Chapter 6

Cyrus Baker's oldest girl was member of the choir,-- Eyes as black as Kelsey's cat, and cheeks as red as fire! She had the best sopranner voice I think I ever heard,-- Sung "Coronation," "Burlington," and "Chiny" like a bird; Never done better than with Bill a-standin' nigh 'er, A-holdin' of her hymn-book so she wouldn't lose the place, When Bill sung tenor and I sung bass.

Then there was Prudence Hubbard, so cosey-like and fat,-- _She_ sung alto, and wore a pee-wee hat; Beaued her around one winter, and, first thing I knew, One evenin' on the portico I up and called her "Prue"! But, sakes alive! she didn't mind a little thing like that; On all the works of Providence she set a cheerful face When Bill was singin' tenor and I was singin' bass.

Bill, nevermore we two shall share the fun we used to then, Nor know the comfort and the peace we had together when We lived in Massachusetts in the good old courtin' days, And lifted up our voices in psalms and hymns of praise. Oh, how I wisht that I could live them happy times again! For life, as we boys knew it, had a sweet, peculiar grace When you was singin' tenor and I was singin' bass.

The music folks have nowadays ain't what it used to be, Because there ain't no singers now on earth like Bill and me. Why, Lemuel Bangs, who used to go to Springfield twice a year, Admitted that for singin' Bill and me had not a peer When Bill went soarin' up to A and I dropped down to D! The old bull-fiddle Beza Dimmitt played warn't in the race 'Longside of Bill's high tenor and my sonorious bass.

Bill moved to Californy in the spring of '54, And we folks that used to know him never knew him any more; Then Cyrus Baker's oldest girl, she kind o' pined a spell, And, hankerin' after sympathy, it naterally befell That she married Deacon Pitkin's boy, who kep' the general store; And so the years, the changeful years, have rattled on apace Since Bill sung tenor and I sung bass.

As I was settin' by the stove this evenin' after tea, I noticed wife kep' hitchin' close and closer up to me; And as she patched the gingham frock our gran'child wore to-day, I heerd her gin a sigh that seemed to come from fur away. Couldn't help inquirin' what the trouble might be; "Was thinkin' of the time," says Prue, a-breshin' at her face, "When Bill sung tenor and you sung bass."

FIDUCIT.

THREE comrades on the German Rhine, Defying care and weather, Together quaffed the mellow wine, And sung their songs together. What recked they of the griefs of life, With wine and song to cheer them? Though elsewhere trouble might be rife, It would not come anear them.

Anon one comrade passed away, And presently another, And yet unto the tryst each day Repaired the lonely brother; And still, as gayly as of old, That third one, hero-hearted, Filled to the brim each cup of gold, And called to the departed,--

"O comrades mine! I see ye not, Nor hear your kindly greeting, Yet in this old, familiar spot Be still our loving meeting! Here have I filled each bouting-cup With juices red and cheery; I pray ye drink the portion up, And as of old make merry!"

And once before his tear-dimmed eyes, All in the haunted gloaming, He saw two ghostly figures rise, And quaff the beakers foaming; He heard two spirit voices call, "Fiducit, jovial brother!" And so forever from that hall Went they with one another.

THE "ST. JO GAZETTE."

WHEN I helped 'em run the local on the "St. Jo Gazette," I was upon familiar terms with every one I met; For "items" were my stock in trade in that my callow time, Before the muses tempted me to try my hand at rhyme,-- Before I found in verses Those soothing, gracious mercies, Less practical, but much more glorious than a well-filled purse is. A votary of Mammon, I hustled round and sweat, And helped 'em run the local on the "St. Jo Gazette."

The labors of the day began at half-past eight A.M., For the farmers came in early, and I had to tackle them; And many a noble bit of news I managed to acquire By those discreet attentions which all farmer-folk admire, With my daily commentary On affairs of farm and dairy, The tone of which anon with subtle pufferies I'd vary,-- Oh, many a peck of apples and of peaches did I get When I helped 'em run the local on the "St. Jo Gazette."

