Part 3

_Fardy:_ If I had it, I wouldn't be but a message-carrier now, and a clapper scaring birds in the summer time.

_Hyacinth:_ If I hadn't it, I wouldn't be wearing this button and brought up for an example at the meeting.

_Fardy:_ (_Whistles._) Maybe you're not, so, what those papers make you out to be?

_Hyacinth:_ How would I be what they make me out to be? Was there ever any person of that sort since the world was a world, unless it might be Saint Antony of Padua looking down from the chapel wall? If it is like that I was, isn't it in Mount Melleray I would be, or with the Friars at Esker? Why would I be living in the world at all, or doing the world's work?

_Fardy:_ (_Taking up parcel._) Who would think, now, there would be so much lies in a small place like Carrow?

_Hyacinth:_ It was my mother's cousin did it. He said I was not reared for labouring--he gave me a new suit and bid me never to come back again. I daren't go back to face him--the neighbours knew my mother had a long family--bad luck to them the day they gave me these. (_Tears letters and scatters them._) I'm done with testimonials. They won't be here to bear witness against me.

_Fardy:_ The Sergeant thought them to be great. Sure he has the samples of them in his pocket. There's not one in the town but will know before morning that you are the next thing to an earthly saint.

_Hyacinth:_ (_Stamping._) I'll stop their mouths. I'll show them I can be a terror for badness. I'll do some injury. I'll commit some crime. The first thing I'll do I'll go and get drunk. If I never did it before I'll do it now. I'll get drunk--then I'll make an assault--I tell you I'd think as little of taking a life as of blowing out a candle.

_Fardy:_ If you get drunk you are done for. Sure that will be held up after as an excuse for any breaking of the law.

_Hyacinth:_ I will break the law. Drunk or sober I'll break it. I'll do something that will have no excuse. What would you say is the worst crime that any man can do?

_Fardy:_ I don't know. I heard the Sergeant saying one time it was to obstruct the police in the discharge of their duty----

_Hyacinth:_ That won't do. It's a patriot I would be then, worse than before, with my picture in the weeklies. It's a red crime I must commit that will make all respectable people quit minding me. What can I do? Search your mind now.

_Fardy:_ It's what I heard the old people saying there could be no worse crime than to steal a sheep----

_Hyacinth:_ I'll steal a sheep--or a cow--or a horse--if that will leave me the way I was before.

_Fardy:_ It's maybe in gaol it will leave you.

_Hyacinth:_ I don't care--I'll confess--I'll tell why I did it--I give you my word I would as soon be picking oakum or breaking stones as to be perched in the daylight the same as that bird, and all the town chirruping to me or bidding me chirrup----

_Fardy:_ There is reason in that, now.

_Hyacinth:_ Help me, will you?

_Fardy:_ Well, if it is to steal a sheep you want, you haven't far to go.

_Hyacinth:_ (_Looking round wildly._) Where is it? I see no sheep.

_Fardy:_ Look around you.

_Hyacinth:_ I see no living thing but that thrush----

_Fardy:_ Did I say it was living? What is that hanging on Quirke's rack?

_Hyacinth:_ It's (_fingers it_) a sheep, sure enough----

_Fardy:_ Well, what ails you that you can't bring it away?

_Hyacinth:_ It's a dead one----

_Fardy:_ What matter if it is?

_Hyacinth:_ If it was living I could drive it before me----

_Fardy:_ You could. Is it to your own lodging you would drive it? Sure everyone would take it to be a pet you brought from Carrow.

_Hyacinth:_ I suppose they might.

_Fardy:_ Miss Joyce sending in for news of it and it bleating behind the bed.

_Hyacinth:_ (_Distracted_). Stop! stop!

_Mrs. Delane:_ (_From upper window._) Fardy! Are you there, Fardy Farrell?

_Fardy:_ I am, ma'am.

_Mrs. Delane:_ (_From window._) Look and tell me is that the telegraph I hear ticking?

_Fardy:_ (_Looking in at door._) It is, ma'am.

