Chapter 2
Of antique swords and spears I saw a vast and dazzling heap That Curio Fenton offered me at prices passing cheap; And, oh, the quaint old bureaus, and the warming-pans of brass, And the lovely hideous freaks I found in pewter and in glass! And, oh, the sideboards, candlesticks, the cracked old china plates, The clocks and spoons from Amsterdam that antedate all dates! Of such superb monstrosities I found an endless mine When I was broke in London in the fall of '89.
O ye that hanker after boons that others idle by,-- The battered things that please the soul, though they may vex the eye,-- The silver plate and crockery all sanctified with grime, The oaken stuff that has defied the tooth of envious Time, The musty tomes, the speckled prints, the mildewed bills of play, And other costly relics of malodorous decay,-- Ye only can appreciate what agony was mine When I was broke in London in the fall of '89.
When, in the course of natural things, I go to my reward, Let no imposing epitaph my martyrdoms record; Neither in Hebrew, Latin, Greek, nor any classic tongue, Let my ten thousand triumphs over human griefs be sung; But in plain Anglo-Saxon--that he may know who seeks What agonizing pangs I've had while on the hunt for freaks-- Let there be writ upon the slab that marks my grave this line: "Deceased was broke in London in the fall of '89."
CORSICAN LULLABY.
BAMBINO in his cradle slept; And by his side his grandam grim Bent down and smiled upon the child, And sung this lullaby to him,-- This "ninna and anninia":
"When thou art older, thou shalt mind To traverse countries far and wide, And thou shalt go where roses blow And balmy waters singing glide-- So ninna and anninia!
"And thou shalt wear, trimmed up in points, A famous jacket edged in red, And, more than that, a peaked hat, All decked in gold, upon thy head-- Ah! ninna and anninia!
"Then shalt thou carry gun and knife. Nor shall the soldiers bully thee; Perchance, beset by wrong or debt, A mighty bandit thou shalt be-- So ninna and anninia!
"No woman yet of our proud race Lived to her fourteenth year unwed; The brazen churl that eyed a girl Bought her the ring or paid his head-- So ninna and anninia!
"But once came spies (I know the thieves!) And brought disaster to our race; God heard us when our fifteen men Were hanged within the market-place-- But ninna and anninia!
"Good men they were, my babe, and true,-- Right worthy fellows all, and strong; Live thou and be for them and me Avenger of that deadly wrong-- So ninna and anninia!"
THE CLINK OF THE ICE.
NOTABLY fond of music, I dote on a sweeter tone Than ever the harp has uttered or ever the lute has known. When I wake at five in the morning with a feeling in my head Suggestive of mild excesses before I retired to bed; When a small but fierce volcano vexes me sore inside, And my throat and mouth are furred with a fur that seemeth a buffalo hide,-- How gracious those dews of solace that over my senses fall At the clink of the ice in the pitcher the boy brings up the hall!
Oh, is it the gaudy ballet, with features I cannot name, That kindles in virile bosoms that slow but devouring flame? Or is it the midnight supper, eaten before we retire, That presently by combustion setteth us all afire? Or is it the cheery magnum?--nay, I'll not chide the cup That makes the meekest mortal anxious to whoop things up: Yet, what the cause soever, relief comes when we call,-- Relief with that rapturous clinkety-clink that clinketh alike for all.
I've dreamt of the fiery furnace that was one vast bulk of flame, And that I was Abednego a-wallowing in that same; And I've dreamt I was a crater, possessed of a mad desire To vomit molten lava, and to snort big gobs of fire; I've dreamt I was Roman candles and rockets that fizzed and screamed,-- In short, I have dreamt the cussedest dreams that ever a human dreamed: But all the red-hot fancies were scattered quick as a wink When the spirit within that pitcher went clinking its clinkety-clink.
