Part 4

In "Sketches of the Philosophy of Apparition, or an Attempt to Trace such Illusions to their Physical Causes, by Samuel Hibbert, M.D., F.R.S.E.," the author states his opinion to be that "Apparitions are nothing more than ideas or recollected images of the mind, which have been rendered more vivid than actual impressions," perhaps by morbid affections. It is also pointed out that "in ghost stories of a supposed supernatural character which by disease are rendered so unduly intense as to induce spectral illusions, may be traced to such fantastical objects of prior belief as are incorporated in the various systems of superstition which for ages have possessed the minds of the vulgar." "Spectral illusions arise from a highly excited state of the nervous irritability acting generally upon the system, or from inflammation of the brain."

"The effect induced on the brain by intoxication from ardent spirits, which have a strong tendency to inflame this organ, is attended with very remarkable effects. These have lately been described as symptoms of 'delirium tremens.' Many cases are recorded which show the liability of the patient to long-continued spectral impressions."

Sir David Brewster represents these phenomena as images projected on the retina--from the brain, and seen with the eyes open or shut.

Of the many causes assigned for spectral illusions the following may be enumerated:--Holy ecstasies, various diseases of the brain, diseases of the eye, extreme sensibility or nervous excitement from fright, various degrees of fever, effects of opium, delirium tremens, ignorance and superstition, catalepsy, and confused, indistinct, or uncomprehended natural causes. Now all persons who suppose they see ghosts are at liberty to select any of the foregoing causes for their being so deluded, for delusion it is, as I hope presently to prove; but they may rest assured that these supposed spectres are always produced either by disease or by over-excited imagination, which in some cases it may be said amounts to disease.

However, to return to the ghosts. A very common, or rather _the_ common, idea of a ghost is generally a very _thin_ and _scraggy_ figure; but if there are such things there must be _fat_ ghosts as well as _thin_ ghosts; fat or thin people are equally eligible "to put in an appearance" of this sort if they can; and to carry out this idea and make it quite clear, I here introduce an old acquaintance of the public, Mr. Daniel Lambert, as he appeared to _my_ _un_-excited imagination whilst engaged on this work. Now if Daniel came as an apparition, he must, according to the authorities in these matters, not only "come in his habits as he lived," that is, in the clothes he wore, but must also come in his _fat_, or he would not be recognized as the fattest man "and the heaviest man that ever lived," and although he weighed "52 stone 11 pounds" (14 lb. to the stone) in the flesh, in the spirit, he would, of course, be "as light as a feather," or rather an "air bubble;" and as he could not dance and jump about when alive, I thought if I brought him in as a ghost, I'd give him a bit of a treat, and let him dance upon the "tight rope."

Most persons will remember a story told by "Pliny the younger" of the apparition of "an old" man appearing to Athenadorous, a Greek scholar. This ghost was "lean, haggard, and _dirty_," with "dishevelled hair and a long beard." He had "chains on," and came "shaking his chains" at the Greek scholar, who heeded him not, but went on with his studies. The old ghost, however, "came close to him and shook his chains over his head as he sat at the table," whereupon Athenadorous arose and followed the dirty old man in his chains, who went into the courtyard and "stamped his foot upon a stone about the centre of it, and--disappeared." The Greek scholar marked the spot, and next day had the place dug up, when, lo and behold, they found there the skeleton of a human being.

Going back to the days of "Pliny the younger" is going back far enough into early history for my purpose, which is to show that the notions about apparitions which prevailed at that period are the same as those of the present day, that is, of their _appearing in the dresses they wore in their life-time, in every minute particular_, as to _form_, _colour_, and _condition_, _new_ or _old_, as the case might be; but to prevent any mistake upon this head, I will just add some few words from that _reliable_ authority, Defoe, who, you will have already remarked, is _exceedingly particular_ as to the exactness of every article of dress; but in what follows he goes far beyond any other writer on this subject, for instance he says, "We see them dressed in the very clothes which we have _cut_ to _pieces_, and given away, some to one body, some to another, or applied to this or that use, so that we can _give an account of every rag of them_. We can hear them speaking with the same voice and sound, though the organ which formed their former speech we are sure is perished and gone."

