CHAPTER XXXIX

A YOUNG MAN’S ETHICS

=You have a social nature.=--This nature should be developed. Boys and girls, men and women, are complements of each other. Every boy needs a sister and every girl needs a brother. It is a good thing for boys and girls of different families to be schoolmates and occasionally to engage together in games. Where co-educational colleges are wisely managed, young men and women develop socially in a more normal way than when they are separated. The matured young man is never quite himself until he finds his mate. The same can be said with equal force of the matured woman.

=Relation of the social and sex natures.=--The social nature of an eunuch has been arrested in its development to such an extent that he appears to be without a social nature. He does not attract the opposite sex, admires no woman, has no interest in children, and does not care to mingle with people in a social way. The secret sin often causes a young man to be exceedingly indifferent and to shun the company of young women.

These facts show clearly that there is a vital relation between the sexual nature and the social nature. If developed and kept normal, they will contribute much to the enjoyment of life. Like all great blessings they have their dangers. Whatever, in the social relations of young men and women, leads to the excitement of the sexual instinct means danger, temptations and ofttimes social disaster. Almost all men have either inherited or acquired a strong tendency toward easy sexual excitement. Most young men are ignorant of their weakness and the laws of sexual excitement. In these regards the birds and lower animals are much truer to nature than is, degenerate, man. Among them the sexual exciting relations, preparatory to the reproductive act, are never indulged in by the male except during the mating season. The lower animals never violate these laws of normal sexual excitement.

=A pernicious custom.=--Many young men, ignorant of these laws, prompted by an over-developed sexual condition, have the habit of pinching the arms of girls, patting their cheeks and chins, squeezing their hands, playing with the hair, hugging and kissing them, and other indiscreet and dangerous habits. These relations are known by modern society as “spooning.” It is seriously common. It is more dangerous to physical, sexual, mental and moral health than the secret sin or prostitution. It is the kindergarten for both. Few young people would ever fall were it not for these pernicious and foolish customs.

You should treat every young lady as you would have other young men treat your sister. You should have a correct knowledge of these laws and by an intelligent choice and a manly, strong purpose, refuse ever to engage with young women in any social relation that would endanger your honor or their virtue.

=Friendship and love.=--For a number of years you may for social reasons wish to call occasionally on one or more girls for whom you will entertain only thoughts of friendship. However, friendship occasionally assumes a more serious turn and is transformed mysteriously into love. If this love is natural, prompted by your paternal nature, approved by your reason and judgment, no mistake will be made. Love can be blinded by lust, paralyzed by wealth and hypnotized by beauty and in either event, marriage would be a failure.

=A good wife is a helpmate.=--If a young man has perfect control of his sex nature, I would not advise marriage before he is twenty-three or four. If he has a few hundred dollars ahead, a good education, or a good paying position, has good health and has found the girl of his choice, he should not postpone marriage until he has accumulated more. A good wife is a helpmate.

=Long engagements.=--Such engagements are seldom necessary and rarely advisable. Don’t be in a hurry. The first chance may not be the best one. Study her and her family well. Your children’s rights should be respected; choose for them a good mother. A young man should never trifle with his affections or the affections of young women by numerous engagements. This is a serious matter. The affectional nature can be trifled with until it cannot be relied upon.

=Certain rights not yours.=--After you are satisfied with the choice you have made, the important question been asked, a favorable answer received, and the engagement has been effected with the approval of both families, remember that there are privileges that are not yours until the legal phase of marriage has completed your oneness. Any violation of chastity before marriage is a sin against society, weakens self-respect, causes a loss of confidence in each other, and often leads to domestic discord in the future.

=When you call.=--After the engagement is made you will want to be with your betrothed much of the time. When together have something sensible to talk about. It is a good thing for lovers to read interesting stories to each other. While sentiment and the occasional repetition of the avowal of marriage will add interest to these calls yet this can be over-done and becomes very monotonous. Be frank, sincere, versatile and entertaining, but be discreet.

=The nuptial night.=--In relation to the nuptial night there is some very delicate and vital information every engaged young man should possess. The primary purpose of marriage is reproduction. Marriage is said to be “Consummated in the first act of cohabitation.” In Greece it was a custom for three days to intervene between the marriage ceremony and the “consummation of marriage.” This was a very wise custom. The bride is usually nervous, exhausted and excited over the occasion. However much she may love her husband, he is yet to her a stranger. This nuptial night should be a night of sweetest, tenderest courtship. The bride should be promptly assured that she will be protected by her lover and that no sexual demand will be made until she extends the invitation. You have often noticed reports in the daily papers of the young bride deserting her husband a day or two after marriage, or committing suicide. Their husbands were ignorant, low and brutal, in almost every case. A young man should understand that his bride is not in a condition of body and mind to meet the sudden change which the marital relation brings.

=The considerate young husband.=--If a young husband is considerate, awaits his wife’s invitation, practices self-control and moderation for the first few weeks of marriage, his wife will be spared much anxiety, nervousness, and possibly diseases of the genital organs and an invalid condition for life.

If an engaged young man is informed, sensible and pure, and his bride possesses these qualities, there would be nothing indiscreet, unmanly, or even unchristian for him to assure his betrothed that she need have no fear in approaching the nuptial night.