SCENE II.--_Public Place in Edinburgh.

_Enter_ SLIPPER, NANO, _and_ ANDREW, _with their bills, ready written, in their hands._

_And._ Stand back, sir; mine shall stand highest.

_Slip._ Come under mine arm, sir, or get a footstool; or else, by the light of the moon, I must come to it.

_Nano._ Agree, my masters; every man to his height: though I stand lowest, I hope to get the best master.

_And._ Ere I will stoop to a thistle, I will change turns; as good luck comes on the right hand as the left: here's for me.

_Slip._ And me.

_Nano._ And mine. [_They set up their bills._

_And._ But tell me, fellows, till better occasion come, do you seek masters?

_Slip. Nano._ We do.

_And._ But what can you do worthy preferment?

_Nano._ Marry, I can smell a knave from a rat.

_Slip._ And I can lick a dish before a cat.

_And._ And I can find two fools unsought,--how like you that?

But, in earnest now, tell me: of what trades are you two?

_Slip._ How mean you that, sir, of what trade? Marry, I'll tell you, I have many trades: the honest trade when I needs must; the filching trade when time serves; the cozening trade as I find occasion. And I have more qualities: I cannot abide a full cup unkissed, a fat capon uncarved, a full purse unpicked, nor a fool to prove a justice as you do.

_And._ Why, sot, why callest thou me fool?

_Nano._ For examining wiser than thyself.

_And._ So doth many more than I in Scotland.

_Nano._ Yea, those are such as have more authority than wit, and more wealth than honesty.

_Slip._ This is my little brother with the great wit; 'ware him!--But what canst thou do, tell me, that art so inquisitive of us?

_And._ Anything that concerns a gentleman to do, that can I do.

_Slip._ So you are of the gentle trade?

_And._ True.

_Slip._ Then, gentle sir, leave us to ourselves, for here comes one as if he would lack a servant ere he went. [ANDREW _stands aside._

_Enter_ ATEUKIN.

_Ateu._ Why, so, Ateukin, this becomes thee best: Wealth, honour, ease, and angels in thy chest. Now may I say, as many often sing, "No fishing to[252] the sea, nor service to a king." Unto this high promotion doth belong Means to be talk'd of in the thickest throng. And first, to fit the humours of my lord, Sweet lays and lines of love I must record; And such sweet lines and love-lays I'll indite, As men may wish for, and my liege delight: And next, a train of gallants at my heels, That men may say, the world doth run on wheels; For men of art, that rise by indirection To honour and the favour of their king, Must use all means to save what they have got, And win their favours whom they never knew. If any frown to see my fortunes such, A man must bear a little,--not too much! But, in good time!--these bills portend, I think, That some good fellows do for service seek. [_Reads._ _If any gentleman, spiritual or temporal, will entertain out of his service, a young stripling of the age of thirty years, that can sleep with the soundest, eat with the hungriest, work with the sickest, lie with the loudest, face with the proudest, etc., that can wait in a gentleman's chamber when his master is a mile off, keep his stable when 'tis empty, and his purse when 'tis full, and hath many qualities worse than all these, let him write his name and go his way, and attendance shall be given._ By my faith, a good servant: which is he?

_Slip._ Truly, sir, that am I.

_Ateu._ And why dost thou write such a bill? Are all these qualities in thee?

_Slip._ O Lord, ay, sir, and a great many more, some better, some worse, some richer, some poorer. Why, sir, do you look so? do they not please you?

_Ateu._ Truly, no, for they are naught, and so art thou: if thou hast no better qualities, stand by.

_Slip._ O, sir, I tell the worst first; but, an you lack a man, I am for you: I'll tell you the best qualities I have.

_Ateu._ Be brief, then.

_Slip._ If you need me in your chamber, I can keep the door at a whistle; in your kitchen, turn the spit, and lick the pan, and make the fire burn; but if in the stable,--

_Ateu._ Yea, there would I use thee.

_Slip._ Why, there you kill me, there am I! and turn me to a horse and a wench, and I have no peer.

_Ateu._ Art thou so good in keeping a horse? I pray thee, tell me how many good qualities hath a horse.

_Slip._ Why, so, sir: a horse hath two properties of a man, that is, a proud heart, and a hardy stomach; four properties of a lion, a broad breast, a stiff docket,--hold your nose, master,--a wild countenance, and four good legs; nine properties of a fox, nine of a hare, nine of an ass, and ten of a woman.

_Ateu._ A woman! why, what properties of a woman hath a horse?

_Slip._ O, master, know you not that? Draw your tables,[253] and write what wise I speak. First, a merry countenance; second, a soft pace; third, a broad forehead; fourth, broad buttocks; fifth, hard of ward; sixth, easy to leap upon; seventh, good at long journey; eighth, moving under a man; ninth, always busy with the mouth; tenth, ever chewing on the bridle.

_Ateu._ Thou art a man for me: what's thy name?

_Slip._ An ancient name, sir, belonging to the chamber and the night-gown: guess you that.

_Ateu._ What's that? Slipper?

_Slip._ By my faith, well guessed; and so 'tis indeed. You'll be my master?

_Ateu._ I mean so.

_Slip._ Read this first.

_Ateu._ [_reads_]. _Pleaseth it any gentleman to entertain a servant of more wit than stature, let them subscribe, and attendance shall be given._ What of this?

_Slip._ He is my brother, sir; and we two were born together, must serve together, and will die together, though we be both hanged.

_Ateu._ What's thy name?

_Nano._ Nano.

_Ateu._ The etymology of which word is "a dwarf." Are not thou the old stoic's son that dwells in his tomb?

_Slip. Nano._ We are.

_Ateu._ Thou art welcome to me. Wilt thou give thyself wholly to be at my disposition?

_Nano._ In all humility I submit myself.

_Ateu._ Then will I deck thee princely, instruct thee courtly, and present thee to the queen as my gift. Art thou content?

_Nano._ Yes, and thank your honour too.

_Slip._ Then welcome, brother, and follow now.

_And._ [_coming forward_]. May it please your honour to abase your eye so low as to look either on my bill or myself?

_Ateu._ What are you?

_And._ By birth a gentleman; in profession a scholar; and one that knew your honour in Edinburgh, before your worthiness called you to this reputation: by me, Andrew Snoord.

_Ateu._ Andrew, I remember thee; follow me, and we will confer further; for my weighty affairs for the king command me to be brief at this time.--Come on, Nano.--Slipper, follow. [_Exeunt._