From the various instances of the appearance of apparitions which have been brought before the reader, it will, I presume, be admitted that abundant and sufficient proof has been given that the writers about ghosts, and all those who have professed to have seen ghosts, declare that _they appear in the dresses which they wore in their lifetime_; but from all I have been able to learn, it does not appear that from the days of Pliny the younger down to the days of Shakespeare, and from thence down to the present time, THAT ANY ONE HAS EVER THOUGHT OF THE GROSS ABSURDITY, AND IMPOSSIBILITY, OF THERE BEING SUCH THINGS AS GHOSTS OF WEARING APPAREL, IRON ARMOUR, WALKING STICKS, AND SHOVELS! NO, NOT ONE, except myself, and this I claim as my DISCOVERY CONCERNING GHOSTS, and that therefore it follows, as a matter of course, that as ghosts _cannot_, _must not_, _dare not_, for decency's sake, appear WITHOUT CLOTHES; and as there can be no such things AS GHOSTS OR SPIRITS OF CLOTHES, why, then, it appears that GHOSTS NEVER DID APPEAR, AND NEVER CAN APPEAR, at any rate not in the way in which they have been hitherto supposed to _appear_.

And now let us glance at the _material_ question, or question of _materialism_.

In the year 1828, a work was published, entitled "PAST FEELINGS RENOVATED; or, IDEAS occasioned by the perusal of DR. HIBBERT'S PHILOSOPHY of APPARITIONS," which the author says were "written with the view of counteracting any sentiments approaching _materialism_, which that work, however unintentional on the part of the author, may have a tendency to produce." The author of "Past Feelings Renovated" is a firm believer in apparitions, who generally "come in their _habits_ as they lived;" and in his preface he says, "The general tendency of Dr. Hibbert's work, and evident fallacy of many of the arguments in support of opinions too nearly approaching '_materialism_,' induced me to give the subject that _serious consideration_ which it imperatively demands."

This author, it will be perceived, is very much opposed to anything like "_materialism_" in relation to this question, and is strongly in favour of "_spiritualism_," but will he be so good as to tell us what "A PAIR OF BUCKSKINS" are made of? and what A PAIR OF TOP-BOOTS are made of? and whether these materials are _spiritualized_ by any process, or whether THE CLOTHES WE WEAR ON OUR BODIES BECOME A PART AND PARCEL OF OUR SOULS? And as it is clearly impossible for spirits to wear dresses made of the _materials_ of the _earth_, we should like to know if there are spiritual-outfitting shops for the clothing of ghosts who pay visits on earth, and if empty, haunted houses are used for this purpose, in the same way as the establishments, and after the manner of "Moses and Son," or "Hyam Brothers," or such like houses of business, or if so, then there must be also the _spirit_ of woollen cloth, the _spirit_ of leather, the _spirit_ of a coat, the _spirit_ of boots and shoes. There must also be the _spirit_ of trousers, _spirits_ of gaiters, waistcoats, neckties, _spirits_ of buckles, for shoes and knees; _spirit_ of buttons, "bright gilt buttons;" _spirits_ of hats, caps, bonnets, gowns, and petticoats; _spirits_ of hoops and crinoline, and _ghost's_ stockings. Yes; only think of the _ghosts_ of stockings, but if the ghost of a lady had to make her appearance here, she could not present herself before company without her shoes and stockings, so _there must be_

GHOSTS OF STOCKINGS.

Most persons will surely feel some hesitation in accepting the assertions made by Defoe, that ghosts appear in clothes that have been cut up, or distributed in different places, or destroyed, or that they come in the same garments that are being worn at the same moment by living persons, or which are at the time of appearing, in wardrobes or old clothes shops; or, perhaps, thousands of miles away from the spot where the ghost pays his unwelcome visit, or worn or torn into rags, and stuck upon a broomstick "to frighten away the crows." No, no, I think we may rest assured that ghosts could not appear in these dresses, or shreds and patches; in fact, that they could not show themselves in any dress made of the materials of the earth as already suggested; and, therefore, if they did wear any dresses they must have been composed of a _spiritual material_, if it be possible to unite, in any way, two such opposites. Then comes the question, from whence is this spiritual material obtained, and also if there are spirit manufactories, spirit weavers and spinners, and spirit tanners and "tan pits?"