_Mrs. Delane:_ Then botheration to it, and I not dressed or undressed. Wouldn't you say, now, it's to annoy me it is calling me down. I'm coming! I'm coming! (_Disappears._)

_Fardy:_ Hurry on, now! hurry! She'll be coming out on you. If you are going to do it, do it, and if you are not, let it alone.

_Hyacinth:_ I'll do it! I'll do it!

_Fardy:_ (_Lifting the sheep on his back._) I'll give you a hand with it.

_Hyacinth:_ (_Goes a step or two and turns round._) You told me no place where I could hide it.

_Fardy:_ You needn't go far. There is the church beyond at the side of the Square. Go round to the ditch behind the wall--there's nettles in it.

_Hyacinth:_ That'll do.

_Fardy:_ She's coming out--run! run!

Hyacinth: (_Runs a step or two._) It's slipping!

_Fardy:_ Hoist it up! I'll give it a hoist! (_Halvey runs out._)

_Mrs. Delane:_ (_Calling out._) What are you doing Fardy Farrell? Is it idling you are?

_Fardy:_ Waiting I am, ma'am, for the message----

_Mrs. Delane:_ Never mind the message yet. Who said it was ready? (_Going to door._) Go ask for the loan of--no, but ask news of--Here, now go bring that bag of Mr. Halvey's to the lodging Miss Joyce has taken----

_Fardy:_ I will, ma'am. (_Takes bag and goes out._)

_Mrs. Delane:_ (_Coming out with a telegram in her hand._) Nobody here? (_Looks round and calls cautiously._) Mr. Quirke! Mr. Quirke! James Quirke!

_Mr. Quirke:_ (_Looking out of his upper window with soap-suddy face_). What is it, Mrs. Delane?

_Mrs. Delane:_ (_Beckoning._) Come down here till I tell you.

_Mr. Quirke:_ I cannot do that. I'm not fully shaved.

_Mrs. Delane:_ You'd come if you knew the news I have.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Tell it to me now. I'm not so supple as I was.

_Mrs. Delane:_ Whisper now, have you an enemy in any place?

_Mr. Quirke:_ It's likely I may have. A man in business----

_Mrs. Delane:_ I was thinking you had one.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Why would you think that at this time more than any other time?

_Mrs. Delane:_ If you could know what is in this envelope you would know that, James Quirke.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Is that so? And what, now, is there in it?

_Mrs. Delane:_ Who do you think now is it addressed to?

_Mr. Quirke:_ How would I know that, and I not seeing it?

_Mrs. Delane:_ That is true. Well, it is a message from Dublin Castle to the Sergeant of Police!

_Mr. Quirke:_ To Sergeant Carden, is it?

_Mrs. Delane:_ It is. And it concerns yourself.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Myself, is it? What accusation can they be bringing against me? I'm a peaceable man.

_Mrs. Delane:_ Wait till you hear.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Maybe they think I was in that moonlighting case----

_Mrs. Delane:_ That is not it----

_Mr. Quirke:_ I was not in it--I was but in the neighbouring field--cutting up a dead cow, that those never had a hand in----

_Mrs. Delane:_ You're out of it----

_Mr. Quirke:_ They had their faces blackened. There is no man can say I recognized them.

_Mrs. Delane:_ That's not what they're saying----

_Mr. Quirke:_ I'll swear I did not hear their voices or know them if I did hear them.

_Mrs. Delane:_ I tell you it has nothing to do with that. It might be better for you if it had.

_Mr. Quirke:_ What is it, so?

_Mrs. Delane:_ It is an order to the Sergeant bidding him immediately to seize all suspicious meat in your house. There is an officer coming down. There are complaints from the Shannon Fort Barracks.

_Mr. Quirke:_ I'll engage it was that pork.

_Mrs. Delane:_ What ailed it for them to find fault?

_Mr. Quirke:_ People are so hard to please nowadays, and I recommended them to salt it.

_Mrs. Delane:_ They had a right to have minded your advice.

_Mr. Quirke:_ There was nothing on that pig at all but that it went mad on poor O'Grady that owned it.

_Mrs. Delane:_ So I heard, and went killing all before it.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Sure it's only in the brain madness can be. I heard the doctor saying that.

