CHAPTER XIII

A TALK TO MOTHERS

=Similar information needed by the boy and girl.=--Thus far the author has dealt with the best methods of telling the story of life to a child. These stories can be as effectively and appropriately given by one parent as by the other. Where children develop early or where they are very inquisitive, it would be well to begin earlier and tell the stories faster than you would to the other class of children. Boys and girls are neuter as to gender until they are ten and eleven years old. The information given to one may be given to the other. Carefully ascertain if your child is perfectly normal in his or her sexual organs. This is too vital to be neglected. A simple operation performed on a boy or girl when only a few days, weeks, months, or years old would often save a child from a life of impure thoughts and vicious habits.

=How to satisfy morbid curiosity.=--Every possible means should be used to keep small boys and girls from acquiring and cultivating morbid curiosity about the sexual organs of each other. This is not accomplished by telling them that the difference between a boy and girl is that one wears trousers and the other dresses. This can be prevented or overcome by having small boys and girls in the home both together under the mother’s watchful care. While bathing or dressing the baby, the older boys or girls may be permitted to view and admire baby’s body. In one of these ways the mother can in a perfectly natural and modest way make it possible for the children to observe the difference between boys and girls. Most likely one will ask some question pertaining to this difference. The mother can then explain that the organs of sex make the difference between boys and girls; that these organs of the boy will cause him to grow up to be a man and these organs of a girl will cause her to grow up to be a woman. The earlier in life the boy and girl becomes acquainted with this difference, the less of morbid curiosity they will develop.

=The boy of ten.=--When the boy reaches the tenth year he begins to look upon life from the masculine point of view and his father is his natural teacher. If the father is dead or careless the mother should see that her boy is given such information as his developing boyhood and manhood demands. The informed mother could do this herself, other mothers could have the family physician give her boy talks or she can secure suitable books that will furnish him this information. The mother should be careful to purchase for her boy only such books as are perfectly chaste, accurate and adapted to his age.

=The girl of ten.=--When the girl reaches her tenth and eleventh year she begins to look upon life from the feminine point of view and her mother becomes her natural teacher. But if mother is dead or indifferent the father should see that his daughter receives from himself, a lady doctor, or buy for her a good and appropriate book containing what her developing girlhood and womanhood demands.

=Advantages of beginning early.=--There are several advantages in beginning this instruction early; your child’s first impression regarding the organs of sex will be that they are pure and sacred, you retain your child’s confidence, and your child will feel free to come to you for future instruction. If you do not begin early your children get this information from the vicious and ignorant youths, their mind and hearts will be filled with impurity, you lose their confidence and they may reach a condition where they will not allow you or anyone else to advise them on these matters.

=Wise instruction needed.=--When a girl is eleven she has reached an age where her approaching womanhood demands other lines of sex instruction. The study of social questions has made rapid progress in the last ten years. There are few sincere, thoughtful parents who do not recognize the need of wise instruction in these matters for children. Wise mothers are asking, What, When and How Shall the Truth be Told?

=A talk on the dawning of womanhood.=--The mother should give her daughter instruction concerning her approaching adolescence. This should be given before the courses start. This change usually occurs when the girl is from twelve to fourteen. In girls of precocious development, this change may occur in the eleventh year. Many mothers say nothing to their daughters about this period of life. This is a very great mistake. When it occurs in the life of the uninformed girl, she is often greatly frightened and resorts to some injurious device, such as cold water, to stop the work of nature. Through doctors, husbands and wives I have found that many women owe their poor health to mothers who failed to give this natural and vital information.

=The female form.=--In this talk the mother should inform her daughter about her organs of sex, their God-given functions and the meaning of the change that is likely to come to her at any time. Don’t intimate that she has organs to be ashamed of, but teach her that these organs form the sacred sanctuary which will one day enable her to become the sweetest and holiest of God’s creatures--a pure, happy mother. Ask her to notify you of the first signs of this change and promise to give her another talk about how to care for herself at the time.

=Be a companion to the daughter.=--A true mother will be her daughter’s best “chum” cultivating the most intimate confidence and companionship. If you will do this, your daughter will be free to come to you for information and advice pertaining to her sex problems and you will rarely have to say to her, “Thou shalt not.”

=A confidential talk.=--By the time the girl is twelve the mother should have a confidential talk with her about the secret vice. While girls are not so likely to be taught or to discover this vice, and are not likely to practice it to the extent of boys, yet authorities claim that one-third of the females practice the secret sin at some time in life and to some extent. It is claimed by some authorities that more women, than men, are in the asylum because of this vice. This is because their nervous system is so much more delicate than is the case in men. In schools and sometimes among servants in the home may be found a sex-pervert who will take a fiendish delight in teaching this vice to a little girl. Mothers cannot be too cautious about these dangers.

=A real transition.=--Few mothers begin to comprehend the mental phases that attend the dawning of womanhood. The building of the new sex life means a real transition from one distinct period of life to another, from the experiences of girlhood to womanhood. For the first four years of adolescence there is a constant clash in her mind between the feeling of the girl that was and the woman that is to be. This is caused by the creation of a new life, the sex life, whose immediate functions is to change her from girlhood to womanhood. This new life is stimulating rapid growth and changes in many organs of the body, awakening the social nature, quickening every faculty of the mind and giving new impulses to the moral nature. No wonder that the girl does not always understand herself. The mother needs to be tact and wisdom combined, if she is to understand her daughter and assist her in giving proper direction to this new life. Inform your daughter that these strange experiences are due to the changes that are taking place in her body and mind; that she will often have tendencies to be peevish, irritable, cry and take offense, to be sentimental and self-conscious. Remind her that you have not forgotten the experiences of your girlhood, that you are sympathetic, that you are interested in helping her overcome all wrong tendencies and that you will gladly aid her all you can in the direction of this new life to the development of charming, ideal womanhood.

=Important advice to mothers.=--Gradually everything pertaining to her womanhood should be told her. Instill into her mind slowly and cautiously the beauties of wifehood and the sacredness of motherhood and teach her that these glorious honors in their perfection come only to those who know themselves, think pure thoughts and live pure lives. Don’t tease little girls about sweethearts. Don’t rush them into society. Allow them to remain innocent, playful girls as long as possible. When fourteen or fifteen, tactfully impress upon her mind that unkissed lips will be the most queenly gift that she can offer her king at the marriage altar; that virginity of mind and body will be appreciated by him as of more value than the most costly jewels. Teach her to demand a white life of her male friends and admirers, and, to demand as pure a life of her coming prince as he will demand of her.

NO ONE HAD TOLD HER.

She was just in the bloom of life’s morning; She was happy, and free, and fair; And a glance in her bright eyes would tell you Of nothing but innocence there.

She was waiting for some one to tell her, As she stood with reluctant feet, On the banks of the wonderful river Where childhood and womanhood meet.

She waited, but still no one told her The secret of life so sublime; And she held not the safeguard of knowledge In life’s beautiful morning time.

The flower so sweetly unfolding Was crushed by a rough hand one day, And the jewel, so sacred, so precious, Was stolen and taken away.--_Selected._