Part 3

_Q. WEll! They are so. But do you think now to bring'um to their Wits again with a_ Pamphlet?

_A._ Come, Come; 'Tis the _Press_ that has made'um _Mad_, and the _Press_ must set'um _Right_ again. The Distemper is _Epidemical_; and there's no way in the world, but by _Printing_, to convey the _Remedy_ to the _Disease_.

_Q. But what is it that you call a_ Remedy?

_A._ The _Removing_ of the _Cause_. That is to say, the _Undeceiving_ of the _People_: for they are well enough Disposed, of themselves, to be Orderly, and Obedient; if they were not misled by _Ill Principles_, and Hair'd and Juggled out of their Senses with so many Frightful _Stories_ and _Impostures_.

_Q. Well! to be Plain and Short; You call your self the_ Observator: _What is it now that you intend for the Subject of your_ Observations?

_A._ Take it in few words then. My business is, to encounter the _Faction_, and to Vindicate the _Government_; to detect their _Forgeries_; to lay open the Rankness of their _Calumnies_, and _Malice_; to Refute their _Seditious Doctrines_; to expose their _Hypocrisy_, and the _bloudy Design_ that is carry'd on, under the Name, and Semblance, of _Religion_; And, in short, to lift up the Cloke of the _True Protestant_ (as he Christens himself) and to shew the People, the _Jesuite_ that lies skulking under it.

_Q. Shall the_ Observator _be a_ Weekly Paper, _or How_?

_A._ No, No; but oftner, or seldomer, as I see Occasion.

_Q. Pray favour me a word; When you speak of a_ True Protestant, _don't you mean a_ Dissenting Protestant?

_A._ Yes, I do: For your _Assenting_ and _Consenting Protestant_ (you must know) is a _Christian_.

_Q. And is not a_ Dissenting Protestant _a_ Christian too?

_A._ Peradventure, he _is_ one; peradventure, _not_: For a _Dissenter_ has his Name from his _Disagreement_, not from his _Perswasion_.

_Q. What is a Dissenter then?_

_A._ Tis Impossible to say either what a _Dissenter IS_, or what he is _NOT_. For he's a _NOTHING_; that may yet come to be _ANY thing_. He may be a _Christian_; or he may be a _Turk_; But you'l find the best account of him in his _Name_. _A DISSENTER, is one that thinks OTHERWISE._ That is to say, let the _Magistrate_ think what he pleases, the _Dissenter_ will be sure to be of _another Opinion_. A _Dissenter_ is not of _This_, or of _That_, or of _Any Religion_; but _A Member Politique of an Incorporate Faction_: or Otherwise; A _Protestant-Fault-Finder_ in a _Christian Commonwealth_.

_Q. Well! but tho' a_ Dissenter _may be_ any thing; _A_ Dissenting Protestant _yet tells ye_ what _he Is_.

_A._ He does so, he tells ye that he _is_ a _Negative_: an _Anti-Protester_; One that _Protests AGAINST_, but not _FOR_ any thing.

_Q. Ay; but so long as he opposes the_ Corruptions _of the Church of_ Rome.

_A._ Well: And so he does the _Rites_, and _Constitutions_ of the Church of _England_ too. As a _Protestant_, he does the _former_; and the _Other_ as a _Dissenter_.

_Q. But is there no_ Uniting _of These_ Dissenters?

_A._ You shall as soon make the Winds blow the same way, from all the Poynts of the Compass.

_Q. There are_ Good _and_ Bad, _of_ all Opinions, _there's no doubt on't: But do you think it fayr, to Condemn a_ whole Party _for some_ Ill men _in't_?

_A._ No, by no means: The _Party_ is neither the _Worse_, for having _Ill_ men in it, nor the _Better_, for _Good_. For whatever the _Members_ are, the _Party_ is a _Confederacy_; as being a _Combination_, against the _Law_.

_Q. But a man may_ Mean honestly, _and yet perhaps ly under some_ Mistake. _Can any man help his Opinion?_

_A._ A man may _Mean well_, and _Do Ill_; he may shed _Innocent Bloud_, and _think he does God good Service_. 'Tis True: A man cannot help _Thinking_; but he may help _Doing_: He is _Excusable_ for a _Private_ Mistake, for _That's_ an Error only to _himself_; but when it comes once to an _Overt Act_, 'tis an _Usurpation_ upon the _Magistrate_, and there's no Plea for't.