_Mrs. Delane:_ He should know.

_Mr. Quirke:_ I give you my word I cut the head off it. I went to the loss of it, throwing it to the eels in the river. If they had salted the meat, as I advised them, what harm would it have done to any person on earth?

_Mrs. Delane:_ I hope no harm will come on poor Mrs. Quirke and the family.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Maybe it wasn't that but some other thing----

_Mrs. Delane:_ Here is Fardy. I must send the message to the Sergeant. Well, Mr. Quirke, I'm glad I had the time to give you a warning.

_Mr. Quirke:_ I'm obliged to you, indeed. You were always very neighbourly, Mrs. Delane. Don't be too quick now sending the message. There is just one article I would like to put away out of the house before the Sergeant will come. (_Enter Fardy._)

_Mrs. Delane:_ Here now, Fardy--that's not the way you're going to the barracks. Anyone would think you were scaring birds yet. Put on your uniform. (_Fardy goes into office._) You have this message to bring to the Sergeant of Police. Get your cap now, it's under the counter. (_Fardy reappears, and she gives him telegram._)

_Fardy:_ I'll bring it to the station. It's there he was going.

_Mrs. Delane:_ You will not, but to the barracks. It can wait for him there.

(_Fardy goes off. Mr. Quirke has appeared at door._)

_Mr. Quirke:_ It was indeed a very neighbourly act, Mrs. Delane, and I'm obliged to you. There is just _one_ article to put out of the way. The Sergeant may look about him then and welcome. It's well I cleared the premises on yesterday. A consignment to Birmingham I sent. The Lord be praised isn't England a terrible country with all it consumes?

_Mrs. Delane:_ Indeed you always treat the neighbours very decent, Mr. Quirke, not asking them to buy from you.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Just one article. (_Turns to rack._) That sheep I brought in last night. It was for a charity indeed I bought it from the widow woman at Kiltartan Cross. Where would the poor make a profit out of their dead meat without me? Where now is it? Well, now, I could have swore that that sheep was hanging there on the rack when I went in----

_Mrs. Delane:_ You must have put it in some other place.

_Mr. Quirke:_ (_Going in and searching and coming out._) I did not; there is no other place for me to put it. Is it gone blind I am, or is it not in it, it is?

_Mrs. Delane:_ It's not there now anyway.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Didn't you take notice of it there yourself this morning?

_Mrs. Delane:_ I have it in my mind that I did; but it's not there now.

_Mr. Quirke:_ There was no one here could bring it away?

_Mrs. Delane:_ Is it me myself you suspect of taking it, James Quirke?

_Mr. Quirke:_ Where is it at all? It is certain it was not of itself it walked away. It was dead, and very dead, the time I bought it.

_Mrs. Delane:_ I have a pleasant neighbour indeed that accuses me that I took his sheep. I wonder, indeed, you to say a thing like that! I to steal your sheep or your rack or anything that belongs to you or to your trade! Thank you, James Quirke. I am much obliged to you indeed.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Ah, be quiet, woman; be quiet----

_Mrs. Delane:_ And let me tell you, James Quirke, that I would sooner starve and see everyone belonging to me starve than to eat the size of a thimble of any joint that ever was on your rack or that ever will be on it, whatever the soldiers may eat that have no other thing to get, or the English that devour all sorts, or the poor ravenous people that's down by the sea! (_She turns to go into shop._)

_Mr. Quirke:_ (_Stopping her._) Don't be talking foolishness, woman. Who said you took my meat? Give heed to me now. There must some other message have come. The Sergeant must have got some other message.

_Mrs. Delane:_ (_Sulkily._) If there is any way for a message to come that is quicker than to come by the wires, tell me what it is and I'll be obliged to you.

_Mr. Quirke:_ The Sergeant was up here making an excuse he was sticking up that notice. What was he doing here, I ask you?

Mrs. Delane: How would I know what brought him?

_Mr. Quirke:_ It is what he did; he made as if to go away--he turned back again and I shaving--he brought away the sheep--he will have it for evidence against me----

_Mrs. Delane:_ (_Interested._) That might be so.

