Part 22

(Note: that speech, correct in diction, is not quite correct in fact; 'Tis a literary fiction, managed with consummate tact. So the other classic writers, Livy and Thucydides, Decorate the lips of fighters with sublime apostrophes.)

Though the words were never uttered, pish! it matters not a jot; Like March hares the scoundrels scuttered, dropping burdens on the spot; After years of patient waiting, Bill regains his ownest own, And with ecstasy gyrating, bellows till he's fairly blown.

You with prescient acumen see that all is not O.K.; You alas! have very few men, Juma has a vast array; Yet while danger round you thickens, lo! you neither quail nor quake; Though you wonder how the dickens you are going to take the cake.

To omit progressive stages, which would take up too much time, Occupy a dozen pages and exhaust a lot of rhyme-- After navigating torrent where the crocodiles disport, You were spied by foe abhorrent, lurking watchful in the fort.

How you diddled them just proper, how you did the Johnnies brown, And how many came a cropper as the rafts were floating down: This perchance a future Milton, seeking an heroic theme, May compose splendacious lilt on, in the groves of Academe.

And perchance some future Hallam, with display of prosy pomp, Will relate in distant Balham scrumptious battle in the swamp; And describe the villain Juma, in penultimate despair, Meeting Bill upon the boom and getting his quietus there.

Now the hurly-burly's over, not a cloud bedims the sky; You are jolly well in clover, and the bloom is on the rye; 'Tempus fugit': I must stow it---end my palpitating lay, Ever faithful cook and poet, Said Mohammed, failed B.A.

There was a burst of applause as the Bengali concluded.

"Capital!" cried Mr. Halliday.

"Wonderful!" exclaimed the girls together, clapping their hands.

"Absolutely unique, by Jove!" added Oliver.

"You're sure of immortality now, John," said Joe.

"I wouldn't wonder if it's good enough for _Punch_," said Mr. Gillespie.

"Such laudation warms the cockles of my heart, ladies and gentlemen," declared Said Mohammed, beaming. "But the poem is not destined to be squandered on _profanum vulgus:_ it is strictly for private consumption."

"Have some copies printed, Mr. Mohammed," said Mrs. Burtenshaw. "I'll pay the bill."

"Your esteemed order, madam, shall be punctually attended to. And now, with excuses, I beg to be allowed to retire to my own place--to return to my muttons, as it were: or in other words, to wash the dishes."

And with profound salaams he withdrew.

----

By the last advices from Nairobi I learn that the Hallidays' farm in Kenya is exceedingly prosperous. Mr. Halliday received his lease, and was recently mentioned in a Government report as one of the most enterprising and successful settlers in British East Africa. Mrs. Burtenshaw regards this testimonial as unfair, since Mr. Halliday is only a figurehead, and John does the work; but, as Mr. Gillespie says, nobody cares a pin for what appears in a Government report.

There are two other farms adjoining Alloway, one owned by Charles Ferrier, the other by the two Brownes. It is rumoured that, as lions and other wild-fowl have now disappeared from the vicinity, two of the three farms will soon be graced by the presence of ladies; but there seems to be some speculation at tea-tables in Nairobi as to whether Hilda Ferrier will become Mrs. Joseph Browne or Mrs. David Halliday. Knowing John, I should say that there is no doubt about the matter. Mr. Gillespie advises Helen Browne to change her name to Ferrier at the same time: he is a firm believer in economy. Said Mohammed is anxiously awaiting definite information, for he says that he cannot set to work on his nuptial ode in honour of the occasion until he knows which is which; then he will show us all what's what. My own opinion is that he will be so busy in erecting a wedding-cake of suitable proportions as to have no leisure to build the lofty rhyme. Meanwhile he has learnt Spenser's "Epithalamium" by heart, and is convinced that, with due inspiration, he will knock it into a cocked hat.

THE END

HERBERT STRANG

_Complete List of Stories_

ADVENTURES OF DICK TREVANION, THE ADVENTURES OF HARRY ROCHESTER, THE A GENTLEMAN AT ARMS A HERO OF LIEGE AIR PATROL, THE AIR SCOUT, THE BARCLAY OF THE GUIDES BLUE RAIDER, THE BOYS OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE BRIGHT IDEAS BROWN OF MOUKDEN BURTON OF THE FLYING CORPS CARRY ON CRUISE OF THE GYRO-CAR, THE FIGHTING WITH FRENCH FLYING BOAT, THE FRANK FORESTER HUMPHREY BOLD JACK HARDY KING OF THE AIR KOBO LONG TRAIL, THE LORD OF THE SEAS MOTOR SCOUT, THE NO MAN'S ISLAND OLD MAN OF THE MOUNTAIN, THE ONE OF CLIVE'S HEROES PALM TREE ISLAND ROB THE RANGER ROUND THE WORLD IN SEVEN DAYS SAMBA SETTLERS AND SCOUTS SULTAN JIM SWIFT AND SURE THROUGH THE ENEMY'S LINES TOM BURNABY TOM WILLOUGHBY'S SCOUTS WINNING HIS NAME WITH DRAKE ON THE SPANISH MAIN WITH HAIG ON THE SOMME