_Q. You have no kindnesse, I perceive, for a_ Dissenting Protestant; _but what do you think of a bare_ Protestant _without any_ Adjunct?

_A._ I do look upon _Such_ a _Protestant_ to be a kind of an _Adjective Noun-Substantive; It requires something to be joyn'd with it, to shew its Signification_. By _Protestancy_ in _General_ is commonly understood a _Separation_ of Christians from the Communion of the Church of _Rome_: But to _Oppose Errors_, on the _One hand_, is not Sufficient, without keeping our selves _Clear_ of Corruptions, on the _Other_. Now it was the _Reformation_, not the _Protestation_, that Settled us upon a _true Medium_ betwixt the two _Extreams_.

_Q. So that you look upon the_ Protestation, _and the_ Reformation, _it seems, as two several things_.

_A._ Very right; But in such a manner only, that the _Former_, by Gods Providence, made way for the _Other_.

_Q. But are not all_ Protestants _Members of the_ Reformed Religion?

_A._ Take notice, _First_, that the _Name_ came Originally from the _Protestation_ in 1529. against the _Decree of Spires_; and that the _Lutheran Protestants_ and _Ours_ of the Church of _England_, are not of the _Sam Communion_. Now _Secondly_; If you take _Protestants_ in the _Latitude_ with our _Dissenters_, they are not so much a _Religion_, as a _Party_; and whoever takes this Body of _Dissenters_ for _Members_ of the _Reformed Religion_ sets up a _Reformation_ of a _hundred and fifty Colours_ and as may [sic] _Heresies_. The _Anabaptists, Brownists, Antinomians, Familists, &c._ do all of them set up for _Dissenting Protestants_; but God forbid we should ever enter these _People_ upon the Roll of the _Reformation_.

_Q._ Well! _but what do you think of_ Protestant Smith _and_ Protestant Harris?

_A._ Just as I do of _Protestant Muncer_, and _Protestant Phifer_; a Brace of _Protestants_ that cost the Empire 150000 Lives: and our own _Pretended Protestants_ too, of Later Date, have cost _This Nation little lesse_.

_Q. Ay: But these are men of quite another Temper: Do not you see how zealous they are for the Preservation of the_ King's Person, _the_ Government, _and the_ Protestant Religion?

_A._ I _See_ well enough what they _Say_, and I _know_ what they _do_. Consider, _First_, that they are Profess'd _Anabaptists: Smith_ no less then a _pretended Prophet_; and the _Other_, a kind of a _Wet Enthusiast. Secondly_; 'tis the very _Doctrine_ of the _Sect_ to root out _Magistracy_, Cancel _Humane Laws; Kill_, and take _Possession_; and _wash their Feet with the Bloud of the Ungodly_; and where ever they have set Footing, they have _Practic'd_ what they _Taught_. Are not these likely men now, to help out a _King_, and a _Religion_, at a dead lift? If you would be further satisfy'd in the Truth of things, reade _Sleidan, Spanhemius, Gastius, Hortensius, Bullinger, Pontanus, The Dipper dipp'd, Bayly's Disswasive, Pagets Heresiography_, &c. _Hortensius_ tells ye, how _Jack of Leydens Successor_ murthered his Wife, to make way to his Daughter, _P._ 74. and after that, cut a girls throat, for fear she should tell Tales. _Gastius_ tells us of a Fellow that cut off his brothers Head, as by Impulse, and then cry'd, _The Will of God is fulfilled, lib. I. Pa. 12. Jack of Leyden_ started up from Supper, _to do some business_ (he said) _which the Father had commanded him_, and cut off a Soldiers Head; and afterwards cut off his Wives head in the _Market-place. Sleydans Comment. Lib. 10._

_Q. You will not make the_ Protestant-Mercury _to be an_ Anabaptist _too, will ye_?

_A._ If you do make him _any thing_, I'le make him _That_. But in one word, they are _Factious_ and _Necessitous_; and consequently, the fittest Instruments in the world, for the Promoting of a _Sedition_. First, as they are _Principled_ for't; and then, in respect of their _Condition_; for they are every man of them under the Lash of the Law, and Retainers to Prisons; So that in their _Fortunes_ they can hardly be _worse_. Insomuch, that it is a common thing for them to lend a Name to the countenancing of a Libel which no body else dares own.