_Mr. Quirke:_ I would sooner it to have been any other beast nearly ever I had upon the rack.

_Mrs. Delane:_ Is that so?

Mr. Quirke: I bade the Widow Early to kill it a fortnight ago--but she would not, she was that covetous!

_Mrs. Delane:_ What was on it?

_Mr. Quirke:_ How would I know what was on it? Whatever was on it, it was the will of God put it upon it--wasted it was, and shivering and refusing its share.

_Mrs. Delane:_ The poor thing.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Gone all to nothing--wore away like a flock of thread. It did not weigh as much as a lamb of two months.

_Mrs. Delane:_ It is likely the Inspector will bring it to Dublin?

_Mr. Quirke:_ The ribs of it streaky with the dint of patent medicines----

_Mrs. Delane:_ I wonder is it to the Petty Sessions you'll be brought or is it to the Assizes?

_Mr. Quirke:_ I'll speak up to them. I'll make my defence. What can the Army expect at fippence a pound?

_Mrs. Delane:_ It is likely there will be no bail allowed?

_Mr. Quirke:_ Would they be wanting me to give them good quality meat out of my own pocket? Is it to encourage them to fight the poor Indians and Africans they would have me? It's the Anti-Enlisting Societies should pay the fine for me.

_Mrs. Delane:_ It's not a fine will be put on you, I'm afraid. It's five years in gaol you will be apt to be getting. Well, I'll try and be a good neighbour to poor Mrs. Quirke.

(_Mr. Quirke, who has been stamping up and down, sits down and weeps. Halvey comes in and stands on one side._)

_Mr. Quirke:_ Hadn't I heart-scalding enough before, striving to rear five weak children?

_Mrs. Delane:_ I suppose they will be sent to the Industrial Schools?

_Mr. Quirke:_ My poor wife----

_Mrs. Delane:_ I'm afraid the workhouse----

_Mr. Quirke:_ And she out in an ass-car at this minute helping me to follow my trade.

_Mrs. Delane:_ I hope they will not arrest her along with you.

_Mr. Quirke:_ I'll give myself up to justice. I'll plead guilty! I'll be recommended to mercy!

_Mrs. Delane:_ It might be best for you.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Who would think so great a misfortune could come upon a family through the bringing away of one sheep!

_Hyacinth:_ (_Coming forward._) Let you make yourself easy.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Easy! It's easy to say let you make yourself easy.

_Hyacinth:_ I can tell you where it is.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Where what is?

_Hyacinth:_ The sheep you are fretting after.

_Mr. Quirke:_ What do you know about it?

_Hyacinth:_ I know everything about it.

_Mr. Quirke:_ I suppose the Sergeant told you?

_Hyacinth:_ He told me nothing.

_Mr. Quirke:_ I suppose the whole town knows it, so?

_Hyacinth:_ No one knows it, as yet.

_Mr. Quirke:_ And the Sergeant didn't see it?

_Hyacinth:_ No one saw it or brought it away but myself.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Where did you put it at all?

_Hyacinth:_ In the ditch behind the church wall. In among the nettles it is. Look at the way they have me stung. (_Holds out hands._)

_Mr. Quirke:_ In the ditch! The best hiding place in the town.

_Hyacinth:_ I never thought it would bring such great trouble upon you. You can't say anyway I did not tell you.

_Mr. Quirke:_ You yourself that brought it away and that hid it! I suppose it was coming in the train you got information about the message to the police.

_Hyacinth:_ What now do you say to me?

_Mr. Quirke:_ Say! I say I am as glad to hear what you said as if it was the Lord telling me I'd be in heaven this minute.

_Hyacinth:_ What are you going to do to me?

_Mr. Quirke:_ Do, is it? (_Grasps his hand._) Any earthly thing you would wish me to do, I will do it.

_Hyacinth:_ I suppose you will tell----

_Mr. Quirke:_ Tell! It's I that will tell when all is quiet. It is I will give you the good name through the town!

_Hyacinth:_ I don't well understand.