Boy, why so slow in coming with that gracious, saving cup? Oh, haste thee to the succor of the man who is burning up! See how the ice bobs up and down, as if it wildly strove To reach its grace to the wretch who feels like a red-hot kitchen stove! The piteous clinks it clinks methinks should thrill you through and through: An erring soul is wanting drink, and he wants it p. d. q.! And, lo! the honest pitcher, too, falls in so dire a fret That its pallid form is presently bedewed with a chilly sweat.
May blessings be showered upon the man who first devised this drink That happens along at five A. M. with its rapturous clinkety-clink! I never have felt the cooling flood go sizzling down my throat But what I vowed to hymn a hymn to that clinkety-clink devote; So now, in the prime of my manhood, I polish this lyric gem For the uses of all good fellows who are thirsty at five A. M., But specially for those fellows who have known the pleasing thrall Of the clink of the ice in the pitcher the boy brings up the hall.
THE BELLS OF NOTRE DAME.
WHAT though the radiant thoroughfare Teems with a noisy throng? What though men bandy everywhere The ribald jest and song? Over the din of oaths and cries Broodeth a wondrous calm, And mid that solemn stillness rise The bells of Notre Dame.
"Heed not, dear Lord," they seem to say, "Thy weak and erring child; And thou, O gentle Mother, pray That God be reconciled; And on mankind, O Christ, our King, Pour out Thy gracious balm,"-- 'Tis thus they plead and thus they sing, Those bells of Notre Dame.
And so, methinks, God, bending down To ken the things of earth, Heeds not the mockery of the town Or cries of ribald mirth; For ever soundeth in His ears A penitential psalm,-- 'T is thy angelic voice He hears, O bells of Notre Dame!
Plead on, O bells, that thy sweet voice May still forever be An intercession to rejoice Benign divinity; And that thy tuneful grace may fall Like dew, a quickening balm, Upon the arid hearts of all, O bells of Notre Dame!
LOVER'S LANE, SAINT JO.
SAINT JO, Buchanan County, Is leagues and leagues away; And I sit in the gloom of this rented room, And pine to be there to-day. Yes, with London fog around me And the bustling to and fro, I am fretting to be across the sea In Lover's Lane, Saint Jo.
I would have a brown-eyed maiden Go driving once again; And I'd sing the song, as we snailed along, That I sung to that maiden then: I purposely say, "as we _snailed_ along," For a proper horse goes slow In those leafy aisles, where Cupid smiles, In Lover's Lane, Saint Jo.
From her boudoir in the alders Would peep a lynx-eyed thrush, And we'd hear her say, in a furtive way, To the noisy cricket, "Hush!" To think that the curious creature Should crane her neck to know The various things one says and sings In Lover's Lane, Saint Jo!
But the maples they should shield us From the gossips of the place; Nor should the sun, except by pun, Profane the maiden's face; And the girl should do the driving, For a fellow can't, you know, Unless he's neglectful of what's quite respectful In Lover's Lane, Saint Jo.
Ah! sweet the hours of springtime, When the heart inclines to woo, And it's deemed all right for the callow wight To do what he wants to do; But cruel the age of winter, When the way of the world says no To the hoary men who would woo again In Lover's Lane, Saint Jo!
In the Union Bank of London Are forty pounds or more, Which I'm like to spend, ere the month shall end, In an antiquarian store; But I'd give it all, and gladly, If for an hour or so I could feel the grace of a distant place,-- Of Lover's Lane, Saint Jo.
Let us sit awhile, beloved, And dream of the good old days,-- Of the kindly shade which the maples made Round the stanch but squeaky chaise; With your head upon my shoulder, And my arm about you so, Though exiles, we shall seem to be In Lover's Lane, Saint Jo.
CRUMPETS AND TEA.
THERE are happenings in life that are destined to rise Like dear, hallowed visions before a man's eyes; And the passage of years shall not dim in the least The glory and joy of our Sabbath-day feast,-- The Sabbath-day luncheon that's spread for us three,-- My worthy companions, Teresa and Leigh, And me, all so hungry for crumpets and tea.