_Q. Well! but let them be as_ poor, _and_ malicious _as_ Devils, _so long as they have neither_ Brains, _nor_ Interest, _what hurt can their Papers do_?

_A._ The Intelligences, you must know, that bear their _Names_, are not of _their Composing_, but the Dictates of a _Faction_, and the Venom of a Club of _Common-wealths-men_ instill'd into those Papers.

_Q. These are_ Words, _all this while, without_ Proofs; _Can you shew us particularly where the Venom lies?_

_A._ It is the business of every Sheet they Publish, to Affront the _Government_, the _Kings Authority_, and _Administration_; the _Privy-Council_; the _Church, Bench, Juries, Witnesses_; All _Officers, Ecclesiastical, Military_, and _Civil_: and no matter for _Truth_ or _Honesty_, when a _Forg'd Relation_ will serve their turn. 'Tis a common thing with them, to get half a dozen _Schismaticall_ Hands to a _Petition_, or _Address_ in a corner, and then call it, the sense of the Nation: and when all's done, they are not above twenty Persons, that make all this Clutter in the Kingdom.

_Q. But to what End do they all this?_

_A._ To make the Government _Odious_, and _Contemptible_; to magnifie their own Party; and fright the People out of their _Allegeance_, by _Counterfeit Letters, Reports_, and _false Musters_, as if the sober and considerable part of the Nation were all on their side.

_Q. We are in Common Charity to_ allow, _for_ Errors, _and_ Mis-reports, _and not presently to make an Act of_ Malice, _and_ Design, _out of every_ Mistake. _Can you shew me any of these_ Counterfeits, _and_ Impostures _that you speak of? These_ Cheats _upon the_ People, _and_ Affronts _upon the_ Government?

_A._ Yes, yes; Abundantly. And Il'e give you Instances immediately upon every poynt you'l ask me: Only This note, by the way; That let them be _mistakes_, or _Contrivances_, or what you will, they all run Unanimously _against_ the Government, without so much as one Syllable in _favour_ of it: Which makes the matter desperately suspitious.

_Q. Let me see then, in the First place, where any_ Affront _is put upon the_ Government.

_A. Some Persons_ (Says Smiths Prot. Int. N. 7.) _in_ Norwich, _&c. who have a greater stock of_ Confidence, _and_ Malice, _then_ Wisdom, _and_ Honesty, _are so far transported with_ Zeal _to serve the_ Devil, _or his_ Emissaryes _the_ Papists, _that they are now Prosecuting several_ Dissenting Protestants _upon_ Stat. 35. Eliz. _&c._ (And so the Protestant-Mercury, _N._ 15.) _Some People at_ Norwich, _are playing the_ Devil _for_ Godsake: _several honest, peaceable_, Protestant Dissenters, _having been troubled for not coming to_ Church, _or having been Present at_ Religious Meetings &c. Now what greater _Affront_ can there be to _Government_, then This language, _First_, from an _Anabaptist_ that is a _Professed Enemy_ to _all Government_; and _Secondly_, from a _Private Person_, Bare-fac'd, to arraign a _Solemn Law_: A _Law_ of this _Antiquity_; a _Law_ of _Queen Elizabeth's_, (a Princesse so much Celebrated by our _Dissenters themselves_ for her _Piety, Good Government_, and _Moderation_;) a _Law_ which, upon Experience, has been found so _Necessary_, that the bare _Relaxing_ of it, cost the _Life_ of a _Prince_, the _Bloud_ of _two or three hundred thousand_ of his _Subjects_, and a _Twenty-years-Rebellion_? To say nothing of the dangerous Consequence of making it _Unsafe_ for _Magistrates_ to discharge their Dutyes, for fear of _Outrages_, and _Libells_.

_Q. Well! but what have you to say now to the_ Kings Authority, _his_ Administration, _and his_ Privy Council.