Dramatic news was scarce, but when a minstrel show was due, Why, Milton Tootle's opera house was then my rendezvous; Judge Grubb would give me points about the latest legal case, And Dr. Runcie let me print his sermons when I'd space; Of fevers, fractures, humors, Contusions, fits, and tumors, Would Dr. Hall or Dr. Baines confirm or nail the rumors; From Colonel Dawes what railroad news there was I used to get,-- When I helped 'em run the local on the "St. Jo Gazette."

For "personals" the old Pacific House was just the place,-- Pap Abell knew the pedigrees of all the human race; And when he'd gin up all he had, he'd drop a subtle wink, And lead the way where one might wet one's whistle with a drink. Those drinks at the Pacific, When days were sudorific, Were what Parisians (pray excuse my French!) would call "magnifique;" And frequently an invitation to a meal I'd get When I helped 'em run the local on the "St. Jo Gazette." And when in rainy weather news was scarce as well as slow, To Saxton's bank or Hopkins' store for items would I go. The jokes which Colonel Saxton told were old, but good enough For local application in lieu of better stuff; And when the ducks were flying, Or the fishing well worth trying-- Gosh! but those "sports" at Hopkins' store could beat the world at lying! And I--I printed all their yarns, though not without regret, When I helped 'em run the local on the "St. Jo Gazette."

For squibs political I'd go to Col. Waller Young, Or Col. James N. Burnes, the "statesman with the silver tongue;" Should some old pioneer take sick and die, why, then I'd call On Frank M. Posegate for the "life," and Posegate knew 'em all. Lon Tullar used to pony Up descriptions that were tony Of toilets worn at party, ball, or conversazione; For the ladies were addicted to the style called "deckolett" When I helped 'em run the local on the "St. Jo Gazette."

So was I wont my daily round of labor to pursue; And when came night I found that there was still more work to do,-- The telegraph to edit, yards and yards of proof to read, And reprint to be gathered to supply the printers' greed. Oh, but it takes agility, Combined with versatility, To run a country daily with appropriate ability! There never were a smarter lot of editors, I'll bet, Than we who whooped up local on the "St. Jo Gazette."

Yes, maybe it was irksome; maybe a discontent Rebellious rose amid the toil I daily underwent If so, I don't remember; this only do I know,-- My thoughts turn ever fondly to that time in old St. Jo. The years that speed so fleetly Have blotted out completely All else than that which still remains to solace me so sweetly; The friendships of that time,--ah, me! they are as precious yet As when I was a local on the "St. Jo Gazette."

IN AMSTERDAM.

MEYNHEER Hans Von Der Bloom has got A majazin in Kalverstraat, Where one may buy for sordid gold Wares quaint and curious, new and old. Here are antiquities galore,-- The jewels which Dutch monarchs wore, Swords, teacups, helmets, platters, clocks, Bright Dresden jars, dull Holland crocks, And all those joys I might rehearse That please the eye, but wreck the purse.

I most admired an ancient bed, With ornate carvings at its head,-- A massive frame of dingy oak, Whose curious size and mould bespoke Prodigious age. "How much?" I cried. "Ein tousand gildens," Hans replied; And then the honest Dutchman said A king once owned that glorious bed,-- King Fritz der Foorst, of blessed fame, Had owned and slept within the same!

Then long I stood and mutely gazed, By reminiscent splendors dazed, And I had bought it right away, Had I the wherewithal to pay. But, lacking of the needed pelf, I thus discoursed within myself: "O happy Holland! where's the bliss That can approximate to this Possession of the rare antique Which maniacs hanker for and seek? _My_ native land is full of stuff That's good, but is not old enough. Alas! it has no oaken beds Wherein have slumbered royal heads, No relic on whose face we see The proof of grand antiquity."

