CHAPTER XVIII

MOTHER’S FIFTH TALK--A SMALL GIRL’S ETHICS

=The social nature.=--You are now of an age when you will appreciate a heart to heart talk on the social relations of small girls and boys. God gave to us our social natures. It is our social nature that leads us to desire new acquaintances, to be with old friends, to be in large gatherings of people, and to have special friends. A reasonable amount of social activity is essential to our well-being. Most of our real pleasure in life grows out of our relation to society. Genuine innocent pleasure is nature’s greatest tonic. Innocent games, a big romp, a good laugh, all help to develop the body, prolong life and increase one’s usefulness. Plays, games, a good time, should form a large part of childhood. The boy’s masculine nature leads him often to prefer games that require strength, endurance and daring. The girl’s feminine nature leads her often to prefer games that require less of strength, endurance and danger. It is for this reason that boys enjoy games of football and baseball and girls enjoy their dolls, tennis and croquet.

=Boys and girls should play together.=--While boys prefer to play with boys much of the time and girls prefer to play with girls much of the time, yet their opposite natures lead them to enjoy being with each other in conversation and games. In most homes and communities, boys and girls are nearly equally divided as to number. This would indicate that God planned for boys and girls to be much with each other.

=The sex and social nature.=--God has given us a sexual nature as well as a social nature. If boys and girls have not learned bad language, engaged in impure thoughts or formed habits of vice, they have been rarely conscious of their sex nature before the dawning of puberty. After puberty the organs of sex are generating a sex life that results in occasional sex consciousness. This is not an injury, not a sin. If we keep our minds pure, avoid everything that would excite these organs, this new sex life will make wonderful changes in every organ of the body, faculty of the mind and power of the soul. The consciousness of sex, or what may be correctly called passion, simply means that we are in possession of creative energy. By keeping the mind pure, taking plenty of physical exercise, mental study and sympathizing with and loving everybody, this sex life will be built into the muscles and brain tissue, giving strength of body, brilliancy of mind and warmth of soul. The developing sex life is slowly and gradually preparing them for fatherhood and motherhood. This preparation is not completed until they are matured. The girl does not mature until she is about twenty and the boy until he is about twenty-four. During the eight years of adolescence for the girl and ten for the boy, she is gradually passing out of girlhood into womanhood and he from boyhood into manhood. During the first half of these periods, she is more girl than woman, he is more boy than man. During these early years the boy may be a manly boy and the girl a womanly girl, but they are still children. They should still play together without any thought of being sweethearts. It is natural for a girl to admire one boy more than she does another because he is gallant, kind and manly. For like reasons, it is natural for small boys to admire one girl more than another. Occasionally these little experiences of admiration take on the more serious form of love. If older people do not encourage or tease them their little spasms of love will soon disappear. It is best for boys and girls not to think of each other as sweethearts and lovers until they are nearer matured.

=The “boy-struck” girl and the “girl-struck” boy.=--They range in age from ten to twenty. They excite the pity of some, the disgust of others and the love and appreciation of none. They will carry on an insane or ridiculous conversation over the phone for an hour, or stand on the street corner and engage in the most silly nonsense. He is usually a cigarette-smoking nonentity and she a simpering, giggling, flirting, amusing imitation of what she would like to be. In the schoolroom they pass notes and receive low grades. She carries her dressing to the extreme limit of idiocy, disfiguring her body and ruining her health. As she grows older she takes lonely midnight strolls and buggy rides. It will be a miracle if the “boy-struck” girl does not fall. Even if she does not fall into disgrace, it will be difficult for her to regain her self-respect and the confidence of her neighbors.

=Confidential social advice.=--While the association of boys and girls is natural, enjoyable, and has its blessings, it is not without its temptations and dangers. Passion should never be aroused. In associating with boys, girls should be very careful in regard to their dress. They should not wear dresses that unnecessarily expose their breasts or limbs; they should never use a word or expression that would suggest wrong thoughts to their boy friends; they should never go off alone with boys; and they should never permit a boy to hold their hands, pinch their arms, play with their hair, hug or kiss them. All these things tend to arouse passion in a way and to an extent exceedingly dangerous.

=A class of dangerous boys.=--It will be well for you to remember that many boys are very wicked. Poor boys! In many cases they have not been trained to be polite, kind, and pure. They have no idea how sinful it is to use obscene language, to be immodest, and by these methods to seek to ruin the character and life of a girl. Such boys would rather ruin a girl than be president. Girls should be careful not to associate with this class of boys.

=The true, the pure boys.=--Some boys are as innocent and pure as most girls are. Good boys and young men who have been well trained are always kind, courteous, brave, true, and pure. Association with this class of boys is always helpful.

=Girlhood comes but once.=--Don’t be in a hurry to grow into womanhood. Be a joyful, playful, happy little girl just as long as you can. Of course you will not want to play or be with your friends all the time, or even most of the time. You will be in school much of the time. You will want to spend some time on your music, in learning how to make your clothing, how to care for the bedrooms, and how to cook. You will wish to form high ideals and gain inspiration from reading books of travel, of history, some fiction of high moral and literary tone, biographies of great and good people, the best magazines and, of course, you will not leave the Bible out of your daily reading.