Chapter 3
When one's all right, he's prone to spite The doctor's peaceful mission; But when he's sick, it's loud and quick He bawls for a physician. With other things, the doctor brings Sweet babes, our hearts to soften: Though I have four, I pine for more,-- Good doctor, pray come often!
What though he sees death and disease Run riot all around him? Patient and true, and valorous too, Such have I always found him. Where'er he goes, he soothes our woes; And when skill's unavailing, And death is near, his words of cheer Support our courage failing.
In ancient days they used to praise The godlike art of healing,-- An art that then engaged all men Possessed of sense and feeling. Why, Raleigh, he was glad to be Famed for a quack elixir; And Digby sold, as we are told, A charm for folk lovesick, sir.
Napoleon knew a thing or two, And clearly _he_ was partial To doctors, for in time of war He chose one for a marshal. In our great cause a doctor was The first to pass death's portal, And Warren's name at once became A beacon and immortal.
A heap, indeed, of what we read By doctors is provided; For to those groves Apollo loves Their leaning is decided. Deny who may that Rabelais Is first in wit and learning, And yet all smile and marvel while His brilliant leaves they're turning.
How Lever's pen has charmed all men! How touching Rab's short story! And I will stake my all that Drake Is still the schoolboy's glory. A doctor-man it was began Great Britain's great museum,-- The treasures there are all so rare It drives me wild to see 'em!
There's Cuvier, Parr, and Rush; they are Big monuments to learning. To Mitchell's prose (how smooth it flows!) We all are fondly turning. Tomes might be writ of that keen wit Which Abernethy's famed for; With bread-crumb pills he cured the ills Most doctors now get blamed for.
In modern times the noble rhymes Of Holmes, a great physician, Have solace brought and wisdom taught To hearts of all condition. The sailor, bound for Puget Sound, Finds pleasure still unfailing, If he but troll the barcarole Old Osborne wrote on Whaling.
If there were need, I could proceed _Ad naus._ with this prescription, But, _inter nos_, a larger dose Might give you fits conniption; Yet, ere I end, there's one dear friend I'd hold before these others, For he and I in years gone by Have chummed around like brothers.
Together we have sung in glee The songs old Horace made for Our genial craft, together quaffed What bowls that doctor paid for! I love the rest, but love him best; And, were not times so pressing, I'd buy and send--you smile, old friend? Well, then, here goes my blessing.
BARBARA.
BLITHE was the youth that summer day, As he smote at the ribs of earth, And he plied his pick with a merry click, And he whistled anon in mirth; And the constant thought of his dear one's face Seemed to illumine that ghostly place.
The gaunt earth envied the lover's joy, And she moved, and closed on his head: With no one nigh and with never a cry The beautiful boy lay dead; And the treasure he sought for his sweetheart fair Crumbled, and clung to his glorious hair.
Fifty years is a mighty space In the human toil for bread; But to Love and to Death 'tis merely a breath, A dream that is quickly sped,-- Fifty years, and the fair lad lay Just as he fell that summer day.
At last came others in quest of gold, And hewed in that mountain place; And deep in the ground one time they found The boy with the smiling face: All uncorrupt by the pitiless air, He lay, with his crown of golden hair.
They bore him up to the sun again, And laid him beside the brook, And the folk came down from the busy town To wonder and prate and look; And so, to a world that knew him not, The boy came back to the old-time spot.
Old Barbara hobbled among the rest,-- Wrinkled and bowed was she,-- And she gave a cry, as she fared anigh, "At last he is come to me!" And she kneeled by the side of the dead boy there, And she kissed his lips, and she stroked his hair.
"Thine eyes are sealed, O dearest one! And better it is 'tis so, Else thou mightst see how harsh with me Dealt Life thou couldst not know: Kindlier Death has kept _thee_ fair; The sorrow of Life hath been _my_ share."
Barbara bowed her aged face, And fell on the breast of her dead; And the golden hair of her dear one there Caressed her snow-white head. Oh, Life is sweet, with its touch of pain; But sweeter the Death that joined those twain.
THE CAFÉ MOLINEAU.
THE Café Molineau is where A dainty little minx Serves God and man as best she can By serving meats and drinks. Oh, such an air the creature has, And such a pretty face! I took delight that autumn night In hanging round the place.
I know but very little French (I have not long been here); But when she spoke, her meaning broke Full sweetly on my ear. Then, too, she seemed to understand Whatever I'd to say, Though most I knew was "oony poo," "Bong zhoor," and "see voo play."
The female wit is always quick, And of all womankind 'Tis here in France that you, perchance, The keenest wits shall find; And here you'll find that subtle gift, That rare, distinctive touch, Combined with grace of form and face, That glads men overmuch.