There are cynics who say with invidious zest That a crumpet's a thing that will never digest; But I happen to _know_ that a crumpet is prime For digestion, if only you give it its time. Or if, by a chance, it should _not_ quite agree, Why, who would begrudge a physician his fee For plying his trade upon crumpets and tea?
To toast crumpets quite _à la mode_, I require A proper long fork and a proper quick fire; And when they are browned, without further ado, I put on the butter, that soaks through and through. And meantime Teresa, directed by Leigh, Compounds and pours out a rich brew for us three; And so we sit down to our crumpets--and tea.
A hand-organ grinds in the street a weird bit,-- Confound those Italians! I wish they would quit Interrupting our feast with their dolorous airs, Suggestive of climbing the heavenly stairs. (It's thoughts of the future, as all will agree, That we fain would dismiss from our bosoms when we Sit down to discussion of crumpets and tea!)
The Sabbath-day luncheon whereof I now speak Quite answers its purpose the rest of the week; Yet with the next Sabbath I wait for the bell Announcing the man who has crumpets to sell; Then I scuttle downstairs in a frenzy of glee, And purchase for sixpence enough for us three, Who hunger and hanker for crumpets and tea.
But soon--ah! too soon--I must bid a farewell To joys that succeed to the sound of that bell, Must hie me away from the dank, foggy shore That's filled me with colic and--yearnings for more! Then the cruel, the heartless, the conscienceless sea Shall bear me afar from Teresa and Leigh And the other twin friendships of crumpets and tea.
Yet often, ay, ever, before my wan eyes That Sabbath-day luncheon of old shall arise. My stomach, perhaps, shall improve by the change, Since crumpets it seems to prefer at long range; But, oh, how my palate will hanker to be In London again with Teresa and Leigh, Enjoying the rapture of crumpets and tea!
AN IMITATION OF DR. WATTS.
THROUGH all my life the poor shall find In me a constant friend; And on the meek of every kind My mercy shall attend.
The dumb shall never call on me In vain for kindly aid; And in my hands the blind shall see A bounteous alms displayed.
In all their walks the lame shall know And feel my goodness near; And on the deaf will I bestow My gentlest words of cheer.
'Tis by such pious works as these, Which I delight to do, That men their fellow-creatures please, And please their Maker too.
INTRY-MINTRY.
WILLIE and Bess, Georgie and May,-- Once as these children were hard at play, An old man, hoary and tottering, came And watched them playing their pretty game. He seemed to wonder, while standing there, What the meaning thereof could be. Aha, but the old man yearned to share Of the little children's innocent glee, As they circled around with laugh and shout, And told this rhyme at counting out: "Intry-mintry, cutrey-corn, Apple-seed and apple-thorn, Wire, brier, limber, lock, Twelve geese in a flock; Some flew east, some flew west, Some flew over the cuckoo's nest."
Willie and Bess, Georgie and May,-- Ah, the mirth of that summer day! 'Twas Father Time who had come to share The innocent joy of those children there. He learned betimes the game they played, And into their sport with them went he,-- How _could_ the children have been afraid, Since little they recked who he might be? They laughed to hear old Father Time Mumbling that curious nonsense rhyme Of intry-mintry, cutrey-corn, Apple-seed and apple-thorn, Wire, brier, limber, lock, Twelve geese in a flock; Some flew east, some flew west, Some flew over the cuckoo's nest.
Willie and Bess, Georgie and May, And joy of summer,--where are they? The grim old man still standeth near, Crooning the song of a far-off year; And into the winter I come alone, Cheered by that mournful requiem, Soothed by the dolorous monotone That shall count me off as it counted them,-- The solemn voice of old Father Time, Chanting the homely nursery rhyme He learned of the children a summer morn, When, with "apple-seed and apple-thorn," Life was full of the dulcet cheer That bringeth the grace of heaven anear: The sound of the little ones hard at play,-- Willie and Bess, Georgie and May.
MODJESKY AS CAMEEL.
