Part 6

In p. 46, of the "Victoria Magazine," the writer, in speaking of an interview which Mr. Home had with the spirit of the Count Cagliostro, states that the said _spirit_ diffused and wafted over his friend Mr. H. the most "delicious perfumes," and that they "appeared to have been a part of the Count's personal resources;" and argues for various reasons that these spirits are "sensitive to sweet smells," and that the spirits are "adepts in perfumery," "are fond of it," and surround themselves and their medium "with exquisite odours." And as Mr. Home is such a great favourite with these "spirits," his "life sphere" and "atmosphere" must be very highly scented and perfumed with smells, and this accounts at once for the spirits playing "Home, _sweet_ Home" upon the accordion, when he holds it under the table with one hand, and they play upon it, I suppose, with "_their hands of atmosphere!_" Be this as it may, however "sweet upon themselves" they may be, these spirits are at this moment in _very_ "_bad_ odour" with a large body of the press, as also with the large body of the public, and it therefore rests with the "mediums" to bring these "spirits of darkness" into light, and that these supposed spirits, their mediums, and their friends should _place_ themselves in a right position before the public. "Come out in the road" (as the low folk say when they are going to fight). By the by, there surely must be (as they are all _spirited_ fellows) some "prizefighters" amongst these "rapping" spirits, and if so, I would suggest that mediums, as "backers" and "bottle-holders" (provided they don't have any "spirits" in their bottle), should get up a "prizefight" as a public exhibition, between such spirits as Jem Belcher and Tom Crib, or any of those celebrated deceased popular heroes; and there would be this advantage in such contests, that the "sporting world" would have all their favourite sport, and be able to bet upon their favourites in these "sham-fights" without the attendant horrible and disgusting brutalities of the _real_ fights; for although they would, of course, "rap" each other, their _fists_ being only made of "_atmosphere_," they could not hurt or disfigure each other as they do in the _earthly_ boxing. And if these aerial boxers did "knock the wind out" of each other, it would be of no consequence, for as they would be surrounded with lots of their own kind of "life sphere," or "atmosphere," they could soon "make themselves _up_" again, if even they did not "make it up" with each other. But I see some difficulties in carrying out these "sports," which did not occur to me at first; for instance, if they cannot make their own thick heads out of the "atmosphere" of the heads about them, having no heads then, how can they be "set by the ears?" Besides, they could not hear when "time" was called, and then, again, the patrons of the "Prize ring" would not be satisfied unless they could see these spirited ghosts "knock each other's heads half off."

If these spirits cannot "make head," and keep up with the intellectual progress of the spirit of the times, and with the spirit of the world. If they cannot be a "body politic," or a body of spirits, or any other body, let the mediums set their _hands_ to work, "All _hands_, ahoy!" Let them lend a hand to any "handiwork;" "hand-looms," or hand about the tea and bread and butter at parties, or make themselves "handy" in any way, even if they were made to use "hand-brooms." Yes; let them put their hands to any honest calling rather than keep their hands in idleness, for they should recollect what Dr. Watts asserts--

"That _Satan_ finds some mischief still For _idle hands_ to do."

And if these "spirit hands" are too flimsy and delicate to _work_--to do hard work--then let them _play_ musical instruments, get up popular concerts, and as they can make perfumes, or are themselves perfumers, they could thus whilst playing gratify their audiences with sweet sounds and sweet scents at the same time.

However absurd this asserted _fact_ of tables being moved by spirits may appear, and to many persons appearing not worth a "second thought," yet it is natural that we should endeavour to account for such a movement in a natural way, one cause assigned is natural heat, the other involuntary muscular action, etc., etc. In this state of uncertainty a little "_guess_ work" about the table movement, may perhaps be excused, even if it be as absurd as "table lifting" itself. We know that the common air, dry or moist, affects all earthly materials, and that

The water and the air, Are everywhere, Changing, the flower and the stone, The flesh and the bone.

And we also know that wood, being a very _porous_ material, is powerfully affected by the "broad and general casing air," that it expands or contracts according to the condition of the atmosphere, and thus we find when there is any considerable change in the temperature, that all the book-cases, wardrobes, chests of drawers, clothes presses, tables, or "what-nots," in different parts of the house, will indicate this change by a _creaking_, cracking noise. I have in my studio an oaken cabinet, which acts under the influence of the change of air, like a talking thermometer, and with which I sometimes hold a sort of a "_cabinet_ council" upon the subject of the change of weather. When seated in my room, with doors, and windows, and shutters shut, if it has been dry weather for any length of time, and my cabinet begins creaking, I know by this sound from the wood, that the warm moist air, which has been wafted with the warm gulf stream from the West Indies, is diffusing itself around the room, and producing an effect upon me and my furniture, even to the fire-irons and fender, and so, on the contrary, after wet or moist weather, if the creaking is heard again, I know pretty well "which way the wind blows," and that it is a dry wind, without looking out at the weather vane. If it merely goes _creak, creak, crack_, and stops there, the change will not be great, but when it goes _cre-ak, cre-ak, creak, crack, crack, crack--rumble, rumble, rumble, creak, crack_! then do I know, and find, that the _change_ will be _considerable_, and can _spell_ out, change--rain--rain--rain, much rain.