Thus reasoned I a goodly spell Until, perchance, my vision fell Upon a trademark at the head Of Fritz der Foorst's old oaken bed,-- A rampant wolverine, and round This strange device these words I found: "Patent Antique. Birkey & Gay, Grand Rapids, Michigan, U. S. A."

At present I'm not saying much About the simple, guileless Dutch; And as it were a loathsome spot I keep away from Kalverstraat, Determined when I want a bed In which hath slept a royal head I'll patronize no middleman, But deal direct with Michigan.

TO THE PASSING SAINT.

AS to-night you came your way, Bearing earthward heavenly joy, Tell me, O dear saint, I pray, Did you see my little boy?

By some fairer voice beguiled, Once he wandered from my sight; He is such a little child, He should have my love this night.

It has been so many a year,-- Oh, so many a year since then! Yet he was so very dear, Surely he will come again.

If upon your way you see One whose beauty is divine, Will you send him back to me? He is lost, and he is mine.

Tell him that his little chair Nestles where the sunbeams meet, That the shoes he used to wear Yearn to kiss his dimpled feet.

Tell him of each pretty toy That was wont to share his glee; Maybe that will bring my boy Back to them and back to me.

O dear saint, as on you go Through the glad and sparkling frost, Bid those bells ring high and low For a little child that's lost!

O dear saint, that blessest men With the grace of Christmas joy, Soothe this heart with love again,-- Give me back my little boy!

THE FISHERMAN'S FEAST.

OF all the gracious gifts of Spring, Is there another can surpass This delicate, voluptuous thing,-- This dapple-green, plump-shouldered bass? Upon a damask napkin laid, What exhalations superfine Our gustatory nerves pervade, Provoking quenchless thirsts for wine!

The ancients loved this noble fish; And, coming from the kitchen fire All piping hot upon a dish, What raptures did he not inspire? "Fish should swim twice," they used to say,-- Once in their native, vapid brine, And then again, a better way-- You understand; fetch on the wine!

Ah, dainty monarch of the flood, How often have I cast for you, How often sadly seen you scud Where weeds and water-lilies grew! How often have you filched my bait, How often snapped my treacherous line! Yet here I have you on this plate,-- You _shall_ swim twice, and _now_ in _wine_.

And, harkee, garçon! let the blood Of cobwebbed years be spilled for him,-- Ay, in a rich Burgundian flood This piscatorial pride should swim; So, were he living, he would say He gladly died for me and mine, And, as it were his native spray, He'd lash the sauce--what, ho! the wine!

I would it were ordained for me To share your fate, O finny friend! I surely were not loath to be Reserved for such a noble end; For when old Chronos, gaunt and grim, At last reels in his ruthless line, What were my ecstasy to swim In wine, in wine, in glorious wine!

Well, here's a health to you, sweet Spring! And, prithee, whilst I stick to earth, Come hither every year and bring The boons provocative of mirth; And should your stock of bass run low, However much I might repine, I think I might survive the blow, If plied with wine and still more wine!

NIGHTFALL IN DORDRECHT.

THE mill goes toiling slowly around With steady and solemn creak, And my little one hears in the kindly sound The voice of the old mill speak; While round and round those big white wings Grimly and ghostlike creep, My little one hears that the old mill sings, "Sleep, little tulip, sleep!"

The sails are reefed and the nets are drawn, And over his pot of beer The fisher, against the morrow's dawn, Lustily maketh cheer; He mocks at the winds that caper along From the far-off, clamorous deep, But we--we love their lullaby-song Of "Sleep, little tulip, sleep!"

Old dog Fritz, in slumber sound, Groans of the stony mart; To-morrow how proudly he'll trot you around, Hitched to our new milk-cart! And you shall help me blanket the kine, And fold the gentle sheep, And set the herring a-soak in brine,-- But now, little tulip, sleep!

A Dream-One comes to button the eyes That wearily droop and blink, While the old mill buffets the frowning skies, And scolds at the stars that wink; Over your face the misty wings Of that beautiful Dream-One sweep, And, rocking your cradle, she softly sings, "Sleep, little tulip, sleep!"