"Our girls at home," I mused aloud, "Lack either that or this; They don't combine the arts divine As does the Gallic miss. Far be it from me to malign Our belles across the sea, And yet I'll swear none can compare With this ideal She."
And then I praised her dainty foot In very awful French, And parleyvood in guileful mood Until the saucy wench Tossed back her haughty auburn head, And froze me with disdain: "There are on me no flies," said she, "For I come from Bangor, Maine!"
HOLLY AND IVY.
HOLLY standeth in ye house When that Noel draweth near; Evermore at ye door Standeth Ivy, shivering sore In ye night wind bleak and drear; And, as weary hours go by, Doth ye one to other cry.
"Sister Holly," Ivy quoth, "What is that within you see? To and fro doth ye glow Of ye yule-log flickering go; Would its warmth did cherish me! Where thou bidest is it warm; I am shaken of ye storm."
"Sister Ivy," Holly quoth, "Brightly burns the yule-log here, And love brings beauteous things, While a guardian angel sings To the babes that slumber near; But, O Ivy! tell me now, What without there seest thou?"
"Sister Holly," Ivy quoth, "With fair music comes ye Morn, And afar burns ye Star Where ye wondering shepherds are, And the Shepherd King is born: 'Peace on earth, good-will to men,' Angels cry, and cry again."
Holly standeth in ye house When that Noel draweth near; Clambering o'er yonder door, Ivy standeth evermore; And to them that rightly hear Each one speaketh of ye love That outpoureth from Above.
THE BOLTONS, 22.
WHEN winter nights are grewsome, and the heavy, yellow fog Gives to Piccadilly semblance of a dank, malarious bog; When a demon, with companion in similitude of bell, Goes round informing people he has crumpets for to sell; When a weird, asthmatic minstrel haunts your door for hours along, Until you've paid him tu'pence for the thing he calls a song,-- When, in short, the world's against you, and you'd give that world, and more, To lay your weary heart at rest upon your native shore, There's happily one saving thing for you and yours to do: Go call on Isaac Henderson, The Boltons, 22.
The place is all so cheery and so warm I love to spend My evenings in communion with the genial host, my friend. One sees _chefs d'oeuvre_ of masters in profusion on the walls, And a monster canine swaggers up and down the spacious halls; There are divers things of beauty to astound, instruct, and please, And everywhere assurance of contentment and of ease: But best of all the gentle hearts I meet with in the place,-- The host's good-fellowship, his wife's sincere and modest grace; Why, if there be cordiality that warms you through and through, It's found at Isaac Henderson's, The Boltons, 22.
My favorite room's the study that is on the second floor; And there we sit in judgment on men and things galore. The fire burns briskly in the grate, and sheds a genial glare On me, who most discreetly have pre-empted Isaac's chair,-- A big, low chair, with grateful springs, and curious device To keep a fellow's cerebellum comf'table and nice, A shade obscures the functions of the stately lamp, in spite Of Mrs. Henderson's demands for somewhat more of light; But he and I demur, and say a mystic gloom will do For winter-night communion at The Boltons, 22.
Sometimes he reads me Browning, or from Bryant culls a bit, And sometimes plucks a gem from Hood's philosophy and wit; And oftentimes I tell him yarns, and (what I fear is worse) Recite him sundry specimens of woolly Western verse. And while his muse and mine transcend the bright Horatian's stars, He smokes his modest pipe, and I--I smoke his choice cigars! For best of mild Havanas this considerate host supplies,-- The proper brand, the proper shade, and quite the proper size; And so I buckle down and smoke and smoke,--and so will you, If ever you're invited to The Boltons, 22.
But, oh! the best of worldly joys is as a dream short-lived: 'Tis twelve o'clock, and Robinson reports our cab arrived. A last libation ere we part, and hands all round, and then A cordial invitation to us both to come again. So home through Piccadilly and through Oxford Street we jog, On slippery, noisy pavements and in blinding, choking fog,-- The same old route through Circus, Square, and Quadrant we retrace, Till we reach the princely mansion known as 20 Alfred Place; And then we seek our feathery beds of cotton to renew In dreams the sweet distractions of The Boltons, 22.
God bless you, good friend Isaac, and your lovely, gracious wife; May health and wealth attend you, and happiness, through life; And as you sit of evenings that quiet room within, Know that in spirit I shall be your guest as I have been. So fill and place beside that chair that dainty claret-cup; Methinks that ghostly hands shall take the tempting offering up, That ghostly lips shall touch the bowl and quaff the ruby wine, Pledging in true affection this toast to thee and thine: "May God's best blessings fall as falls the gentle, gracious dew Upon the kindly household at The Boltons, 22!"