Many persons who have given any thought to this question, are of opinion that electric currents passing from the human body is the cause of this "table-moving," and I introduce my "weather wise" cabinet to the public here to show, that if a _little damp air_, or a _little dry air_ will _move_, and _make_ a _large heavy cabinet_ talk in this way, how much more likely it is that a _table_ should be moved, and particularly if these "electric currents" fly "like lightning" through the passages or spiracles of this popular, but at present mysterious piece of furniture.

No wonder then if the "life sphere" and "the atmosphere" of the "light-headed," "light-heeled," who "_permeate their wills_" into this otherwise inanimate object, should all of a sudden "set the table in a roar," and "rap out their rappartees," and that "the _head_ of the table" should bob up and down, so as to make the people stare, either standing around or stuck in a chair, and that the legs all so clumsy, should caper and dance and kick up in the air, to the tune of "Well did _you_ ever!" and "Well _I_ declare!" _!!!_

This cabinet of mine is filled with the spirited works of departed spirits, including some of my dear father's humorous works, also of the great Hogarth, the great Gilray, and other masters, ancient and modern; the mediums would, I suppose, say--

That when this cabinet begins a "crack"[8] or creaking, It is these sprites of art, who thus to me are speaking.

[8] Scotch for talking.

And as one of the panels was _split_ some years back, the mediums would perhaps suggest that these "_droll_ spirits" made the cabinet "_split_ its sides with laughter," but _I_ know it was the _hot air_ of a hot summer, and certainly not done by a drum or a drummer--that this "splitting" or "flying," only shows the _force_ of the _common air_, and I hope adds to the force of my argument in this respect, and further, of this I feel assured, that if I were to "clear the decks for action," bring this cabinet out into the middle of my studio, and could induce some of the lady and gentlemen "mediums" to come and form a "circle," and clap their hands on and around this piece of furniture, that, although Monsieur Cabinet has no "light fantastic toe," that he would nevertheless join in the merry dance, and cut some curious capers on his castors, and even "beat time" perhaps with his curious creaks and cracks. By the by, glass being a non-conductor, a table made of _glass_, would at once settle this question, as to whether the tables are moved by electric currents or not.

I am now about to suggest what I feel assured every one will admit to be a GRAND IDEA, and which would be to make these spirits useful in a way that would be highly appreciated and patronized by the public, and put all the "fortune-tellers" and "rulers of the stars" out of the field altogether, and perhaps even damage the "electric wires" a little. It is to establish a company, to be entitled, "THE HUMAN QUESTION AND SPIRIT ANSWER COMPANY!" The principal "_capital_" to work upon, would be the overpowering principle of curiosity; in this case, instead of having a "_chair_-man," they would, I suppose, have a _table_-man; if so, then Homo would be the _man_, and of this company it never could be said, that they had _not_ a _rap_ at their bankers.

"Limited," of course, but the _business_ would be UN-_limited_, with profits, corresponding; branch question and answer offices, branching out all over the globe, with "letter-boxes" and "chatter-boxes". If the business of such offices were worked and carried out in a "_proper spirit_," it would assuredly be "a success." I am supposing, of course, that these spirits will be able to "tell us something we don't know," for up to the present time it does not appear that they have told anything to us that we could not have told them, and in a more common sense and grammatical style than most of the communications which they have "rapped out," but if there are any _real_, great, and good spirits amongst these gammocking table-turners, they must, one would suppose, know all about everything and everybody, and everybody would be asking questions, and if so, "Oh, my!" what a lot of funny questions there would be! and what a lot of funny answers! (_all_ "_private_ and _confidential_," of _course_) as nobody would be sure not to tell nobody any secrets that nobody wanted anybody to know.

Under ordinary circumstances I am not at all what might be called a _curious_ person, but although I should (like other people) like to know how certain matters might turn out, and although I should never think of asking a "fortune-teller" or of consulting the gentry who profess to "rule the stars," yet if such a company as this were started, I feel that I should be compelled to start off to the first office I could get to, for the purpose of putting two or three questions, to which I want immediate answers if it were possible, and should not mind paying something extra for _favourable_ answers. I will here just give a specimen of some of these questions.