AFORE we went to Denver we had heerd the Tabor Grand, Allowed by critics ez the finest opry in the land; And, roundin' up at Denver in the fall of '81, Well heeled in p'int uv looker 'nd a-pinin' for some fun, We told Bill Bush that we wuz fixed quite comf'table for wealth, And hadn't struck that altitood entirely for our health. You see we knew Bill Bush at Central City years ago; (An' a whiter man than that same Bill you could not wish to know!) Bill run the Grand for Tabor, 'nd he gin us two a deal Ez how we really otter see Modjesky ez Cameel.
Three-Fingered Hoover stated that he'd great deal ruther go To call on Charley Sampson than frequent a opry show. "The queen uv tradegy," sez he, "is wot I've never seen, And I reckon there is more for _me_ in some other kind uv queen." "Git out!" sez Bill, disgusted-like, "and can't you never find A pleasure in the things uv life wich ellervates the mind? You've set around in Casey's restawraw a year or more, An' heerd ol' Vere de Blaw perform shef doovers by the score, Only to come down here among us _tong_ an' say you feel You'd ruther take in faro than a opry like 'Cameel'!"
But it seems it wurn't no opry, but a sort uv foreign play, With a heap uv talk an' dressin' that wuz both de_kolly_tay. A young chap sparks a gal, who's caught a dook that's old an' wealthy,-- She has a cold 'nd faintin' fits, and is gin'rally onhealthy. She says she has a record; but the young chap doesn't mind, And it looks ez if the feller wuz a proper likely kind Until his old man sneaks around 'nd makes a dirty break, And the young one plays the sucker 'nd gives the girl the shake. "Armo! Armo!" she hollers; but he flings her on the floor, And says he ainter goin' to have no truck with her no more.
At that Three-Fingered Hoover says, "I'll chip into this game, And see if Red Hoss Mountain cannot reconstruct the same. I won't set by an' see the feelin's uv a lady hurt,-- Gol durn a critter, anyhow, that does a woman dirt!" He riz up like a giant in that little painted pen, And stepped upon the platform with the women-folks 'nd men; Across the trough of gaslights he bounded like a deer, An' grabbed Armo an' hove him through the landscape in the rear; And then we seen him shed his hat an' reverently kneel, An' put his strong arms tenderly around the gal Cameel.
A-standin' in his stockin' feet, his height wuz six foot three, And a huskier man than Hoover wuz you could not hope to see. He downed Lafe Dawson wrasslin'; and one night I seen him lick Three Cornish miners that come into camp from Roarin' Crick To clean out Casey's restawraw an' do the town, they said. He could whip his weight in wildcats, an' paint whole townships red, But good to helpless folks and weak,--a brave and manly heart A cyclone couldn't phase, but any child could rend apart; Jest like the mountain pine, wich dares the storm that howls along, But rocks the winds uv summer-time, an' sings a soothin' song.
"Cameel," sez he, "your record is ag'in you, I'll allow, But, bein' you're a woman, you'll git justice anyhow; So, if you say you're sorry, and intend to travel straight,-- Why, never mind that other chap with which you meant to mate,-- I'll marry you myself, and take you back to-morrow night To the camp on Red Hoss Mountain, where the boys'll treat you white, Where Casey runs a tabble dote, and folks are brave 'nd true, Where there ain't no ancient history to bother me or you, Where there ain't no law but honesty, no evidence but facts, Where between the verdick and the rope there ain't no _onter acts_."
I wuz mighty proud of Hoover; but the folks began to shout That the feller was intrudin', and would some one put him out. "Well, no; I reckon not," says I, or words to that effect, Ez I perduced a argument I thought they might respect,-- A long an' harnsome weepon I'd pre-empted when I come Out West (its cartridges wuz big an' juicy ez a plum), Wich, when persented properly, wuz very apt to sway The popular opinion in a most persuasive way. "Well, no; I reckon not," says I; but I didn't say no more, Observin' that there wuz a ginral movement towards the door.
