Chapter 35

room will be stiflin', and if I should take you into that place and you should stifle, I should die away myself, I couldn't live a minute without you, dear Samantha," sez he.

Well, my tizik wuz pretty bad in crowded places and suffice it to say, that though his arguments didn't convince me, they sort o' overpowered me for the time bein', and we stayed in our own room.

Now to show the facility with which folks will turn right round and revolve, I will tell how Josiah seemin'ly forgot mawlstroms, bad air, rumatiz, ages, meetin' housen, principles, etc., and turned right round on the pivot of his inclination. A day or two after he heard down in the office about the dancin' parties they had in the parlor anon or oftener, and he come up into our room enthused with the idee and wanted to branch out and go that night, and I sez:

"What about mawlstroms and gayety, Josiah Allen?"

"Oh," he sez, "I shall be there to protect you, Samantha, no mawlstrom can draw you in and destroy you, whilst I have a drop of blood left in my veins! I'll protect you here, and I'd protect you at Coney Island," sez he--(that idee never left his mind I believe).

"What about the bad air?" sez I.

"Oh the winder will probable be open, and you can take your turkey feather fan with you." And then I dropped my half jocular tone and sez in deadly earnest:

"Be I leanin' on a Methodist pillow or be I not? Have I a deacon by my side or haven't I?"

But Josiah seemed calm and even gay sperited under my two reproachful orbs that poured their search lights into his very soul, and he sez:

"From all I hear it hain't a wicked dance at all, but jest a pretty dancin' party down in the parlor, jined in by men and wimmen and their children and mebby their grand-children, and it is always so sweet," sez he, "to see a man and his grand-children dancin' together. Oh, if Delight wuz only here!" sez he.

I riz up and sez in almost heart breakin' axents:

"Josiah Allen, be you a thinkin' of dancin' yourself?"

"No," sez he, "no, Samantha, I jest want to look on a spell, that's all."

But there wuz a look in his eyes that I hated to see, for I had seen it many times in the past, and it had always foreboded trials to me and humiliation to my pardner. How queer human critters be! what strange and mysterious tacts they will git on and how they will foller up them tacts and fads of theirn. But I d'no as human critters are any worse about follerin' up their tacts and fads and follerin' 'em blind, than old Mom Nater is. Now who hain't noticed her queer moods and how prolonged they be, and how sudden and onexpected they will come onto her? When she takes it into her head to have a pleasant spell of weather, how she'll foller it up, clear skies, pleasant days and nights for weeks and weeks. And if she takes it into her head to have it rain, how she will keep the skies drippin' right along for most all summer. And then when she has a dry spell, how dry she is! no matter how much the dwindlin' creeks and empty wells and springs complain, she has got to carry out her own idees till she gits ready to change.

Josiah Allen, since I had been his pardner had took many a fad into his old head, which he had carried out as only Nater or a man can carry 'em, onreasonable, mysterious, out of season, but bound to let 'em run. Sometimes in the past it had been a desire for singin' base that had laid holt on him, base in every sense the word can be used. Then agin he had painful and prolonged spells of wantin' to be genteel and fashionable, then anon political ambition had rousted up his rusty old faculties and for months and months Coney Island had been his theme, and wuz now, and so on through a long roll of characters he had desired to play in the drama of life.

But _dancin'!_ never did I expect to see that man with his age and his profession and his achin' old bones, wantin' to dance. But so it wuz, as will be seen in the follerin' pages. Queer as a dog folks are on this planet, and I d'no but the Marites and Jupiters and Saturnses are jest as queer. But to quit eppisodin' and resoom forwards agin.

I have always found that it hain't best to draw the matrimonial rope too tight round your pardner's jungular veins. I see he wuz sot on goin' and I felt I would ruther he would go with me who could have some savin' control over him, than to have him git reckless and sally off alone. So it wuz settled that we should go that night at early candle light. And Faith wuz to go with us. Yes, I, Josiah Allen's wife, had gin my consent to go to a dance. But jest so the environin' cord of circumstances gits us all wound up in its tangles time and agin. And as the way of poor weak mortals is, havin' made up my mind to go I tried to bring to mind all the mitigatin' circumstances I could. I thought of how the lambs capered on the hillside, how the leaves on the trees danced to the music of the south wind, and how even the motes swung round with each other in the sunlight. And then I thought of how David danced before the ark, and how Jeptha's daughter danced out to meet her father (to be sure she had her head took off for it, but I tried to not dwell on that side of the subject). And then I remembered how I did love music, and in spite of myself I felt kinder chirked up thinkin' I should enjoy quite a long spell on't. And thinkses I, if dancin' is a little mite off from the hite Methodists ort to stand on, music is the most heavenly thing we can lay holt of below, so I sort o' tried to even up them two peaks in my mind and lay a level onto 'em and try to make myself believe they struck about a fair plane of megumness, and shet my eyes to the idee that it slanted off some and wuz slippery.

Oh what weak creeters we be anyhow! Well, that night there wuz goin' to be a extra big party, and I wuz for startin' at once after supper, for truly I felt that I wuz performin' a hard and arjous job, and as my way is I wuz for tacklin' it to once and gittin' over it. Yes, I felt it wuz goin' to be a wearin' job to git Josiah Allen to that parlor durin' them festivities and back agin with no damage or scandal arisin' from the enterprise.

But Faith sez, "It will be too early, they won't begin to dance till eight. We eat at six." And I sez, "For the land's sake! if I'd got to dance I should begin early and stop early, so's to git a little rest." And she sez:

"Young folks don't think about that."

Well, we compromised on half past seven (most bed-time). And when Faith knocked at our door at that epoch of time we wuz all ready. Josiah had carefully combed his few locks of gray hair upwards over his bald head, had donned a sweet smilin' look, and a cravat, gayer fur than I approved of (he'd bought it durin' the day onbeknown to me). And I had arrayed my noble figger in my usual cotton and wool brown dress, brightened up at the neck and sleeves with snowy collar and cuffs, and further enriched by the large cameo pin. I also carried a turkey feather fan that harmonized in color with my dress. I looked exceedingly well and felt well.

And Faith, I sez proudly to myself, a sweeter face and prettier dress won't be seen there to-night. She did look lovely. Her soft eyes shone, her cheeks looked pinky, her hair, a sort of a golden brown with some gray in it, crinkled back from her white forward and wuz gathered in a loose knot on the top of her head with a high silver comb. Her dress wuz thin and white and gauzy, and though it wuz considerable plain it wuz made beautiful by the big bunch of pale pink roses at her belt and bosom, jest matchin' her cheeks in color.

I wuz proud of her. And I felt quite well about my other companion, for as I glanced at the small kerseymear figger and pert bald head, I sez to myself, "He makes a much better escort than none at all."