_A. Smith_ (in his _Vox Populi, P._ 13.) saith, that _the King is oblig'd to pass or Confirm those Laws his People shall Chuse_, at which rate, if they shall tender him a Bill for the _Deposing_ of himself, he is bound to _agree_ to't. _Secondly_, in the same Page, _he Denies the Kings Power of Proroguing, or Dissolving Parliaments_; which is an _Essential_ of _Government_ it self, under what Form soever, and he's no longer a _King, without it_. And then for his _Administration, P._ 1. the _Anabaptist_ charges upon his Majesty [_those many surprizing and astonishing Prorogations, and Dissolutions_ (as he has worded his Meaning) _to be procur'd by the Papists_.] And then, _P._ 15. he wounds both the _King_, and his _Council_, at a Blow; in falling upon _those that make the King break his Coronation-Oath_; arraigning his _Council_ in the _First_ place, and the _King himself_ in the _Second_; and that for no less then the breach of _Oath_, and _Faith_.----Wee'l talk out the Rest at our next Meeting.

_London_, Printed for _H. Brome_, at the Gun in S. _Pauls_ Church-yard.

=Numb.= 13.

THE OBSERVATOR.

In _QUESTION_ and _ANSWER_.

=SATURDAY=, May 14. 1681.

_Q_. _But which way lies_ your _Humour_ then?

_A._ My way (you must know) lies more to _History_, and _Books_, and _Politicks_, and _Religion_, and _such as That_, But take this along with you too; that I am for turning over of _Men_, as well as _Books_; for that's the Profitable Study when all's done.

_Q. Pre' thee commend me to the_ Common Hangman _then, If He that_ turns over _the most_ men _be the_ Greatest Philosopher. _But how_ turning over _of_ Men?

_A._ That is to say, I _Read_ Them; I _Study_ them; I speak of _turning over_ their _Actions_, not their _Bodys_. And Pray observe my _Simile. Every_ Action _of a mans_ Life _resembles_ a Page _in a_ Book. D'ye Mark me?

_Q._ I _were to Blame else, But what are the Authors that you would recommend to a bodys Reading?_

_A._ Why thereafter as the Subject is, As for _History_; ye have _Clarks Lives_, and _Examples_; _Lloyd's Memoirs_; the _Popes Warehouse_, &c. For _Politicks_; There's Mr. _Baxters Holy Commonwealth_, the _Assemblys Catechism_, The Letter about the _Black Box_, &c. For _Law_, ye have Mr. _Prinn's Soveraign Power of Parliaments_; _Smiths Vox Populi_, &c. For _Morals_, There's _Youth's Behaviour_; And then For _Deep Knowledge_, ye have _Brightman's Revelations Reveal'd_; _Lilly's Hieroglyphicks_; the _Northern Star_, _Jones_ of the _Heart_: All Excellent Pieces in their kinds, and not Inferior (perhaps) to any of the Ancients.

_Q. I was never so happy as to meet with any of these Authors. But what d'ye think of_ Cornelius Tacitus?

_A._ A _Talking, Tedious, Empty Fellow_.

_Q. Well but is not_ Titus Livius _a pretty Good_ Historian?

_A._ Ha Ha Ha. That Same _Titus_ is an Errant _Puppy_, A _Damn'd, Insipid, Lying Coxcomb. Titus Livius_ a good _Historian_ sayst thou? Why if I had a _Schoolboy_ that writ such _Latin_ I'de tickle his _Toby_ for him.

_Q. But what's your Opinion of_ Caesars Commentaries _then? I mean, for a_ Narrative?

_A._ A _Narrative_ d'ye say? Deliver me from such _Narratives_! Why 'tis no more to be compar'd to the _Narratives_ that are written _now adays_, then an _Apple_ is to an _Oyster_.

_Q. But however He was a very_ Brave Fellow, _was he not_?

_A._ He was an _Arbitrary_, Oppressing, Tyrannical _Fellow_. And then for his _Bravery_, he did pretty well at the Battel of _Leipsick_, and after that, at _Lepanto_; and when you have said that, you have said all.

_Q. You have read all these Authors, have you not?_

_A._ Why verily I _have_, and I have _not_. They are a company of _Lying, Ridiculing Rascals_; They do not _AFFECT_ me at all: they are below me, they are not worth my notice.

_Q. What would I give to be as well vers'd in_ History, _as you are_?

_A._ And that's Impossible, let me tell ye; Utterly Impossible: For I reade just six times as much as any other Man. I have Read more _Folio's_ then ever _Tostatus_ read _Pages_. In one Word; I reade as much in _one hour_, as any other man reads in _six_.