First Dr. Lemen he allowed that he had got to go And see a patient he jest heerd wuz lyin' very low; An' Charlie Toll riz up an' said he guessed he'd jine the Dock, An' go to see a client wich wuz waitin' round the block; John Arkins reckollected he had interviews to write, And previous engagements hurried Cooper from our sight; Cal Cole went out to buy a hoss, Fred Skiff and Belford too; And Stapleton remembered he had heaps uv work to do. Somehow or other every one wuz full of business then; Leastwise, they all vamoosed, and didn't bother us again.
I reckollect that Willard Morse an' Bush come runnin' in, A-hollerin', "Oh, wot two idiots you durned fools have been!" I reckollect that they allowed we'd made a big mistake,-- They otter knowed us tenderfoots wuz sure to make a break! An', while Modjesky stated we wuz somewhat off our base, I half opined she liked it, by the look upon her face. I reckollect that Hoover regretted he done wrong In throwin' that there actor through a vista ten miles long. I reckollect we all shuck hands, and ordered vin frappay,-- And I never shall forget the head I had on me next day!
I haven't seen Modjesky since; I'm hopin' to again. She's goin' to show in Denver soon; I'll go to see her then. An' may be I shall speak to her, wich if I do 'twill be About the old friend restin' by the mighty Western sea,-- A simple man, perhaps, but good ez gold and true ez steel; He could whip his weight in wildcats, and you never heerd him squeal; Good to the helpless and the weak; a brave an' manly heart A cyclone couldn't phase, but any child could rend apart; So like the mountain pine, that dares the storm wich sweeps along, But rocks the winds uv summer-time, an' sings a soothin' song.
TELLING THE BEES.
OUT of the house where the slumberer lay Grandfather came one summer day, And under the pleasant orchard trees He spake this wise to the murmuring bees: "The clover-bloom that kissed her feet And the posie-bed where she used to play Have honey store, but none so sweet As ere our little one went away. O bees, sing soft, and, bees, sing low; For she is gone who loved you so."
A wonder fell on the listening bees Under those pleasant orchard trees, And in their toil that summer day Ever their murmuring seemed to say: "Child, O child, the grass is cool, And the posies are waking to hear the song Of the bird that swings by the shaded pool, Waiting for one that tarrieth long." 'Twas so they called to the little one then, As if to call her back again.
O gentle bees, I have come to say That grandfather fell asleep to-day, And we know by the smile on grandfather's face He has found his dear one's biding-place. So, bees, sing soft, and, bees, sing low, As over the honey-fields you sweep,-- To the trees abloom and the flowers ablow Sing of grandfather fast asleep; And ever beneath these orchard trees Find cheer and shelter, gentle bees.
THE TEA-GOWN.
MY lady has a tea-gown That is wondrous fair to see,-- It is flounced and ruffed and plaited and puffed, As a tea-gown ought to be; And I thought she must be jesting Last night at supper when She remarked, by chance, that it came from France, And had cost but two pounds ten.
Had she told me fifty shillings, I might (and wouldn't you?) Have referred to that dress in a way folks express By an eloquent dash or two; But the guileful little creature Knew well her tactics when She casually said that that dream in red Had cost but two pounds ten.
Yet our home is all the brighter For that dainty, sensient thing, That floats away where it properly may, And clings where it ought to cling; And I count myself the luckiest Of all us married men That I have a wife whose joy in life Is a gown at two pounds ten.
It isn't the gown compels me Condone this venial sin; It's the pretty face above the lace, And the gentle heart within. And with her arms about me I say, and say again, "'Twas wondrous cheap,"--and I think a heap Of that gown at two pounds ten!
DOCTORS.
'Tis quite the thing to say and sing Gross libels on the doctor,-- To picture him an ogre grim Or humbug-pill concocter; Yet it's in quite another light My friendly pen would show him, Glad that it may with verse repay Some part of what I owe him.