DIBDIN'S GHOST.
DEAR wife, last midnight, whilst I read The tomes you so despise, A spectre rose beside the bed, And spake in this true wise: "From Canaan's beatific coast I've come to visit thee, For I am Frognall Dibdin's ghost," Says Dibdin's ghost to me.
I bade him welcome, and we twain Discussed with buoyant hearts The various things that appertain To bibliomaniac arts. "Since you are fresh from t' other side, Pray tell me of that host That treasured books before they died," Says I to Dibdin's ghost.
"They've entered into perfect rest; For in the life they've won There are no auctions to molest, No creditors to dun. Their heavenly rapture has no bounds Beside that jasper sea; It is a joy unknown to Lowndes," Says Dibdin's ghost to me.
Much I rejoiced to hear him speak Of biblio-bliss above, For I am one of those who seek What bibliomaniacs love. "But tell me, for I long to hear What doth concern me most, Are wives admitted to that sphere?" Says I to Dibdin's ghost.
"The women folk are few up there; For 'twere not fair, you know, That they our heavenly joy should share Who vex us here below. The few are those who have been kind To husbands such as we; They knew our fads, and didn't mind," Says Dibdin's ghost to me.
"But what of those who scold at us When we would read in bed? Or, wanting victuals, make a fuss If we buy books instead? And what of those who've dusted not Our motley pride and boast,-- Shall they profane that sacred spot?" Says I to Dibdin's ghost.
"Oh, no! they tread that other path, Which leads where torments roll, And worms, yes, bookworms, vent their wrath Upon the guilty soul. Untouched of bibliomaniac grace, That saveth such as we, They wallow in that dreadful place," Says Dibdin's ghost to me.
"To my dear wife will I recite What things I've heard you say; She'll let me read the books by night She's let me buy by day. For we together by and by Would join that heavenly host; She's earned a rest as well as I," Says I to Dibdin's ghost.
THE HAWTHORNE CHILDREN.
THE Hawthorne children, seven in all, Are famous friends of mine; And with what pleasure I recall How, years ago, one gloomy fall I took a tedious railway line, And journeyed by slow stages down Unto that soporiferous town (Albeit one worth seeing) Where Hildegarde, John, Henry, Fred, And Beatrix and Gwendolen, And she that was the baby then,-- These famous seven, as aforesaid, Lived, moved, and had their being.
The Hawthorne children gave me such A welcome by the sea That the eight of us were soon in touch, And, though their mother marvelled much, Happy as larks were we. Egad, I was a boy again With Henry, John, and Gwendolen; And oh the funny capers I cut with Hildegarde and Fred! And oh the pranks we children played; And oh the deafening noise we made-- 'Twould shock my family if they read About it in the papers!
The Hawthorne children all were smart: The girls, as I recall, Had comprehended every art Appealing to the head and heart; The boys were gifted, all. 'Twas Hildegarde who showed me how To hitch a horse and milk a cow And cook the best of suppers; With Beatrix upon the sands I sprinted daily, and was beat; 'Twas Henry trained me to the feat Of walking round upon my hands Instead of on my uppers.
The Hawthorne children liked me best Of evenings, after tea, For then, by general request, I spun them yarns about the West,-- Yarns all involving Me! I represented how I'd slain The bison on his native plain; And divers tales of wonder I told of how I'd fought and bled In Indian scrimmages galore, Till Mrs. Hawthorne quoth, "No more," And packed her darlings off to bed, To dream of blood and thunder.
They must have changed a deal since then; The misses, tall and fair, And those three handsome, lusty men,-- Would they be girls and boys again, Were I to happen there, Down in that spot beside the sea Where we made such tumultuous glee That dull autumnal weather? Ah, me! the years go swiftly by; And yet how fondly I recall The week when we were children all, Dear Hawthorne children, you and I, Just eight of us together!
THE BOTTLE AND THE BIRD.
ONCE on a time a friend of mine prevailed on me to go To see the dazzling splendors of a sinful ballet show; And after we had revelled in the saltatory sights, We sought a neighboring _café_ for more tangible delights. When I demanded of my friend what viands he preferred, He quoth: "A large cold bottle, and a small hot bird!"
Fool that I was, I did not know what anguish hidden lies Within the morceau that allures the nostrils and the eyes! There is a glorious candor in an honest quart of wine, A certain inspiration which I cannot well define! How it bubbles, how it sparkles, how its gurgling seems to say: "Come! on a tide of rapture let me float your soul away!"
But the crispy, steaming mouthful that is spread upon your plate,-- How it discounts human sapience and satirizes fate! You wouldn't think a thing so small could cause the pains and aches That certainly accrue to him that of that thing partakes; To me, at least, (a guileless wight!) it never once occurred What horror was encompassed in that small hot bird.