If this be so, then there must, of course, be ghost tailors, working with ghosts of needles (how sharp _they_ must be!), and ghosts of threads (and how fine _they_ must be!), and the ghost of a "sleeve board," and the ghost of the iron, which the tailors use to flatten the seams, called a "goose" (only think of the ghost of a tailor's "goose!") Then there must be the ghost of a "bootmaker," with the ghost of a "lapstone," and a "last," and the spirit of "cobbler's wax!" Ghost of "button makers," "wig makers," and "hatters;" and, indeed, of every trade necessary to fit out a ghost, either lady or gentleman, in order to make it appear that they really did appear "in their habits as they lived."

There are, I know, many respectable worthy persons even at the present day who believe they sometimes see apparitions, and I would here take the liberty to advise such persons to ponder a little upon the above remarks relative to the clothing of spirits, and, when again they think they see a GHOST, recollect that with the exception of the _face_ and a little bit of the _neck_ perhaps, and also the _hands_, if without gloves, that _all the other parts are_ CLOTHES. And I would also take the liberty to suggest that he should ask the ghost these questions:--"Who's your tailor?" and "Who's your hatter?"

Whatever the belief of the "Bard of Avon" might have been with respect to ghosts, it is quite clear that in these cases he was merely exercising his great poetical talent to work out the several points of popular belief in apparitions, for the purpose of producing a striking "stage effect;" but all that he brings forward, goes to prove the long-established faith in these aerial beings, and the general and almost universal requisites of character and costume. But it probably never entered the great mind of this great poet that there could be no such thing as a ghost of IRON, for if it had, he would, no doubt, have dressed up the ghost of Hamlet's father in some sort of suit rather more aerial than a suit of steel armour. There may be "more things 'twixt heaven and earth" than were dreamt of in Horatio's philosophy; but the ghost of _Iron_ armour could not be one of these things, be included in the list, and on reverting to this ghost, the reader will observe that I have given no figure in that suit of armour, and no head to the figure of Napoleon the First, and for this reason, the art of drawing, you will please to observe, is a severe critical test in matters of this sort. For suppose an artist is employed to make a drawing of this ghost of Hamlet's father, he will begin, or ought to begin, first to sketch out, very lightly, the size and attitude of the figure required; then suppose he makes out the face; and then begins to work on the helmet, but here he stops--why? because if he has any thought, he will say this is not _spirit_, this is manufactured iron! And so with the other parts of the figure, all except the face is _material_; and then to my old enemy in one sense, and _friend_ in another--Napoleon, for I volunteered, and armed myself to assist to keep him from coming over here before I was twenty years of age; and as a caricaturist, what by turning him, sometimes into ridicule, and sometimes, in fact very often I may say, killing him with my sharp etching needle, "little Boney" used very frequently to give me a good solid bit of meat, and make my "pot boil." But with respect to this headless figure, if the artist is requested to make a drawing of the spirit of this great general, he would, after making out the face, begin with the collar of the coat, and then stop--and why? Because the coat is no part of a _spirit_, and if the whole of the figure were finished with the face in, what would that be but the spirit of the _face_ of Napoleon; all the rest would consist of a cocked-hat, with tricolored cockade; a military coat, with buttons; a waistcoat, a sword and sash, leather gloves, and leather pantaloons, jack-boots, and spurs! Are, or can these things be _spiritual_? If the end of the finger is placed over the space which is left for the face of Napoleon, the figure will be recognized as _his without the head_; and so with Hamlet's father, place the end of the finger in front of the helmet, and the armour will pass for the ghost; and do the like with the figure of Daniel Lambert, put the head out of sight, _all the rest_ is neck-handkerchief, a bit of shirt, a coat, a waistcoat, a pair of gloves, small clothes (not very _small_ by the by), an immense pair of stockings, and the points of a pair of shoes; and as to the headless ghost of the gentleman in the _blue_ coat and gilt buttons, that is also NOTHING BUT A SUIT OF CLOTHES.

