Chapter 2

understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

We are all saddened when others fail to respond to logic and the use of force is necessary, but the periodic necessity of using force to protect others is often unavoidable. Our own internal conflicts of loneliness brought on by dealing with sociopaths is perhaps brought on by our own fear of not being loved by others. The realization of that phenomenon might help us to resolve our own internal conflict in dealing with the manipulative sociopath.

One of the problems with dealing with unattached people or sociopaths is the difficulty of recognition. At one time, they seem friendly, intelligent, well adjusted, and exhibit apparent sincerity in wanting to be a friend to others. At other times, their behavior seems to snap over, instantaneously, to that of a selfish ten year old. In Kohlberg's view of moral decision making, the age of ten is when a person begins to use the Everyone Rule (what would the world be like if everyone did the action in question). Sociopaths often do not consider others, rather seek instantaneous gratification of their own impulsive needs, much like a ten year old.

Sociopaths are often superficially charming, yet frequently exhibit certain adverse character traits. They are:

untrustworthy vs trustworthy disloyal vs. loyal selfish vs. helpful unfriendly vs. friendly discourteous vs. courteous (polite) mean vs. kind rebellious vs. obedient (a team player) wasteful vs. thrifty cowardly vs. brave dirty vs. clean profane vs. reverent

Other peculiar traits include speech pathologies, and primary process (crazy) lying. Speech pathologies include "baby" talk by an older person. Crazy lying includes the child caught with a stolen candy bar in his hand who replies, "What candy."

While often charming, unattached people are basically self-centered and lack values that guide their conduct with other people.

Interpersonal relationships -- values.

Sequential problem solving and dealing with interpersonal relations involves weighing various values and determining what is appropriate or inappropriate behavior. It is, therefore, desirable to have a firm grasp of our own values. What does society expect of us? What do we expect of others? What do we expect of ourselves?

The values of the English speaking countries came largely from Great Britain. The English Common Law system and the Judeo-Christian values expressed in it originated, in part, with King Arthur and the Knights of the Roundtable.

King Arthur and his knights left us with some simple guidelines:

The Knight's Motto -- Be always ready.

The Knight's Code: On my honor I will do my best -- To do my duty to God and my King; To obey the Knight's Laws; To help other people at all times; To keep myself physically strong, mentally alert, and morally straight.

The Knight's Laws: The Knight is to be: Trustworthy -- I will not lie, cheat, or steal. Loyal -- I will not tolerate those who lie, cheat, or steal. Helpful -- I will help other people at all times. Friendly Courteous Kind Obedient Thrifty Cheerful Brave Clean Reverent

The underlying values of Knighthood and the Bible were eventually passed on to the Scouting movement for boys and girls by General Sir Baden-Powell about 1908.[12] The priority expressed in the Knight's Code is God, country, others, self -- the same sequence as in the Ten Commandments of Moses:

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. 2. Thou shalt not make any graven images. 3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain. 4. Thou shalt remember the Sabbath to keep it holy. 5. Honor thy mother and father (that thy days may be long in the land which the Lord hath given thee). 6. Thou shalt not murder. 7. Thou not commit adultery. 8. Thou shalt not steal. 9. Thou shalt not lie. 10. Thou shalt not covet.

The Ten Commandments and the underlying message of the Bible, of helping one another, provide us with the framework for appropriate interpersonal relationships. When the human factor in problem solving is kept in mind through a list of values and a code of conduct, personal problem solving becomes a matter of analyzing internal conflict (fear, arrogance, laziness, or loneliness). When a problem presents itself and action seems slow, it is helpful to recognize the ways people evade problems.

Problem Solving Evasions.

1. SUBLIMATION -- sublimation is a compromise involving the gestation phase of problem solving. This often includes hobbies or other relaxation things that tend to disengage the left brain and allow the right brain greater autonomy. These relaxation devices allow the right brain to both synthesize new solutions and recall long unremembered solutions, as well as create new things for the fun of it. This activity occurs naturally. Sometimes sublimation activities are a compulsion driven by feelings of abandonment, as are other compulsions like substance abuse, gambling, and compulsive spending.

2. ANGER -- anger is often an immature reaction to frustration or stress, and is not considered a part of higher neo-cortex thinking; it is rather a reptilian reaction in MacLean's Triune Brain scheme.

Anger is also a step in the Grief Process described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross that progresses through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.

3. REGRESSION -- a return to the "Good Ole" Days. This problem evasion mechanism is farther from the problem solving pathway than anger. It involves the return to behavior of an earlier age.

4. DISTORTION -- these problem evasion mechanisms pass even farther from problem solving toward problem evasion.