_Q. Why how can that be?_

_A._ Why you must know I have a notable Faculty that way. I read ye _two Pages_ at a _view_: the _Right-hand_ Page with _one eye_, and the _Left_ with _t'other_, and then I carry _three Lines_ before me at a time with _each eye_.

_Q. But can ye_ Keep _what ye_ Reade, _at this rate_?

_A._ I _remember_ six times more then I _reade_; for I supply all that was left out, and yet 'tis a wonderfull thing, I cannot for my heart's blood remember _Faces_. I dare swear I have taken one man for another twenty times; but I am altogether for _Things_, and _Notions_, d'ye see, and such like; _Countenances_, let me tell ye, don't _AFFECT_ me; And yet I have a strange aversion for the two Faces I saw with you t'other day.

_Q. What D'ye mean_, Kings-man _and_ Church-man?

_A. Devil's-man_ and _Damms-man_: A couple of _Canary-Birds_, I'le warrant 'em: But _Kings-man_ is better yet then _Duke's-man_.

_Q. Why do ye talk thus of men of Quality, and Considerable Families?_

_A._ Well! but I may live to see their Honours laid in the dust tho' for all that. Prethee why is not _Circingle-man, Lawn-sleeve-man, Mitre-man_, as good a name as _Church-man_? Pray what Family is this same _Church-man_ of, for I know a world of the _Name_? He's of the _Prelatical House_, I suppose, Is he not?

_Q. Well, and is he ever the worse for that?_

_A._ Only _Antichrist_ is the _Head_ of the _Family_. Come let me talk a little roundly to ye. How many sound _Protestant Divines_ may there be of that House now, d'ye think, in _England_, and _Wales_, and the Town of _Berwick upon Tweed_? not above _Six_, if I be a _Christian_, and all the rest are _Tantivy's_, and worshippers of the Beast: But I may live yet to have the scowring of some of their Frocks for 'em.

_Q. Prethee when didst thou see Mr._ Sancroft?

_A._ Not a good while; but _Harry_ and I had a Crash t'other day yonder at _Greenwich_.

_Q. What's become of_ L'Estrange _I wonder?_

_A._ Who! _Towzer?_ that _Impudent Dog_; That _Tory-Rascal_; That _Fidling Curr_. He's in the Plot with _Celiers_, and young _Tong_, as sure as thou'rt alive, and as Rank a _Papist_ (let him swear what he will) as ever Piss't.

_Q. But has he not taken the_ Sacrament _to the_ contrary?

_A._ A _Popish Proselyte_ is no more to be believ'd, upon his _Oath_, than the _Devil himself_ if he were to Expound upon the _Gospel_. Why they have Dispensations to swear any thing.

_Q. What and continue Papists still?_

_A._ Yes: And go on still with the Hellish Popish Plot, as heartily as ever they did before. Why don't you see how the Toad Brazens it out still that he was not at _Somerset-House_? tho' _Prance_ and _Mowbray_ swear they saw him there?

_Q. Well, But who knows best? He_ Himself, _or the_ Witnesses?

_A._ Not a fart matter; For whether 'twas so or not; It were better Forty such Rogues were Hang'd then one Kings-Evidence Disparag'd.

_Q. But did they not swear a little short, think ye?_

_A._ Nay, they might have sworn _homer_, I must confess.

_Q. But now you mind me of_ Somerset-House; _Do'nt you remember a young Fellow of_ Cambridge _that Refus'd to receive the Sacrament, because (as he told his Master) he was reconcil'd to the Church, of_ Rome, _and Converted, and Baptiz'd at_ Somerset-House? _This is an old story ye must know. Why might not this be_ Towzer?

_A._ Nay as like as not, for the _Universitys_ are the very _Seminarys_ of _Popery_, and it will never be well with _England_ till _those Calves_ be turn'd a _grazing_.

_Q. But is there no believing of a_ Converted Papist _upon his_ Oath? _Why does the Law receive 'em then (upon such and such Certain Tests) for_ statutable Protestants?

_A._ The _Law_ never was among 'em as _I_ have been. There's no such thing (I tell ye) as a _Converted Papist_, and he shall sooner change his _shape_, then his _Nature: Kiss a Book, Kiss mine Arse_.