The reader will recollect that Daniel Defoe, Mrs. Crowe, and Mr. Owen, and other authors have all introduced GHOSTS OF WIGS amongst their facts, in support of spiritual apparitions, so if there are ghosts of "wigs," there must also be GHOSTS OF "PIGTAILS," because they were sometimes a part of a wig; and in taking leave of the reader, I take the liberty of introducing a ghost of a wig and pigtail, who will make a polite bow for the humble author and artist of this "DISCOVERY CONCERNING GHOSTS."

ADDENDA.

Just as I depicted the ghost of the wig and pigtail to bow out all the OLD-FASHIONED GHOSTS, methought I heard a voice say, "Well, sir, suppose it _granted_ that you _have_ shown the UTTER IMPOSSIBILITY of there being such things as GHOSTS of HATS, COATS, STICKS, and UMBRELLAS; admitting that you really have "laid" all these ghosts of the old style, what say you to the "spirit manifestations" of the present day?"

Well, this does certainly seem to be putting rather a "_Home_ question"--a "Home thrust," if you please; but sharp as the question may be, and difficult as it may seem to answer, I am not going to shirk the question.

In the first place, this _inquiring_ spirit must please to recollect that these "spirit-rappers" of the present day are almost an entirely _new-fashioned_ spirit, a different sort of ghost altogether, or ghosts in "piecemeal;" only _bits_ of spirits, who _never come of their own accord_, and have to be _squeezed_ out of a table bit by bit, when they do hold up a hand, or tap or touch people's legs under the table with their hand, or a bit of one. But never having attended a "_seance_," I cannot give the _inquiring_ spirit any information about these spirits from my own personal knowledge. If the inquirer wishes to know "all about" these spirits, he had better apply to Mr. D. D. Home, who is quite "at home" with these spirits, upon the most "familiar" terms! in fact, "hand and glove" with them; and they feel so much at home with Mr. Home, that they are constantly putting their _hands_ and _arms_, if not their _legs_, "under his mahogany." I therefore take the liberty of referring "Inquirer" to this Home medium, or any other medium, Home or foreign, for a "full, true, and particular account" of the character and conduct of these new-fashioned, New-found-_land_ ghosts or spiritual _gentlefolk_, for it does not appear that there are any of the "working-class" amongst them.

It has been asserted by Mr. Home, that he has seen "full length" ghosts. These I shall put to the _test_ a little further on.

As I intend putting a few _questions_ myself to these "mediums," or through this medium, to the spirits, I have to hope that these questions of mine will be taken by the _inquiring_ spirits who question me as an answer to _their_ question upon what may be at present considered upon the whole as almost, if not entirely, _unanswerable_, at least with the ordinary natural organs of thought and judgment, and therefore it must be left to these tabular spirits or their mediums to explain (that is, if they can) that which, to the "outsiders," as the affair stands at this moment, is an _inexplicable puzzle_.

In bringing forward my questions, I will take the liberty of making an extract from the "Times," of the 9th of April last, where Mr. D. D. Home's book of "Incidents in my Life," is reviewed with considerable acumen and ability; and wherein the writer states that a Dr. Wilkinson was desirous of obtaining some information and explanations respecting the "ways and means" of these spirits. The Doctor asked Mr. Home why the effects (that is, the manifestations) "took place _under_ the table and not _upon_ it." Mr. Home said, that "in habituated circles the results were easily obtained above board, visibly to all, but that at the first sitting it was not so; that scepticism was almost universal in men's intellects, and marred the forces at work; that the spirits accomplish what they do through our _life sphere_, or _atmosphere_, which was _permeated at our wills_, and if _the will_ was _contrary_, the _sphere_ was unfit for being operated upon." Moreover, allowance must be made for a certain indisposition on the part of the spirits (as we infer a sort of spiritual bashfulness), "which deters them from exhibiting their members in a state of imperfect formation." When some had merely a _single finger_ put upon their knees, "Mr. Home said that the presenting spirits could often make _one finger_ where they could not _make two_, and two where they could not form an _entire hand_, just as they could form a hand where they could not realize a whole human figure" (for there seems never to have been life sphere at a _seance_ adequate to the exhibition of an entire figure, "THOUGH MR. HOME HAS FREQUENTLY SEEN SPIRITS IN THEIR FULL PROPORTIONS WHEN ALONE").