THE ONION TART.

OF tarts there be a thousand kinds, So versatile the art, And, as we all have different minds, Each has his favorite tart; But those which most delight the rest Methinks should suit me not: The onion tart doth please me best,-- Ach, Gott! mein lieber Gott!

Where but in Deutschland can be found This boon of which I sing? Who but a Teuton could compound This _sui generis_ thing? None with the German frau can vie In arts cuisine, I wot, Whose _summum bonum_ breeds the sigh, "Ach, Gott! mein lieber Gott!"

You slice the fruit upon the dough, And season to the taste, Then in an oven (not too slow) The viand should be placed; And when 'tis done, upon a plate You serve it piping hot. Your nostrils and your eyes dilate,-- Ach, Gott! mein lieber Gott!

It sweeps upon the sight and smell In overwhelming tide, And then the sense of taste as well Betimes is gratified: Three noble senses drowned in bliss! I prithee tell me, what Is there beside compares with this? Ach, Gott! mein lieber Gott!

For if the fruit be proper young, And if the crust be good, How shall they melt upon the tongue Into a savory flood! How seek the Mecca down below, And linger round that spot, Entailing weeks and months of woe,-- Ach, Gott! mein lieber Gott!

If Nature gives men appetites For things that won't digest, Why, let _them_ eat whatso delights, And let _her_ stand the rest; And though the sin involve the cost Of Carlsbad, like as not 'Tis better to have loved and lost,-- Ach, Gott! mein lieber Gott!

Beyond the vast, the billowy tide, Where my compatriots dwell, All kinds of victuals have I tried, All kinds of drinks, as well; But nothing known to Yankee art Appears to reach _the spot_ Like this Teutonic onion tart,-- Ach, Gott! mein lieber Gott!

So, though I quaff of Carlsbad's tide As full as I can hold, And for complete reform inside Plank down my horde of gold, Remorse shall not consume my heart, Nor sorrow vex my lot, For I have eaten onion tart,-- Ach, Gott! mein lieber Gott!

GRANDMA'S BOMBAZINE.

IT'S everywhere that women fair invite and please my eye, And that on dress I lay much stress I can't and sha'n't deny: The English dame who's all aflame with divers colors bright, The Teuton belle, the ma'moiselle,--all give me keen delight; And yet I'll say, go where I may, I never yet have seen A dress that's quite as grand a sight as was that bombazine.

Now, you must know 'twas years ago this quaint but noble gown Flashed in one day, the usual way, upon our solemn town. 'Twas Fisk who sold for sordid gold that gravely scrumptious thing,-- Jim Fisk, the man who drove a span that would have joyed a king,-- And grandma's eye fell with a sigh upon that sombre sheen, And grandpa's purse looked much the worse for grandma's bombazine.

Though ten years old, I never told the neighbors of the gown; For grandma said, "This secret, Ned, must not be breathed in town." The sitting-room for days of gloom was in a dreadful mess When that quaint dame, Miss Kelsey, came to make the wondrous dress: To fit and baste and stitch a waist, with whale-bones in between, Is precious slow, as all folks know who've made a bombazine.

With fortitude dear grandma stood the trial to the end (The nerve we find in womankind I cannot comprehend!); And when 'twas done resolved that none should guess at the surprise, Within the press she hid that dress, secure from prying eyes; For grandma knew a thing or two,--by which remark I mean That Sundays were the days for her to wear that bombazine.

I need not state she got there late; and, sailing up the aisle With regal grace, on grandma's face reposed a conscious smile. It fitted so, above, below, and hung so well all round, That there was not one faulty spot a critic could have found. How proud I was of her, because she looked so like a queen! And that was why, perhaps, that I admired the bombazine.