_Q. Why d'ye talk thus at random?_

_A._ Come, come, the _Outlandish Doctor_ for my mony: that told one of the _Macks_ t'other day in the face of the _Bench_, that _he would let down his Breeches and shite upon him. Plain-dealing's a Jewell._

_Q. Thou'rt e'en as busy with a_ Backside _as a_ Glyster-Pipe. _But (sluttery a part) Pray have a care what ye say; for if a_ Proselyted Papist _be not to be trusted upon his_ Oath, _what becomes of the_ Kings Evidence _that_ swear _under the_ same Circumstances? _But here's enough of this; and Pre'thee tell us now, how go squares in the_ State _all this while_?

_A._ Oh very bad, very bad, nothing but _Tory-Rorys_, from top to bottom. _Tory-Judges; Tory-Jurys; Tory-Justices; Tory-Officers; Tory-Crackfarts; Tory-Pamphlets_. All, _Certiorari-men_, and _Yorkists_. But I rattled up some of 'em there at the----_What d'ye call't-House_----Oh they'r grown strangely Insolent since these Bawling Addresses.

_Q. Why what do they do?_

_A._ Why they set every _Rascally Squire_ and _Doctor above_ me: Nay, they'l scarce put off their hats to me unless I begin; and then they stand grinning at Me and my Train. Would you think now that a fellow should have the Impudence to call Me to an account, for nothing in the world, but saying, that _he had_ a Bitch _to his_ Wife, _and_ she _a_ Rogue _to her_ Husband. And then to be call'd _Sirrah_ for my pains, only for telling a _Court-Kinsman_ of his that _I should Lace the Rogue, his Cozens Coat for him_. Well If I had not sent a Fool o'my errant I had had the Rascal in _Lob's_ Pound before this time.

_Q. And how came ye to miss?_

_A._ Why the Agent that I employ'd was so set upon his Guts, that he never minded the discourse at the Table. We had had him else. Or if he could but have got him to ha' met me, we'd ha' done his business.

_Q. But d'ye take this to be fair dealing now; to set any man at work to betray his Host; or to give such language to people of Condition?_

_A._ What not when the _Protestant Religion_ lies at _stake_? Why Pre'thee I tell the Proudest of 'em all to their Teeth, that they are _Villains_ and _Scoundrells_. What do I care for their _Graces_ and _Reverences_, they _Pimp_ for _Preferment_, and some of 'em shall hear on't too _next Parliament_. But Hark ye I have a great deal of work upon my hands, and I want an _Ammanuensis_ out of all Cry.

_Q. Why ye had a Pretty Fellow to'ther day, what's become of him?_

_A._ I'l tell ye then. A _Taylor_ had made him a _Garment_: and afterwards coming to him for the _mony_, he deny'd the Receit on't and being prest upon it, he offer'd to purge himself upon _Oath_, that he never had any such Garment. Upon this, the matter rested for a while; but at length, it was prov'd where he had _Sold_ it, and so the Taylor had satisfaction. In short, I turn'd him away apon't, for he is no servant for me that's _taken_ in a false Oath.

_Q. How is it possible for you to go thorough with all your Writing-work?_

_A._ Nay that's true; considering what a deal of other business I have; for really there would be no Justice done, if I did not look after _Witnesses_, _Jurys_, Choice of _City-Officers_, Election of _Members_ to serve in _Parliament_, both for _Town_, and _Country_; the disposing of _Ecclesiastical Dignitys_; the _Jurisdiction_ of _Courts_; the _Government_ of _Prisons_; the _Regulation_ of _Messengers Fees_: In one word, the stress of the whole Government lyes in a manner upon my shoulders; And I am so _Harrass'd_ with it, that I profess I was e'en thinking, a little before the Meeting of the last Parliament, to lay out a matter of _Twenty or Thirty Thousand Pound_ upon some Pretty Seat in the Country, and Retire.

_Q. Why truly for a man that has seen the world as you have done, what can he do better?_

_A._ Yes, I have seen the world to my Cost. 'Twas a sad thing for me, you must think, that never went to bed in my Mothers House without four or five Servants to wait upon me, (and if I had a mind to a _Tart_, a _Custard_, or a _Cheescake_ at any time, I had 'em all at command:) to be _Hackny'd_, and _Jolted_ up and down in a Forreign Country like a _Common Body_.

_Q. But what was it that put you upon_ Travel?