SCENE III.--_A Public Place near the Palace.

_Enter_ ANDREW _and_ JAQUES.

_Jaq. Mon dieu_, what _malheur_ be this! me come a the chamber, Signior Andrew, _mon dieu_; taka my poniard _en ma main_ to give the _estocade_ to the _damoisella: par ma foi_, there was no person; _elle s'est en allée_.

_And._ The worse luck, Jaques: but because I am thy friend, I will advise thee somewhat towards the attainment of the gallows.

_Jaq._ Gallows! what be that?

_And._ Marry, sir, a place of great promotion, where thou shalt by one turn above ground rid the world of a knave, and make a goodly ensample for all bloody villains of thy profession.

_Jaq. Que dites vous_, Monsieur Andrew?

_And._ I say, Jaques, thou must keep this path, and hie thee; for the queen, as I am certified, is departed with her dwarf, apparelled like a squire. Overtake her, Frenchman, stab her: I'll promise thee, this doublet shall be happy.

_Jaq. Pourquoi?_

_And._ It shall serve a jolly gentleman, Sir Dominus Monseigneur Hangman.

_Jaq. C'est tout un_; me will rama _pour la monnoie_. [_Exit._

_And._ Go, and the rot consume thee!--O, what a trim world is this! My master lives by cozening the king, I by flattering him; Slipper, my fellow, by stealing, and I by lying: is not this a wily accord, gentlemen?[280] This last night, our jolly horsekeeper, being well steeped in liquor, confessed to me the stealing of my master's writings, and his great reward. Now dare I not bewray him, lest he discover my knavery; but this have I wrought: I understand he will pass this way, to provide him necessaries; but, if I and my fellows fail not, we will teach him such a lesson as shall cost him a chief place on Pennyless Bench[281] for his labour. But yond he comes. [_Stands aside._

_Enter_ SLIPPER, _with a_ Tailor, _a_ Shoemaker, _and a_ Cutler.

_Slip._ Tailor.

_Tai._ Sir?

_Slip._ Let my doublet be white northern, five groats the yard: I tell thee, I will be brave.

_Tai._ It shall, sir.

_Slip._ Now, sir, cut it me like the battlements of a custard, full of round holes; edge me the sleeves with Coventry blue, and let the linings be of tenpenny lockram.

_Tai._ Very good, sir.

_Slip._ Make it the amorous cut, a flap before.

_Tai._ And why so? that fashion is stale.

_Slip._ O, friend, thou art a simple fellow. I tell thee, a flap is a great friend to a storrie; it stands him instead of clean napery; and, if a man's shirt be torn, it is a present penthouse to defend him from a clean huswife's scoff.

_Tai._ You say sooth, sir.

_Slip._ [_giving money_]. Hold, take thy money; there is seven shillings for the doublet, and eight for the breeches: seven and eight; by'rlady, thirty-six is a fair deal of money.

_Tai._ Farewell, sir.

_Slip._ Nay, but stay, tailor.

_Tai._ Why, sir?

_Slip._ Forget not this special make: let my back-parts be well lined, for there come many winter-storms from a windy belly, I tell thee. [_Exit_ Tailor]. Shoemaker.

_Shoe._ Gentleman, what shoe will it please you to have?

_Slip._ A fine, neat calves'-leather, my friend.

_Shoe._ O, sir, that is too thin, it will not last you.

_Slip._ I tell thee, it is my near kinsman, for I am Slipper, which hath his best grace in summer to be suited in calves'[282] skins. Goodwife Calf was my grandmother, and Goodman Netherleather mine uncle; but my mother, good woman, alas, she was a Spaniard, and being well tanned and dressed by a good fellow, an Englishman, is grown to some wealth: as, when I have but my upper-parts clad in her husband's costly Spanish leather, I may be bold to kiss the fairest lady's foot in this country.

_Shoe._ You are of high birth, sir: but have you all your mother's marks on you?

_Slip._ Why, knave?

_Shoe._ Because, if thou come of the blood of the Slippers, you should have a shoemaker's awl thrust through your ear.

_Slip._ [_giving money_]. Take your earnest, friend, and be packing, and meddle not with my progenitors. [_Exit_ Shoemaker]. Cutler.

_Cut._ Here, sir.

_Slip._ I must have a reaper and digger.[283]

_Cut._ A rapier and dagger, you mean, sir?

_Slip._ Thou sayest true; but it must have a very fair edge.

_Cut._ Why so, sir?

_Slip._ Because it may cut by himself, for truly, my friend, I am a man of peace, and wear weapons but for fashion.

_Cut._ Well, sir, give me earnest, I will fit you.

_Slip._ [_giving money_]. Hold, take it: I betrust thee, friend; let me be well armed.

_Cut._ You shall. [_Exit._

_Slip._ Now what remains? there's twenty crowns for house, three crowns for household-stuff, sixpence to buy a constable's staff; nay, I will be the chief of my parish. There wants nothing but a wench, a cat, a dog, a wife, and a servant, to make an whole family. Shall I marry with Alice, Goodman Grimshawe's daughter? she is fair, but indeed her tongue is like clocks on Shrove Tuesday, always out of temper. Shall I wed Sisley of the Whighton? O, no! she is like a frog in a parsley bed; as skittish as an eel: if I seek to hamper her, she will horn me. But a wench must be had, Master Slipper; yea, and shall be, dear friend.

_And._ [_aside_]. I now will drive him from his contemplations.--O, my mates, come forward: the lamb is unpent, the fox shall prevail.

_Enter three_ Antics, _who dance round, and take_ Slipper _with them._

_Slip._ I will, my friend, and I thank you heartily: pray, keep your courtesy: I am yours in the way of an hornpipe.--[_Aside_]. They are strangers; I see they understand not my language: wee, wee.--[284]

[_Whilst they are dancing_, ANDREW _takes away_ SLIPPER'S _money, and the other_ Antics _depart._

Nay, but, my friends, one hornpipe further! a refluence back, and two doubles forward! What, not one cross-point against Sundays? What, ho, sirrah, you gone? you with the nose like an eagle, an you be a right Greek, one turn more.--Thieves, thieves! I am robbed! thieves! Is this the knavery of fiddlers? Well, I will then bind the whole credit of their occupation on a bag-piper, and he for my money. But I will after, and teach them to caper in a halter, that have cozened me of my money. [_Exit._