But there _were_ those, as you'd suppose, who scorned that perfect gown; For ugly-grained old cats obtained in that New England town: The Widow White spat out her spite in one: "It doesn't fit!" The Packard girls (they wore false curls) all giggled like to split; Sophronia Wade, the sour old maid, _she_ turned a bilious green, When she descried that joy and pride, my grandma's bombazine.

But grandma knew, and I did, too, that gown was wondrous fine,-- The envious sneers and jaundiced jeers were a conclusive sign. Why, grandpa said it went ahead of all the girls in town, And, saying this, he snatched a kiss that like to burst that gown; But, blushing red, my grandma said, "Oh, isn't grandpa mean!" Yet evermore my grandma wore _his_ favorite bombazine.

And when she died that sombre pride passed down to heedless heirs,-- Alas, the day 't was hung away beneath the kitchen stairs! Thence in due time, with dust and grime, came foes on foot and wing, And made their nests and sped their guests in that once beauteous thing. 'Tis so, forsooth! Time's envious tooth corrodes each human scene; And so, at last, to ruin passed my grandma's bombazine.

Yet to this day, I'm proud to say, it plays a grateful part,-- The thoughts it brings are of such things as touch and warm my heart. This gown, my dear, you show me here I'll own is passing fair, Though I'll confess it's no such dress as grandma used to wear. Yet wear it, _do_; perchance when you and I are off the scene, Our boy shall sing _this_ comely thing as _I_ the bombazine.

RARE ROAST BEEF.

WHEN the numerous distempers to which all flesh is heir Torment us till our very souls are reeking with despair; When that monster fiend, Dyspepsy, rears its spectral hydra head, Filling _bon vivants_ and epicures with certain nameless dread; When _any_ ill of body or of intellect abounds, Be it sickness known to Galen or disease unknown to Lowndes,-- In such a dire emergency it is my firm belief That there is no diet quite so good as rare roast beef.

And even when the body's in the very prime of health, When sweet contentment spreads upon the cheeks her rosy wealth, And when a man devours three meals per day and pines for more, And growls because instead of three square meals there are not four,-- Well, even then, though cake and pie do service on the side, And coffee is a luxury that may not be denied, Still of the many viands there is one that's hailed as chief, And that, as you are well aware, is rare roast beef.

Some like the sirloin, but I think the porterhouse is best,-- 'Tis juicier and tenderer and meatier than the rest; Put on this roast a dash of salt, and then of water pour Into the sizzling dripping-pan a cupful, and no more; The oven being hot, the roast will cook in half an hour; Then to the juices in the pan you add a little flour, And so you get a gravy that is called the cap sheaf Of that glorious _summum bonum_, rare roast beef.

Served on a platter that is hot, and carved with thin, keen knife, How does this savory viand enhance the worth of life! Give me no thin and shadowy slice, but a thick and steaming slab,-- Who would not choose a generous hunk to a bloodless little dab? Upon a nice hot plate how does the juicy morceau steam, A symphony in scarlet or a red incarnate dream! Take from me eyes and ears and all, O Time, thou ruthless thief! Except these teeth wherewith to deal with rare roast beef.

Most every kind and rôle of modern victuals have I tried, Including roasted, fricasseed, broiled, toasted, stewed, and fried, Your canvasbacks and papa-bottes and muttonchops subese, Your patties _à la_ Turkey and your doughnuts _à la_ grease; I've whirled away dyspeptic hours with crabs in marble halls, And in the lowly cottage I've experienced codfish balls; But I've never found a viand that could so allay all grief And soothe the cockles of the heart as rare roast beef.

I honor that sagacious king who, in a grateful mood, Knighted the savory loin that on the royal table stood; And as for me I'd ask no better friend than this good roast, Which is my squeamish stomach's fortress (_feste Burg_) and host; For with this ally with me I can mock Dyspepsy's wrath, Can I pursue the joy of Wisdom's pleasant, peaceful path. So I do off my vest and let my waistband out a reef When I soever set me down to rare roast beef.

GANDERFEATHER'S GIFT.