Some literary gentleman and others belonging to the "Urban Club," and also some members of the "Dramatic Authors'" Society, have formed themselves in a committee (upon which they have done me the honour to place my name), for the purpose of setting on foot and assisting to raise a fund, if possible, to erect a monument in honour of William Shakspeare, as the 23rd of April, 1864, will be the ter-centenary of that poet's birthday. Another committee for the same purpose is also in formation, and the two committees will either amalgamate or work together. I have suggested to the first committee that in order to assist the funds for the above-mentioned purpose, that a notice be sent out to the public to this effect--that all persons having any works of art, either paintings, drawings, or sculpture, should be invited and respectfully requested to lend such works to a committee of artists, to form a gallery or national collection illustrating this author's works, to be called "The Shakspeare Exhibition," and in which designs for the said monument could also be exhibited. The question, therefore, I would put to the _spirits_ through the proper _medium_ would be this, viz.--If such invitations were sent out, would the holders of such works lend them for the purpose of thus being placed before the public? And further--If the Government were applied to, would they "lend the loan" of a proper and fitting building to exhibit the various works in? And a little further, and "though last not least," would the nobility and gentry, and the public at large, patronize such an exhibition _largely_, and what the receipts would amount to? I should like to have all this answered, and that at an early day. But as it may be a _long day_, before such a company could get into working order, and as the members of the public press are a good-natured, shrewd class of spirits--if the idea is worth anything, they would most likely take it up, and I should be as much pleased to get an answer through that _medium_ as any other that I know of.

There are several other questions which I should put to this "_Spirit_ Answer Company" if it were started, and which I feel that I could not well put to any one else, as I do not think that _any body_ would give themselves the trouble to give me an answer; and it is not _every body_ who _could_ give me satisfactory answers, however much they might feel disposed to do so. I enumerate two or three.

Firstly--After a dreadful railway accident which occurred the other day, Lord Brougham in the House of Lords suggested, I believe, that an act of Parliament should be passed compelling the _public_ to travel at a rational speed; and as civil engineers declare that if the _public_ would be content to do so, that it would decrease the risk of life to about 999 per cent., I want to know if the _public_ are ever likely to adopt the moderate speed, or sort of safe and sure, mode of travelling by rail, instead of _flying_ along at such a risk of life and limb as they do now, occasionally coming to a _dreadful smash_, with an awful unnecessary sacrifice of life, picking up the bodies or the pieces thereof, crying out "All right, go a-head," and dashing off at the same irrational speed with the probability of the like accidents again?

Secondly--If it is at all likely that "lovely woman" will ever leave off wearing dresses which constantly expose her to the risk of being burnt to death?

Upon looking, however, at some of the other questions, they appear so frivolous and ridiculous, that I do not think I would put them even to these spirits. For instance, one was, that supposing I took a part in one of Shakspeare's plays, for the purpose of assisting this proposed Shakspearian fund, and for some other purposes, if, as I can draw a little, should I, under such circumstances, _draw_ a full house?

There is a common saying amongst schoolboys, that "IF all _ifs_ were _hads_, and all _hads_ were _Shads_, we never should be in want of fish for supper." Now the _if_, in this _spirit_ question, is an important _if_, for IF _all be true_, that is asserted by the "mediums" of the marvels which they publish, then are those marvels some of the most marvellous and astounding wonders that have ever been known or heard of in the _authentic_ history of the world. And from the extent to which this belief has spread, and is still spreading, and also from the injurious effects it has already produced, and is likely still further to produce, on the mental and physical condition of a large number of the people, it now becomes rather, indeed, I may say, a, _very_ serious question. Some of the effects produced by attending the _soirees_ of these "good, bad, and indifferent" spirits, will be seen from the reasons stated by a staunch supporter of these supernatural pastimes for giving up--in fact, being COMPELLED to give up--_seances_, "because, in the first place (he states), it was _too exhausting_ to the vital fluids of the medium." (They took too long a pull, or swallowed too much of his "_atmosphere_.") And also "because the necessity of keeping the mind elevated to a higher state of contemplation, while we were repeating the alphabet and receiving messages letter by letter, was too great a strain upon our faculties; and because the undeveloped and earth-bound spirits throng about the mediums, and struggle to enter into parley with them, apparently with the purpose of getting possession of their natures, or exchanging natures; and I have heard of sittings terminating from this cause in cases of PARALYSIS or DEMONIACAL POSSESSION."

In such a state, no doubt the poor creatures imagine that they see apparitions. I had an old friend who was affected with paralysis of the brain, but not from this cause, as he was a total and _decided disbeliever_ in apparitions; but from the diseased condition of his brain he had the _appearance_ of a person or ghost constantly by his side for a considerable time, at which he used to laugh, and which I wanted him to introduce to me; but to me it was always invisible. One day at dinner he stood up, and said to those present, "Don't you see I'm going?" and fell down--dead!

