eumonus._ xlviii. 64

¶ _Of Socrates and his scoldynge wyfe._ xlix. 65

¶ _Of the phisitian that bare his pacient on hand he had eaten an asse._ l. _ib._

¶ _Of the inholders wyfe, and her ii louers._ li. 67

¶ _Of hym that healed franticke men._ lii. 68

¶ _Of hym that sayd he was nat worthy to open the gate to the kynge._ liii. 70

¶ _Of Mayster Uauasour and Turpyn his manne._ liiii. _ib._

¶ _Of hym that sought his wyfe, that was drowned, agaynst the streme._ lv. 72

¶ _Of hym that at a skyrmyssh defended hym valiauntly with his feete._ lvi. 73

¶ _Of hym that wolde gyue a songe to the tauerner for his dyner._ lvii. 74

¶ _Of the foole that thought him selfe deed, whan he was a lyue._ lviii. 75

¶ _Of the olde man and his sonne that brought his asse to the towne to sylle._ lix. 78

¶ _Of him that sought his asse, and rode upon his backe._ lx. 80

¶ _The answere of Fabius to Liuius._ lxi. 81

¶ _The answere of Poltis the kynge of Trace to the Troyan ambassadours._ lxii. 82

¶ _The wyse answere of Haniball to kynge Antiochus concerninge his ryche army._ lxiii. 83

¶ _The wordes of Popilius the Romayn ambassadour to Antiochus the kynge._ lxiiii. _ib._

¶ _Of hym that loued the marchantes wyfe._ lxv. 84

¶ _Of the woman that couered her heed, and shewed up her tayle._ lxvi. 86

¶ _How Alexander was monisshed to slee the firste that he mette. lxvii._ _ib._

¶ _How the aunciente cyte of Lamsac was saued from destruction._ lxviii. 87

¶ _Howe Demosthenes defended a mayde._ lxix. 88

¶ _Of him that desyred to be a gentylman._ lxx. 89

¶ _Of the gentyllman and his shrewd wife._ lxxi. 90

¶ _Of the two yonge men that rode to Walsyngham to gether._ lxxii. 91

¶ _Of the yong man of Brugis and his spouse._ lxxiii. 92

¶ _Of him that made as he hadde ben a chaste lyuer._ lxxiiii. 93

¶ _Of him that the olde roode fell on._ lxxv. 94

¶ _Of the wydowe that wolde not wedde for bodily pleasure._ lxxvi. 95

¶ _Of the couetous ambassadour, that wolde here no musike for sparinge of his purse._ lxxvii. _ib._

¶ _Howe Denyse the tyran of Syracuse serued a couetouse man._ lxxix. 97

¶ _Of the old man that quyngered the boy oute of the aple tre with stones._ lxxx. 98

¶ _Of the ryche man that was sycke and wolde not receyue a glyster._ lxxxi. 99

¶ _Of him that feyned him selfe deed, to proue what his wyfe wolde do._ lxxxii. _ib._

¶ _Of the poure man, in to whose house theues brake by nyght._ lxxxiii. 101

¶ _Of him that shulde haue ben hanged for his scoffinge and his iestynge._ lxxxiiii. _ib._

¶ _Of him that had his goose stole._ lxxxv. 102

¶ _Of the begger that sayde he was of kynne to kynge Phylip of Macedone._ lxxxvi. 103

¶ _Of Dantes answere to the iester._ lxxxvii. _ib._

¶ _Of hym that had sore eies._ lxxxviii. 104

¶ _Of the olde woman that had sore eies._ lxxxix. 105

¶ _Of hym that had the custody of a warde._ xc. 106

¶ _Of the excellente peynter, that hadde foule chyldren._ xci. _ib._

¶ _Of the scoffer that made one a southsayer._ xcii. 107

¶ _Of the marchant of Florence, Charles._ xciii. _ib._

¶ _Of the chesshire man called Eulyn._ xciiii. 108

¶ _Of hym that desyred to be sette vpon the pyllorye._ xcv. 109

¶ _Of the wydowes daughter, that was sente to the abbot with a couple of capons._ xcvi. 111

¶ _Of the two men that dranke a pynte of whyte wyne to gether._ xcvii. 112

¶ _Of the doctour that desyred to go with a fouler to catche byrdes._ xcviii. 114

¶ _Of hym that undertoke to teache an asse to spelle and rede._ xcix. 115

¶ _Of the fryer that confessed the fayre woman._ c. 116

¶ _Of the chapplen of Louen called syr Antonye that deceyued an vserer._ ci. 118

¶ _Of the same chaplen and his spiter._ cii. 119

¶ _Of the olde manne that putte hym selfe in his sonnes handes._ ciii. 121

¶ _Of hym that had a flye peynted in his shilde._