Oh, what a head I had on me when I awoke next day, And what a firm conviction of intestinal decay! What seas of mineral water and of bromide I applied To quench those fierce volcanic fires that rioted inside! And oh the thousand solemn, awful vows I plighted then Never to tax my system with a small hot bird again!
The doctor seemed to doubt that birds could worry people so, But, bless him! since I ate the bird, I guess I ought to know! The acidous condition of my stomach, so he said, Bespoke a vinous irritant that amplified my head, And, ergo, the causation of the thing, as he inferred, Was the large cold bottle,--_not_ the small hot bird.
Of course I know it wasn't, and I'm sure you'll say I'm right If ever it has been your wont to train around at night. How sweet is retrospection when one's heart is bathed in wine, And before its balmy breath how do the ills of life decline! How the gracious juices drown what griefs would vex a mortal breast, And float the flattered soul into the port of dreamless rest!
But you, O noxious, pygmy bird! whether it be you fly, Or paddle in the stagnant pools that sweltering festering lie,-- I curse you and your evil kind for that you do me wrong, Engendering poisons that corrupt my petted muse of song; Go, get thee hence! and never more discomfit me and mine,-- I fain would barter all thy brood for one sweet draught of wine!
So hither come, O sportive youth! when fades the telltale day,-- Come hither, with your fillets and your wreaths of posies gay; We shall unloose the fragrant seas of seething, frothing wine Which now the cobwebbed glass and envious wire and corks confine, And midst the pleasing revelry the praises shall be heard Of the large cold bottle,--_not_ the small hot bird!
AN ECLOGUE FROM VIRGIL.
[The exile Meliboeus finds Tityrus in possession of his own farm, restored to him by the Emperor Augustus, and a conversation ensues. The poem is in praise of Augustus, peace, and pastoral life.]
MELIBOEUS.
Tityrus, all in the shade of the wide-spreading beech-tree reclining, Sweet is that music you've made on your pipe that is oaten and slender; Exiles from home, you beguile our hearts from their hopeless repining, As you sing Amaryllis the while in pastorals tuneful and tender.
TITYRUS.
A god--yes, a god, I declare--vouchsafes me these pleasant conditions, And often I gayly repair with a tender white lamb to his altar; He gives me the leisure to play my greatly admired compositions, While my heifers go browsing all day, unhampered of bell and of halter.
MELIBOEUS.
I do not begrudge you repose; I simply admit I'm confounded To find you unscathed of the woes of pillage and tumult and battle. To exile and hardship devote, and by merciless enemies hounded, I drag at this wretched old goat and coax on my famishing cattle. Oh, often the omens presaged the horrors which now overwhelm me-- But, come, if not elsewise engaged, who _is_ this good deity, tell me!
TITYRUS (reminiscently).
The city--the city called Rome, with my head full of herding and tillage, I used to compare with my home, these pastures wherein you now wander; But I didn't take long to find out that the city surpasses the village As the cypress surpasses the sprout that thrives in the thicket out yonder.
MELIBOEUS.
Tell me, good gossip, I pray, what led you to visit the city?
TITYRUS.
Liberty! which on a day regarded my lot with compassion; My age and distresses, forsooth, compelled that proud mistress to pity, That had snubbed the attentions of youth in most reprehensible fashion. Oh, happy, thrice happy, the day when the cold Galatea forsook me; And equally happy, I say, the hour when that other girl took me!
MELIBOEUS (slyly, as if addressing the damsel).
So now, Amaryllis, the truth of your ill-disguised grief I discover! You pined for a favorite youth with cityfied damsels hobnobbing; And soon your surroundings partook of your grief for your recusant lover,-- The pine-trees, the copse and the brook, for Tityrus ever went sobbing.
TITYRUS.
Meliboeus, what else could I do? Fate doled me no morsel of pity; My toil was all vain the year through, no matter how earnest or clever, Till, at last, came that god among men, that king from that wonderful city, And quoth: "Take your homesteads again; they are yours and your assigns forever!"
MELIBOEUS.
Happy, oh, happy old man! rich in what 's better than money,-- Rich in contentment, you can gather sweet peace by mere listening; Bees with soft murmurings go hither and thither for honey, Cattle all gratefully low in pastures where fountains are glistening-- Hark! in the shade of that rock the pruner with singing rejoices,-- The dove in the elm and the flock of wood-pigeons hoarsely repining, The plash of the sacred cascade,--ah, restful, indeed, are these voices, Tityrus, all in the shade of your wide-spreading beech-tree reclining!
TITYRUS.