_Mr. Quirke:_ (_Embracing him._) The man that preserved me!

_Hyacinth:_ That preserved you?

_Mr. Quirke:_ That kept me from ruin!

_Hyacinth:_ From ruin?

_Mr. Quirke:_ That saved me from disgrace!

_Hyacinth:_ (_To Mrs. Delane._) What is he saying at all?

_Mr. Quirke:_ From the Inspector!

_Hyacinth:_ What is he talking about?

_Mr. Quirke:_ From the magistrates!

_Hyacinth:_ He is making some mistake.

_Mr. Quirke:_ From the Winter Assizes!

_Hyacinth:_ Is he out of his wits?

_Mr. Quirke:_ Five years in gaol!

_Hyacinth:_ Hasn't he the queer talk?

_Mr. Quirke:_ The loss of the contract!

_Hyacinth:_ Are my own wits gone astray?

_Mr. Quirke:_ What way can I repay you?

_Hyacinth:_ (_Shouting._) I tell you I took the sheep----

_Mr. Quirke:_ You did, God reward you!

_Hyacinth:_ I stole away with it----

_Mr. Quirke:_ The blessing of the poor on you!

_Hyacinth:_ I put it out of sight----

_Mr. Quirke:_ The blessing of my five children----

_Hyacinth:_ I may as well say nothing----

_Mrs. Delane:_ Let you be quiet now, Quirke. Here's the Sergeant coming to search the shop----

(_Sergeant comes in: Quirke leaves go of Halvey, who arranges his hat, etc._)

_Sergeant:_ The Department to blazes!

_Mrs. Delane:_ What is it putting you out?

_Sergeant:_ To go to the train to meet the lecturer, and there to get a message through the guard that he was unavoidably detained in the South, holding an inquest on the remains of a drake.

_Mrs. Delane:_ The lecturer, is it?

_Sergeant:_ To be sure. What else would I be talking of? The lecturer has failed me, and where am I to go looking for a person that I would think fitting to take his place?

_Mrs. Delane:_ And that's all? And you didn't get any message but the one?

_Sergeant:_ Is that all? I am surprised at you, Mrs. Delane. Isn't it enough to upset a man, within three quarters of an hour of the time of the meeting? Where, I would ask you, am I to find a man that has education enough and wit enough and character enough to put up speaking on the platform on the minute?

_Mr. Quirke:_ (_Jumps up._) It is I myself will tell you that.

_Sergeant:_ You!

_Mr. Quirke:_ (_Slapping Halvey on the back._) Look at here, Sergeant. There is not one word was said in all those papers about this young man before you but it is true. And there could be no good thing said of him that would be too good for him.

_Sergeant:_ It might not be a bad idea.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Whatever the paper said about him, Sergeant, I can say more again. It has come to my knowledge--by chance--that since he came to this town that young man has saved a whole family from destruction.

_Sergeant:_ That is much to his credit--helping the rural classes----

_Mr. Quirke:_ A family and a long family, big and little, like sods of turf--and they depending on a--on one that might be on his way to dark trouble at this minute if it was not for his assistance. Believe me, he is the most sensible man, and the wittiest, and the kindest, and the best helper of the poor that ever stood before you in this square. Is not that so, Mrs. Delane?

_Mrs. Delane:_ It is true indeed. Where he gets his wisdom and his wit and his information from I don't know, unless it might be that he is gifted from above.

_Sergeant:_ Well, Mrs. Delane, I think we have settled that question. Mr. Halvey, you will be the speaker at the meeting. The lecturer sent these notes--you can lengthen them into a speech. You can call to the people of Cloon to stand out, to begin the building of their character. I saw a lecturer do it one time at Dundrum. "Come up here," he said, "Dare to be a Daniel," he said----

_Hyacinth:_ I can't--I won't----

_Sergeant:_ (_Looking at papers and thrusting them into his hand._) You will find it quite easy. I will conduct you to the platform--these papers before you and a glass of water--That's settled. (_Turns to go._) Follow me on to the Courthouse in half an hour--I must go to the barracks first--I heard there was a telegram--(_Calls back as he goes._) Don't be late, Mrs. Delane. Mind, Quirke, you promised to come.