Although there is much to laugh at with respect to these modern spirits, although some of the scenes at the _seances_ are perfectly ridiculous--and would have afforded capital subjects for the powerful pen of my dear deceased friend, "Thomas Ingoldsby"--the "raps" rapped out sometimes are positive nonsense and sometimes positive falsehood; and "evil communications," which all who have been to school know, "corrupt good manners," yet, on the other hand, there are serious symptoms sometimes attended with serious consequences.

The mediums tell us that these spiritual manifestations are permitted by the "OMNIPOTENT;" that JESUS CHRIST sanctions some of these spiritual communications, and are indeed given us as if proceeding from Himself; and yet we find that some persons who attend these "_seances_" have their nervous system so shaken as to distort their limbs, in fact, lose the use of their limbs altogether, or are "driven raving mad!"

In "The Light in the Valley," a work which I consider ought to be entitled "_Darkness_ in the Valley," but which I must do the author the justice to say is written and edited in what is evidently intended as a profound, proper, and religions spirit, and with a good intent; but however sincere and honest those pious feelings may be, they are nevertheless _distorted_ religious opinions, containing symbolical ideas as dark as any symbolical emanations ever given forth in the darkest ages.

In this work specimens are given of "_spirit writing_" and "_spirit drawing_." The "spirit writing" consists of unmeaning, unintelligible scribbling scrawls, and very rarely containing any letters or words. These productions are ascribed to a "spirit _hand_" seizing and guiding the medium's _hand_, but which is nothing more than involuntary action of the muscles under an excited and unnatural state of the nervous system; and the spirit drawings are executed under similar conditions. The drawings profess to be designed and conjointly executed in this way, by _holy_ spirits or _angels_, and are given as _sacred_ guidances to man. These are the medium's opinions and belief; but, unfortunately, too many of these sort of drawings may be seen in certain asylums. But if I know anything of religion, which I have been looking at carefully and critically for half a century; also if I know anything of designing and drawing, in which profession I have been working in my humble way for more than that time, I pronounce these spirit drawings (in the language of art) to be "out of drawing," and contrary to all healthy emanations of thought as design and composition; and instead of representing subjects or figures which would convey a proper and great idea of Divine attributes, are, in fact, caricatures of such sacred subjects.

I shall here give a few extracts from the communication of these false spirits, and spiritual explanations of these spirit scrawls and scratches; but some which I had intended to insert, upon reflection, I refrain from giving, believing that they would not only be offensive to sensible religious persons, but injurious to youthful minds. Some of the illustrations given in this book are furnished by a "drawing medium," under the titles of "Christ without Hands," "the Bearded Christ," "Christ among the Sphere," "the Woman Crucified," etc., etc. In the first of these something like a figure is scribbled in, and surrounded with scratches, called spirit writing; the "Bearded Christ" is merely a bust, very badly drawn, and produced in the same unnatural way, and surrounded by the same sort of scribbling. The _shape_ of the beard and the _atmosphere_ of the beard are, it appears, most important matters; and the author, in speaking of this, says, in describing Him, "In 'the Bearded Christ' the atmosphere of the beard, as well as the beard itself, is represented; and I am acquainted with a '_seeing_ medium,' who has seen the beard-atmosphere, not only when the beard is worn, but about the shaven chin, with sufficient precision to decide of what shape the beard would be were it allowed to grow"!!! !!! !!! !!! !!!

The subject professing to represent "Christ among the Spheres" is a better and more finished drawing; but, according to all the laws and rules of proportion, the figure of Christ, by the side of our globe, would be 30,000 miles in height, and a lily which he holds in his hand 15,000 miles long! All these gross absurdities show, that the _real_ spirit has nothing whatever to do with such absurd doctrines or productions. This "drawing medium" gives an account of the trials and sufferings, bodily and mental, which she went through before she became an accomplished and complete medium; and, according to her own statement, she must have gone through a most fearful and horrible schooling. In one part it is stated she went through "_several months of most painful bewilderment and extreme distress of mind_;" and in another part she says that the intensest antagonism between TRUTH and FALSEHOOD, between LIGHT and DARKNESS, encounters the astounded and unprepared pilgrim upon his first entrance into the realm of spirit. "I felt frequently as if enveloped in an atmosphere which sent through my whole frame warm streams of electricity in waving spirals from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet; and occasionally, generally at midnight, I was seized with twitchings and convulsive movements of my whole body, which were distressing beyond words. All these symptoms at length came to a crisis in a FRIGHTFUL TRANCE." And this _drawing medium_ signs herself "COMFORT!" and further states that--