And now for one of my questions, which question is not only _my_ question, but a public question, and one which Mr. Home is bound to answer, if he can. I therefore publicly call upon that gentleman to inform the public if these SPIRITS, which he saw in their "FULL PROPORTIONS," were in a state of NUDITY, or if they had CLOTHES on? and if CLOTHED, of what those CLOTHES WERE MADE? If he does not know these particulars of his own knowledge, as he has the _ear_ of these spirits, their _entire_ confidence, and as they have _his_ ear, let him call upon them to let him into the secret of the manufacture of their garments, or how the spirits procure them; and until Mr. Home explains this satisfactorily to the public, we have a right to suspect that either he has been himself deceived, or that he----Perhaps I had better not finish the sentence.

The "_inquiring_ spirit" will see that the _clothes_ are the test, and this test stands good here, as well as with the _old_ fashioned ghosts, and this, I presume, will be allowed as rather a "Home question" to Mr. Home; a Home thrust which he can only parry by giving the information asked; which, if he does not, I will not say "Britons, _strike_ Home," but unless he or the spirits "rap" out a satisfactory answer, he may rely upon it that he will feel the weight of public opinion, which will weigh rather heavily upon him. But I give him a first-rate chance of becoming exceedingly popular, for the mass, the millions, are ready to believe anything in the _shape_ of a fact, and I am confident that the whole world would be delighted to get hold of such a secret as this. It would be, perhaps, extreme cruelty to put this gentleman _quite_ "out of spirits;" but unless he tells us what the clothes of spirits are made of, I should say that he will stand in rather an awkward position before the bar of public opinion.

Another question here I'll put, about this spirit "D D outfit," Which I fear that the spirits won't answer, just as yet-- It is a question, I grant, that looks _rather_ queer, Which is--are their "togs" made out of our _atmosphere_? If the cloth is made out of stuff "_permeated by our wills_"-- And further, if these ghosts are honest, and pay their tailors' bills?

And then, as to the handy craft and crafty hands--

Oh tell us if warm hands, and cold-- So cold! so cold! oh dear!-- Are made in any kind of mould, Or how they trick 'em out of our "life sphere?"

Now supposing, nay even admitting, that the _hands_ of spirits are exhibited at these _seances_, does it not really seem to be impossible to believe that they are made out of the air that surrounds the persons who surround the table!!!

Making fingers and hands out of our "life-sphere" or "atmosphere!" "permeated by our wills!" Well, I was going to say, "after that comes in a horse to be shaved," but really I hardly know what to say; for whilst reading the accounts of these spirits, I feel almost bewildered, and as the mediums say that there is what they call "spirit-writing," and that spirits seize the person's wrist, and make them write just what they wist, I suspect that the spirit of botheration has got hold of my hand, and is making me write what it pleases; and I therefore hope the "gentle reader" will excuse me if I write down here "Handy pandy, Jack a dandy," or any other childish nonsense; for as this table lifting and turning seems to alter and set aside altogether the law of gravitation and all the universal laws of the universe, that used to be thought by simple people as fixed and unalterable, so likewise these "spirit hands" and "spirit rapping" seem to put reason and rationality entirely out of the field. Therefore, as common sense cannot be used in any sense on this question, as it is utterly useless in the present state of affairs to attempt to "chop logic" with "raps," and their mediums upon such tables as these, it will be here quite in place to talk a little nonsense. The reader will therefore, I am sure, bear with me if I make two or three silly suggestions upon this phenomena of moving tables.