_Mrs. Delane:_ Well, it's time for me to make an end of settling myself--and indeed, Mr. Quirke, you'd best do the same.

_Mr. Quirke:_ (_Rubbing his cheek._) I suppose so. I had best keep on good terms with him for the present. (_Turns._) Well, now, I had a great escape this day.

(_Both go in as Fardy reappears whistling._)

_Hyacinth:_ (_Sitting down._) I don't know in the world what has come upon the world that the half of the people of it should be cracked!

_Fardy:_ Weren't you found out yet?

_Hyacinth:_ Found out, is it? I don't know what you mean by being found out.

_Fardy:_ Didn't he miss the sheep?

_Hyacinth:_ He did, and I told him it was I took it--and what happened I declare to goodness I don't know--Will you look at these? (_Holds out notes._)

_Fardy:_ Papers! Are they more testimonials?

_Hyacinth:_ They are what is worse. (_Gives a hoarse laugh._) Will you come and see me on the platform--these in my hand--and I speaking--giving out advice. (_Fardy whistles._) Why didn't you tell me, the time you advised me to steal a sheep, that in this town it would qualify a man to go preaching, and the priest in the chair looking on.

_Fardy:_ The time I took a few apples that had fallen off a stall, they did not ask me to hold a meeting. They welted me well.

_Hyacinth:_ (_Looking round._) I would take apples if I could see them. I wish I had broke my neck before I left Carrow and I'd be better off! I wish I had got six months the time I was caught setting snares--I wish I had robbed a church.

_Fardy:_ Would a Protestant church do?

_Hyacinth:_ I suppose it wouldn't be so great a sin.

_Fardy:_ It's likely the Sergeant would think worse of it--Anyway, if you want to rob one, it's the Protestant church is the handiest.

_Hyacinth:_ (_Getting up._) Show me what way to do it?

_Fardy:_ (_Pointing._) I was going around it a few minutes ago, to see might there be e'er a dog scenting the sheep, and I noticed the window being out.

_Hyacinth:_ Out, out and out?

_Fardy:_ It was, where they are putting coloured glass in it for the distiller----

_Hyacinth:_ What good does that do me?

_Fardy:_ Every good. You could go in by that window if you had some person to give you a hoist. Whatever riches there is to get in it then, you'll get them.

_Hyacinth:_ I don't want riches. I'll give you all I will find if you will come and hoist me.

_Fardy:_ Here is Miss Joyce coming to bring you to your lodging. Sure I brought your bag to it, the time you were away with the sheep----

_Hyacinth:_ Run! Run!

(_They go off. Enter Miss Joyce._)

_Miss Joyce:_ Are you here, Mrs. Delane? Where, can you tell me, is Mr. Halvey?

_Mrs. Delane:_ (_Coming out dressed._) It's likely he is gone on to the Courthouse. Did you hear he is to be in the chair and to make an address to the meeting?

_Miss Joyce:_ He is getting on fast. His Reverence says he will be a good help in the parish. Who would think, now, there would be such a godly young man in a little place like Carrow!

(_Enter Sergeant in a hurry, with telegram._)

_Sergeant:_ What time did this telegram arrive, Mrs. Delane?

_Mrs. Delane:_ I couldn't be rightly sure, Sergeant. But sure it's marked on it, unless the clock I have is gone wrong.

_Sergeant:_ It is marked on it. And I have the time I got it marked on my own watch.

_Mrs. Delane:_ Well, now, I wonder none of the police would have followed you with it from the barracks--and they with so little to do----

_Sergeant:_ (_Looking in at Quirke's shop._) Well, I am sorry to do what I have to do, but duty is duty.

(_He ransacks shop. Mrs. Delane looks on. Mr. Quirke puts his head out of window._)

_Mr. Quirke:_ What is that going on inside? (_No answer._) Is there any one inside, I ask? (_No answer._) It must be that dog of Tannian's--wait till I get at him.

_Mrs. Delane:_ It is Sergeant Carden, Mr. Quirke. He would seem to be looking for something----